Let go.
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Posted:Aug 16, 2014 1:12 am
Last Updated:Aug 21, 2014 10:00 pm
17905 Views
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Soft and silent,
a curling within.
Heart stressed
beyond silence
then beyond pain
Why?
Why must love hurt?
Imbalance.
Maybe someday, in this my Fourth Life, I will begin to understand. I will learn balance. Do not attach. Let go. Let go.
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Backlogged Emails
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Posted:Aug 14, 2014 7:58 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2014 1:58 am
17623 Views
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For those who have sent me emails: I apologize. I've been a bit distracted lately and just not in the mood to write much. You will get a response from me soon  Just... not tonight. Or probably any time this weekend (unless I buy a laptop because I will be at SpoCon).
Did anything make you laugh today?? For me... it was "The Smile Bitch Training Camp" LOL (google it).
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
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4
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He Sure Showed Me!!
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Posted:Aug 13, 2014 5:55 am
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2014 1:58 am
18494 Views
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Wow.
I now have a "dumbass" email to share.
I received an email "Looking for BBC?"
Since obviously he has access to view my profile being as he initiated contact AND my auto reply also kicked, both stating not into NSA or FWB and "just here for blogging" I figured that was answered. Though I did go view his profile after getting the message.
So I got another email: "lookin at my profile lately r u ready for BBC"
My reply: "No. As my auto reply states (and my profile) I'm not into NSA or FWB."
This morning I got this: "and u not going to be in looking at my profile either, u cant have it both ways DEMON"
He sure showed me. I'm now blocked from viewing his profile hahahah.
I was going to be kind and explain the whole "just because this site SAYS somebody viewed your profile doesn't mean they did" and some of the ways it may happen. But oh well... guess he will either eventually figure it out, or he will throw a fit that "This site is nothing but fake!" and leave. I imagine he's going to be busy in the foreseeable future blocking people, or getting angry that "you've viewed my profile 100 times but ignore my emails?!" (I got an email kinda like that once and I'd never seen the guys user name or profile before at all. Scroll over by accident probably, but never "viewed" anything)
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9
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Squandering a Day
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Posted:Aug 12, 2014 10:17 am
Last Updated:Aug 12, 2014 11:01 pm
17997 Views
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Yay! For vacation days
I thought, as a first year employee, I'd get a 40-hour vacation. I truly thought I saw that somewhere... but turns out I get roughly 3.5 weeks worth (and can carry 120 hours forward to next year if I want). It's so exciting... so... I took today off.
Taking time for Spring Cleaning, weeding out stuff, re-organizing. Returning all the items that belong to others to their rightful owners (assuming I can find them. I have a few plates that neighbors insist are not theirs but they're not mine either).
My biggest goal is that I'm trying to create "Sacred Space". Moving everything out of my bedroom that doesn't belong (or finding space for everything that does). Hoping to lift my bed frame 4", and get a basket and candelabras and candles set around. Refocus the energy, and create a warm, enveloping (yet open!), relaxing space.
I'm also weeding out the kitchen cupboards... donating foods I don't use to those less fortunate and replacing only as needed from healthy, organic options. Honestly this probably won't do much... mainly I'll be getting rid of canned veggies because I just don't eat them. I prefer raw green beans, sauteed fresh spinach, steamed (but still crispy) asparagus, fresh corn on the cob. Carrots raw or sauteed, julienned. This is the direction I'm trying to move my life.
OK... my break is over. Hope everyone is having a great Tuesday!!
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4
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Worlds Largest Wet T-Shirt Contest?
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Posted:Aug 9, 2014 9:11 pm
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2014 7:50 pm
18764 Views
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Spokane WA just tried for the World's Largest Water Balloon Fight. Still waiting to hear what the count is. Rumor is that we didn't make it because possibly not enough people showed up, and even if they did GBWR is a stickler on time and when they officially announced "6pm the fight starts" at 5:45 a couple people yelled "Go!" and everyone started throwing.
It was fun though... and I was soaked so badly my shoes are still squishing and my $5 was dripping when I pulled it out of my pocket to pay for a hot about 10 minutes after the fight. I only threw 4 balloons, but quit soon after due to being hit in the face twice and nearly breaking my glasses. (I suspect somebody was throwing water bottles rather than water balloons but not certain). A water truck was there from the fire dept and was shooting water up over the crowd. I think that was the best part.
It was a great way to spend a Saturday Hope those that attended had fun.
I wonder if they get dual-enrolled as World's Largest Wet T-shirt contest at the same time.
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6
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Nervous
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Posted:Aug 8, 2014 6:18 pm
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2014 8:23 pm
19132 Views
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Going on a date. Sorta.
Maybe I should call it "Meeting somebody. Maybe getting a massage. Maybe watching movies. Maybe just sitting around talking about art, creativity, inspiration, love and relationships"
And dinner... well, that wasn't part of the plan, but I've not eaten since breakfast. Maybe I should grab popcorn on the way so in case a movie comes out we have popcorn.
