Mad Cow Disease
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Posted:Oct 19, 2010 1:35 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2010 12:31 am
17098 Views
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If you had sex with this man, would it be classed as an orgy?
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18
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Huntsman spider
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Posted:Oct 16, 2010 6:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2010 10:55 pm
17471 Views
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We had ferocious winds and a touch of hail yesterday. Not at all what October is supposed to be.
The cover had come off my BBQ, so thought I had better put it back on again.
As I started to pull it back on, I noticed rather a lot of beady eyes looking at me.
I promptly released the cover, with a slight scream leaving my lips.
I went around the other side and started pulling it back on again...more beady eyes. I then decided that the cover being half on was better than not being on at all.
Got up this morning, and it has come off yet again.
I will do a stomp dance all over it, and replace it seeing as how the wind has gone.
Speaking of spiders.....a while back I had finished my shower and was drying myself.
I looked on the shower floor.....and there were body bits of spider every where.
Yes the bloody thing was on my towel and I didn't see it.
I nearly fainted.
What have you done that makes you squirm?
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25
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It's a matter of choice.
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Posted:Oct 6, 2010 2:10 am
Last Updated:Nov 14, 2010 11:30 pm
16889 Views
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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "let’s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "What's the matter darling?"
"Look love," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.
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18
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When the lights go out.
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Posted:Oct 4, 2010 2:01 am
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2010 1:08 am
16636 Views
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Why is it always bordering on night fall that you get power cuts?
Plunged into near darkness without any warning.
Here I was enjoying myself...............on the computer, what were you thinking?? When all of a sudden, nothing.
Thinks  that's ok, I'll just watch TV till it comes back on. Dah...no power.
Right, I'll make myself a coffee. Dah...no power. Shall I dig out the single burner camping thing that has never been used camping, cos I don't do camping? Nah, the water always tastes a bit odd when heated in a saucepan to make coffee.
Can't read, cos there's not enough light from the torch, can't put the radio on. So what does one do, other than think how did they manage before we all had electricity to entertain us???
Would be ok if one had a partner. Then the candles would come out, and would look very romantic and put you in the mood for some sexy stuff so it wouldn't matter if it took them all night to get the power back on.
But there's only me and my pussy..........the furry type........I mean the four legged type.
So I'll just sit on the lounge twiddling my thumbs and wait. After all what else am I going to do?
All I can say is..........thank god some things still run on batteries.
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15
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Forward or back?
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Posted:Oct 1, 2010 7:35 pm
Last Updated:Oct 16, 2010 2:00 am
16574 Views
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It's that time again. 'Daylight saving' starts in the early hours of tomorrow morning.
Why is it called 'Daylight savings?'
What does it save?
For those of you in Queensland that do not have 'Daylight saving,' as usual, the cows will still give the same amount of milk, and your curtains will not fade as fast as ours will, due to us having an extra hour of sunlight. 
There is always the debate....do the clocks go forward an hour, or back an hour.
So for those of you that might still be confused...it goes forward an hour, and no, you do not have to get up at 2am Sunday morning, just change the time before you go to sleep. 
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12
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Triple Dose
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Posted:Sep 27, 2010 5:09 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2010 8:15 pm
17191 Views
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A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra.
The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.
'Why not?' asked the man.'Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.
'But I need it really bad,' said the man. 'Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor.
The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I've got to have a triple dose.'
The doctor finally relented saying, 'All right, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.'
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor's office...his right arm in a sling. The doctor asked, 'Good gawd! What happened to you?'
The man said, 'No one showed up.'
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16
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Saying Goodbye.
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Posted:Sep 26, 2010 6:08 pm
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2010 10:03 pm
15907 Views
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I have just got home from the coldest, un personal, un caring funeral I have ever been to.
One of the old ladies where I work died last week.
She never had any visitors.
She was a sweet thing, although she could have her moments.
She was Polish, but spoke English.
Although I don't have the chance to speak it very often anymore, I would still have a chat to her in Polish, as bad as it might be, she always understood what I was saying.
Today was the day to say goodbye.
There wern't many people in the church. Might have been different if she had of left lots of money.
The priest didn't even bother to mark the pages that he wanted to read from, so we had to wait a few times while he flicked through till he found what he wanted.
He looked bored, and just wanted to get it over and done with.
He didn't stay and talk to the mourners afterwards, just took off.
How un caring is he?
He never visited her in the Nursing Home.
Probably thought that he wouldn't be getting any more money out of her, so wouldn't waste any more of his time.
At least she would know that there were a few of us there that cared.
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5
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Party Time???
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Posted:Sep 24, 2010 6:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2010 10:01 pm
16458 Views
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Read in the paper last weekend that divorce parties are becoming big business here.
Some are as big as the wedding was. 
I had planned to have a party, with Dollys' Song D-I-V-O-R-C-E playing.
Nothing too elaborate. Just my close friends, and a BBQ.
Because the divorce came after years of separation, the party idea had lost it's appeal.
Did any of you throw a party when you got divorced?
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14
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Yum
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Posted:Sep 20, 2010 1:48 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2010 8:21 pm
16467 Views
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Don't you just love the taste of mushrooms?
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14
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I surrender.
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Posted:Sep 18, 2010 3:03 am
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2010 11:57 am
17304 Views
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The lamp in my lounge room had blown up, so was using the one from my bedroom.
Even after it was gone from my bedroom for some time there were nights I would still get into bed and reach over to turn it off, only to have to get out of bed and turn the main light off.
Who said we were creatures of habit?
One of our big department shops was having a sale, and a floor lamp I liked was half price.
It's one of those Mother and lamps, which for the life of me can't work out why they are called that.
They are the ones that have an up light and a smaller adjustable downlight lower down.
Just getting it out of the box was a test of whits, which not much later proved to be the easy part.
I needed to be an octopus to try and connect all the parts.
There I was on the floor in a position that any contortionist would be proud of, trying to hold bits together while screwing other bits together.
One bit I screwed and un screwed three times before fitting it to the base, only to find it was un balanced, so once again, took it apart.
Ok, tried another tactic, but think I have now threaded the smallest screw I have ever seen. So small I had to use tweezers.
Was on hands and knees numerous times trying to find it on the carpet.
After getting all hot and bothered (would much prefer getting hot and bothered doing something far more enjoyable), and using language I don't often use, I decided to surrender (not give up),
until I had a loan of another pair of hands.
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16
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Saplings or Triffids ???
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Posted:Aug 31, 2010 2:06 am
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2010 7:16 pm
16755 Views
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Read this today, and just had to pass it on.
Sometimes in the garden of life, we parents grow Saplings, tall and strong. And sometimes we grow Triffids.
I am lucky, I have two Saplings, how about you?
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20
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Are you one of the 55 out of 100?
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Posted:Aug 27, 2010 3:37 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2010 1:42 pm
17707 Views
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Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Ok, let me know if you are able to read it.
I had no trouble.
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23
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To link to this blog (marysia4u) use [blog marysia4u] in your messages.
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