A Blonde Joke
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Posted:Jun 14, 2007 2:53 pm
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2019 10:55 am
31496 Views
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A blonde is staying in an expensive hotel, and decides she'll try a milk bath. She calls down to Reception, and asks them to send up thirty pints of milk, to fill up the bath.
"Pasteurised?" asks the receptionist.
"No, just up to my tits," replies the blonde.
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Do You Know The Answer??
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Posted:Jun 13, 2007 3:16 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2007 9:47 am
14357 Views
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Bet You Can't Answer This One!
What gets longer when it's pulled,
Fits between your boobs,
Inserts neatly in a hole, and,
Works best when jerked ?
Answer will be posted tomorrow! 
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Let's Talk Nipples...
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Posted:Jun 11, 2007 10:07 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2007 1:30 pm
14461 Views
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Nipples… we all have them… big ones, small ones, and in many different shades. 
I must admit that gazing at bare-chested men has never really got me going… don’t get me wrong, I do love a beautifully muscled chest, and I must admit to liking a man with chest hair, his nipples peeking through.
I know I get more pleasure from scraping my nails over a man’s nipples… hearing a hiss of breath as that little gesture hits him. I also love having a hot, wet mouth wrap itself over my nipples, a tongue swirling over the sensitised tip, teeth gently nibbling and lips sucking.
I had my right nipple pierced back in 2005, and I must say I have never regretted it since. And having one nipple pierced and the other not… there is something rather erotic feeling the difference in the two. 
But it’s my acknowledgement that we’re all different that makes me wonder… what do YOU like in a nipple? (Mmmmm…they’re always best when they come in pairs) 
Do you like nipples big? Small? Soft? Puckered? Do baby-pink nipples make your mouth water? (As an aside, did you know that a woman’s nipples change colour once she has been pregnant?) When you look at the nipples, do you see the breasts too? Is it the combination of the two that gets you excited? And here’s the BIG question… what do YOU think of pierced nipples?
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Phew!! Nearly there!!
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Posted:Jun 6, 2007 3:17 pm
Last Updated:Mar 25, 2021 6:32 pm
14192 Views
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So close, yet so far!! That's what I'm feeling at the moment. I have just spent hours writing blurbs for my jewellery range, and it has taken almost as long as it does to make them!! 
I've had to check spelling, check descriptions, find colour charts I can download without infringing copyrights, calculate prices, check availability of products, and there is still more to come!! I have to investigate postage prices, packaging costs, including complimentary boxes and/or bags... the last thing anyone wants is to receive a lovely new piece of jewellery in a little plastic bag!! 
In between all of that I have to cope with my daytime job, make some sort of effort to be a good wife and mother, and yes, get my little Internet fix on the odd occasion, and pop into the chat room for a natter!
Right now it's time for bed, so it's "night, night" I guess! 
I thought I'd give you another little sneak peek at the HHO range!
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Historic Day!!! I planted an acorn today!
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Posted:Jun 4, 2007 2:52 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2007 11:17 am
14093 Views
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Yes, that's right... I planted an acorn. Not literally, mind you, but figuratively. I made my first sale from my jewellery range, and hot damn, it felt GOOD!!!
The range has grown from a little thing or two, to quite a large collection of bits and pieces, and now I'm just working on the final bits and bobs, like writing descriptions and calculating prices for the Web Designer, who is chomping at the bit.
I've spent the last few months sourcing, making, learning, pricing, learning some more, photographing, cataloging... and finally!! *Sigh* The sound of cash hitting my wallet sounds marvellous!! 
Funnily enough, I've also had some ladies ask me to repair existing pieces of jewellery for them, which should be a doddle, and of course, it won't be free! 
I've also been promised a cheese & wine evening, where I get to exhibit my goodies... so keep your fingers crossed, eh?! 
Tomorrow night I'm back to my weekly lesson, and on Saturday I learn how to knit with wire... oh, what an exciting life I lead!!
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Forever Flowering
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Posted:May 27, 2007 3:39 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2007 6:02 am
13891 Views
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It's been a while since Helga Solders On, and the adventures of Helga Hansen Originals. When I last mentioned "bling" rings, I didn't even have one of my own to show you.
Well, take one very rainy weekend, a snazzy new camera, and some hard work later, and I finally have something to show you. Since investigating the ins and outs of "bling" rings, I have been creating something a little more special than your average 'charm ring', my preferred name for a "bling" ring.
