When those old embers still burn
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Posted:May 19, 2015 3:09 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2015 6:09 pm
15834 Views
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I spent a good chunk of my day distracted and am now mentally exhausted. I just love being an over thinker.
Here's the thing. A few months ago an ex asked me if I was okay with her inviting me to her wedding. Those of you who are long time readers can probably guess which ex that was. Of course I told her that if she wanted to invite me that she should invite me and I would be honored that she did. But that I would understand if she changed her mind and decided not to.
Well today I checked my email at my first break and there it was, the invite, which was sent through email because the RSVP is on a website. I browsed around the website a bit, but my mind was going off a hundred miles and hour. I knew the invite was likely coming. I knew it would likely cause some type of flare up of old emotions. But I didn't quite expect the mix of emotions I got.
I'm insanely happy for her. She's happy which is all I ever wanted for her. But I can't help but compare our paths since the split (like I said I over think things). While she has gone on to find a life partner. The closest I can get to finding a date is either the "ex" who treated me like crap for nearly the entirety of the time we went out. Or someone who tells me they will get back to me with an yes or no soon, then meanwhile nearly 8 months later has yet to give me a verbal answer (but still comes around other social media accounts). I guess that makes me a little jealous of her.
I can't help but think that while she has moved onward and upward in her life, I've regressed to back where I was before I met her. Just a shy geeky guy who seems unable to get a date. Anyways sorry to sound so sad sack today. I just have a lot running through my head and needed a place to dump it. Hopefully the next post will be something more up beat.
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Hobbies
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Posted:Apr 30, 2015 6:47 pm
Last Updated:May 19, 2015 6:40 pm
16512 Views
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I've been thinking about taking up a new hobby, archery. It isn't something I have any kind of background in (unless you count a two day unit in sixth grade counts). So why archery? Probably because I've been watching way too much Arrow. I have no intention of doing any hunting or anything. Just going target shooting when time and coin permits. I figure it will keep my mind and body active.
So what are your hobbies dear readers? Why do you do them? Why did you start? Does anyone have any tips for a new archer?
Now if you excuse me I need to go get a green hood.
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Cam Experiment Day 7
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Posted:Apr 27, 2015 10:39 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 11:38 pm
15702 Views
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So here it is the final entry into this nonscientific experiment. So here are the numbers then I'll give my final thoughts.
Traffic: Total views: 6 Male: 3 Female: 1 Couple: 2 (1 FM 1 MM) (2 local) 0 interactions
Totals for the week: Total views: 51 Men: 35 (4 local) Women: 13 (5 local) Couple: 3 (2 FM 1 MM) (2 local) Interactions: 7 (4 male) (3 female)
The results of this experiment were a little surprising actually. Going into this I figured one of two things would happen. Either A) I wouldn't get hardly any traffic. Or There would be almost no women. This being said, it wasn't surprising that more guys. But I was a little surprised that there was only a little over a 2:1 ratio.
Another thing I noticed tat happens is my profile views shot way up and I got a couple emails. I'm not sure if this is all due to the camming or just from being online more often.
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Cam Experiment Day 6
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Posted:Apr 25, 2015 11:50 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 11:38 pm
15339 Views
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So the week long experiment is almost over. Today (Saturday) there wasn't much to note so I'll just jump to the numbers then go play Mortal Kombat for awhile before bed.
Traffic: Total views: 5 Male: 4 (1 local) Female: 1 Couple: 0 0 interactions
Totals for the week: Total views: 45 Men: 32 (4 local) Women: 12 (5 local) Couple: 1 Interactions: 7 (4 male) (3 female)
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Cam Experiment day 5
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Posted:Apr 25, 2015 12:51 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 11:38 pm
14023 Views
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The cam/IM program was acting kind of weird today causing me to have to restart it more than a couple times. There wasn’t much else of any real note today, though I did get an email from some guy that would come back and watch my cam a couple times. And I had my first couples profile tune in.
Traffic: Total views: 12 Male: 10 (1 local) Female: 1 Couple: 1 1 (male) interactions
Totals for the week: Total views: 40 Men: 28 (3 local) Women: 11 (5 local) Couple: 1 Interactions: 6 (3 male) (3 female)
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Cam Experiment day 4
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Posted:Apr 23, 2015 7:14 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 11:38 pm
13428 Views
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Again there was nothing really of note today. In fact I only had one visitor.
Traffic: Total views: 1 Male: 0 Female: 1 0 interactions
Totals for the week: Total views: 28 Men: 18 (2 local) Women: 10 (5 local) Interactions: 5 (2 male) (3 female)
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Cam Experiment Day 3
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Posted:Apr 22, 2015 7:15 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 11:38 pm
12997 Views
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Alrighty cam day 3 results. Nothing much to report today.
