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Just S h o ot Me	Posted:Nov 18, 2015 1:05 pm Last Updated:Jan 27, 2016 10:58 pm 7772 Views
Well, I was supposed to have two dates this week but of course I don’t have any now. This may sound tacky but I was texting two guys at the same time. I told them I was off work this Tuesday and Wednesday. Guy #1 told me he was also off and wanted to meet on Wednesday, so I said yes to him. But then guy #2 told me he also wanted to meet Wednesday, which I agreed with. Then I tried to change the plan with guy #1 and asked if we could meet on Tuesday instead. He said that he was okay with this but that the weather might be bad that day. In a few minutes guy #2 told me that he forgot he had band practice on Wednesday so he wanted to meet next week. Plans were cancelled yesterday on Tuesday. He said he just wanted to meet another time because the weather was so bad. I was actually expecting this to happen because this kind of thing happens a lot to me. To me the weather wasn’t that bad. It was cold and rainy but it wasn’t raining hard and then it stopped at around 3:00 pm. Maybe in his part of town it was really terrible? Also we were going to have a mall date. He made it seem like we would be in a park or something. lol This is what I think will happen with guy #1. I don’t think I will end up meeting because I have to keep up with good texting conversations and we also have to see when our schedules match up again. Then when we meet, I still have to have other things to talk about. I think he will just fade. Now with guy #2 hasn’t texted me in three days. I’m sure he’s not interested and probably won’t text me again. He probably doesn’t have time to meet people or he found someone he’s really into. I’m just fed up with trying to meet guys lately. One guy really liked me at first. We skyped a few times and had chemistry. Then he changed his mind about me because he really wants to have and he thought I didn't. We never even met or had a date. lol Another guy who I’m sure was a catfish, cancelled on meeting me twice. Not only that but he made a big deal about not wanting to use skype. He got angry over it. He didn’t even make up any stories when he cancelled. I knew he would cancel both times too. There was something about the way he was talking. The second time when he cancelled and texted me, “Apologies Mariam. I’m going to have to reschedule. What does your weekend look like?” I just thought, “WTF, is this c u n t really serious? Is this is a f u c k i n g joke?” But the reason stuck around with this guy for a few weeks is because we had a phone conversation and he also sent me a video of himself. It seemed like a real video because he said, "Hello Mariam, this is me....blah blah blah." I guess he edited it? I don't know what he did. I will have to make a separate blog about this guy because he was very interesting. Then right before guy #1 there was yet another guy who cancelled on meeting me. He was very rude and inconsiderate too and he didn’t even seem to realize it. I should have pointed it out to him. We had been texting over okcupid for like two weeks but didn’t really have substantial conversations. One night he wanted to exchange and meet for drinks the next day. I wasn’t keen on the idea but agreed to. I stupidly thought, “Well, maybe I’ll just meet him to see what he’s like.” He didn’t text me until 3 hours before we were supposed to meet and I was surprised he texted me. I had a bad feeling about him. Instead of getting ready I just told him, “Well, it doesn’t seem like we are going to meet tonight.” He told me that he was still at work and maybe we could meet at 10 maybe. MAYBE AND AT 10?!! Either make solid plans to meet someone or FUCK OFF!! Why did you even agree to meet me at 8 if you are still at work?!!! I mean he is probably lying about what’s going on and only wants sex. I’m fine with some guys only wanting sex but they have to BE HONEST, CONSIDERATE AND, POLITE!!!!!!!!!!! I looked at his pictures again on okcupid, not that he’s ugly but I got a bad impression from them. I ignored his other texts and thought I was better off not wasting my time. The last date I went on was in September and I wasn't interested after we met. Actually, I wasn’t sure about meeting him. I should have just made something up and called it off. I didn't want to tell him I wasn’t interested and he kept texting me until I blocked him. This just irritated me. Guys who actually seem interested in me and want a second date, I’m never interested in. I don’t even have to try with them and they are so willing to kiss my ass!!! But since meeting this guy I have just been texting different guys but it never got to the point of meeting. Something always happened. I feel like there is a curse on me. Please don't tell me I'm a terrible person and I deserved this. It's normal to date around to see who you like the most before you get serious and just date one person. To be honest, I never really dated around anyway. Nobody I like ever asks me out. I'm the type of girl who goes on one bad or unpromising dates every few months or a couple of times a year.
	11 Comments

