|
|
|
|
|
Are you ready to quit?
Are you ready to learn?
Are you ready to find the spark inside and let it burn?
I'm the walls that close in
I'm the words you won't say
I'm the voices you choose to keep inside
And lock away
Everyday
****
I don't want to be flawless. When I go I want the cuts to show.
****
Passion. It lies in all of us, sleeping, waiting.
And though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir.
Open its jaws and howl.
It speaks to us, guides us, passion rules us all.
And we obey, what other choice do we have?
Passion is the source of our finest moments.
The joy of love, the clarity of hatred,
and the ecstacy of grief.
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear.
If we could live without passion,
maybe we'd know some kind of peace.
But we would be hollow.
Empty rooms, shuttered, dank.
Without passion, we'd be truly dead.
****
'Cause sometimes you just feel tired, you feel weak
And when you feel weak you feel like you want to just give up
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
And just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you want to just fall flat on your face and collapse
****
Music is like a tattoo,
and bands have to make music
where people are proud to wear your tattoo,
no matter what kind of music you like.
****
For some, music is not just a pastime,
It’s an undeniable fact of living,
A blissful slavery of mind, body and soul.
To rise above the ashes of mediocrity is rare,
Yet the gift of song is freely handed out to anyone who cares to receive it,
Instantly shattering our daily drudgery. The path to pursue more than the usual,
More than what is safe and known,
Is wrought with time-sharpened jagged blade s that cut deep,
Blocking many from the road to something greater,
Beyond the stunted imagination of their peers. Within the veins of the few,
Passion fills every sinew with a sweet unquenchable purpose,
Calming the fear of those treacherous paths,
Though every slice burns and bleeds,
Still they take each cut
And wear the scars with pride to signal their choice,
That undying pursuit of greater joy within every cord.
And so they say – Watch me bleed
****
When life knocks you down..calmly get back up, smile, and very politely, say, "You hit like a bitch."
****
I’ll never show you my cards, I won’t be playing a hand worth bluffing. But when you’re running with me, you won’t be wondering why you’ve fallen.
****
|
|
Makes No Sense At All (Labyrinth) - Ch 1
|
Posted:Nov 26, 2017 5:17 pm
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2017 3:31 pm
1925 Views
|
*Chapter 1 -These images burning inside my mind.
10 ago
"Your Majesty, might I bother you for a moment?" Hoggle caught Jareth while he was surveying the outer walls of the Labyrinth.
Jareth paused to look down at the wizened dwarf who was currently wringing his hands. "What is it Hiddle?"
"Hoggle," he corrected absentmindedly, as he was studying the ground with a worried look. Then he glanced up,"Your Majesty I know you would rather things be left unsaid, but the girl Sarah that was able to solve the Labyrinth.." he stumbled to a halt to see how Jareth was reacting to her name.
Jareth quirked an oddly shaped eyebrow, not showing the stab of pain that passed through him, "What about her?"
"She...hasn't summd any of us in 2 her time. When she first got back she would Ludo, Sir Didymus, Me, and sometimes even some goblins to talk and games with. Then the s stopped. At first I didn't notice, figured she was busy with hool, but then when a few of us tried to go peek on her, there was a block preventing us..." he had been staring at the ground again, back to wringing his hands, but stopped at the end of his speech to see what Jareth made of this.
He shrugged,"She probably grew up and moved on. She would be what, 20 now? No longer a . They go to college and have no time for childhood things like they consider our world."
Deep down he didn't believe it, but he wouldn't show weakness in front of a subject. He himself had forgotten to check on her, due to a bruised heart. He figured to let her grow up and try again. He realized after she rejected him, she was too young to fully consider his offer and understand what he wanted of her. But responsibilities with his kingdom did leave him too busy too check on her lately. But he always made the excuse that it was better this way, instead of spying on her and torturing himself in the interim. Now though, he intended to check in and see how she was doing. He was more powerful than any in his kingdom and his lowborn subjects wouldn't be able to break a mental block, which is most likely what happened, but he could.
