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Are you ready to quit?
Are you ready to learn?
Are you ready to find the spark inside and let it burn?
I'm the walls that close in
I'm the words you won't say
I'm the voices you choose to keep inside
And lock away
Everyday
****
I don't want to be flawless. When I go I want the cuts to show.
****
Passion. It lies in all of us, sleeping, waiting.
And though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir.
Open its jaws and howl.
It speaks to us, guides us, passion rules us all.
And we obey, what other choice do we have?
Passion is the source of our finest moments.
The joy of love, the clarity of hatred,
and the ecstacy of grief.
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear.
If we could live without passion,
maybe we'd know some kind of peace.
But we would be hollow.
Empty rooms, shuttered, dank.
Without passion, we'd be truly dead.
****
'Cause sometimes you just feel tired, you feel weak
And when you feel weak you feel like you want to just give up
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
And just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you want to just fall flat on your face and collapse
****
Music is like a tattoo,
and bands have to make music
where people are proud to wear your tattoo,
no matter what kind of music you like.
****
For some, music is not just a pastime,
It’s an undeniable fact of living,
A blissful slavery of mind, body and soul.
To rise above the ashes of mediocrity is rare,
Yet the gift of song is freely handed out to anyone who cares to receive it,
Instantly shattering our daily drudgery. The path to pursue more than the usual,
More than what is safe and known,
Is wrought with time-sharpened jagged blade s that cut deep,
Blocking many from the road to something greater,
Beyond the stunted imagination of their peers. Within the veins of the few,
Passion fills every sinew with a sweet unquenchable purpose,
Calming the fear of those treacherous paths,
Though every slice burns and bleeds,
Still they take each cut
And wear the scars with pride to signal their choice,
That undying pursuit of greater joy within every cord.
And so they say – Watch me bleed
****
When life knocks you down..calmly get back up, smile, and very politely, say, "You hit like a bitch."
****
I’ll never show you my cards, I won’t be playing a hand worth bluffing. But when you’re running with me, you won’t be wondering why you’ve fallen.
****
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Some simple things that I think are common sense, yet guys do
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Posted:May 4, 2015 5:49 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2015 10:14 am
6134 Views
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I am writing a kind of random post here just about some things I've noticed about guys (probably people in general but since I communicate mainly with guys on here...).
#1 Guys too lazy to ask questions. I get so many "Tell me about you, surprise me" Um everything I tell you about me is going to be a surprise since you don't know me. Also, I am a wide subject, what specifically would you like to know? I always have some initial questions.
#2 Along that line, if I ask a question about them and they answer but don't say "and you." They just reply but don't try to keep the conversation going.
#3 Leading from that, when they answer my question but it's friggin vague. EX- "Oh I like everything." or "I'm not hard to please, whatever." Ugh! Seriously? I am asking specific questions to try to get to know you. Can you tell me you don't have any type of real answer?
#4 Profiles with premade writing.. yeah these are a turnoff. I feel if you can't even give the effort to write a real profile then what kind of effort would you possibly give me? Also another one is one line profiles such as "will fill this out later"or " anything you want to know just ask"
#5 I love the messages where their first contact is they'll guarantee me an orgasm even though I never have. Yeah ok. If it were to happen then awesome! But since I haven't, the chances you are going to be the one to do it are slim. This being your lead off message is not a good idea.
Well I think that's about it for this time. Just some random things that irk me and I wish guys who talk to me would not do. I don't think any of it is anything major and should be common sense mainly, but then again I seem to find common sense is a bit rare.
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Another lovely winner of a guy
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Posted:May 4, 2015 5:29 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2017 8:42 pm
5670 Views
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I forgot to tell about another awesome dude from beginning of April. He's from nearby and seemed ok. I had a slight bad feeling, but not like screaming like that one guy I wrote about.
He's apparently got a great job, he makes A LOT. Like has so much money he doesn't know what to do with it. He eats out literally every night and has a maid and all. But he didn't seem like a jackass like most people with money are.
So we were talking and just about life and all. I said about my job where I can't even afford dental work and my one friend is Godsend cause he helps me. It's nothing major, I have good teeth but just extra stuff my pays don't allow for.
Anyway so out of nowhere he sends me this -
I'm wealthy, I fuck beautiful smart woman. I chase my dreams, I expect everyone I'm around to do the same. If u are content being ugly, poor, bad teeth, overweight. That's only your fault we live in the United States Of America we can do anything we put our mind to .
