Thanks but no thanks
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Posted:Jun 7, 2014 10:43 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 3:50 am
22609 Views
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Alright I'm all confused now, let me explain. Does everyone remember the woman who I had been dating for a year, she was treating me like crap and it ended badly? Well if not I just gave you a basic background.
Last night I was talking (well texting actually) with a friend of the woman I was dating. The conversation started when I posted a joking comment about finding what looked like a mini-Hitachi at the Mall that day and now all I needed was someone to try it out and let me know how it matched up. So this person texted me and a conversation naturally ensued. I haven't talked to her in a while and never had a problem with her so I didn't see the harm in chatting as long as the subject of the woman I used to date didn't come up (which it didn't).
So we were chatting, she was asking me about my massager (the mini-Hitachi looking thing) and she out of the blue invites me to a threesome with her and her boyfriend, Dom or whatever the label is they prefer. I politely declined the offer and didn't really give a reason but I did so for a few reasons. One being I've never been sexually attracted to her. For whatever reason, I'm just not. MMF's really don't interest me much, not that I wouldn't ever try it as long as it was clear I wasn't interested in sexual contact with the other guy. But if I ever did try it I would have to trust the other guy involved a hell of a lot and I don't really know this guy. But the number one, biggest, largest, most ginormous reason I did so was ... I used to date a friend of hers, not only that but to hear this woman talk, the woman I dated was her best friend (or one of them). Further more things didn't end well between her and I. Am I the only one who can see the ingrained awkwardness and crap storm waiting to happen here if I had said yes?
Am I missing something here or what the heck is going on because I'm just lost ... ???
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"You deserve better."
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Posted:May 29, 2014 3:53 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2014 1:42 pm
23484 Views
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I thought all day about how to post this. Do I make up a story about a friend going through a break up? A cousin maybe? But in the end I decided that those lies would be way too transparent. I'm not good at lying, even in writing.
So here is the deal remember the women I was seeing for over a year who I was thinking was done with me? Last weekend I sent her an email telling her about some of my grievances (honestly I went easy on her but it was still a pretty harsh email). Considering that she hadn't made time for me in months I figured an email was my best avenue to contact her about this. Hey I'm the type who likes closure and doesn't want to leave any doubts in my mind. I got a reply back today (nearly a week later). I wont go into details of the emails because I don't want to bore you with that. But there was a line in it that made a connection in my head I wanted to ask about.
Have you ever told someone they deserved better when breaking up with them? Why is it that whenever a break up is happening and someone says "you deserve better" that the one who "deserves better" always seems to be the one who is left alone? While the one who is letting the one who deserves better go always seems to have someone to fall back on? This always seems to be the case in my life and the lives of those around me. Pretty much every woman who has ever broken up with me (excluding women who just disappear of course) has told me this. Apparently others I know I told this often as well. Is it just one of those throw away lines that are used to try and let someone down easy? Does anyone actually mean it?
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Weekend update: Getting my geek on.
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Posted:May 19, 2014 11:11 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2014 4:14 pm
23240 Views
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I haven't done a weekend update in awhile. This weekend was actually kind of busy and most importantly overall it was a fun weekend. So here is my weekend in a nut shell.
Friday:
Friday night started off with a trip to the Mall of America. I went there to get my geek on. A travelling Star Trek exhibit just opened there. I love the original series and the Next Generation Series, so I had to go see this exhibit. It was a blast I had a total nerdgasm the whole time I was there. Props, costumes, sets and more were there it was awesome. Some of the sets we couldn't touch or interact with. But some we could. I was nearly giddy that I got to sit in Kirks Captain's chair.  Those who have me on the facial book can see the pictures, I might even upload one or two to fet eventually.
After the exhibit I spent a little too much money on memorabilia including an "I love tribbles" T-shirt. I will likely be wearing that shirt at the next Geeks and Nerds Munch.
Following my over spending at the MOA exhibit's shop. I went to go see the new Godzilla movie. I have to say I enjoyed it. I have a couple very small issues with the movie, but over all I suggest it if you like that type of movie. The King may have returned.
Saturday:
Saturday was a quiet day. I had a rent one get one free thing from the redbox. So I went there and picked up "Escape Plan" with Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Not a bad movie, not great either. I also rented a video game "South Park and the Stick of truth." That's how I spent my Saturday night.