"Anyway Headwart, I would put her out of your mind and get back to tending the perimeter that I have so graciously given you the responsibility of."
Hoggle didn't bother to correct him this time and just bowed,"You're right Your Majesty, are fickle creatures."
"Indeed," he disappeared through a wall back to his castle.
Once back in his tower room, looking out over the vastness of his kingdom, he summd a crystal. After a few rolls around his hands, Sarah should have came into view, but all there was was a cloudy haze. He frowned and whisked it around faster, focusing more on her. The ball flew off his hand, out of the window, where it shattered as it flew.
With a shocked expression watching the whole thing transpire, he realized he was going to have to on his Fae magic. Normally he just used his King of the Goblins magic and that overrode any who thought they could overcome him, but this seemed to be transforming into a serious situation that needed him to combine both of his magics.
Once again he conjured a crystal ball, drawing deep from both Fae and Goblin, also for extra strength he ed on the Labyrinth itself. It was a living thing that heeded to him and it couldn't survive without a powerful caretaker and ruler. He wasn't taking any chances this time.
Swirling the ball on his hands again, he focused on Sarah. This time she came into view, a little matured in looks, but not by much. She was walking down a hall carrying books with her head down, lost inside herself. He tried to transport to her but he could feel the block Hoggle spoke of. So he did the next best thing, he bided his time.
When she went to bed that night, he started his attempts at contacting her through her dreams. He felt he could slip through for a brief moment. But he also felt something fighting him and the fail safe was triggering a nightmare. For the next 10 , he would try now and then, strengthening his magic, studying the spell keeping her memory blocked, slowly working his way into her mind. She still had nightmares and it was agonizing slow progress on his end. The spell was very complicated, he had never seen anything like it. Also knowing he was causing her emotional distress and she didn't even understand why, was unacceptable. But he kept his resolve that whatever had put this on her was powerful and could only mean her harm.
night when she was 30 in her , he was able to finally break through enough to show himself and tell her to remember. Then he had to retreat as the spell repelled his presence.
He physiy staggered back. He needed to do something else at this point. If he could find a way to get her to read his book, Labyrinth, that he had planted in her childhood so many ago, that should jog her memory. But how, when he couldn't even get near her?
------
Copyright 2017
*Lyric is from "Soul You'll Never Save" - Neverwake
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Makes No Sense At All (Labyrinth) - Prologue
|
Posted:Nov 26, 2017 9:47 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2017 3:33 pm
1911 Views
|
*Prologue -Step inside my mind, won't you please just take a seat?
Run faster, no no, dark, have to keep going, no way out, jump... who is that?
Sarah woke up in a cold sweat. She'd been having these dreams since her early 20's. They varied, but she was always trying to find something, always trying to get out, in a maze of some sort, sometimes they left her sad instead of ared - feeling like she left something behind. She had no idea where they came from and why she started having them, but all of a sudden night, there they were.
She threw her legs over the edge of her bed and got up. Making her way to the bathroom, she pulled her dark hair up in a clip she had snagged from her dresser.
Splashing her face with water, she mentally cleared the cobwebs of her mind. These nightmares still had the power to give her the creeps.
"For God's sake woman, get a hold of yourself. You're 30 old! Grow up already!" she said to herself in the mirror.
When her face was dry, she studied herself. Long dark hair, a bit frizzed and slicked with water. Dark eyes with no lines in the corners yet. She was actually very proud of the fact she looked more like 25 than 30.
She went through her morning routine in a trance-like state. She may be creeped out but she also felt like she needed to finish the dream, which she never did, like some was waiting for her. It always made her feel so empty.
She grabbed a breakfast shake and sat down to work on her latest ript. She may not have been able to follow in her mother's footsteps as an actress, but she had found in college she had quite the talent of being behind the enes writing the parts. She made a comfortable living at that with decent hours, except when she was on a deadline, like now.