Traffic: Total views: 5 Male: 4 Female: 1 0 interactions
Totals for the week: Total views: 27 Men: 18 (2 local) Women: 9 (5 local) Interactions: 5 (2 male) (3 female)
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Cam Experiment Day 2
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Posted:Apr 21, 2015 3:23 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 11:38 pm
12639 Views
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I was on for a little more than 2 hours today. I did have one chat that went private, but when the person found out that I would not show her my cock she beat a hasty retreat. I also had one guy try to get me to call him a derogatory term for gay men. Other than that I may have accidentally left the cam on while I was masturbating at one point … ooops. Not that anyone would have seen anything other than my “O” face. So here are the numbers.
Day 2 Traffic: Total views: 18 Men: 12 (one local) 1 interaction. Female: 6 (4 local) 2 interactions
Totals for the week: Total views: 22 Men: 14 (2 local) Women: 8 (5 local) Interactions: 5 (2 male) (3 female)
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Cam experiment day 1
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Posted:Apr 20, 2015 6:46 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2015 8:12 pm
12557 Views
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I’ve decided to do a little pointless experiment. I’ve decided to take a week and go on the webcam every day and seeing what kind of traffic I get and what the interactions are like for a guy. So here is what happened on day 1. I was fully clothed and did nothing of note while on the cam. I was on for about 2 hours.
Day 1: Traffic: 4 viewers. 2 males (one local), 2 females (one local).
Interactions: Interaction 1: (local female). I was asked if I smoke cigars. When I replied that no I don’t. She stopped the chat and stopped watching my webcam.
Interaction 2: (none local male). He simply sent a message saying “Show your cock” (the your might have been ur I don’t remember).
Weekly totals: 4 total views 2 male (one local) 2 females (one local) 2 interactions: 1 male, 1 female.
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Another update.
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Posted:Apr 19, 2015 6:30 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2015 2:42 pm
12917 Views
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Wow I haven’t done a post here since December. For those of you that don’t have any contact with me off here I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long. I wish I could promise it won’t happen again, but that old blogging spark just hasn’t been there. I haven’t felt like I’ve had much to say. That being said I think I should update people on what has been happening with me.
When I last left you all I had asked someone out and was waiting on a response. Well here we are 6 months after asking her out, I still haven’t gotten a response. I realize she had some family issues, but after 6 months I decided I can’t wait around anymore.
On that note I did ask someone else out today. But, she wasn’t interested. She isn’t the first and won’t be the last. At least she was honest with me about it. Thus my celibacy continues.
Speaking of come Tuesday the 21st it will be three years since I’ve had sex. I guess I did get a blow job back in March of last year if you want to count that it has only been one year. Either way it has been too long.
On the plus size I moved and am now out on my own in my first apartment. I’m really enjoying it so far. Now all I need is more steady work and someone to bring up here to do naughty, naughty things with.
I’m also working with the organizer of the kinky dance group I belong to, to get the club up and running again. We have had issues with a venue. The apartment I moved into has a community room that can be reserved. So I may be able to host the group on occasion. But the group organizer is dragging her feet, could be she is just that busy who knows.
Anywho that has been my life for the last 4 months or so. Given most of this happened within the last month. I hope everyone is doing well.
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Happy Holidays
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Posted:Dec 22, 2014 8:13 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 11:38 pm
19313 Views
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I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season whatever your holiday of choice is. If you are one of the people who choose not to celebrate anything, I hope you have a wonderful time just the same. Also incase I don't get another post up, happy New Year.
This is usually the time of year I would post my top sexual experiences of the year. However since these experience over the past year have only included one night with some oral sex, I went down on her, she went down on me (after a date where we both concurred that it wouldn't lead anywhere romantically, but neither of us had gotten laid in an unacceptable amount of time). And one make out session that happened after I asked a woman out (not the one I mentioned above). I wont bother posting a top anything for the year.
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Patience
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Posted:Nov 17, 2014 2:34 pm
Last Updated:Dec 22, 2014 8:06 pm
21882 Views
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So I had written a long post about patience. More specifically how and why I can see and feel myself becoming a less patient person then I normally am. But I decided that the long version turned out to be too much of a rant and chances are very few would actually want to read it. But the fact still remains I am having trouble being my normal patient self and I don't like it.
The reasons I think I'm getting less patient have to do with the fact that I'm waiting on so much right now. I have a couple important things that I am waiting on work wise and dating wise. I have also had experiences where (contrary to what most are taught growing up) my patience was not rewarded, but in fact punished and I fear that it will happen again and may be happening again.
I'm not really asking for advice, I'm more then anything writing things out to help me wrap my head around them in a new light. Do you consider yourself to be a patient person? Do you find that at times your patience waxes and wanes?
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