Sunday:
Sunday started out by going to a dance class. The organizer of the Minnesota Kinky Dancers group is a friend of mine. I have been meaning to go to it for awhile now. This time I was actually coherent enough on that day to go. Sometimes I'm just too tired on a Sunday because I stay up too late on Saturday. It was fun, we did some swing dance which I have a little bit of a background in. I'm out of practice but it came back quick enough. I also got several compliments on being a good leader. After doing some of the basics here we moved on to bachata, more specifically the option of dirty bachata.  Truth be told there wasn't much dirty happening, at least not with me. I didn't know many of the people there so I wasn't about to try and be "dirty" with someone I didn't know well. Closest I got was one of the two women I kind of know said she was ok with whatever, so we got a bit closer. Which was already more then I expected to happen going in. But I still don't know her all that well and didn't have much of a background in the dance so I was trying to get the basics down.
It was fun either way. I like to do these type of partner dances. I just never have a partner so I learn a little and never get to use it so I forget things. It's also a fun form of mild cardio, which I need more of in my life. I hate traditional forms of cardio.
So what do you geek out about? Anything that would give you the type of nerdgam I had when I went to the exhibit? Are you a dancer? What type of dances do you like? Wanna dirty bachata with me?
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I've been around, but at the same time not
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Posted:May 5, 2014 6:03 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 3:50 am
22452 Views
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Hey everyone, no doubt some of you have noticed how few and far between my posts have been recently. Though I have tried to keep up with everyone else's blogs, even if I don't always comment. There are reasons for that, some of it being that I haven't felt like I've had a lot to say recently. At least not much that anyone wanted to listen to. Some if it has to do with things that have been happening in my life.
Lets get the big on out of the way by saying that on April 15 there was a big happening un my life. Those that are close to me know what it is and I hope you will all understand when I say that I do not want to talk about it here. I have been dealing with it almost nonstop since then and just don't have anything else to say on the subject. Just know that it was not a fun shake up.
Another reason has been that my blog here had shifted from a blog where I brought up questions and ideas. It became more of a document of my dating/sex life and a commentary on those things. That being the case I had nothing to say because almost nothing has been happening on that front. Some of you will remember that I was dating a woman in a poly type thing (not sure what to call it because it really never became a relationship). Anyways we have been dating for over a year now, even though we apparently don't have an anniversary (I already did a post on this topic so just refer to that if you need a refresher). Or maybe I should say had been dating at this point because I really don't know if I should use the past tense at this point. As time has gone on however I find that I have been using the past tense naturally even though there has been no formal break up.
Sound a bit odd? Well it probably does because I have yet to provide much context. So just a warning this might get a little rant like as I provide said context.
So I met this woman through the local kink community and found out she considers herself poly fell on the right side of the whip so to speak, we got along well and I genuinely liked talking with her and spending time with her. So I asked her out eventually, initially met with a "no" which I was fine with she eventually changed her answer (unprovoked) to a yes. When I say unprovoked I what happened was that she was moving. I knew this before I decided to ask her out and offered my help in the move. When the move happened she had already given me the "no" answer, but I kept my word and helped her move anyways. Hey I told her I would do it and turning down a date was not a reason to go back on my word. After the move she actually asked me out. I was more then willing to settle into the role of a friend or acquaintance when she did so. So as I said unprovoked. I felt at the time that she was likely only going out with me as "payment" for helping her move. But I figured I was getting a chance so I would run with it, even if it only lasted a date or two. Figuring that it would only last a date or two on one of those first couple dates I made it a point to ask her if she ever decided she wasn't interested in me to let me know it and not pull a disappearing act (this will be important later). She agreed that if she ever had an issue with me she would let me know and not just vanish on me.
So time went by, we started off seeing each other every couple weeks or so. I knew she had other people she was dating and didn't want to come off like I was trying to monopolize her time or anything. So I made a point to contact her twice a week. Once just to say "hi" and chit chat, and another to let her know what my availability was for the upcoming week.
At the beginning she replied within what I figured was a reasonable amount of time to each message, so saw each other somewhat regularly which I thought of as a good sign. But by the summer it had gotten harder to get her to reply to messages, and seeing her became even more difficult then it had been. I chalked it up to being that she helped run an annual local convention. But even after the convention it didn't improve right away. But things did improve a bit so I figured it was just a phase of some sort.
We still weren't seeing each other often, but I kept trying figuring that if she wanted me to stop trying she would tell me. Again she had told me early on that she would tell me if she was having an issue with me. So things continued like this which brings us to this past October (our first date was in March). At this point we finally got to a local kink event that she had been wanting to get to for awhile. The night went fine, to this point there had still been no sex (about 7 months in) and we had only one kink play date. Not a problem in my mind as I had worried that maybe things just went too fast with Kitty so I had no problem taking it slow.