She made a good bit of headway and took a break for light lunch. As tempting as a nap sounded afterward, she put her nose back to the grindst until dinner. She did succumb to sleep after dinner. That's when the dream changed.
A tall man with blond hair of odd lengths and mismatched eyes stood before her. He was wearing a white poet's shirt with ruffles showing a fair expanse of chest and tight pants that looked very familiar to her, though she couldn't say why.
" Sarah, you have to remember..." His mouth was shaped in a concerned frown, a sad aura emanating from him,"Remember.."
-----
Copyright 2017
A/N - Hey every, this isn't my first fanfic. (PM me if you want the link to them) I used to write about my fave band when I was a into early 20's, but I lost the inspiration until recently. I've loved Labyrinth (must see this movie in order to really understand this story. released 1986 with David Bowie) for a long time and even saw the 30th anniversary showing in theaters. I know this is a short beginning, but I am just getting started. I hope it was enough to get you guys hooked! I look forward to your thoughts!
*I'm not following the norm and using Labyrinth lyrics for chapter titles. I can't be original that way since many writers on here have used them. Not that there's anything wrong with using them, but I just want to mix things up. This lyric comes from a song "Days G By" - Neverwake
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
I'm Bad At Life (Ronnie Radke)- Chapter 3
|
Posted:Nov 25, 2017 7:01 pm
Last Updated:Nov 26, 2017 10:15 am
2492 Views
|
*Ronnie*
"Oh sorry, I'm Lynn."
I couldn't figure this girl out, she knew who I was so she had to have been a fan, but wasn't freaking out. Hell even at the sight of all the blood and injuries she was calm and collected. I wondered what was going on inside her mind. Any other chick would've been all over me, wouldn't have even realized how much pain I was in. She seemed to sense it, being careful when touching me. I studied her when she wasn't looking as she tried to patch me up. She was nowhere near my type physically, but she seemed sane and intelligent. I also found myself smiling at her quick retorts. It was lucky she had found me. I woke up in the dark - cold and in a hell of a lot of pain.
It was agony getting to her hotel, but there was no way I was going to a hospital here. I needed to find out who had done this to me. I didn't need rumors spreading when I had no answers. My memory was completely blacked out from the time I stepped outside after the show until I woke up in that alley. Someone had to have come at me from behind.
I was exhausted, watching her from under my eyelashes. She was trying to contact one of our pages, hoping someone would open her message somewhere. I couldn't remember anyone's numbers. I never needed to with them being saved in my phone and she was right, I didn't want to take the chance of signing into her phone with one of my accounts. She seemed ok but I didn't know her. I suppose I could've just changed my password afterwards, but I didn't know how tech savvy she was and if she could still find a way. I didn't think she would, but again, who knew? I had learned to be wary of even friends, let alone strange girls.
After about a half hour of her flipping around on her phone, she sighed and stood up. She plugged it into the charger on the stand next to the bed. I could see the circles under her eyes, she was beyond ready to pass out. I felt like a dick then, I was in her bed and she was trying to make sure I was comfortable.
"Come on,"I said as I patted the space next to me,"You're going to fall over and there's plenty of room here."
"I..um..ok." she was going to resist but I guess her exhaustion won out.
She pulled the covers out from under my legs carefully and back to the foot of the bed. Then she climbed in and pulled the blankets up over us, with a big space between us where she was on the end of the bed.
Ignoring the pain, I leaned over and pulled her nearer to me by putting my arm around her shoulders. She could've refused to move, but I guess looking as I did at the moment, she didn't want to take the chance of hurting me. I could see the concern cross her face. So she allowed herself to be pulled.
I swallowed back a grimace and smiled instead. "There, that's better. This is your bed, I'm the intruder,"I joked.
She laughed softly, no energy left to do more, and leaned back against the pillows. I didn't move my arm, even though my body was protesting the position. I felt drawn to her, there was some kind of aura she had. I slid down a bit, so I was also laying on the pillows. I could feel her try to discretely move away from my arm, but I wouldn't budge.