"I'll text you later"	Posted:Nov 5, 2015 8:14 pm Last Updated:Feb 9, 2016 8:35 pm 7927 Views
Uhhggg, right away I knew that was not a good sign when he told me that. I just thought, "Oh gawd, not that line again." Looks like it's another case of "He's just not into you." That is always the story with me. I'm not surprised he hasn't texted me after two days. I guess I shouldn't think much of it until a whole week has past, but I don't think he would even text me then. I also stalked his facebook today and it seems like he is engaged but it is unclear because his relationship status shows that he is single. There are only two pictures of him with the same woman. Maybe I can't see all of the pictures of them together because I am not friends with either of them? Some comments on these pictures were: "We only have a couple of more couples to get married you two, and Matt and Ali." "Vince so happy to see you and your girl give her a hug from me luv you gram." LOL Omg...I am getting to old for all this. I suppose he wants to mess around before he gets married?
	5 Comments

I think I pushed him further away	Posted:Oct 22, 2015 8:10 am Last Updated:Jan 9, 2016 9:14 pm 7328 Views
He told me that he wants to reschedule the date we had this Friday. I actually wasn't surprised he did this. I thought, "Gee, I wonder what's going to happen with this one. I bet he's going to cancel on me." But I have a strange feeling he won't reschedule and doesn't want to meet me. I am not just thinking this because he cancelled on me. We did have a little tension so I think he is put off by me and is having second thoughts. At the same time we had chemistry and attraction to each other. When he texted me about this I just responded with "okay." Then later I texted him, "I probably shouldn't say this, but if you actually don't want to meet me you can tell me that." It shows that he read the text and didn't respond. I know I should not tell a guy something like that because it will annoy them even more. I'm just so fed up with guys and it has been a very bad year for me. I'm even still upset about the last guy who rejected me too.
	10 Comments

Well, that makes me feel even better.	Posted:Oct 7, 2015 6:31 am Last Updated:Feb 5, 2016 9:16 pm 7560 Views
After what happened yesterday........I feel like my heart was ripped out. I don't know what to do today. I couldn't sleep last night. I probably got three hours of sleep. Then this guys sends me a message: "You know I'm the only one who wants you Mariam. It's time to face the facts. Me or be single. How much longer are you going to lie to yourself. Nobody else wants you." He doesn't even know what's going on in my life. It seems pathetic to actually be bothered by this but I feel like what he's saying is true. I'm 27, never had a boyfriend and guys I like rarely talk to me. When they do, it doesn't progress to anything. A guy yesterday just outright told me he wasn't interested and didn't want to date me after I thought he was so nice. I thought he was special but he didn't like me. He was so cold. I think I'm going to disable POF for a couple of months. This guy has been harassing me since April. I block him and he just creates new accounts. This is extreme but I actually hate this guy. I wish he would be wiped off the planet.
	13 Comments

WaNNa FuCKKKKKK??	Posted:Oct 3, 2015 8:59 am Last Updated:Oct 22, 2015 9:14 am 6576 Views
Actually, I'd rather drink bleach. But thanks for asking!!!! That's what I've been thinking all these years. Drink bleach, k i l l myself, or walk into traffic than give these creeps the time of day!!!
	2 Comments

What the hell?	Posted:Oct 1, 2015 6:31 pm Last Updated:Jan 25, 2016 12:33 pm 6589 Views
My last blog post was denied. It got published and then it was deleted because of banned topics such as hate, weapons, under age. I re-read it and I didn't see anything of this sort. =/
	4 Comments

