Friday Funny...
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Posted:Feb 24, 2006 5:45 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6919 Views
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An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my . So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began.
"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realised he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly..."
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Mmmm.... she's right!!
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Posted:Feb 22, 2006 10:37 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6705 Views
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In his blog entitled [post 236768] there was a lovely little comment left behind *snort*  for TheQuietGuy2005.
SxyCrazyCool SxyCrazyCool wrote:
Mhmm.. I have a lot to say about your post, but I actually just came in to say: Nice Butt Mister!
Just to remind you, here's what she was referring to...
TheQuietGuy2005
Mmmmmmmmmm.... how very right she is! 
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Porn Myths Exposed...
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Posted:Feb 22, 2006 10:09 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6961 Views
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If you've ever been enjoying a session with a man, only to yelp in surprise when he deals you a sudden thwack to the arse, or wanted to slap him when he starts spewing lines like "you love it, you horny bitch", chances are he's fallen prey to the porn movie myths perpetuated by his X-rated stash. Here is a little enlightenment, guys!! These are the most tragic porn myths of all times...
PORN MYTH #1
Women love having their bare arses slapped at every opportunity!
According to a NetDoctor survey, 16% of women say they enjoy spanking, but that still leaves them in the minority. Then again, they could be onto something. Spanking brings blood to the surface of the skin, which makes it more sensitive to the touch and can enhance orgasm. Pain can also send a rush of sexy hormones and chemicals soaring through your body.
If you like the idea of a natural high, start slowly and go gently. Ask your partner to cup his hand slightly, which makes more sound (and what usually appeals) and produces less sting.
PORN MYTH #2
Hard, fast, unlubed anal sex is fantastic.
According to the Kinsey Report, only 10% of heterosexual couples regularly practice anal sex, and it's still something a lot of us find uncomfortable. Of course, when a sex act is rare, it is perceived as more erotic, hence men's fixation with it and the regularity it appears in porn films, where actresses seemingly adore every second. Even though you don't see it on the final product, the women do lube up before anal scenes.
Don't feel guilty about saying NO if you don't want to try anal sex, but if you're game, start slowly with a finger or a small toy. Use lots of lube, ideally silicone-based, and only progress if you feel relaxed enough. Don't feel that you have to take a thorough pounding. Remember anal sex is considered a high risk activity, SO USE A CONDOM!!
PORN MYTH #3
Having your genitals spat on is highly erotic!
A long session can dry out anyone, and saliva is a natural, practical way of wetting your whistle without reaching for the lube. But, in the world outside of porn films, spitting over someone can quite easily be read as offensive behaviour!!
If your man wants to spread saliva over your nethers, suggest that he goes down there and treats you to a spot of oral sex. If he's not up for that, he can put his fingers in your mouth and transfer your own saliva to where it's needed, or just use lube.
PORN MYTH #4
Sex is better with two-inch fingernails!
A lot of porn is made to cater to male tastes and men tend to respond well to glamour girls who adhere to the three Es: exaggerate, extend, enhance. Boobs are boosted, hair is extended, eyelashes are doubled and nails are glued on, despite the fact that shorter, blunter nails are more conducive to good sex.
So, if you''re planning to have sex that involves any degree of fingering, trim the nails. Otherwise you can scratch the delicate internal tissue which can lead to infections, or at the least, be chronically painful. And if you don't want to destroy your manicure... use your tongue!
PORN MYTH #5
The best places to ejaculate are on a woman's face, hair and eyes!
Although a porn star will occasionally come inside his partner, it's more common for him to pull out and generously spray his seed, most often over his co-star's face.
Despite claims to the contrary, semen is NOT good for the skin, but it does offer a safer sex alternative to a man ejaculating inside you, assuming the area splattered doesn't have any cuts. The breasts are a safe alternative a la the pearl necklace. To score real porno brownie points, ladies, rub it into your breasts while looking him directly in the eye.
PORN MYTH #6
The noisier the orgasm, the more powerful it is!
In the porn world, every single woman is a screamer, whether she's taking a cock in every available hole (usually quite a valid reason to scream), or while being masturbated over by a dozen chubby balding blokes with absolutely NO physical, let alone clitoral, contact. Remember... she is being paid to FAKE IT!!
Remember... do not fake it, otherwise you will be find yourself backed into an orgasmless corner, forced to keep up a charade. If your partner isn't hitting the spot, or you know you're not going to come, let him know the truth, even if the porn films don't!
Information sourced, courtesy of Scarlet, Issue 17, March 2006
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The weekend that was...
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Posted:Feb 20, 2006 11:58 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
6825 Views
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Back in September 2005, an idea was born. AlbertPrince had long been saying that it would be nice to meet his fellow Euro Hot Tubbers, so he started a group. Very quickly, people were signing up, and it looked like the idea was going to bear fruition!
Months passed by, and plans were made for "where"... it was decided to hold the first UK-based Euro Hot Tub meet in Derbyshire, slap bang in the middle of England. The "when" took a little bit of planning... in the end we were resigned to the fact that we were never going to please everyone with the dates, so 17th-19th February 2006 was decided upon.
