Love styles
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Posted:Jan 29, 2014 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Feb 6, 2014 7:20 pm
21326 Views
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A few days ago I was watching a video on youtube. The video was about love styles and how to figure out what yours are. The person in the video mentions the "Love Attitudes Scale" (LAS) then goes on to take a shorter version of the test on camera that the viewer can take along with her if they want.
So for fun I took both versions of the test. The results didn't really surprise me that much. But there were a couple interesting things I noticed with my results. Before I go ahead and tell you what my results were and what they mean. I'd leave the video and link to the test if I could but we all know how picky this place is about that stuff. Just go to the tube of you and search sexplanations and look for the love styles video. Like wise a quick web search on love attitudes scale will bring you to the test sight. That way if you want to take it yourself before learning what things mean you can.
Now onto my scores. The first test is the shorter one from the video. The max score per section on this is 15.
Eros - 11
Ludus - 7
Storge - 9
Pregma 4
Mania - 7
Agape - 13
The second test is the is the online LAS test. The max score in this on is 28 per section.
Eros - 16
Ludus - 8
Storge - 15
Pregma 2
Mania - 9
Agape - 21
So what does this all mean?
Eros - Was the name of the Roman (or maybe it was Greek) God of love. His counter part is Cupid. Same God, only one is Roman one is Greek, I forget which is which. Anyways this stands for passionate love. It involves a strong physical responses to a lover and a lot of commitment.
Ludus - This is "game playing love" People scoring high in this are likely to see love as a game. May not want to get close and sometimes this even involves deception.
Storge - Scoring high here indicates that you link love with friendship. It is strong and enduring but not particularly passionate.
Pregma - These are for the rational thinkers. Do you choose your partners because they will be a good parent, or reflect well on your career? Then you likely score well here.
Mania - Can also be called puppy love. This is the person who gets love sick when your not around. This also isn't necessarily a healthy type of love.
Agape - Selfless love. Giving without taking, putting your needs to the side to make sure your lovers needs are met. Though the research claims that the truest form of this may only appear in the parents of small . And even then it is rare.
So I scored high in agape, which isn't much of a surprise I guess. I have a life time of pushing my needs aside, to the point where now I sometimes have trouble asking for things I need. Next on both lists was Eros, but that was always closely followed by storge, which seem to me to be two that don't get along much. As Eros tends to be fiery and passionate but possibly burns out quick, while storge apparently is long lasting but not very passionate. I agree that pregma should be last for me. I don't pick people based on how it will reflect on me. I pick them based on how I feel about them. I am a little surprised that I scored so high in ludus though, Never really have considered love a game.
I do wonder what people I've been involved with would think about these scores and how they match up to the reality.
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Made just for fun. My FWB Application
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Posted:Jan 27, 2014 10:03 am
Last Updated:Mar 22, 2014 1:34 am
20605 Views
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I have been filling out so many work applications recently, that coupled with sex being on my mind so much. I thought it would be interesting to come up with a mix of the two. So here we have an early draft for a FWB/sexual/kink partner application. Just to be clear this is just for fun, I am not seriously writing this for people to fill out. I would like to hear your thoughts. What questions should I add/take away from my application?
FWB Application
For privacy purposes this application is to be copied into a word document and posted in a private email, or to have the format fallowed in an email to the one you are applying with.
Applicants Name:
(Scene names are ok but I need something to call you)
Date:
1. Type of relationship you are applying for (please indicate all that apply):
Cuddle buddy
Make out buddy
Kinky play partner
Friend with Benefits
Other (please specify):
2. Number of preferred visits per week/month:
3. What activities do you wish to participate in (indicate all that apply):
Cuddling (no sex)
Cuddling (after sex)
Making out (no sex)
Hand jobs
Fingering (you're receiving obviously)
Oral sex (giving/receiving)
Vaginal sex (penis in vagina)
Anal sex (please indicate whose anus you plan to use for this).
Flogging
Spanking
Rope/bondage play
Wrestling/grappling (non-kinky)
Wrestling/grappling (kinky)
Other activities (please specify):
Numbers 4-8 are questions only pertaining to those who have indicated an interest in sexual acts. If these do not apply leave blank.