Peace
I did send this -
I'd look at who is overweight there dude. I exercise and don't eat unhealthy meals out every night. I don't have bad teeth just some work needs done. I am intelligent and more than You. Notice how I spelled you. I'm not lazy. life has put me in a bad situation and I fight to keep going. I wasn't able to go to school cause I had to work out of high school to help mom. I don't live on welfare. I work full time and am a responsible woman. So you can fuck off you ugly overweight jackass. money isn't everything. And I'd rather be poor and not judge people on nothing than have money and be an asshole. You can't take it with you and God wants us to treat people with respect not like you're better than them.
He had already blocked me though. He had me so pissed off. Just made snap judgments. He doesn't have any room to talk. I wasn't even that attracted to him but since he seemed a decent guy I was willing to give him a chance. That was also before I knew he had money for anyone who thinks that was motivation to like him.
But yeah, I'm just finding all these winners lately I tell you.
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This would go against every fiber of my being, but I feel like I have no choice..
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Posted:May 2, 2015 8:16 pm
Last Updated:May 13, 2015 10:22 pm
5628 Views
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I have never been with a guy that was taken in any way. Married, attached, whatever. Even just for a fwb I didn't want to be the other woman. The guy would just be making time for me when he was able and his girl would get the majority of it. While I don't expect to be the guy's world as a fwb, I just never wanted to do the whole be a guy's side chick. At least single guys arent focused on their significant other. They need me more than an attached guy.
But lately, most of the guys who contact me are taken. A decent number of them actually can have a conversation too, not just one word answers.
So, since I'm at 6 months no sex and I have no one on the horizon, I am seriously considering breaking my rule and trying out some attached guys. They keep saying I don't know what I'm missing. I know probably in the long run I'll regret it. I'll feel bad after. But I'm sick of being celibate and if they can offer me a fwb when single guys just want a fuck and done, then maybe I need to change my way of thinking.
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I'm only worth $500? Wow..
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Posted:May 2, 2015 7:49 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2015 5:16 am
5773 Views
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Message from a 46 yr old guy, looks like a small dick (says short on the profile). But that is just one small reason. Read this (exactly as sent) and tell me if you'd accept this stellar offer from a guy 18 years older than you.
This is just fucking insulting.
500. offer is still on the table for you just want to toss you across a bed enjoy the taste of your wet pussy fuck and send you home no longer then 2 hours
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Nuvaring anyone?
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Posted:Apr 30, 2015 5:28 pm
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2015 7:53 pm
5759 Views
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I decided to get back on birth control when I thought I still had my fwb. That was in February. I tried the Nuvaring. Not my first choice and a pain in the ass to go every month to get a new one. But when my original idea of an IUD or BC implant didn't pan out (the doctor told me she had women who bled for a month straight, no thank you) I wanted something. The doctor said that it shouldn't cause weight gain. I have been exercising since end of March and trying to stop the coffee with cream and sugar again, but as of 2 days ago I still hadn't lost even a pound. In 4 weeks of exercise I used to lose 1 to 2 pounds a week, so not to even lose 1 pound in 4, apparently while the ring isn't making me gain weight, it's preventing me from losing it.
I also read recently of a .07% of death. While that is small odds, I still don't like it. The ring can form blood clots and cause death. Especially if you're overweight. So since I also have no fwb anyway and it's been almost 6 months since I've had any, I made the decision to not get a new ring. I just am not comfortable with the death possibility and the preventing me from losing weight, hell no.
Also it was kind of annoying having a ring in 3 weeks out of 4 and that every time I had to go #2 I had to take it out cause it gets pushed out. Yeah TMI, I know.
Guess I'm just not meant to be on birth control. Not like I have anyone anyway.
So ladies, what are your experiences with the Nuvaring?
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Haha 68 years old and still doesn't get it
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Posted:Apr 26, 2015 8:54 am
Last Updated:May 2, 2015 9:02 pm
6174 Views
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Got this the other day, this dude is 68 and yet writes an e-mail like this. You would think by his age he'd have the common sense that this isn't gonna get him anywhere. But the fact he's 40 years older than me, I'm sorry as I slip into teenage mode but "EW!!"
copied exactly how he sent it -
Well babe you have the tits to keep me but it takes me time to unload my cum so you better be worth my time and trouble my time is valuable so
don't waste it you better be worth my time cause if your not I will definatly
not be back
Love ya babe
see ya
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More work rant fun
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Posted:Apr 26, 2015 8:47 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2015 9:35 am
5385 Views
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So I've had 2 appointments for about a month each. I put them in a couple weeks ago, but he doesn't even look at them until literally yesterday for the schedule that starts today.