"So I guess we wait and see if anyone answers," she said and then promptly yawned.
"Yep, looks like it. I'm sorry to put you out like this."
She smiled sleepily,"Eh, it's ok. Here it was a boring night after the show and I was wishing for excitement. Looks like I got it."
That made me chuckle. "Yeah I guess a half naked Ronnie is excitement huh?"
She raised her eyebrow,"You think you're all that, don't you?" I thought I pissed her off, then.."It's just the tattoos you nympho, without them you're just a skinny white boy." She smirked up at me.
I found myself grinning back,"Ouch! Direct hit." I pressed the arm not around her, to my chest in mock hurt.
"So.." I said after a minute when we had calmed down from the laughing, which wasn't dong my ribs any favors,"you went to the show tonight?"
"Yep. My first Falling In Reverse show."
"I don't remember seeing you...?"
"First of all dude, it was sold out with tons of people, mostly girls dying for a piece of you," she teased. "Second of all, I was over on the side by Christian against the wall. So I would be very surprised if you did see me. Though I did get some good video. You are all over that stage like a cheap slut though. I ended up just focusing on Christian and trying to get you in frame at the same time."
I was enjoying this verbal sparring,"I'm hurt, but then again not many can keep up with me."
She stuck her tongue out at me,"Nah, Christian is just better to look at."
"Uh huh. Whatever helps you sleep at night." I squeezed her shoulder.
We continued to talk for a little longer. I found out she was from almost 2 hours away. But came here a lot for shows. She had actually come to see our one opening band, who was local to the area and that she very much supported. She had never heard of us until that band announced the show. I pretended to be heartbroken at that announcement. But she said she had checked us out before the show, liked our music enough to stick around for our set, and had really enjoyed herself and the high energy.
That made me feel good, coming from her for some reason, that I was able to turn her into a fan - mainly from one show.
She had her brown eyes closed and would talk half asleep as the conversation wore on. Eventually we both drifted off from total exhaustion.
----
Copyright 2017
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
I'm Bad At Life (Ronnie Radke)- Chapter 2
|
Posted:Nov 25, 2017 9:19 am
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2017 6:55 pm
2443 Views
|
Slow and steady apparently. He had to rest multiple times and I seriously believed he made it on sheer stubbornness. I was silently thanking God and any higher power listening, that walking in the side door, after swiping my key card, we bypassed the front desk to the elevators. I had no idea how I would've explained his condition and why he wasn't at the hospital.
I eased him on the bed. "Ok give me a minute," I said grabbing the bucket they supplied in the room,"I'm gonna grab some ice, be right back. Try not to move if you can help it."
He nodded in pain and I slipped out the door. When I returned, he had rearranged himself on the bed, in what I assumed was a more comfortable position for him.
I raised an eyebrow, but didn't jab at him about it. Grabbing a hand towel from the bathroom and wetting a washcloth, I rolled the ice in the towel and handed it to him. "Hold this to your eye. You're gonna have one hell of a headache if you don't already."
"So it's as bad as it feels eh?" he tried to smirk and grimaced.
"Pretty much."
Kicking my shoes off, I knelt on the bed, trying not to jostle him too much and cleaned his lip that was now smeared with dried blood. It was pretty nasty, split open. Someone had got a good hit in. I tried to be gentle but even though he tried to stay still through my ministrations, he flinched a couple times.
I had noticed through me playing nurse on his face, that he was holding himself stiff, his ribs must be hurting. His shirt was halfway torn off as it was and I was concerned what other injuries he had sustained that were hidden.
"Ok, so look we might as well take a look at the rest of you to see what other damage is done," I said leaning back after I was finished with his lip,"so off with the shirt."
"Nah, it's ok. I'm good."
"Do I have to do it myself?" I put my hands on my hips, trying to look intimidating. I wasn't no shrinking violet, but next to him there really was no competition who looked tougher. Especially with his current condition, he looked it even more so.