4. Are you on any type of birth control besides condoms?
If yes please state the type/types:
5. Do you have any allergies that could affect performance (i.e. allergic to latex, ect.)
If yes please indicate the allergies you have:
6. Please indicate here that you understand for sexual activities condoms will be used and are not up for negotiation:
7. If oral sex is something you may participate in (if not leave blank), do you prefer to spit or swallow?
8. If sex is something you may participate in (if not leave blank) what are some of your favorite positions?
9. Are you open to the idea of exchanging erotic pictures, email or voice mails (if yes please indicate which?)
Disclaimers
If you have indicated that your interested in kink activities. Be advised that before any actions are taken. There will be negotiations to determine what activities are acceptable, limits and safe words.
I hear by understand that this application is not for that of a significant other. But that of a cuddle buddy, make out buddy, kink play partner or sexual companion. Meaning any relationship beyond those mentioned or friendship is separate and may not happen. This application is not a gateway to a romantic relationship.
E-Signature
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So it's official, I am Amy Farah Fowler
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Posted:Jan 16, 2014 9:36 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2014 10:33 pm
19469 Views
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Some of you may remember awhile ago I did a post relating myself to the characters in Big Bang Theory . However that was before the induction of Bernadette and Amy. I recently joked with my ex that I thought the extended family would eventually start thinking the woman I'm seeing now (and have been for nearly 10 months) was imaginary. Well if finally happened a couple weeks ago. I was at a family gathering and a relative accused me of making her up. Knowing him I'm sure it was meant to be a joke.
However having it actually happen got me thinking about how much I do sometimes feel like a male version of Amy Farah Fowler. Let's look at the similarities and differences a bit, just for kicks.
(This is hopefully going to turn out to be a light hearted look at these things, so take everything here as a vague comparison done for fun).
Differences:
- Jobs, while we both work in Academia, I do not work at a University, nor do I have a steady place I go for work. I could go on about this but you get the idea.
- Intelligent. While I am not an idiot by any means (most of the time). I also don't compare to most of the BBT characters (not counting Penny as she is the only person on the show with a relatively normal level of intelligent).
- The most obvious one is that she is well ... a she and I am a he.
- I don't obsess over any of my friends like she does over Penny.
- On that note I don't have a group of friends like Penny, Bernadette, Lenard and the rest of that gang.
- I'm not quiet as sheltered as she is.
Similarities:
- Neither of us have very much experience with relationships. Though I might actually have more then she does.
- We both approach things from a very analytical point of view. See the problem, gather data, form a hypothesis, test hypothesis, repeat until problem is solved.
- We both have nonexistent sex lives. Seriously I haven't had sex in over 630 days. Yes I have counted, and even averaged out the number of days between sexual experiences, I'm way over due.
- Neither of us have had sex with the person we are currently dating.
- On that note it shows that we both have a ton of patience to go so long without while dating someone.
- We are both good kind people. Amy despite all of her social oddities is a truly kind person who cares about Sheldon and the rest of the group. Even though she (like me) doesn't always know the most appropriate way to express that.
- Let's be honest we are both sexually repressed, and given the chance to cut loose, look out world.
Have you come across any characters from TV shows or movies that you feel you care relate to on a real level lately?
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Night before Christmas (perverted version)
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Posted:Dec 22, 2013 9:47 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 12:6 pm
19015 Views
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Twas the night before Christmas, when down in the dungeon.
Not a creature was moaning, groaning or mewing.
The floggers and paddles hung by the cross with care.
In hopes that Sir Nicholas soon would be there.
The Lady nestled all snug in their bed,
While visions of whips and chains danced in her head.
Wearing little more then a kerchief, not even a cap.
She settled in for her nightly nap.
Then down in the dungeon arose such a clatter.
She sprang from her bed to see what was the matter.
Through the hall, to the stairs she flew like the Flash.
Tore down the steps, hoping to soon receive a lash.
What to her excited eyes should appear.
But Sir Nicholas with his Domly veneer.
So long he'd been gone, but now he was home.
To love her and own her and call her his own.
He pulled out the toys he had in his sack.
Floggers and crops designed to redden her back.
Speaking not a word he went straight to his work.