After the event I didn't hear much from her until I got an invite to her birthday party in November. I figured hey cool, I got an invite to her party, I'll get to meet more of her friends and other partners. Sounded good, until I got there and realized I was being ignored by her that night. Or at least that is how it felt. She didn't bother to introduce me to anyone there, I knew a couple (literally two of them other then her) going into it. I talked to people here and there where I could get myself into a conversation. However I was treated very much like an outsider most of the night. Eventually a couple of her friends introduced themselves to me. Needless to say I left pissed off. I didn't let anyone know it. Hey I didn't blame her friends, if she didn't introduce me too them why should they right. It's a natural thing, people stick to those that they know or that have been vouched for by the people they know. About 4 am I said my goodbyes she kissed me and I left for the night. I let her slide on it because hey it was her party, she had to entertain everyone not just me. I figured I would bring it up to her the next time I saw her and just let her know how it felt to feel like I was being ignored and kept on the outside (especially since I introduced her to my friends whenever we were at an event with them). But I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, I understood how I could fall through the cracks on a night like that.
December came and went. While she had gotten better about returning messages, she kept telling me she was too busy to get together. I kept her up to date about the lack of a New Years party, she had told me that we should try to do something for New Years. I agreed with her and told her to let me know when she knew what her schedule was going to be. I didn't hear back from her until after New Years. I eventually saw her again at a kink party in January (second Saturday of the month, they always are for that group). She made a point of asking if I was going to be at the party. Which I was planning on attending either way. Since it was a party I wasn't going to bring up the last time I saw her while there. No point in bringing it up with so many prying ears. Then at said party she proceeded to do the same thing she did at her birthday party and treat me like I wasn't there most of the night.
Yeah we did have a make out session at the party, but that is only because I got her to give me some time and when we got to where I was going to talk to her other people had moved into the space so I had to come up with something else to do on the spot. She went along with it, but didn't seem to be very into it. When it was over she asked me if I was feeling better. I said a I felt a little better, but it was a half lie. While I did feel a little better I knew as soon as we were back down stairs she would go back to ignoring me, which she did. I left not long after. Before I left she told me we should try to get together the next week. I gave her my availability for that week and told her to let me know when she knew what hers was.
I didn't hear back until over a week later. Apparently she had given one of her other partners her phone at the party and forgot to get it back, so she couldn't text me. Don't know how that kept her from emailing me. By this point I'm getting cynical about things.
So we didn't see each other in after that in January. We were going to try to go to a munch together in February. But she didn't know if work would let her. The munch was on Thursday, Wednesday night she let me know she was working. I would like to think she had been trying to get off all week, but who knows. I sent her a message thanking her for at least letting me know she wouldn't be going with me this time and that I wasn't surprised.
I heard back from her that weekend. She told me I had to know she wasn't avoiding me and was really trying to make something work. Then went on to tell me she didn't celebrate Valentines day so not to bother doing anything for it. I replied telling her it was good to know she wasn't avoiding me and not to worry about V-day because I was not a fan either. Then March was the anniversary thing, and April was when things happened in my life (which I did tell her about).
Basically I haven't seen her since January and she pretty much ignored me then. She hasn't actually spent any time with me since October and right now she doesn't seem to think it's worth even replying to my messages most of the time. So there you have context. There has been no official break up, but being the fool I am I keep wanting to take her at her word that she will actually be forth coming when she looses interest. But even I realize that it is almost inconceivable that she has not already lost interest and doesn't even think keeping her word is worth it.
So I've been dealing with that for months. I'm still looking for a more reliable job. So that has been my life for the past several months. Not much good has been happening, so I've kept it to myself. But in doing so I feel like I have been neglecting those who have been following me here for so long. So here is my current update. I would like to get back to posting more fun things on a regular basis. Hopefully I will be able to do that soon. I hope you are all doing well.
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Enter the Animus
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Posted:Apr 1, 2014 11:33 pm
Last Updated:Apr 28, 2014 3:42 pm
24206 Views
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I came across something interesting tonight. It seems that our memories can be passed down in our DNA. Sounds a little like something from a Science Fiction novel, well to be more specific a video game. It is actually a main plot point in a video game series named Assassin's Creed. In that game a device called an animus is used to relive the memories of a persons ancestors.
Well a study done by the Emory University School of Medicine has produced evidence that some memories might be able to be passed down through our genes. To be more specific phobias.
Mice here shocked when they smelled a cherry blossom. Then when those mice mated, the new born mice were naturally fearful or sensitive to the smell of cherry blossoms. Apparently the DNA of the shocked mice actually altered itself to represent this and that was passed on the new borns.
It's interesting to think about. So on the memory theme, if you could pass on one memory to your offspring what would that be? Alternatively if you found that your DNA did hold actual memories of your ancestors and you were able to relive them through your ancestors eyes would you?