He sighed and leaned forward enough for me to slide the shirt up over his back and off his arms. I gasped as soon as he leaned back against the pillows.
"I knew you just wanted to see me without my shirt," he teased.
"No, Ronnie look."
He glanced down, then did a double take. "Holy shit. No wonder I can barely move."
His chest and abdomen were covered in bruises and cuts. I suspected he did have a broken or bruised rib or two. I sighed and carefully crawled off the bed to rinse the washcloth out. Ronnie suffered through the rest of my playing nurse for him in silence. I could feel his eyes on me while I tried to concentrate on patching him up the best I could and not let it cross my mind I was touching his bare chest - a guy I fantasized about a lot. Pictures and video really didn't do him justice. . Even for the show I'd finally caught, I wasn't near the stage so he was still from afar. For all this, my hands were surprisingly steady and I didn't show it outwardly how shaken up I was by this whole situation. What could've possibly caused this to happen to him and me to be the one to stumble across him? Questions for the universe.
I leaned back with the soiled cloth in my hand,"I wish I had something to bind your middle. I guarantee your ribs took some hits and I remember reading to bind them. But I don't have anything." I frowned.
He wiped a layer of sweat off his head,"It's ok. I appreciate what you did. At least it's all clean, shouldn't get infected."
I nodded, then once again returned to the bathroom to rinse the washcloth out. This time I left it lay on the tub and grabbed a clean one, wetting that. I went to refresh the ice again in the towel for his eye, but he slightly shook his head. "It's fine. I think that's enough of that." I took it from his hand and laid it on the bedside table. Then I leaned over him and lightly wiped is face down, getting rid of the sweat that had collected through me treating him - an outward manifestation of his pain.
His face was unreadable. I wondered what he thought of me and all this. Had to have been quite a shock waking up like that and a strange girl now helping him.
I turned my phone on and started flipping through some pages.
After a few minutes,"Girls and their phones. Can't stay away from them."
"Oh grumble, grumble. I'm messaging some of your media pages and band members' pages. Maybe someone will see it and reply."
"Oh..that's smart."
"I'd offer you to sign into your stuff on my phone, but I doubt you trust me enough. So this was my next option."
There was a silence to that declaration, then.."So what is my savior's name anyway?"
I looked up and unintentionally made eye contact as he was staring at me intently. "Oh sorry, I'm Lynn."
------
Copyright 2017
Anyone want more?
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
She's following us
|
Posted:Nov 24, 2017 8:06 pm
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2017 9:15 am
2278 Views
|
Last weekend when I was grocery shopping I kept coming across this 1 couple and they were kinda rude, would walk in front of me, etc. I was about done and was heading back from the other side of the store when they come my way again and I hear the guy say to the woman "she's following us."
WTF? you are not important, not even a blip. The store isn't endless for fuck's sake. that just irked me for some reason. prob cause they act like everyone should go around them, so them thinking I paid attention to them was just grrr
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
I'm Bad At Life (Ronnie Radke)- Chapter 1
|
Posted:Nov 24, 2017 6:46 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 7:5 am
2140 Views
|
I had taken a walk after the Falling In Reverse show to try to burn off the adrenaline. I was always pumped after a concert, with way too much excess energy. Not to mention it never hurts for me to get some exercise. I really didn't get any today between rushing after work to the show and the actual show itself where I didn't get that great of a spot. Just hung on the side. I was trying to lose weight, being a bigger girl. Not huge but definitely not someone who would turn a band member's head.
Originally I had tried to just chill in my hotel room, being from a couple hours away I chose not to rush home like I normally did. This was a normal routine. However, after about an hour with the restless energy not dissipating, still clad in my concert attire, I let my feet do the navigating.
