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(*&$#_($@#(*#
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Posted:Mar 28, 2015 8:06 pm
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2015 10:42 am
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3/4 through a great post and... Firefox went down. Lost it all.
Just posting a fit until I can rewrite the silly thing LOL
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There is always purpose
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Posted:Mar 27, 2015 11:26 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2015 4:50 pm
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Sometimes the weather slips.
Oceans falling from the clouds
washing away the sun.
Sometimes my heart
breaks for no reason.
Loneliness echoes around me
For this one brief moment,
everything feels senseless.
Work. Writing. Blogging.
Drumming. Breathing.
...and along comes Sassy cat
to remind me...
Of course there is purpose.
Always purpose.
Feed the cat.
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Self Identify
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Posted:Mar 26, 2015 7:07 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2015 9:59 am
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So a dear friend just posted a blog: [post 3606601]
Trying to find 5 words to define my self identity is HARD!!
Reminds me of a job interview.
"So... tell me about yourself?"
Does anybody else freeze at that question? The first time I was unemployed I had somebody from the state assigned to work with me one-on-one to help get me in the right direction. I went through state paid quickbooks training (YEARS of Accounting and bookkeeping experience... but all on very specialized "just for our company" type software which did NO good for 90% of the jobs wanting Quickbooks). I Managed 40 hours of class time, coursework and tests in 16 hours at 100%. Happy moment... anyhow... I was sent for interview practice with a woman, prior to "THE job interview" for a company that the thought of working for made me hyperventilate with excitement.
She made me cry. I was great at every aspect of interviewing except the "Tell me about yourself" part. By the time she sent me home I was a nervous wreck and in tears. She said she had NEVER in her life found anybody that had such a hard time saying good things about themselves. Of course I felt self conscious to begin with, and the whole "we will repeat this question until you can get through it without looking scared or like you're going to start crying" thing... the more she asked, the worse I got. Even having my answers written down on a piece of paper which all I had to do was read it didn't help. I am the first person she's ever seen start crying. She did tricky things too like "okay, we'll move on..." and 5 minutes later, out of the blue "Tell me about yourself" or some variation thereof.
Why is it so embarrassing to say good things about oneself? It seems sarcasm is easier than speaking ones honest opinion (as in: speaking the truth sarcastically because nobody will believe it anyhow vs "This is me"). My best friend told me, so many years ago, to stand in front of a mirror, look myself in the eye and say good things. She herself did and still does that (she's been an HR Director for the past 10 years or more). I just feel foolish doing that.
What 5 words do you identify yourself with? Please post on his blog 
Or here... or both.
If you have words you identify with me... feel free to share. Um...nice words hopefully. 
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Ouch
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Posted:Mar 24, 2015 8:16 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2015 5:44 pm
31753 Views
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I hurt myself having sex.
I fell asleep and dropped the phone on my face.
OK... the phone sex part didn't happen. But I do have a bad habit of texting late at night, passing out, and... my new phone (Samsung Galaxy S III ) hurts a surprising amount when it drops and hits me in the face.
It feels lighter than my old phone, thinner, but takes up more space (my old phone was a Samsung Intercept I think. I really really miss my slide-out qwerty keyboard with all the symbols exactly where they should be!!)
On the bright side: it came with a cover that closes over the screen so no more rolling over in the middle of the night and boob-dialing friends in my sleep LOL.
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Odd Then, Fantastic Now: My Contribution
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Posted:Mar 22, 2015 11:15 am
Last Updated:Mar 24, 2015 6:33 pm
33666 Views
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“Odd Then, Fantastic Now: How attitudes toward specific aspects of sex change between youth and maturity” My contribution for the Sixth Virtual Symposium. Participants List For The Sixth Virtual Symposium Odd Then, Fantastic Now
I believe my attitude towards specific acts of sex hasn't changed much between youth and maturity.
As a youth: I believed in True Love, Happily Ever after, be a Lady, Wait until Marriage. My mom was a bit more of a realist and warned me about date [insert word for unwilling sex which this site bans] (that was her "first time"), pregnancy, and that hormones sometimes get out of control and she understands... but I was too embarrassed by all of that. What stuck with me was the idealized versions. I remained a virgin until I was 20, and only broke my "not until marriage" ideal because... visions, prophecy, and I truly loved him and believed we were going to be married... and "in my heart we are married... so what matter?" (he totally respected my "virgin till marriage" ideal. I'm the one that chose to break it, he tried to stop me the moment he realized what I was doing). I also believed, from mid-high school on, that if in a loving, committed relationship, built on trust and communication and LOVE, and respect... that so long as both parties are willing that there is nothing "wrong" with sex in any of it's forms. And I also believed "lady in public, in the bedroom" was a perfectly wonderful way to be.