All-too-soon, this weekend loomed closer and closer, and numbers were around the 20 mark.
Sadly as time passed, a few decided they couldn't make it, for one reason or another, and my heart was starting to sink. Was this going to be a disaster? Would it be a success with only 10 of us there?
Oh, what a silly numpty I was!!! It was a FABULOUS weekend, and upon reflection, having a group of 10 was the perfect number for a first meet.
Present on the first evening were:
AlbertPrince AlbertPrince
freetime648 freetime648
JJKittyKat (sorry, no photo)
Rockhard4U62 (sorry, no photo)
searcha
TheQuietGuy2005 TheQuietGuy2005
theswede1234 theswede1234
and yours truly .
The crowd slowly trickled in from all over the country, and 6 of the above were staying at a B&B in Bonsall, with the rest staying in a hotel in nearby Matlock Bath. By 7.30pm we were nearly all assembled in my mother's pub, and she was delighted to meet people that she had heard about over the months. Drinks and meals were ordered and soon the conversation started flowing. Snippets of chats were recalled, and laughter and hilarity ruled the evening. Once we were all there, we had a little quiz as an ice-breaker (one good way to test if people had remembered real names!!) and after the quiz there were little prizes for people to giggle and laugh over (and in some cases, a little snorting too!!)  Little expressions used (You lie like a rug and Oh, my sainted aunt) were huge hits and borrowed for personal use. Not once was there an awkward silence, and it felt like we had known one another for ever!!
Before we knew it, the evening was drawing to a close, and we staggered up the hill back to the B&B, falling into our beds, ready for breakfast at 9.30am. Well, some of us were ready (I'd say wearing PJs to breakfast was an indication that someone had grudgingly awoken!! )
After breakfast, plans were made to spend the day, and in our various ways we had a wonderful time. There were cable car rides, exploring antique shops, experiencing scones with jam and cream, window shopping, watching football matches on telly, relaxing saunas... the afternoon was definitely enjoyed by ALL!!
We were delighted to be joined on Saturday night by fothey fothey, who drove down for the evening with her husband, and after our delicious meal we were treated to the locals enjoying their karaoke evening (apparently very popular in the village, and judging by how crammed the bar was, definitely so!) There was much egging and suggestions about which one of us would go and sing, but wouldn't you just know it... by the time we'd drunk enough to build up Dutch courage, the karaoke was being packed up! Damn!
Soon it was time to head for bed... some of us were having to make an early start to catch flights and the like, and this time everyone was suitably dressed for breakfast and we all tucked in. Then it was time to collect cases, and wave tearful goodbyes to new friends made.
For me, this weekend was a wonderful time, spent firming those "cyber" friendships made in the Euro Hot Tub. These are no longer handles and pretty-coloured fonts to me. They are now real people who helped make this first meet a roaring success.
I certainly hope that those who were perhaps unsure of how an event such as this would turn out, will consider joining us when we have our next meet, and despite vowing never to organise another, I've already been suggesting Dublin as the next venue, and regular chatter dizzyandfun has also suggested having the next meet in Malaga (yes, everyone, I'm sure it's Malaga and not Majorca!!
Thank you, everyone, for making this weekend one that will be remembered for ALWAYS!!!
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Downhill just went Ooh-la-la!!
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Posted:Feb 12, 2006 9:23 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
7639 Views
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There I was, snuggled on my couch, Norwegian flag draped around my cold shoulders, cow bell on hand for the boys...
One of the most exciting events for me, in the Winter Olympics HAS to be the Mens Downhill. Toned, fit bodies hurtling down icy slopes, skis cutting and gliding their way over the snow, each man bravely trying to win a medal for his country. The downhill discipline is the most spectacular of the alpine skiing specialties. Downhill skiers always seek to maximise their aerodynamic efficiency where possible over the course: choosing the shortest trajectories and allowing their skis to slide over the snow thereby creating as little friction as possible. They sometimes reach speeds of over 120 km/h.
Norway's hopes in the Mens Downhill at Sestriere were Kjetil Andre Aamodt, Bjarne Solbakken, Aksel Lund Svindal, Kjetil Jansrud, Lasse Kjus and Lars Myhre. Qualifying in the Top 30 (also known as the "seeds" ) were Kjetil Andre Aamodt, Bjarne Solbakken, Aksel Svindal and Lasse Kjus.
I was hopeful, and very excited. We had chance of a medal here, especially with veteran Kjetil Andre Aamodt, who, at 32, was an old hand in this event.
And they were off!
As each skier went hurtling down that hill, the time splits were getting smaller and smaller. Switzerland's Bruno Kernen was sitting in silver medal place, and Austria's Michael Walchhofer had the gold medal spot when Kjetil Andre Aamodt grabbed the bronze place by 400th of a second!! It was all looking so good, and I was happy that Kjetil was going to get a bronze. This is his last Olympics, and he deserves to go out on a high!