I needed to work till no later than 130 this Wednesday for a different neurologist for a second opinion which is important to me as it's my life this is affecting and I need thursday off for the dentist. Getting a cavity filled and a tooth pulled. He always screws up the schedule cause he does it last minute and doesn't take the time to do it right. I could do it better. I haven't had a request for about 3 weeks, so it's not like I'm some of the people there where they have something every week. So he redoes part of the schedule cause he had it wrong but puts me off thursday cause he had me scheduled and instead of having me work wednesday he puts me off.
So now I'm down about 7.5 hrs for next week which is a major chunk out of my damn pay. All because of his damn incompetence and not paying attention and taking the time. He could've had me come in wednesday and work like 7-12. Ugh. I think it's time to start looking. I hate switching jobs, but he just royally screwed my next pay and I can barely afford my bills as it is. So now I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I saw he put the office manager in the morning on wednesday even though she's off on wednesdays instead of having me come in. I don't know what his malfunction is, he always has me closing and when it would be easier to let me work a morning instead of the office manager working 6 days, nope. I swear he doesn't fucking think.
Anyway,on monday I'm gonna ask the office manager (she's his wife) if she'd rather I just come in cause she lives like 45 min from work and I'm only 10. It's supposed to be her day off and it'd make more sense for me to come in, get at least a few hours back and it's a waste of gas for her. But I have a feeling she'll be like Oh no, that's ok. I'll come in. Cause even though it'd make more sense, she likes to make it seem like she's making a sacrifice by coming in.
I also figured out that even if he gives me 40 hours the next week (on the same pay period) I still will be like $25 shorter on that pay than I usually am. Plus I know he won't give me 40. He doesn't care, he fuckin is the store manager at this store, does what he pleases - leaves work for 2 hr lunch breaks and such and then has his own business in the evenings, so he's not hurting for money. But me, who every hour that I work counts, just got cut big time for something that is his damn fault cause he doesn't take the damn time.
While I'm on the subject of work, this isn't something major but I want to vent and get it out. The woman I mainly work with everyday gets on my nerves. Like every damn time I go to do something like counting a till or doing papework, she's like "I'll do that" or "I would've done that if you'd given me a minute" or "Do you want me to do that?" (after I'm halfway done). I mean geez, back off. It's every time. Imagine having someone at your work that does that every time you go to do something. Wouldn't it grate on your nerves?
Also a couple weeks ago I had to pay $18 back from 2 tills we ring on cause they were short and if you don't pay you get wrote up. The woman I work with, she also isn't that great at math and while I have no proof I swear its cause of her. My last jobs when I had my own till, I was always perfect or a few cents off. Now here I'm constantly owing money cause something is always coming up short. Funny too how most people who have worked there with her, haven't stayed as long as me (almost 4 yrs). They probably got sick of owing money all the damn time.
Yeah, I think it's time to start job searching. I won't quit until I have another job, but there is no advancing in this job. No raises, nothing. So I do need to think of my future and try to find something a bit better.
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Potholes
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Posted:Apr 23, 2015 4:50 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2015 7:36 pm
5894 Views
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The potholes around here are pretty bad. You seriously need to be careful or you can do some major damage to your car. I remember when we were in Pittsburgh which is an hour and a half away, my friend didn't see this huge pothole at the dip of a hill and ended up hitting it head on. When we got back home it started making a sound and forget what it was but something major had got knocked and it cost her $300 to fix. So these 3 pics (check back if not showing) are quite accurate which makes them all the funnier.
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Celebrate 4/20?
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Posted:Apr 20, 2015 4:54 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2015 8:40 pm
5672 Views
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Why yes I celebrate 4/20, but as the day Hanson's "Underneath" came out in 2004. First album on their own label 3CG!
(pic)
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Honey, I think I shrunk myself!
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Posted:Apr 17, 2015 5:12 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2015 7:32 am
5701 Views
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From like 18 to 21, last time I had been measured at a doctor's I was 5'6. Well not too long ago, like within past year I was measured at doctor's and they said I was 5'4. Say what? I thought they were wrong. So again I was at a different doctor's for something and they said same thing.