I'm proud to present a "Forever Flowering". Yes, it is actually a ring!! It's made on an adjustable base, so one size will definitely fit all, and it is very comfortable to wear. Click on the photo for a larger view.
The website is still a work in progress, as it my budding jewellery career... I have been "investing in people", and I'm currently attending weekly jewellery-making courses, learning all the different techniques involved. There's a huge, HUGE world of beads out there, and my imagination knows no limits!! (I just need to sell something now!!)
I have a busy week ahead of me, but I'll constantly be on the look-out for new beads to add to my growing stock... those "flowerings" have to grow from somewhere!
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One for the Weekend...
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Posted:May 25, 2007 5:37 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2007 1:17 pm
14001 Views
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A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his flat, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, just maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my ?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things she had never done with any other man.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says............
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One for the Ladies
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Posted:May 21, 2007 11:10 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2007 1:16 pm
13893 Views
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A woman was sitting at a bar, enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her, as all men will. Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for £20.00......on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a £20 note from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand, along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said...
See inside for what she said!
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The Miracle of Toilet Paper
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Posted:May 17, 2007 1:33 pm
Last Updated:Jun 9, 2007 11:17 am
13658 Views
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Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds," he said.
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
I stopped and asked, "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
Yes, he's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.....
But it seems he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw for rest of his pathetic life......
Stupid, stupid man.
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Helga Solders On
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Posted:May 14, 2007 7:05 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2007 3:46 pm
13945 Views
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Nope, that's not a typo/spelling error! I've been investing in the new venture by learning to solder!
Must admit though, that I never quite realised just how much burnt finger smells like seared steak! Managed to give myself a nice little burn on one of my fingers, courtesy of me forgetting to lengthen the solder wire, using a magnifying glass (I was soldering a very small "o" ring at the time), and just basically being a total novice at work!
I must say, though, that it's all getting rather exciting!! I've been investigating what line of costume jewellery I want to make, and I've decided I'm going for the more upmarket look... no tat here, thanks! I've always been one for wearing sparkly crystal jewellery (Swarovski are my favourite), so most of my work will be made from Swarovski crystals and pearls.
Just this past weekend I've been making something crazy, but rather exciting, called "bling rings". Now, I know what you're thinking, I've gone "bling" crazy, thanks to A F F, but nope, I have say that these rings are called exactly that! I made my first two rings yesterday, and I'm really pleased with the results. One thing I've realised is that my camera doesn't like doing close-ups, so once I've managed to sell some pieces, I think I shall be investing in a new digi-cam, so that I can do justice to the work I am creating.
Another investment I've made is jewellery-making lessons, and I've found a few places that offer classes, which helps keep me out of mischief!
My website designer flew back from New York to New Zealand last week, so once he's recovered from his jet lag, he'll be cracking on with my site. Lol, this time zone thing can be a real bugger sometimes... but in spite of that, he has managed to do a sterling job, and I'm very, very pleased with the results so far!
Anyway, 'nuff from me. I'd best be getting back to what I do best, and that is doing my "bling thing".
Pictured is an example of a bling ring - it is not one of mine.
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Helga Makes Her Own Bling!
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Posted:May 7, 2007 10:31 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2007 3:16 pm
13629 Views
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It's been a busy few days, this past bank holiday weekend, but I haven't been wasting any time!
A few months ago I was toying with the idea of making my own jewellery, and I finally stopped thinking about, and actually got around to exploring what was out there. 
In the meantime, an ex-blogger has been working his socks off on re-designing my website, which had been a rather amateurish attempt by myself, all those long months ago!!
While he has been designing my site, I have been designing my jewellery, and hopefully we will be going live very, very soon!
I know some of you have been wonderfully supportive since I started Helga Hansen Originals, and I will be sure to keep you in the loop... I need my custom from somewhere, after all!
Pictured is one of my creations...
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This Is Really Sweet!
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Posted:May 5, 2007 4:14 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2007 8:11 am
13577 Views
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Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, and he had a Rum & Butter, while she had a Wine Gum.
He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said." I'm the one with the nuts, he thought, and then he touched her Milky Way.
They checked in to a hotel, and went straight up to the room. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks, then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.
Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!
Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett, who had Allsorts!!!
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A Real Groaner!!!
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Posted:May 5, 2007 3:48 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2007 2:44 pm
13782 Views
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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry!!" the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you" she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and fterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, " she replies. . . . . . "
To see the punchline, you have to see the comments!
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