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Ever not want to be right?
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Posted:Mar 22, 2014 11:16 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2014 7:54 pm
24643 Views
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This post is a bit of an add on the my previous one. For those that saw it, I had mentioned my first date with a woman was a year ago and I wasn't sure if it counted as an anniversary or not. Well I finally heard back from her this morning (I sent the message Wednesday and got a reply Saturday).
Well the word came back that it doesn't count, so it's official now there has been no anniversary in HG's life. No big deal I suppose and she mentioned we should get together to discuss why it doesn't count. Not gonna lie, something about the message seemed a little ominous. It felt like the message sent before the "You're a really nice guy but ..." talk comes.
This is something I've never really been wrong about, I've kept myself in denial about it coming a time or two. However if I'm being honest with myself I've always seen it coming. This just has that feel and I'm hoping I'm wrong, but when I get this feeling I rarely if ever am wrong. This is one of those things I don't like being right about. But I guess we will have to wait and see to know for sure.
Do you ever run into situations where you wish you were wrong about something?
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Anniversaries
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Posted:Mar 19, 2014 8:08 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 3:50 am
23145 Views
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So tonight might be a monumental night for me. The first date with the woman I'm currently "dating" was one year ago tonight. Not sure she realizes this, but my memory about some things is too good for my own good. Thing is I'm not sure if this counts as an anniversary or not. But either way this is the longest I've been able to claim I was dating anyone.
I know in a monogamous relationship technically the anniversary would be of the day you decided to be exclusive. However, this is a poly relationship so I'm not sure how this counts. I'll have to chat with her about this when the opportunity arises (I did send a quick message earlier, but given her work hours I haven't heard back yet).
I know tonight's post is more of a short ramble then a coherent post. I hope you'll all bare with me while I'm getting some thoughts organized and sorted out.
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Damn it Jim ...
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Posted:Feb 26, 2014 7:25 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 3:50 am
24171 Views
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Before I get to the meat of the post. I would like to thank the February returnees for sharing themselves with us again. It was fun getting to catch up with all of you. 
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Most of us have seen or at least heard of Star Trek right? If not go do a quick web search I'll wait
...
...
...
Are we all back now? Good, I hope those of you that had to search found some good stuff. Chances are if you did a search one of the things that came up were Dr. McCoy (played by the late DeForest Kelley, and reprised by Karl Urban for the reboot movies) and his one liners. They almost always started with "Damn it Jim ..." Well I've been watching the original series on Netflix and thought it would be fun to play a little game with it.
The game is simple, complete the sentence. Make it as silly, strange, perverted, or whatever as you would like. So without further ado let's get on with it. Complete the sentence:
"Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a __________"
Example: Damn it Jim I'm a doctor, not your slave. I wont go to the kitchen and make you a sandwich!!
Hopefully you all can come up with better ones then me. 
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hypothetical poly question
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Posted:Feb 23, 2014 6:42 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2014 3:02 pm
24561 Views
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Here is a hypothetical-ish question for you all. While it is geared towards people with experience with poly relationships, this can go for any type of relationship.
Let's say your seeing someone who you are really into. But because of other factors like work, or in the poly situation work/life in general combined with being one of multiple relationships makes it hard to get schedules to match up sometimes. Which obviously makes seeing each other hard. Sometimes leading to extended periods of not being able to see each other. Despite their telling you that they are not avoiding you and trying to make something happen.
How long would you wait before saying screw it so and so just isn't that into me, time to move on? Would it make a difference if it was a new relationship or you had been seeing each other for a year or two? How long would it take for you to start feeling like you are being ignored despite their claims of trying to make a time work and that they aren't avoiding you?
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Broken promises
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Posted:Feb 14, 2014 9:00 pm
Last Updated:Feb 17, 2014 10:00 am
25243 Views
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Well I said earlier that there would be a pic or two about I celebrated Valentines day. Well the Picture I took didn't turn out. It was meant to be a joke. The picture was of me doing a leg press at the gym. So there you have it that is what I did today. Now I'm going to go watch the new Carrie, then maybe take time for an SPS and go to bed.
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A tease ... HG style
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Posted:Feb 14, 2014 1:38 pm
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2014 7:57 pm
24028 Views
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Just a quick note, I think I can reasonably promise that there will be a "hot" picture or two coming, showing how I will be celebrating Valentines day. Are you curious ... I know you are ...
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An update for the February returnees
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Posted:Feb 11, 2014 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2014 8:55 am
23679 Views
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It occurs to me that I haven't done an update for those friends that have returned for "No Filter February." So here you go, a quick update of things that have happened to me in the last couple years, some of which I cannot post on the facial book.