Though I did believe "Shaving the nether regions" was something only perverts and porn stars did. It was just WEIRD.
As an adult? I still believe True Love, Happily Ever After is a possibility. I'm maybe not quite the lady I imagine myself to be, but I try. "wait until marriage" has long passed by, but Relationship still matters deeply. I still believe there is nothing wrong with love (sex) in all it's forms, provided love, trust, communication, mutual agreement and enjoyment, etc. I still believe "lady in public, in the bedroom" is a great idea.
Really, the biggest change in me (other than having sex outside marriage) is that I now know that lots of perfectly normal people, even some very religious and conservative people, shave their nether regions. I'm no longer shocked by the idea LOL.
Essentially, as one dear friend just stated, "I believe in making love, not 'sex'" and that has always been my belief, then, now, and always.
I have contemplated "sex just for the sake of sex" but it's just not true to ME. At my core. And of all things: I need to be able to respect myself the next morning.
I guess my take on this symposium? I'm oddly fantastic. Always have been, always will be hahahaha.
Or maybe I'm just "Odd". Whatever.
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Doumbeks pics - for the curious
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Posted:Mar 22, 2015 12:00 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2015 12:03 am
31472 Views
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OK... finally: the doumbek pics:
Hand-made doumbek by a Native American artist (signed, one of a kind) - and a Sassy-cat:
Goodwill (2nd hand store) doumbek find (came with the bag):
And of course the loaner djembe
And my 4th doumbek, which is on its way:
Pictures... and goodnight
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Holy Sh*t!! I'm going to be a grandma
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Posted:Mar 20, 2015 8:41 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2015 10:55 pm
31391 Views
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Well... I know people my age that have 2 or 3 grandkids already (or at least in college or graduating high school... the women I know with 2 or 3 grandkids are a few years older than I am)
And of course my "" isn't my flesh and blood . She's only 5 weeks along and wants to wait until 8 weeks to tell anybody other than myself and her dad (she's even making her mom wait).
It's a secret but since nobody here knows her (and few know me in real life) it's safe here.
Wow.
Envy. Hurt. Such Love and Joy for her. Excited. Truly happy too.
I also feel like crying. Totally stupid. Though a couple friends totally understand the feeling, and really my "" does too. I mean... she's known me since she was 4 years old, and when she was 6 she offered to babysit for me if her dad and I got married and had babies.
I guess I'm having a "wild Friday night" after all... though wild emotional roller coaster wasn't quite what I had in mind.
Wish I had warm, strong arms to hold me while I feel sorry for myself. Though... tomorrow one of my best friends is going to feed me cookies and make me watch movies LOL.
Which reminds me... I should NOT skip eating just because I'm emotional.
For those of you wishing to see my doumbeks: I will get the pics tomorrow. I was about to go take the photos when the baby news hit. We spent a long time talking after that, and now it's too dark to get the photos I wanted.
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Genius Pets
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Posted:Mar 20, 2015 4:56 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2015 4:20 pm
30861 Views
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My cat is a freaking computer genius.
Or something.
Turn my back 5 seconds, she hops on the keyboard... I toss her down. Then spend the next 45 minutes trying to figure out how to reset everything she changed. Screen resoluions, font types, language?
Today she plopped on it and pulled up the History Library. Thankfully I caught her before she did anything else.
She also opened my curtains while I was at work. Sometimes I'm in the habit of beginning the clothes removing the moment my front door is closed. Luckily I had my hands full of phone, texting, else I'd have inadvertently flashed a few neighbors today.
Yeah: I know, I purposely flash the old guy behind my apartment all the time, but that's different. He DID put up a wooden fence. And one of my neighbors swears the old guy is not looking through the spaces in his fence. So I truly might not be flashing anybody.
Do your pets mess with your computers or other "toys" or flash you to the neighbors etc? (My last cat flashed me to the neighbors a few times too. And she was very opinionated about my wardrobe).