What threw me over the edge was not quite 2 weeks ago I was hanging with my friend who is 5'2. We have always had a decent height difference between us and last time, yeah there is not much difference anymore.
So I took a measuring tape, stood straight again my wall, put a mark with a pen and then took the tape and measured and yes, there is no way I'm 5'6 anymore.
How do I know the doctors just weren't wrong to begin with, with the 5'6? Well as I said my 5'2 friend was a great deal shorter than me and also my Dad he was 6'0 and the last few years of his life I could almost look him in the eye. Now granted I'm sure he was starting to shrink cause he was 52 when he died, but if I was 5'4 then even if he had shrunk to like 5'10 there is no way I'd have looked him in the eye head on and we were close to the same height. He died when I was 25, so I must have still been 5'6 around that time. Also a minor note, my ex when I was 22 he was really tall, like 6'8. He always said how nice it was to have a gf that was actually a bit taller since most girls he'd been with were like 5'1 to 5'4.
Now, that got me thinking, how the hell did I shrink? I know when you hit 40's or 50's it is a big possibility. But mid 20's? I read online at 25 your bones lose the elasticity they have, which is reason one. But I also think what contributed to me losing 2 inches, which to me is a lot, may have to do with the depo shot. I was on it from 22 to 27 - 4.5 years. I thought the major weight gain was my own bad side effect, which I'm still working on. But the shot also leeches calcium in your bones. I did take calcium pills for about 3 years of the 4.5 but probably didn't matter. I have no proof that it was a contribution but I have a little feeling saying yes it was a factor.
This to me is like my identity changed. I was proud of being a bit taller, in fact on the taller side for women. Not really tall, mind you. I am just now starting to wrap my brain around the fact I am 2 inches shorter. Like I really didn't bother with guys my height or an inch shorter, just cause it felt weird to me. Well now guys that are 5'6 are actually taller than me, so on a positive note it has opened up some guys that I probably wouldn't have bothered with.
I had some small hints that I had lost height. My jeans which before were fine, I was stepping on the backs of last couple years. I never had that problem. Also my last guy when we met he said he was surprised I wasn't taller. Just minor stuff that didn't register.
I am still coming to grips with this. I know it doesn't sound like anything earth shattering, but from the time I was an adult I was 2 inches taller than the last probably 2 years. It is a change and something that had identified me "5'6 white chick brown hair brown eyes, etc." Now that has changed. I know after I accept this completely I'll look back and be like whatever, but its so weird right now. Plus when I am older I will probably shrink more, and hell then I will be short. :\ Not looking forward to that.
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Work rant therapy
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Posted:Apr 12, 2015 9:38 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2021 8:47 pm
6299 Views
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We have this rule at work where if your till comes up short you have to pay it. Well fine and good I guess, but when it's due to a faulty machine that causes a screwup I think that's bs.
The owner is cheap as fuck for being as rich as he is and he owns our store and one other. The other is his baby that gets everything and we get nothing. Our systems are probably 20 or more years old. The credit card machines numbers stick and the one register itself will sometimes tell the wrong change to give. Now yes we catch as many errors as we can, but we are human and mistakes can be made.
The one day a cashier said about how if she hadn't been paying attention she'd have given the wrong change cause of the register. The owner's reply? At least she can count. WTF? But yet if she wouldn't have caught it she'd have had to pay. That is such BS.
Also another cashier the card machine button must've stuck and this cashier is so careful and had perfect tills a lot of the time. Well the button must've stuck and he ended up having to pay $40 back cause enough wasn't taken off the card.
I don't agree with this when it's the equipment we're given to do our jobs. Equipment that should be in the damn trash.
Don't get me started on in the office where I work either. We have 3 different tills that everyone rings on and yes they get counted during the day but then people still ring on them after and yet me and the one woman I mainly work with at night get screwed and when it comes up short we have to pay. I owe so much damn money that I'll never be able to pay cause of it. My past jobs when I had my own till, I prided myself on having perfect tills most of the time. Fucking frustrating and it's not like I make that much to be paying that back. Also someone has told me the owner has insurance for shortages and such so technically he doesn't even need us to pay it back, but he's such a cheapass, it's ridiculous.