- Some of you may remember these first couple. Going back almost exactly two years now, I found myself in my first ever actual romantic relationship. It was with a woman I dubbed Kittie for my blog. It only lasted about 2-3 months. I was heart broken when she ended it.
- This was my first real break up and I admitted at the time I didn't know how to handle it. So I did what I do, I went looking for information which meant talking to people. Problem is I was not selective enough about who I talked to. And while I never did say a single bad word about her, this resulted in things getting back to her. Which resulted in her requesting that we cut all contact that was not an absolute necessity (like the time a friend of mine felt threatened at an event she helped moderate). Naturally I respected her wishes on the matter and went out of my way to avoid contacting her for any reason I didn't feel I absolutely need to. This led to a lot of awkward moments.
- That was about a year and a half ago now. She recently within the last couple months has lifted that ban and we have started talking, or rather emailing again. I admit I'm still not sure how I feel about this. I find myself in many of my messages to her feeling like I can't be my normal laid back semi-flirty self with her. It feels like she is still the same way with me as well. Of course this could just be me over thinking everything. I have always had a tendency to be almost too open with her. So I could just be projecting my attempt to not be that right away onto my perception of other things. Who knows.
- Work has still been stressful as I'm still having trouble finding a full time job.
- I've gotten addicted to that Marvel Alliance game on the facial book and the clash of clans game on my nook.
- I haven't had sex in nearly 2 years (far from the longest I've ever gone, but far longer then I want to have gone), haven't done any kink in around 8 months now either.
- For those who didn't know, my mother has been having health issues for the last year or so. Watching her go through that is hard.
- Because of the above point. I have been trying to pick up some of the dead weight around the house, it would be nice if my brothers would help out more and take more stress off our mom, but they can't be bothered to have it cut into their social lives I guess.
- Regrettably I haven't been able to see my cousins sons or any of the guys I used to coach wrestle all year. 
- I'm an insane amount of excited for the next Captain America movie.
- I'm very scared about the casting for the next Man of Steel movie. Ben Affleck as Batman ... be afraid for all the wrong reasons.
- For the last 10 months I've been dating someone.
- Back in October was my first trip to a strip club. I was unimpressed.
- I never was convinced she started seeing me because she really wanted too, but more because even though she told me "no" originally, I still kept a promise I made to her before I asked her out originally. A fairly labor intensive promise, with no anticipation of anything in return. So after the promise was fulfilled she actually came back and asked me out. And so I ventured into my second relationship ever which happens to be another poly one.
- At the moment her and I are having some issues, though I'm not sure she realizes what they all are. Her and I will be talking when we get to see each other again.
- At Thanksgiving I got a lecture from my mom's cousin. Because I don't care for the term girlfriend so that means the woman I'm dating will dump me right quick.
- Christmas on the other side of the family my cousins husband accused me of making her up. I'm sure he was joking but still ...
- Nearly picked a fight with my uncle last weekend because he made a couple stupidly ignorant homophobic comments. And it being the weekend before Valentines Day (normally part of what I call hermit week), I was in a bad mood to start with and that type of ignorance gets under my skin on a good day.
- I won a prize a couple weeks ago for taking my pants off in front of a crowd at a burlesque show ... true story.
I think that about covers the highlights of the last couple years. Many of which I can't publicly post either on fet of the facial book.
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This month can kiss my lily white a@@
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Posted:Feb 5, 2014 3:55 pm
Last Updated:Feb 11, 2014 6:32 pm
22778 Views
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First off sorry about the downer post. But in the "no filter" theme for the month around here. I'm taking the filter off for a moment.
Any of you who have been long time readers will know that I don't like Valentines Day. In fact I darn near hate it. I always get moody around this time of year. Why do I get moody you ask?
Well what is Valentines day? Most people are going to either say that it is a hallmark holiday made up by greeting card companies or they will say it is a day to spend with the one you love.
I've spent most of my life single. So spending the day with someone you love has not been an option. From my point of view it has always been the one day of the year when it was NOT ok to be single. Imagine having something more or less out of your control rubbed in your face year after year. Constantly being asked what you're doing for the day, when you reply nothing you get grilled on why then looked at like your crazy because your single on this day. Eventually enough is enough and you grow to dislike that time of year.
I thought maybe this year wouldn't be as bad since I am technically seeing someone. But that isn't making a lick of difference. It might even be making it worse since her and I are having some issues at the moment. And no I will not go into those here.
Can I just go to bed now and have someone wake me up (preferably with a blow job) in a couple weeks when it is all over?
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