I HAVE A DREAM
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Posted:May 21, 2012 10:34 pm
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2016 4:07 am
9600 Views
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I HAVE A DREAM.
Those were the famous words uttered by Martin Luther King.
I too have a dream.
A wet kind.
What? You may ask.
What do you expect from a plumber's dream then? Of course it is going to be the wet kind.
Well, it started with an anonymous SMS.
Someone who needed help.
Someone who needed another with a good listening ear.
So I volunteered.
I am good in ultra-sound.
I can hear things even when others cannot hear.
Or I think I hear.
So I offered to meet up to render assistance.
What kind? I have yet to know.
So I brought my wench along.
I mean wrench.
My wrench for my wench.
We entered the hall.
The curtains were drawn.
The chairs had tall backs so as to obscure from prying eyes.
So she sat down comfortably.
The air-condition was at full blast.
There were no one else around.
I got down on my knees.
With skillful fingers I parted the final obstructions to the doorway of bliss.
I lick my lips.
Yes, my fantasy is about to come true.
The surroundings became dark.
I can feel wetness now.
With my fingers I did what i am skilled at.
My fingers pried open.
I stick my tongue out.
My finger entered the wetness.
Two fingers into both openings.
It was fast and furious.
The actors and actresses in the background almost drown the sound of huffing and puffing down under.
She tried to concentrate but I am sure it was to no avail.
Lots of sweat.
More finger actions until the explosive conclusion when the damn burst.
The floor was wet all over.
I was wet too.
I looked up to her with a smile on my face.
"All done ma'am. Your sink is unblocked already"
With a smile, she turned around and continued to focus on her Korean drama serial.
Any ladies want to have their pipes cleaned?
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4
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Happy Mother's Day !!
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Posted:May 13, 2012 8:04 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2012 10:20 am
9600 Views
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For those celebrating.... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all mothers and those who need to mother other and their own adult childish boyfriend, fiancé and/or husband...... And also to those who have pussies and love doggies.
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Moi
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Posted:May 5, 2012 6:47 am
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2012 8:21 am
10273 Views
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MOI is:
Not hot enough to make women melt
Not tall enough to be a male model, full time or part time.
Not thick and long enough to be a male porn star.
Not visually attractive to be displayed in the art gallery.
Not hairy chested enough to stand in for Mike Myers as Austin Powers.
Not ripped enough to be an extra Chinese looking Greek Spartan in 300.
Not wealthy enough to buy over Apple.
Not smart enough to formulate the string theory that combines everything in the universe.
But MOI is:
Confident enough to be a man's man.
Sensitive enough to be a new age man.
Cool enough to be a handy man and a plumber.
Smart enough to know French Fries were not invented in France.
Humourous enough to entertain a crying baby.
Experienced enough to change a baby's diapers.
Wise enough to know when a woman says no, she means no.
Observant enough to know when a woman says no, she is open for negotiations.
Bold enough to be a nude model.
Forward thinking enough to own appreciating assets.
Hard and long lasting enough to satisfy a woman beyond her expectations.
Cheeky enough to buy her a g-string.
Hard working enough to strive for a six pack, Tiger or Carlsberg.
Artistic enough to be a photographer.
Skilled enough to be a masseur.
Wealthy enough to buy a few apples from the local supermarket.
I am looking for female travelling companions to travel around the region.
To hike up mountains to watch the sun rise.
To stroll along the beach to watch the sun set.
To enjoy candle light dinner.
To explore exotic food together.
To visit clothing optional resorts.
To visit swingers clubs in different countries.
Do you have anymore things you'd like to do?
Tell me.
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Oh My God!!!!!
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Posted:May 4, 2012 4:11 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2012 1:09 pm
9347 Views
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Before I proceed, I wish to declare that this god I refer to bears no resemblance to Allah or the Christian God or the Jewish God or the many Fortune Gods of Chinese population or for that matter, Thor, the God of Thunder and Lightning.
So I implore that should anyone feel offended by this post, kindly issue a Fatwa to Salmon Rush-Die, which is my real name. Currently, my address is 11 Downing Street, but I am always over at my neighbour's place fixing her leaks.
__________________________________________________________________
Oh, yes... I digress.
Coming back to a serious note.
I was in a pub last night with 3 awesome ladies, two gorgeous looking married women and another drop dead gorgeous China girl.
The drop dead gorgeous China girl was as good as dead when she opened her mouth and spoke.
Yup, total communications breakdown as she could only speak Mandarin Chinese, which totally sounded Greek to me.
Although by race, I am Chinese but eons of forefathers acclimatization in this foreign land has denied me any hope of communicating with her.
I truly am a Banana.
Yellow on the outside but totally white on the inside
A few gestures here and there resulted in miscommunications and a big tight slap ensued.
Now my focused went to those delicious looking taken women.
Well, at least in paper, they were taken.
But if they are in the pub, it is open season to be taken again.
Or at least a try.
Well, here is the scenario.
Seated on our round table are the three slushed ladies, moi and two other guys.
One American - of boyish charm even the guys in San Francisco would want to hook up with him and
One German - not the Gestapo SS clean shaven but more like Lieutenant Hubert Gruber of Allo Allo
I did a quick plumbing calculation and reasoned that 3 hot slushed ladies in the presence of 3 men. I can really get lucky tonite.
And if Lieutenant Gruber is very lucky and got his American toyboy, I would be even luckier.
Now let's get back to the crime scene.
As trained in Toast Masters Club, I machine gunned my gazes over all three ladies, spending precisely 20 seconds on each beautiful female face, 8 secs on the eyes, slowly trailing down to her lips for 5 secs and the remaining 8 secs lecherously over her ample cleavage give or take another 60 seconds, always nodding in agreement to whatever they seemed to be sharing their hearts out.