Happy Friday everyone! {=}
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Funny how patterns emerge in blogville
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Posted:Mar 19, 2015 5:30 pm
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2015 12:04 am
31179 Views
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I came to write yet another "sorry I haven't posted in a while" post to see.... somebody else has written a "sorry I haven't posted in a while" post.
Kinda amusing
So... in regard to that issue: It has been brought to my attention that I have been remiss in responding to my last few comments on recent posts, and very remiss in actually posting new blogs. My apologies... my brain just hasn't been "there" in whatever place that happens to be to allow me to flow into words.
However!! Just a random update on life. Um... I went from being drumless to... I'm embarrassed to say it but... this time next month I will have 4 drums. The loaner djembe and 3 doumbeks.
How?
Impatience, desperation, anger, "I give up!" and... yeah. Stuff like that.
If anybody wants to see I will post pics tomorrow.
I now own a stunning doumbek hand-made by a Native American woman of birch and other woods, hand painted with the Aurora Borealis and arctic tundra and forest and a pack of running wolves. And she said it's definitely meant to be played, will stand up to time, and is meant to be handed down to the next generation. It's also one-of-a-kind artwork. And very inexpensive compared to regular doumbeks.
I also own a very inexpensive goodwill found doumbek - small, black vinyl covered aluminum. All sorts of things I didn't want but... the price was right. I can sell it later if I want for more than I paid.
Then... I was essentially giving up till fall when I checked "one last" time. And a blue version of the maroon I so fell in love with showed up online. At least as best I can tell it's the same, just I will need to purchase a different drum head.
Now I need to start practicing so I can offer to drum for dancers etc and make a little $ or something (or at least stop feeling embarrassed at how bad I sound on an actual drum vs. my steering wheel).
And back to the original topic... Emerging Patterns in Blogville...
It rather amuses me when numerous people hop online at the same time to write about the same topic. Like body image. Or "sorry for not having posted" or whatever. Not counting the planned synchronicity of humorguaranteed's Blogger Symposiums.
CallMex1000: This blog's for you 
Now I'm wandering back to washing dishes and figuring out how to magically levitate a 6 foot long bench over my bed and into my living room. So far it's just not working.
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Do You Have a God Complex?
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Posted:Mar 14, 2015 4:55 pm
Last Updated:Mar 20, 2015 4:45 pm
31646 Views
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Somebody was complaining to me that most women on this site have a "God Complex"
Apparently they are narrow minded, judgmental.... Honestly I'm not sure what else qualifies as a "God Complex". Judgmental seems to be the criteria of the moment. And "Holier than Thou".
I know none of *MY* friends are like that... but then most of my friends are bloggers and we all know bloggers are freaking amazing
Myself? I have a Goddess Complex. It's nowhere near the same thing hahaha.
For that matter: My version of "the Goddess Complex" is not the same as the internet version per Google.
In my life I have been called "sex goddess" and " of venus" and "Lady Godiva" -- later narrowed down to "Really I just want to see you riding naked on a ". And quite a few occasions well-meaning friends have pointed out that I'm not Superwoman, that I do have human limitations same as the rest of mankind.
So, really... it's just fun to giggle about.
Also, I'm curious... has anybody else had the occurance where somebody from years ago contacts you after ONE chat... remembers you, everything you chatted about, etc... and you're totally clueless? I had that happen once on a different chat program and after I felt bad for not remembering he admitted he reread everything from our ONE chat 5 years prior before messaging me again.
Well... it just happened on this site too. We chatted once, at LEAST a year ago. He remembers me, our chat, and the reason I was not able to meet him. I was going camping up North with friends... and would be sleeping in my car (totally something I'd do - I've done it dozens of times). That makes it at LEAST last summer, most likely two summers ago. I'm a little stunned.
On the other hand this happens to me all the time. People at work "Hey, S! How are you" and I'm all "How do you know my name? Have we ever even met? You don't look familiar" lol... Unless I see and talk *AND* actually say their name... chances are I won't remember. I'm terrible like that. (there are over 500 people working for the company I'm with... so it's not like an office of 4 -- though that would be rather funny. "Stapler Guy" in Office Space)
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Inspiration
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Posted:Mar 12, 2015 10:01 pm
Last Updated:Mar 20, 2015 5:16 pm
30565 Views
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To blog... to write... to read... to travel... to ANYTHING...
what is your inspiration?