I knew it was too good...	Posted:Sep 30, 2015 8:44 pm Last Updated:Feb 5, 2016 9:29 pm 6631 Views
....too good to be true. I actually thought I met someone I could date a few weeks ago. Sure, I've met plenty of guys I found attractive or liked, at least that's how I felt at first. But it never lead to anything. There wasn't enough there for a relationship and there was always something wrong. They were jerks, only wanted me for sex, were insincere, dishonest, suspicious, wasn't enough chemistry, and they did not have real interest. I could go on and on. Some people might have guessed this from reading my previous blogs but I have never had a boyfriend. Mostly, I do not outright admit something like this because it is not socially acceptable and it is extremely embarrassing. I think it's okay to post it here since it is not on my main profile. ANYWAY, I had a different feeling with this guy. I have been doing online dating for a long time, since I was 21 and I have never really been impressed with how the guys have handled things. I'm not saying everything is the man's job, I should also put effort as well and I do try. First, I liked the message he sent me. It was short but personal and sincere. That's the kind of message I like. I am always turned off with one liners or something scripted and impersonal. Then there are those weirdoes who will send you a ridiculous novel of a message. I liked how we had a good conversation for a couple days and then he wanted my phone number and to meet that weekend. Well, we didn’t get to meet that weekend because of my work schedule so we planned for the next weekend. Some guys are very rude and not interested in me as a person and they will invite me over when it’s 12 am and we never discussed plans to meet before that. I have never accepted those invites. Other guys want to chat with you for 200 years and never ask to meet. This guy gave me the impression that he was a serious and didn’t just want sex. I liked how he actually wanted to talk on the phone or skype instead of just texting. I was really taken by him when we talked on cam. He was attractive and looked exactly like his pictures. We had chemistry and I found it very easy to talk to him. I didn’t feel nervous or that it was a chore to talk to him like I do with most people. This was a rare connection for me. I didn’t have strong doubts about the kind of guy he was or what his intentions were like I did with all the other guys. Overall, things seemed very promising. I found he was a prince among men. We skyped three times and we planned to meet last Saturday. As I stated earlier, I did not have strong doubts or suspicions about what kind of guy he was and what he wanted but I did worry about something getting in the way. I felt this was too good to really happen. I should probably stop thinking that way because when I texted him on Friday about the plans, he didn’t respond that day. Then I started to think, that we were not going to meet the next day. He will either completely blow me off without saying anything or text me to cancel plans. He did text me on Saturday morning, saying he could not meet because his dad was in ICU after complications with surgery, so he had to spend time with his dad and family. I believe him. He was not lying. I feel bad for him and can somewhat relate. My dad had two heart attacks and almost d i e d last year. But I don’t feel like I will have a chance to meet him again. What I think will happen is that his dad will d i e and he will be grieving over that for a while. He will lose interest in me since he is depressed. This is actually very funny for me. The only guy I could actually picture myself with and it’s not meant to be. It's as if a higher power is telling me that I will never be with anyone I actually like. I know it's weird to feel this way about a guy I have only spoken to for less than two weeks and I haven't even met him in person. I must be ridiculous but I guess some people can just give you such a strong impression and make you feel hopeful.
	11 Comments

I think I've found a winner	Posted:Sep 22, 2015 12:01 am Last Updated:Nov 1, 2015 8:25 am 6880 Views
I can't sleep tonight for some reason, even after I masturbated furiously. That usually wears me out and roll off to sleep instantly. ANYWAY, I think I finally met a great guy. I don't know yet but I'll see. But he is so cute and I enjoy his boyish and geeky charm. I hope there are no deal breakers as I get to know him and I hope he is not turned off with anything about me either. This seems kind of sad but I'll be so disappointed if this doesn't work out. I already met ten or more guys this year and those didn't lead to anything. Ten is probably not a lot but it feels like like when none of them work out. Iol I know this is not normal.
	6 Comments

What a babe!	Posted:Sep 8, 2015 10:35 am Last Updated:Apr 30, 2016 7:17 pm 6716 Views
I'm sorry young man, you are too handsome to be working as a cashier. I actually said, "hi" to this guy and it's usually sales people greet me first. I saw him working at that store last week and decided to check if he was working there yesterday. It was so nice to see him again. Well, I am too fat for him. He seemed like he could pass for gay. That or he has a girlfriend. He looks like he is 18-21. lol Now I sound like a pedophile. Most importantly, we probably wouldn't have much in common. I mean, you can't make anyone love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best. Anyway, I sound like a creepy loser.
	5 Comments

Get a Clue	Posted:Aug 9, 2015 9:38 pm Last Updated:Dec 25, 2021 12:16 pm 6499 Views
Today my boss told me that she thought I was Hispanic this whole time and she finally realized I wasn't. I was a little surprised. I mean I knew she thought that when we first met but after working there for six months, seeing how weird my name is, and that I don't speak Spanish, I thought she would have found me more questionable. lol Guess not. For one thing, I have never thought of myself the way the public sees me. I think I am half Asian or Siberian looking, but I'm sure everyone would think I'm crazy after they read this. But really, people always think THIS girl is Latina? That's ridiculous actually. I don't know if it's because they really think I look that way or if it's a Texas thing. I mean I guess I could be Hispanic, but honestly I really don't see it. I know there are different looks to Latinos but I don't think I really fit into any of those. Also, someone really has to be an idiot if they don't think there are loads of people ALL OVER THE GLOBE who have dark hair and tanned/olive skin. Those are not really unique features of Latinos and they don't all look that way. lol When you live in the US there is so much racial diversity that in many cases you don't know what background a person has. You have to ask them. But some people think they know and they don't want to listen to someone telling them the truth. That's really stupid. I don't really care what people are thinking of me as I walk down the street or how strangers talk to me in Spanish. What I roll my eyes at is how close minded people are. I don't say it often, but at times I have to tell people I am mixed. They don't know what to say. They give me dirty looks. They think it's impossible that I am something different besides what they were thinking. I must also mention that I hate it when people complain that "Latino" and "Hispanic" are used incorrectly because these terms are associated with Europe.
	9 Comments

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