He pointed to the cross, she leapt to it with a jerk.
A kiss to start then the floggers did fly.
First one, then two at a time, my oh my.
Once her back had a nice luster of red,
He took her from the cross, back to their bed.
By now chubby and plump was his little elf.
She moaned as she took it inside of herself.
Thrust after thrust, no two the same.
Her flesh held tight in his teeth as she came.
Wave after wave of pleasure did flow.
Then off his sleigh she did spring, now kneeling below.
Into her mouth she took it with such delight.
She wouldn't be the only one cumming this night.
He moaned and he groaned as she sucked.
She followed the rhythm of his hips as they bucked.
Loudly between moans he shouted her name.
But she barely noticed because this was when he came.
Done for the night, they cuddled snug in their bed.
While visions of each other danced in their heads.
With that I'd like to wish this cold winters night.
A Kinky Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
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Yay the internet isn't broke anymore!!
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Posted:Dec 14, 2013 11:20 am
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2014 8:38 am
20249 Views
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For the last week or so we have been having connection problems here, it was a pain trust me. Stupid brother and his problem obeying copyright laws.
Anyways, something interesting happened this week that threw me off. Does everyone remember Kittie? The woman who about a year and a half ago broke up with me and I took it REALLY hard. Then things happened and basically she hasn't acknowledged my existence for over a year now. Yeah her. Well I got an email from her (on fet).
I honestly thought it must be some kind of mistake when I first saw it. Basically the email said she hadn't seen me out recently and that she couldn't remember the last time I was at the munch that she helps organize. And that she wanted to make sure everything was alright and to let me know that I was always welcome at that munch.
I replied by telling her that whether or not I felt welcome wasn't why I stopped going. I named one of the big reasons I stopped which was my mothers illness coming back and because of that I needed to pick up some of the extra slack at home. Which is part of the actual reason. I stayed away from the fact that the last time I went I brought a date and felt like my date was treated poorly. Which was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.
She wrote me back asking a couple questions about my mom and telling me that if I wanted to talk she would was willing to lend an ear, and would like to start talking about if I was open to it. Which I told her I was.
However I have to admit I'm still not sure how to take this. Part of me wants to jump up and ask why the sudden change. She saw me a couple times in the weeks before this email and still acted like I didn't exist. So what happened? It would be nice to be able to be friends with her again. But part of me wonders how possible that really is at this point considering the past. Guess all I can do is take it one day at a time, one email at a time and see what happens. But tonight may be interesting since there is a kink party tonight for a group that we both regularly attend. So we will see what happens if she is there as well.
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Thanksgiving Day thoughts.
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Posted:Nov 29, 2013 9:54 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2014 5:30 pm
20377 Views
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Thanksgiving has come to be about being with those you care about, family, friends significant others ect. I’ve spent most of my day and night surrounded by aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings and last but far from least my mother. I love my family with all my heart. However I find my thoughts are far away from where they should be tonight. I should be enjoying my time with the family.
Instead I find myself thinking about the me that my family knows and the me that you all know. While they are for the most part the same person, there are some things that just don’t seem to mix in both worlds. Though I admit most of the split is that things from the world you all know me in would not fit with vanilla family.
My ventures in poly relationships for instance. This is something that they just wouldn’t get. This makes it terribly awkward when they ask me about my dating life. I vanilla it up as much as I can, but keep it as close to the truth as I can. Sometimes it feels too much like I am telling them a bold faced lie. Those of you that have taken the time to really get to know me will understand why this bothers me so much. I don’t like to lie, I’m often too honest for my own good.
Tonight held a good case about how this can make for some awkward moments with family. You see living with vanilla family they know that I have been seeing someone for a number of months, that is about all the information I have given. If they new she had other people in her life then I would have to sit through lecture after lecture about how I must not mean that much to her.
So the news finally got around to a cousin of my mothers tonight. I got all of the standard questions "Why isn't she here? You should have brought her." "Where did you meet her?" That type of thing. The "where did you meet her" question I have down pat, as someone once told me when I entered the community have a story ready. So that one is no problem as I tell the truth. I met her at an interest group I go to. I just don't tell them that the interests include bdsm.