While I'm on the work subject, might as well throw this in. The store manager literally waits till the last minute to do the schedule. Like Saturday at 4 to 5 is usually when we get it and that's for the next week starting that Sunday. It ridiculous we can't even make plans cause we don't know what we work. Then he fucks the schedule up half the time and has to redo it. I also ask way more days off work than I ever have at a job. If I knew my schedule 2 weeks in advance I wouldn't need to ask so many days, like for appointments for hair, doctor, whatever. Cause I could coordinate with a day off. But when you don't know your schedule till Saturday, all those places are closed and have to wait till Monday to call and then they're always booked for that week.
Guess this is a work rant post cause I'll also rant about this one woman at work. She's a cashier, which means I tell her what to do. Now I am nice say please, thank you, when you have time can you.. etc. I think she resents someone having to listen to someone half her age cause every time I ask her to do something she has to try to start and argument and get an attitude with me. I ignore it anymore but it's so fucking tiring every damn time she has to start something, she can't just do it. Example yesterday I said Hey when you get a chance you should probably move to Register 2, cause she was on 3 and the cashier on 2 was done for the day and we had 3 hours left. If it's an hour we let them go, but the owner doesn't like having someone on 1, no one on 2 and someone on 3. She started with why does she need to and she kept going for like 5 minutes, which I tuned her out. She always ends with "Just saying" or something. Like there is no reason to Just say. It's not a valid point, she just has to cause drama.
Anyway, well this was therapeutic in a way. Writing definitely helps me. Doubt many people will read my rant. Haha
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Another dreamboat for the ladies - Not.
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Posted:Apr 5, 2015 9:16 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2021 8:49 pm
7004 Views
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I contacted a guy on here, he lives in my town. But as soon as we started talking I got a bad vibe from him, but had no idea why. He said all the right things, claimed to be a gentlemen and made women feel comfortable. He seemed pretty understanding with my hangups.
We talked once on the phone for an hour, which most guys don't last ten minutes on the phone. He didn't text me much. At night a couple nights we talked a bit. He wanted to meet pretty quick but said we'd just hang out and if more happened then ok. I specified I wanted a fwb, not just a meet up and fuck buddy. He said he wanted the same thing.
Anyway we made plans for last night. I came home from work and ended up passing out. I didn't plan on it and I was mad cause not only did I not go for my walk, but more importantly our plans weren't gonna happen. By the time I woke up it was like 12:45. I had a bunch of texts from him, which I replied as soon as I was half coherent. He had also left a message where he was an ass and assuming I was standing him up. Which I wasn't.
So he replied around 1:30 last night and still wanted to get together. Mind you, it was suppose to be just hanging out since we'd never met. I hadn't got my shower cause I fell asleep before I got that far and I told him by the time I showered and did my makeup it'd be like 2:30. He said so, get ready. I said I was sorry and I was disappointed but there was no point in hanging out that late. He kept harping saying get ready, I wanna fuck. Um, sex was not a definite by any means. In fact I wasn't planning on it unless we had a great connection in person. I said please stop it, tonight isn't happening and it seems you just want sex, not a friend and sex. I wasn't being a bitch, I just felt we were wasting each other's time, even though I had made it clear from the beginning what I wanted.
He got nasty and said he wouldn't fuck me anyway and that I was a fat ass and disgusting. That he'd rather fuck his hand, that I was lucky he was going to fuck me. That he'd have to have the lights off to fuck me. Oh and that I was acting like a 16 year old all talk no action. I am not a slut who just meets up with a guy I barely know and jump in bed. I have more self worth than that. I'm also not the one going from practically begging for sex to throwing a tantrum cause he wasn't happy I wouldn't get together. It was a total 180.
Oh and cherry on the top of this guy? Before last night I had asked if he had a lot of condoms since he said he likes to have sex all night. He said he won't use condoms and that he's safe. I asked when last time he was checked, last summer. I asked last time he had sex, week or two ago. Yeah ok, with how much of a male slut he seems to be, he probably has a crapton of stds.
So my gut feeling about him was right even back when I had no concrete reason to have it. Always trust your instincts.
Oh and he said he'd just go pick up someone from a bar, which the bars were closed by that time of night. But also, ladies this "catch" is free, so don't miss your chance! (Did you hear the sarcasm?)
Also something that bugs me but I let go is he can't even spell out You, Are. He used U R. Which is small but irks me. I let it go, but just another on the list of why he's not worth my time.
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To link to this blog (itzchic824) use [blog itzchic824] in your messages.
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