Now, back to those seeds. In the qualifier, the first 30 (out of 55 this year) go through as seeds, and the fastest qualifier gets to go last. This year's fastest qualifier was Frenchman Antoine Deneriaz, and the commentators were doubtful that he could do the same thing two days running. So many athletes give it their all in qualifying, and fail to deliver on the day.
Beep, beep, beep... and he was OFF!!
Well, f***... the bugger was shaving time off Michael Walchhofer's time at the first marker.... bloody hell... this boy was GOOD!!
Hell's bells... he'd shaved off even more time at the second... Michael... I think you've just lost that gold, hun!!
Now... there was a part of me that was horribly disappointed for Kjetil Andre Aamodt. He'd lost the bronze, but there was another (much larger part of me) that was absolutely thrilled at the win Antoine Deneriaz had just snatched from Michael Walchhoffer!!! The boy had done France proud, and the crowds were just loving the race they had witnessed.
Kjetil has 4 more chances at gold, as he is participating in the Men's Combined, the Slalom, the Giant Slalom and the Super-G... I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he will come away with a medal or two!
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Lovers and mistresses...
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Posted:Feb 9, 2006 11:34 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
8135 Views
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Yesterday this thought struck me, and I just HAD to see what other people thought...
If the lover of a MARRIED MAN is known as his MISTRESS...
does that mean the lover of a MARRIED WOMAN would be her MASTER???
My lover does NOT see himself as my master, but rather fancies himself as my "bit on the side"
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Eyes Wide Shut...
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Posted:Feb 8, 2006 11:44 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
8026 Views
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Thoughts scattered in her mind, like clouds on a windy day.
She lies there with her eyes wide shut, and allows her mind to play.
His hands reach in and gently fondle, while her fingers trace his zip.
Tongues tangle in their kiss and her teeth bite on his lip.
Breaths catch, and suddenly snicker as fingers gently explore.
Nipples pucker, and strings pull, right down to her very core.
Buttons snap, clothes fall, their bodies slowly turning,
Hands exploring frantically while hearts are madly yearning.
Lust burns wildly like a fire as passion slowly peaks,
Mattress dips as bodies fall and bedframe achingly creaks.
Sighs of pleasure and groans of release begin to inter-mingle,
As climax beckons to them both and bodies start to tingle.
She lies there with her eyes wide shut, and allows her mind to play,
Thoughts scattered in her mind, like clouds on a windy day...
(Reprised. Originally featured 05 August 2005 - see Eyes wide shut)
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Helga is curious!!!
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Posted:Feb 6, 2006 12:15 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
8251 Views
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I heard on the Blogville grapevine that Methodman1000 started this little quiz, and it was while visiting DaphneR DaphneR that I finally decided to answer the quiz myself.
Now YOU have an opportunity to answer the little quiz below... but only if you want to!! 
1. Who are you?
2. Do you have a crush on me?
3. Would you kiss me? (Those are my lips, just to help you decide! )
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me, from my profile or blog?
7. If you could give me anything what would it be?
8. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
9. If so, what is it? (*grin*)
10. What is your favorite physical quality about me?
11. What do you think is my best character trait?
12. Would you consider me to be your friend?
13. If you could pick one song to describe me, what would it be?
14. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
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Every woman needs a lover...
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Posted:Feb 5, 2006 10:01 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
8057 Views
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Every woman needs a lover...
A man who will indulge her whim for ice cream on a cold winter's day...
A man who will kiss her in the middle of a busy pavement on a busy road...
A man who will carry her bag AND his bags too...
A man who will buy HER favourite things, instead of introducing her to his own...
A man who is selfless in their quest for pleasure, seeking first to fulfill hers before fulfilling his own...
Every woman needs a lover...
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March Meet
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Posted:Jan 29, 2006 11:53 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
8522 Views
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GoddessOfTheDawn GoddessOfTheDawn is still working hard to finalise details for the Bloggers meet being held in The Netherlands in late March. For more details, please read [post 206063], for accom details, etc.
However, it is VERY IMPORTANT to also read [post 215510] as there has been a slight amendment to the dates.
Looking forward to seeing YOU there!
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Time...
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Posted:Jan 27, 2006 1:09 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
8689 Views
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A week... is 7 days long.
7 days... are made up of 168 hours.
168 hours... have 10, 080 minutes in them.
10, 080 minutes... have 604, 800 seconds.
Aaaaarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A week sounds better... doesn't it? 
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Anyone for a nibble?
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Posted:Jan 27, 2006 12:33 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
8726 Views
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He's newly arrived in Blogville, and already he's stirring it up!!
Euro Hot Tub chatter Fit131 recently decided to move into Blogville, and the man has been there barely 5 blogs, and already he's plotting and scheming his way to the top of the newly-arranged charts! While some of us are not really "bovvered" by rankings, and where we are, Fit131 is determined that men should make more of an appearance!
You can read all about his plans in My Blog... it would be interesting to see just how many men take up the gauntlet that he has thrown down!!
As for me, well, I'll just carry on blogging and reading, and reading and blogging!
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To link to this blog (helga_hansen) use [blog helga_hansen] in your messages.
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