After 12 minutes of the above charade, my plumbing 6th cents, (worth a penny for your thoughts), help me zero in on one luscious MILF that exhibited a lot of promise for immediate twilight action.
She was unhappy.
She just lost her job.
Family was in financial difficulties.
She needed a .........
Hero?
A knight in a shining amour?
A sugar daddy?
A FWB to remove her stress?
She wanted a GOD!
If that man were to come into her life, she would treat him as her GOD.
Move over, SUGARDADDIES!
GODS are now the in-thing.
Wow! This was going to be my lucky night, indeed.
I sat erect.
I tried to make myself appear taller.
I swished my head like Justin Bieber with what little hair that was left on my precious crown.
Indeed.
I would be her GOD.
And I would be lucky tonight.
I listened intently trying to remember all important details I would later use to sway her over.
The night wore on.
The banter continued.
I was in my intelligence gathering mode.
Soon the crowd thinned.
I made my move.
I told her I could be her GOD, reminding her all that she shared with me.
She was delighted.
She said she was glad to have me as her GOD.
We left the pub.
I drove her.
She gave me directions on where to go.
She closed her eyes and was in utter bliss.
The look on her face was like a woman whose prayers were answered.
She clasped her hands together like a thrilled .
Tonight, she is going to know what a GOD feels like.
We reached our destination.
I walked her to the door.
She walked in.
She looked into my eyes sexily and gestured with her finger.
She closed the door and locked it.
"GOD, I just prayed for $12,000 to be deposited into my bank account number XXX-XXXXX-X by tomorrow morning. Thank you, GOD"
Moral of the story?
Get your dictionary out and check the bloody definitions before accepting to be someone's GOD. Everyone has a different understanding on how to treat their GODS.
Like the big green guy says, "PUNY GOD"
_______________________________________________________________
The above recollection may or may not have happened or could have been gravely exaggerated due to the strange influence of available intoxicating liquid. Any semblance to real life people is purely coincidental and but thoughtfully intentional.
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I am loving it.
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Posted:May 4, 2012 2:26 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2012 3:20 am
8468 Views
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I have always always been with a partner. I never did like to play alone. The heavy breathing, the anticipation, the sudden thrills, the surprises, the accelerations, the forceful thrusts, the balance of well timed strokes all make a great exhilarating eventful fun play.
So imagine my disappointment when I have been so busy and my partner has been so so busy that I am left craving for some vigourous actions yet without a partner.
That's when she introduced me to this new activity.
I was hesitant.
It was new.
It was out of my comfort zone.
I didn't know it I'd like it but she persevered.
So i let her lead.
She taught me how to grip.
I gripped the way how she showed me.
She instructed me to grip harder.
I wasn't if I'd grip too hard but she said it would be fine.
"Feel the grip"
"Feel how hard it is"
"Now, raise it up and then down. Do it really fast."
"Imagine you have an audience watching you stroke"
I turned around a looked at the floor to ceiling glass window.
I said to myself.
"Yes, that would be a naughty idea, to have a few female audience watching me as I practice my strokes. So thrilling!"
"Now, feel the balls." she said.
"Be one with the balls,"
"Feel where they are!"
"Feel what they are going to do"
I relaxed and closed my eyes and focused on my Zen like senses to feel the balls.
"Now, grip firmly and srtoke evenly and with rhythm" she commanded.
"Feel the sensations"
"Sense your breathing"
I am moving faster.
I begin to pant.
For a period of 20 minutes, she taught me how to reach a high and then go down low.
She helped me focus and taught me how to go as close as possible to the limit without crashing.
I was perspiring profusely.
Yet I am kept craving for more.
I was told that I had to master this for an hour, no stopping.
I reached up, I went down.
I was at the edge.
I slipped sometimes but she held me.
I built a raging desire.
My passion grew.
I begin to love it.
I knew I will do this often.
Yes, I know this feeling.
As the hour approaches, I moved faster.
She screamed, "Keep it up".
She urged, "Harder"
She commanded, "Faster"
I was panting, running out of breath.
The seconds ticked by.
As the hour came, I made my final hard stroke and gave it my all.
The sound was deafening.
I collapsed, slumped down totally exhausted.
Yes. I think I am beginning to like this.
And I can do this all by myself and guess what?
I think I burned a lot of calories too and I didn't have to search for a partner.
I just booked the 9pm to 10pm slot every night for the entire month.
Thank you my squash coach.
No more badminton or tennis for now.
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Gold member?
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Posted:May 2, 2012 9:37 pm
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2016 4:11 am
8350 Views
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I keep getting this encouragement from VisionPersonals.com
""Did You Know? "Once I upgraded to Gold, it was easy to pick and choose who to meet...I got laid almost immediately!" - HankerSpank4 Upgrade Today!""
And I consider this with much trepidation.
Why, you may ask?
Well as a plumber in Singapore, we of the plumbing association have been told to be wary of upgrading to Gold. The last time we ever did that, the director of National Kidney Foudation of Singapore was hauled in for questioning with all the gold one can turn on. (for those unfamiliar with the case, you can google it)
I hesitate to say more as the ISA laws were only repealed in the neighboring less advance country Malaysia but still in force in this First World Country. Needless to say, the wife of a certain well beloved prominently tall gentleman didn't further our cause to spread the gold upgrading to other deserving members of the public.
So, for now, my good VisionPersonals.com. We of the Association of Good Plumbers will decline your offer to upgrade to Gold.
However, may I direct you to Canada where a certain gentleman by the name of Mike Myers would be more than interested in being a Gold Member?
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To link to this blog (FunPleasurable) use [blog FunPleasurable] in your messages.
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