But the "Why isn't she here, why didn't you bring her" type questions still sting because I feel like I'm lying. I typically defer to just say she was working or that I didn't know far enough ahead of time to be able to make it happen. Sometimes I even deflect the question by saying I just don't want to subject her to my aunts third degree interrogation. What I can't do is tell them the truth. "Well she is either at work or spending the day with one of her other boyfriends, I didn't really ask if she wanted to come because she has been with these other people longer then she has been with me and has likely had these plans since before I was even told what the plan was for the holiday."
The part where I felt like I was lying aside, there were more lectures to be had. My moms cousin persisted a bit and asked some question referring to my girlfriend. Now it should be noted that because of my lack of relationship history and some self esteem issues I've struggled with over the years (that I am getting better with, but they still flare up now and then) I have trouble labeling a woman as my girlfriend with out us sitting down and have an "exactly what are we" talk.
While I forget my exact wording of how I started to answer her question. I can tell you that it made reference to the fact that I have trouble with the term girlfriend. Immediately at this point I got a lecture about how since I didn't call her my girlfriend. That this woman who my mom's cousin has never met, in a relationship she knows nothing about. Will be dumping me quick, because of those two little words.
I tried to defuse this by discussing my dislike for labels. Which is true to an extent, though I may have exaggerated a little. Heck I never have even been a fan of the idea of labeling partners as primary or secondary. To me that denotes that some partners are inferior to others and if I ever am in a position to have multiple partners I could not think of one partner as being inferior to another. But just because I may not vocalize the term girlfriend, doesn't mean I don't think it, or that I wouldn't feel it is true. So while I'm not terribly fond of some labels, there are others that I would use at least within my own head. This whole interaction coupled with the fact that I have had a lot on my mind for the last couple weeks didn't set the stage for a great night out with the family.
What is the point to all of this? Just me venting a bit about the frustrations of dealing with vanilla family who means well but doesn't really want to understand what is going on.
Getting back with the Thanksgiving theme I sort of started with. I am thankful for my family, every one of them. Even if they do unintentionally make me uncomfortable around them sometimes (because I really can't be totally honest with them).
I'm thankful for all of you that I call friend. I do not throw that term around loosely. If I actually call you a friend I mean it. Thank you all for letting me be me and not having to hide who I am or how I feel, even when I don't know exactly what I'm feeling or how to express it.
I'm thankful for those that let me (try to) flirt with them. I know I'm not good at it and that some of it probably comes off as awkward. But it is always fun to do a little flirting, even if I'm not doing it because I assume the target of my flirtation is interested in anything beyond a little flirtatious banter.
I'm thankful for everyone that has taught me something over the past couple years. Be that something kink related or not. Thank you all for the unique lessons.
And a special thank you to those who have become "more" then friends to me. That is to say those who hold or have held the title I previously mentioned to not always be comfortable using. I know I'm not always the easiest person to be with. Whether it is because I just don't have the experience with relationships and half the time feel like I have not idea what is going on, because there is something I just don't know how to express and end up mucking it up when I try. Or any of the other (at least) half a dozen reasons I can be hard to be around. You help that scared inside of me that has spent his whole life being told by women he was below them, or being told by adults that he was a good person, but who he was just wasn't good enough to a woman to be with him for some arbitrary reason. For all of this I wish I could find an adequate way to show you what it means to me.
Ok it's late, I'm tired. Thank you all for listening to my jibber jabber. I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving and got to spend it with those you love and care about.
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Do you know?
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Posted:Nov 24, 2013 7:53 pm
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2013 4:54 pm
20652 Views
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I've had something bouncing around in my head all day and need to get it out somewhere.
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Do you know how much the time we have gotten to spend together has meant to me?
That you walked into my life at a time when I was down for several reasons?
You have saved me from myself in ways that I can say.
Do you know how much emotional energy and thought I put into you?
That I think about you when your not here?
I am always on the look out for things we could do and enjoy together.
Do you know how much I look forward to getting to see you?
That I count down the days all week?
Getting see you smile and hear your voice makes my day
Do you know how beautiful you are?
That your smile lights up the room?
Your body may not be what we are told is perfect. But it is perfect in my eyes.