I'm hungry. 
Need my shower still.
Hope everybody has a great Friday night!
*UPDATE*
The requested (Non) Action Report
I ran a few minutes late due to the whole "he's already eaten and I'm sick to my stomach starving" thing (and lo and behold: McDonalds! Their Slushies are pretty good btw)
His mom's cat was very glad to see me. We got along marvelously lol... he was actually OK with the fact I greeted his cat before I set my stuff down to greet him with a hug.
The only satisfied party of the evening was the cat. She got tons of pets and ear scratches. And lap time. We ended up having to cancel and do a rain check on the massage date. His mom is/has been in the hospital and his sister texted him in a panic. He couldn't determine if there was really something new wrong, or if his sister just had too much to drink, but better safe than sorry. So we cuddled 5 minutes then he took off to the hospital.
But... chest hair... sigh!! He lifted his shirt so I could play in it for 3 of those 5 minutes. I'm going to have happy dreams tonight lol. Way to tease the male-chest-hair-fetishist's addiction haha. And fuel fantasies.
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9
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On Happiness
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Posted:Aug 7, 2014 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Aug 8, 2014 8:28 pm
18141 Views
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"My advice to you is not to wonder why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream on your plate -- that's my philosophy"
--Thornton Wilder
Don't really have much to write at the moment. I bought a clearance priced book titled "1001 Ways to Happiness" a few months back. Now and then I pick it up. The above quote greatly amused me when I stumbled over it today
Wanna be happy? Shut up and eat your ice cream. haha.
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14
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The Watcher
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Posted:Aug 3, 2014 8:43 pm
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2015 5:04 pm
27413 Views
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Deep within her soul
resides a perfect golden scream
held in abeyance
When the time is right
her cry will set free
the Hounds of Hell
To chase the darkness
The wrongful deaths
The wars
The bloodshed
The innocence lost
She is a Watcher
Tasked to walk the Earth
in silence, observing, recording
Sometimes, she is nearly undone
Death? No.
That darkness is a familiar weight.
True acts of Love, of Courage
Braveness beyond measure
A simple kindness of strangers
These are what threaten her silence
Unexpected tremors of kindness
Love... so overpowering
And that golden scream trembles
The tears begin to flow
Uncontrolled, at the unfamiliar
pain of Beauty.
She curls into herself,
holding back the scream.
It is not time.
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4
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VisionPersonals.com TShirt Contest
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Posted:Aug 2, 2014 8:11 am
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2014 9:00 pm
18769 Views
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Have you voted yet?
If not... please go vote for youngbuck60629's design
It's the cool one that looks like a globe and "VisionPersonals.com" across the front, and little couples in various sexual positions all over.
OK... vote for whoever you wish, but I'd actually consider wearing his design.
******
And just to share: I had 12" of hair chopped off yesterday. I'm feeling bald. (It just skims the top of my seat while I'm sitting. So upper mid-butt length).
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5
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Yay! I'm back :)
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Posted:Aug 1, 2014 11:06 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2014 7:01 pm
19298 Views
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I came home yesterday to find my Netgear USB drive modem lying in pieces on the ground. Either myself or Sassy ran into it. I blame the cat.
Nice to be online again And attempting to use this site from a cell phone SUCKS. Of course my smart phone is a wee bit dumb too.
Hope everyone has some great weekend plans
I was planning to work Saturday. Instead: I'm going to watch my "" swim 1.76 miles across the Pend Oreille river. Then somehow entertain myself till she gets off work at 9pm then I'm staying at her place and we can catch up and just spend time together. I'm so happy!
Sunday I'm hanging out with my dad and working on Lady Greybrd.
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6
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HNW - Bikini Wednesday
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Posted:Jul 30, 2014 6:21 pm
Last Updated:Aug 1, 2014 10:55 pm
19543 Views
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I'm 1/4 tempted to actually put a pic of me in a bikini up. Only 1/4 though... friends that have known me forever would surely be so shocked that I showed skin online they might take me to a doctor. Or want to play doctor. Or... something like that. Psychiatrist maybe? It's probably secondary in shock value only to "What?! You cut your hair?!" (Family has declared that they will know I've lost my mind and need a mental hospital if I ever cut it short).
I do not have what Hollywood Culture would consider a "bikini body"... not even close. But I do still wear a bikini. Mostly because I have a long back... which means one-piece suits just don't work. Either my boobs fall out, or the circulation is cut off down below. Losing feeling in ones nether regions... well, technically losing feeling is probably an improvement over the pain of cut off circulation prior to the numbness. But either way it's no fun.
What's a bikini body?
And for humor:
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7
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Ramblings. And a few quotes.