Unsuprisingly I ended up by the venue, now dark and uninhabited with the late hour. All the cars gone, employees home to bed after a long day of setting up, dealing with the more rowdy fans, and tearing down/cleaning up. I walked around and to the other side, heading back for the hotel. A few blocks from the venue I stopped to tie my boot lace as I saw it had come loose. I was just straightening back up when I heard a faint groan. I froze. I didn't have any money on me, just my hotel key card and cell phone. But if there was mugger they wouldn't know that. Though my heavy boots would definitely inflict some damage.
I heard it again, coming from the alley a few steps behind me. I turned on the flashlight app on my phone, shining it into the near pitch dark space. I almost gave it up for a lost cause, chalking it up to my dwindling adrenaline and soon to be delirious state of mind. Then I heard something hitting against the dumpster and happened to see the outline of a shoe on the other side. I cautiously made my way over (yes I was aware this was how horror movies started), ready to come out fighting if this was a trap. The light slowly traveled up ripped, black, skinny pants to a very familiar striped shirt I had just seen a few hours ago, drenched in sweat, onstage; finally landing on dark hair fading into blond.
"Ronnie?!" I gasped in shock, running to kneel by him. His lip was split open with blood still trickling, one of his eyes was going to have one hell of a nasty shiner in the morning, along with a splitting headache; his shirt was somewhat torn off his one shoulder, like someone had grabbed him forcefully. I didn't know what other injuries he could have, but I couldn't leave him.
I was afraid to touch him, not wanting to cause him more pain than he most likely was already in. "Ronnie? Are you conscious at all?" I said, lightly touching his arm.
One eye, the one without the on coming shiner, cracked open. "Get that damn light out of my face!" he rasped, throwing an arm up to shield his face, then promptly moaning in pain, lowering it back down beside him.
"Oh crap, sorry." I set my phone down on my leg with the light still on, since there was nothing but a slight moon shining into the alley. '"I was so shocked I totally forgot I was holding it." I paused, looking him over, him seeming to do the same with his one good eye. "I don't suppose you know what happened or who did it?"
I was expecting an asshole retort to my dumb question, but I had to ask anyway.
Surprisingly, he just gingerly shook his head. "No, I got jumped behind the venue when I went out for some fresh air. It was fucking hot on that stage tonight. I felt like I was suffocating."
"Behind the venue? Ronnie, you're like 4 blocks from there."
He jerked his head up, wincing at the sudden movement,"How the fuck did I get here?"
"I don't know. I was just going for a walk and heard you groan. Someone must've dragged you here." I paused, then silently berated myself for not thinking more clearly. "Anyway, I think I better call an ambulance to come take care of you." I started to unlock my phone, when his hand grabbed my wrist.
"No," he said forcefully.
"But dude seriously, you could have broken ribs for all we know. You need professional help."
He smirked,"I'm not denying that, but not for this. This will get everywhere if I go to the ER. " His hand dropped back to his lap.
I put my hands on my hips, phone still in one hand,"You're seriously gonna be an arrogant dick and not bruise your pride?"
His mouth opened and closed once, in surprise I guess, at my question. Then he grinned,"I guess so. I can't have people thinking anyone can get the jump on me. Just help me back to the venue. I'm sure the guys are wondering where I am." He started trying to get up.
I quickly moved on the other side of him and gently pushed him back down. It was a testament to his current weakness, that he just slumped back down. "Dude, it's past 2 in the morning. I was by the venue a few minutes before I found you. No one was there. Your tour bus was gone, all the cars were."
"Well fuck. When I walked outside it was about 11:30."
"Damn, I'm surprised people weren't still there searching for you."
"Unless the guys think I found a chick to f..uh have some fun with." He glanced at me.
"Why Ronnie, are you trying not to hurt my delicate sensibilites?" I teased.
"You seem like a nice girl."
"Innocent you mean?"
He looked away, I laughed. "Damn dude, I'm 30. I know about the birds and bees, seriously." I raised an eyebrow.
"You look like you're maybe 23 tops."
"Says the guy who is relying on a flashlight on a phone, but thanks for the compliment. How about calling someone?"
His hand shuffled in his pocket and came out with his phone. "Fuck!"