Do you know what your kiss does to me?
That even a peck on the cheek can be enough to lift my mood on a bad day?
The thought of your lips meeting mine gets me through some days.
Do you know that after 8 months, I don't always know where I stand with you?
That I don't know what I am to you?
Sometimes I wonder if this relationship isn't a one sided relationship.
Do you know that you have hurt me?
That your friends picked up on it, but guessed wrong about what was bothering me?
I know you didn't mean to do it, but that doesn't change that you have.
Do you know what it is like to be made to feel like the odd man out?
That feeling that you don't quite fit into the picture when someone else is around?
When the two of us are out together things are great, when your "other" partners are around it often feels I may as well not be.
Do you know that there are somethings I don't express well?
That I don't know how to approach these subjects with you without it sounding like anger and accusation?
This is why I'm writing it here first, to help sort and organize the ideas.
Do you know we need to talk?
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700 - FWB reflections and poly ramblings
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Posted:Oct 24, 2013 8:21 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 12:6 pm
22020 Views
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When I started blogging here I never thought I would ever reach 700 posts. But here I am. Yeah I know I say that every time I hit one of these big even numbers, but it's true.
I tried to come up with something extra special, but it all felt a little lack luster. But I was thinking over the last couple days (I know surprising isn't it, and no I didn't hurt myself  ) and something that kept popping into my head for some reason was my attempt at a fwb thing about 3 years ago.
Those of you that were following my blog at the time might remember this. For those who have forgotten or are new to my blog I'll give a quick recap. I got home from the Vegas blogger bash and basically decided I was done with my unintentional celibacy. I had gone better then 7 years without any type of sex at this point (masturbation doesn't count). There was no romantic attraction there for me. I made that clear from the get go and we set specific boundaries for what we were walking into. It didn't last long, while the sex wasn't all that great I wasn't going to complain after all I was having sex. No what ended it was that she kept over stepping those boundaries that we set. I talked to her about it honestly more then once. When habits didn't change I ended it. This was my one and only attempt at having a fwb. The whole situation turned me off of the idea.
So why am I thinking about was all in all not a fun experience for me? To be honest I'm not sure, but my best guess is because my sex drive has been in overdrive recently. Well I've been thinking about how it has affected my approach to relationships and lovers today.
1. Probably the most significant change is my coming up with a one month rule. Basically I will not sleep with someone until we have spent at least a month getting to know each other and developing chemistry. I want to make sure I'm thinking with the wrong head going into it, I figure forcing myself to wait a little bit will help with that. Besides it can build some extra anticipation which can lead to some explosive results. 
2. I'm not sure it has made me do anything different when it comes to not crossing boundaries. But if it is possible I might be a little more careful to make sure I don't cross any boundaries that a person has put in place as it relates to them. For example: If you are someone I flirt with, since I don't always pick up on flirty things either way, I will flirt (even if it is just friendly flirting with no relationship motives behind it) until you tell me you would like me to stop. If a third party tells me they don't think I should flirt with you, I'll take it under advisement but being that as far as I know they aren't speaking for you I will think about what they say and decide if I should continue or not. However if you tell me to stop, I will do so without hesitation.
3. It has possibly made me more aware of what I want in a lover. Considering the sex wasn't that great for various reasons it has given me an idea of what to look for.
5. It reinforced that when I get that "Ewww ... I shouldn't be doing this" feeling. That I shouldn't be doing it and not to go any further, to hell with that meaning I'm not getting laid. (this is an extension to number 1).
At the time when I was going through this it turned me off to the idea. But that was before I found the local kink community/groups and met so many awesome people through that. Before I got myself into a pair of poly relationships (all be it poly relationships all at different times, none have over lapped).
Maybe that is another thing that has me thinking about this and trying it again. The fact that I have been in two poly relationships (or dated poly women if they don't count as relationships for some reason) the last couple years. Yet I have always been the one in the relationship without more partners/lovers/whatever label you want to add here. Perhaps I'm nearing the point of being willing to add something else into my fold and my subconscious figures the easiest way to ease into that is to start with something less formal then a second full blown relationship with dates. But a less formal fwb situation instead. Or maybe I'm over thinking things and I've just been a super horny SOB lately. Who knows.