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Posted:Jul 28, 2014 6:52 pm
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2015 10:48 pm
21755 Views
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Another blogger posted fairly recently how frustrated she gets when men demand she have an orgasm. "Cum for me"... some women have difficulties letting go, and all that expectation, all that pressure, just makes it all the worse. Then you're THINKING of it, stressing about it. "What is wrong with me?" starts creeping in. "I'm a horrible lover" or worry that if you don't cum the man might think he's the terrible lover. It gets overwhelming. You start trying to MAKE it happen, which only makes it more elusive. And if you tell a new lover "I never cum with partners" they just make the comment "Well, they were bad lovers, and didn't know what they were doing! I will make sure you cum". No. They were ALL wonderful. Conscientious. Giving. Long-Lasting. It was always wonderful. Just never "jump off the edge of the cliff" wonderful.
Of course: maybe that's part of my problem. I'm afraid of heights and jumping off cliffs just isn't my idea of fun haha. Though if I know, if I trust, that the other is there to catch me when I fall? In the deepest of my being... I truly hope and believe that is the catch for me. Especially if he can convince me "It's okay. This is as it should be" That, and convince me to let go, stop trying, stop needing to be in control of Self. I know, I need to convince *myself* of all that, but all the same, knowing somebody is there to catch me... to help find the pieces, to help put me back together if I'm totally lost in the letting go.
Damn. I don't like my rambling. They all sound like excuses. To justify my fear. My holding back. I know I cannot sink to the depths of the ocean I wish to go while still holding onto the side of the boat.
I like these quotes:
Be totally okay with not having an orgasm, and then see what changes. You’ll be amazed. Purposely not having an orgasm is an incredible opportunity to find ecstasy in the present moment. “ ~Todd Stone
“Realize orgasm is not an all or nothing thing.. You can have mini ones. You can take baby steps… a small wave… or a ripple of energy…. these are bridge builders…” ~Ben Tarlow
I started looking up quotes, I forget what for, and just kept following random paths. I've read more since these two (and prior) and now my heart is burning.
Hope everybody is having a wonderful Monday.
I could have worked 2 hours overtime but decided nah... I'm good (so I worked 45 minutes extra instead).
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10
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Anal Toy
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Posted:Jul 26, 2014 8:42 am
Last Updated:Jul 28, 2014 4:39 pm
19142 Views
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Hopefully I didn't post this before. Though if I did it probably doesn't hurt to share again.
A couple lifetimes ago I had a lover who was totally into anal sex. He was a "butt guy" all the way. That's actually how we met, in a way.
His version: he saw an attractive woman with a GREAT ass, and he kept watching her, admiring from a distance. Then said woman walked up and handed him chocolate. He LOVED chocolate... so then really had to meet her, thus began following her around trying to get her to talk to him the rest of the night.
My version: It was a Valentine's Day event. I'd attempted to make enough candy bags to give to everybody I met throughout the day. Instead after 75 I ran out of time and candy, so I decided to only give it out to people I knew at the event. There was one guy I did not know standing in the midst of 20 people I DID know, so... I gave him one. Would be rude under the circumstances not to. Then... he proceeded to follow me around the rest of the night, trying to talk to me, to flirt with me, to get my number. I ignored and avoided him as politely as I possibly could.
What happened? While I was off doing something else my best friend said "Oh, sure, here's her number! Call her sometime". A few days later he did.
We started talking, became friends, and eventually lovers (a safe, platonic night of just cuddling smacked into the fact my hands wander in my sleep. And upon waking I decided I liked where they had wandered). Months later he introduced me to anal sex. When a guy (or anybody I guess) is totally into it and knows what he's doing... the sensations are so unique, and so addictive. It's not better than vaginal just... well, I think it's like comparing apples to oranges. Similar shape but not hardly the same thing at all.
Fast forward a bit: I chose to follow the religious direction my soul was pulling me towards. Anal sex is one of the "forbidden" things. I spent years getting used to the idea of never experiencing it again. Then earlier this year I had the joy of experiencing it again, and it was 100x more intense than ever. Sadly it was a one-time deal, He supposedly met and totally fell for somebody and ended our relationship. However he brought back cravings, and had told me how wonderful anal beads are so.... I went shopping.
The woman at the store, when I asked her opinion of toy x vs toy y, said no. No way, no how, even though she'd get in trouble if her manager heard her tell somebody to not buy something they wanted... go with toy A (along with why she prefers it to the others). I'm quite glad I listened. There were other toys that they demoed on the "All About Anal Sex" ladies night discussion that I'm curious about, but this is quite wonderful. (Turns out I'm one of very few women with a highly positive "anal first time" experience
Well... all that rambling, to get to the point: Here's the toy I purchased. I'm not sure yet if it's the toy itself or the particular lube she had me purchase ("stimulating and warming" with ginseng) but it's almost like a small electric current hitting me in waves.
Ripple-Anal Sex Toy by Tantus:
Note: 2 years later he still had the bag of candy. It meant that much to him, that a random woman he was attracted to, walked up and handed it to him out of the blue. He couldn't stand the thought of losing the momento. It's possible he still has it but it's been 12+ years so probably not.
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To link to this blog (demonicsexkitten) use [blog demonicsexkitten] in your messages.
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