There are just so many exciting things out there! To wonder at, to dream about, to explore - in reality or just in ones own mind.
I really want to do something with this:
"Bhangarh
Locals will not go anywhere near the village of Bhangarh, India. Some tourists will venture that way during the day, but are not allowed at night. Legend has it that a magician cursed the place all the way back in the 16th century and it has been haunted ever since."
Isn't that just fascinating?
Future novella writing inspiration
Who was the magician? Why did he curse the village? What will break the curse? Or, more important, WHO? And when? Endless possibilities.
And just to share, in passing, a not quite so funny "ha ha" moment...
I just had a 3rd doumbek seller return my money LOL. I'd purchased the LAST black doumbek with skyndeep head from a reseller on ebay. When they contacted their supplier to ship it they discovered it is severely damaged. So I can go on another wait list, pick one of their different items, or get my money back.
I'm thinking that money is meant to go for something else and I'll just give up for now. Not forever: just for NOW. (Plus I can practice on the loaner djembe)
Interestingly enough: Spokane is full of djembe's. You'd almost think we're an African country or something. EVERY music store I've been to have had at least 5 of them. Sometimes more. A couple (two) have had doumbeks... but of the style I really don't want and that I've read has the potential of bruising or even breaking fingers if played vigorously.
Not that I can see myself playing vigorously. I'm too gentle and afraid of hurting the drum or something lol. Like my playing on the steel drum... light, melodic, meditative... like something you'd imagine hearing in a fairy garden. Then there was the shop owner playing it: loud enough to hear it a block away LOL. Ditto with the doumbek playing.
Apparently there's a goodly size "Hippie Culture" and a Tonasket, WA Barter Fair (Pawn Shop guy said he thinks it's an ongoing thing, not a "once then done" thing) and that he's heard you can trade a djembe fore anything you want. Between the two: THAT is why there are hundreds of djembe's around town but not one decent doumbek.
I'm on the watch list for 2 stores now though. They have my # and an image of what I'm looking for.
So... practice djembe... and learn 2 different drumming styles (djembe and doumbek). and... back to saving $ for a car.
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On Kissing (part two)
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Posted:Mar 10, 2015 7:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2015 12:42 pm
31102 Views
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I already have a post by the title "On Kissing" but... here's another.
How do you determine if a kiss is good or not? Or even great? (I know, I know... if it feels good)
I was chatting with a friend a few weeks back and I mentioned I love when a kiss makes my knees go weak. And he stated he's NEVER made a woman's knees go weak when he kissed. He was actually horrified by the idea and thought it would be a bad thing.
So.... now I'm wondering... do your knees go weak when you receive a passionate or maybe not quite so passionate but GREAT kiss? Have you kissed somebody else and made their knees go weak?
Once upon a time I kissed a boyfriend with complete focus and attention and left him in stunned silence and quivering on the passenger side of the car for 20 minutes before he was able to speak again. Yeah... he may probably have been exaggerating a wee bit. Still... that was 20 minutes of silence and he sure LOOKED stunned.
Actually, now that I think of it, I don't think we'd gotten to the "dating" stage yet. We were just friends... but I had a point to make. Or to show off. Or something. Actually I think I was merely bragging about my kissing ability and he didn't believe me. So I kissed him with every bit of attention and skill and mischievous intent possible.
Maybe there's a short circuit somewhere between my lips and knees... I've been kissed a couple times by guys that heard rumors of women fainting when being kissed, or going weak in the knees.... but never "experienced" it happening.
Am I broken? Sure hope not. Plus the warm, wobbly, weak-knee feeling only comes about due to SPECTACULAR kisses... or extremely passionate ones... so I think I'm perfectly fine.
Here's something interesting I just read:
Lip contact involves five of our 12 cranial nerves as we engage all of our senses to learn more about a partner. Electric impulses bounce between the brain, lips, tongue and skin, which can lead to the feeling of being on a natural "high" because of a potent cocktail of chemical messengers involved.
The other question is... women (or men!! I'm sure it could go both ways)... if your knees go weak: Is it obvious? Or do you just buck up and keep the news to yourself?
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To link to this blog (demonicsexkitten) use [blog demonicsexkitten] in your messages.
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