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When you "strip" it down.
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Posted:Oct 13, 2013 1:06 pm
Last Updated:Dec 2, 2013 1:25 pm
22244 Views
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I know I haven't been posting much lately. I've been around, following peoples blogs and commenting here and there. But as a whole I haven't felt like I have had much to say, so I haven't said anything so to speak. I've been keeping up with the baseball playoffs (my World Series picks are both out already by the way), and just doing my day to day thing.
However I do have one thing that I thought I would right about here. My cousin asked me to sober cab for him and his friend, it being my cousins birthday that next day I wasn't going to say no.
I went knowing only that he would probably want to go out to eat at some point and he had asked me to bring cards against humanity for after. I didn't know that part of his plans were to hit a strip club along the way. Anyone that has been following my blog long enough might know that I had never been to a strip club before. So after eating we went to the strip club he picked, a little dive place called the Lamp Lighter if I remember right.
I have to say for my first trip to a strip club, I was unimpressed. Keep in mind this is coming from someone that hasn't had sex in nearly a year and a half. Here is how the trip went. We got there and had a seat in the middle of the room and shot the breeze until the "show" started. The first girl went on stage and looked bored as could be. She basically walked back and forth on the stage with a scowl on her face. Meanwhile another girl had come to our table and was nice, striking up a small conversation then asking if any of us were interested in a dance. We politely declined sighting that it was the birthday of one of our party and we had to wait for him to figure out what he wanted to do (he had left the table for the rest room or something at the time).
As the day went on I kept thinking, what's the appeal here? Sure a couple of the women were cute (one even looked like she enjoyed the job). But the whole, you can look but can't touch thing just wasn't cutting it. I'm not putting down voyeurism. If that is your thing that's great. But as a whole it really doesn't do it for me. I realize that in that place if the women approach me it is because I'm a source of income for them.
Maybe it's the kink parties I go to, so I see women with their cloths off pretty regularly that I can't touch, but the idea of a woman taking her cloths off just isn't all that exciting to me without a "pay off" at the end. In other words if she is taking her cloths off because we are going to have sex, that is a whole other story, but taking their cloths off just so that I can look, not so much. Or maybe it's my need for intimacy which there was none of there that was the turn off. who knows.
Eventually my cousin and his friend go their lap dances (I was put on "watch the stuff" duty). Shortly after which we left. So basically I spent my first time at a strip club bored for the most part. I guess I have never really seen the appeal. I see it all as a big tease. I'm fine with a tease, as long as it leads to something, but obviously this would not. I found the "balloon bondage" I saw last night to be much more entertaining.
I'd like to note that this is just my own personal opinion based on my first trip to a strip club. If you enjoy them, work in one or whatever, I am not knocking your opinions. Just stating my own.
So what are your opinions on strip clubs? Do you have any good or bad experiences you care to share? On a side note, my next post will be number 700. I feel like I should do something special for it. But I don't know what. Anyone have any ideas for that they would like to see out of me?
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Lying to get laid
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Posted:Sep 16, 2013 8:58 am
Last Updated:Oct 16, 2013 9:48 am
24351 Views
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I saw this question elsewhere and thought it might be interesting to pose to people here. Have/would you ever consider lying to someone to get laid? What are your thoughts in general on lying to get laid?
When I found this question on a fetish site, I saw a large variety of answers. Everything from people saying lying to get laid is wrong to a guy who thought it was ok to do because women where push up bras which apparently in his mind was false advertising or something.
Personally I stand in the lying to get laid is wrong camp. I would rather go without then have to deceive anyone into sleeping with me (and I have spent considerable time in my life going without. But I'm interested in knowing where the other denizens of this site stand on this.
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Funny thing about this site
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Posted:Sep 9, 2013 3:03 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 12:6 pm
22849 Views
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Isn't it interesting how the only times I ever get an email from on here (unless it is coming from a blogger buddy), is right before or after the little gold ball goes away? Interesting coincidence wouldn't you say? Hmmmm ....
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To link to this blog (hornyguyMN) use [blog hornyguyMN] in your messages.
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28
|
29
|
30
|
|
|
|
|
|