I shined the light on it to see the phone was completely broken, wouldn't even turn on. "Well fuck indeed. Do you want to call on my phone?"
He gingerly rubbed his head,"Offhand I don't know any numbers. I never really needed to." He looked embarrassed.
"Eh, don't feel bad, me either. Anyway, since you don't want to go to the hospital and I have no way of finding anyone at this moment to help. Plus I can't leave you here, I'm gonna have to see if I can help you back to my hotel. It's just a couple blocks if you think you can try to walk with leaning on me."
He ran a hand through his already messed up hair and sighed,"Are you sure you're ok with that?"
"It's really you who should be weighing the options. I could be a psycho," I replied with a straight face.
"Can't be worse than me!" he started hefting himself to his feet again.
I slid my shoulder under his arm and my arm around his back. I braced myself and helped lift him. Just that movement left a new line of sweat running down his face.
"Fuck!" he wiped it away."This is gonna suck."
"Yep, now come on tough guy." I tried to be strong for him. On the inside I had no idea how we were making it a couple blocks.
-------
Copyright 2017
I've written fanfics before, but this is the first for Falling in Reverse. I post on wattpad so check me out thevoiceslockedaway
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
More jokes
|
Posted:Oct 19, 2017 3:35 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 7:5 am
2446 Views
|
A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?" He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?" Again he declines. "No, thanks. It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. "Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes...?" Once more, he declines. "Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well, then", she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm f*cking STARVING!"
****
On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new husband and asked
For $20.00 for their first lovemaking
Encounter.
In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the
bank which was worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied and these were the
Results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!'
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut
Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!
****
A young minister prepares to go to bed with his bride on their wedding night. Upon entering the bedroom he sees her lying down on the bed. Ever conscious of his duties to the Lord, he exclaims,
"Woman, don't you know that you should be on your knees?"
Her suprised reply: "Well, OK, if that's what you want. But I always get hiccups when I do it that way."
****
There was a boy who had to use an outhouse and he hated it sooo bad. One day it started to rain really hard and it got the bank all slippery and wet so he decided to push it off. He did it and later that night his father asked him if he pushed off the outhouse.
He said: "Yes."
His father told his to come with him to get his whipping.
The boy said: "George Washington didn't get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest."
The boys father said: "but George Washingtons father wasn't in the cherry tree when he chopped it down."
****
THERE WAS AN ELDERLY COUPLE WHO IN THEIR OLD AGE NOTICED THAT THEY WERE GETTING A LOT MORE FORGETFUL, SO THEY DECIDED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.
The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Jokes
|
Posted:Sep 29, 2017 10:23 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2017 3:15 pm
3558 Views
|
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice correctly.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it"
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautiful."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Johnny.
He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just f****** beautiful!"
****
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas.
The week flew by and they all had a great time.
After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.
The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come 11' all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers, 'Hit me light or hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore genitals and a behind full of quarters."
****
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says "Hey, what's that little green thing down there?"
The green man runs down the bar gives the Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face and runs back to the Irishman.
The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey, what is that thing, anyway?"
The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun."
"Oh, all right." the Englishman says sullenly. They all go back to drinking beer.
An hour or so later, the Englishman is really plastered.
"Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little b******!" he says. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT!
This time the Englishman is really mad!
"Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his di** off!" he shouts
"You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have di***."
"How do they pee, then?" asks the bewildered Englishman.
"They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT."
****
what does a slut say when her asks herhow to spell penis?
"I wish you'd asked me last night,when it was on the tip of my tongue."
***
A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!" "How does he drive you crazy?" "For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."
The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?" "He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!" "Hmm, anything else?" probes the counselor further. The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"
"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now." So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy. She might even leave you." The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be the problem?"
The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in public--looking at the floor and never going near anyone else." The husband looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said." "What did he say?"
"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!" The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry." The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay." The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public." "Well, its another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."
The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity." "Oh," says the husband looking very stupid. "And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking."
"This," says the husband seriously, "is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing." "What did he say?" The husband replies, "In his dying breath, he said. Don't screw up."
****
Important Press Release: The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now fully Year 2000 compliant. In the light of this they have now renamed it as: 'Y2KY Jelly'. Said a spokesman: "The main benefit of this revision to our product, is that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two"
****
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
New lady boner
|
Posted:Aug 20, 2017 9:55 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2017 8:11 pm
5268 Views
|
Couple years ago I posted about guys who give lady boners that I found online then I posted my 4 - Taylor Hanson, Lauri from the rasmus, Alex who played Eric in true blood and Ian who played Damon on vampire diaries. Well I recently have come across a 5th guy. Ronnie radke from falling in Reverse. Just look at this Devine sexiness. So out of my league but 1 I'd throw my morals aside and jump him if he wanted sex. Lol
Btw it's not just his looks, his lyrics are amazing and his voice, mmm mmm.plus he doesn't give a crap what people think.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
5 years already
|
Posted:Jul 15, 2017 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2017 5:58 pm
5033 Views
|
Today was 5 years that Dad passed away from lung cancer. I can't believe it's been that long. The saying that time doesn't heal wounds it just creates scar tissue so you can move on, is so true. That space is always empty, but you have to grieve and when you are ready, get on with your life. You are still alive, you still have your own life to live. Your loved one will be waiting when it is your time. This I have to believe, as I've lost other people and a pet. Dad left a space that will never be filled and I just pray he continues to look down on me, and wish he could kick the guys' asses that like to screw me over, just like he would always threaten. Who knows? Maybe he is taking care of them for me and I don't know it.  <3 Miss you Dad. As long as I have breath in my lungs and my heart is still beating, you will be remembered.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Jokes
|
Posted:Jun 25, 2017 9:55 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2017 9:55 am
6789 Views
|
Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes...
Dear Friend,
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing ... he was enjoying this religious experience, too!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Love,
Grandma
****
An amnesiac walks into a bar. He approaches a beautiful woman and says, “So, do I come here often?”
****
Where do hospital patients like to play peek-a-boo?
****** In the I.C.U. ******
***
The wine merchant's expert taster had died and the director was looking to hire a new person.
A drunk with a ragged appearance came in to apply for the position. The director wondered what he could do to get rid of him.
He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said, "It's a Muscat, three years old , grown on a northern slope , matured in steel containers. Low grade but just acceptable."
"That's correct" said the amazed director. "Try another glass."
"A Cabernet sauvignon, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results."
"Completely correct – another one."
"This is a superior chardonnay champagne, high grade and exclusive" said the drunk calmly.
The director was astonished. He went over to his secretary and whispered something to her. She left the room and returned shortly with a glass of urine.
The drunk tasted it , paused then said, "Blonde 26 years old and three months pregnant – and if I don't get the job I can name the father!"
************
I don't know why strippers get mad when i give them monopoly money. They don't really expect me to believe those tits are real.
****
A lady dies and goes to heaven.
She arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by Saint Peter.
There are a few people waiting, so she strikes up a conversation with him.
Just then, she hears a blood curdling scream! "What was that?" she asks.
"Oh, don't worry about that," says Saint Peter, "It's just someone getting a hole drilled in their head so they can be fitted for their halo.
A few seconds later, she hears another agonized scream, this one even more terrible than the one before.
"What was that?!" she asked anxiously.
"Oh ,don't worry," says Saint Peter soothingly,
"It's just someone getting holes drilled in their back so they can be fitted for their wings."
The lady starts to back away. "Where are you going?" asks Saint Peter.
"I think I'll go downstairs, if it's all the same to you," says the lady.
"But you can't go there," says the saint, "You'll be r*ped and sodomized!"
"It's OK," says the lady, "I've already got the holes for that."
*****
A blonde , wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"
She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.
“And, by the way," the added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
|
|
|
To link to this blog (itzchic824) use [blog itzchic824] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
181
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
