Contnues to amaze me
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Posted:Dec 25, 2013 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2015 5:21 pm
7618 Views
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It always amazes me how some just jump to conclusions about others and their situations in life. I guess to each their own I choose to get to know someone and go from there, others seem to choose to assume and then show their ignorance in their comments. Those are the type of people that aren't worth my time life is to short to deal with that kind of negativity.
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4
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Thought
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Posted:Jun 1, 2013 8:11 pm
Last Updated:Feb 18, 2015 5:23 pm
8834 Views
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Well just a thought that people shouldn't assume things when they read your profile I may not post on my profile if I am married but it is one of the first things I am upfront about most read between the lines and will ask. If they have an issue with the fact then don't message me. I'm quite sure there are several here that are in similar situations and I'm not going to condem them for their reason that would be hypocritical of me. I will say that if you have to make insulting comments when you don't even know me and my situation just shows me that you really aren't a person I would even want to know
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Just thinking
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Posted:Jul 1, 2012 12:39 pm
Last Updated:Aug 10, 2013 11:06 am
10486 Views
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Am I a bad person to hope that it comes back to haunt the moron that cut a friend off on his motorcycle and and left him laid out on the road with a broken leg and other serious injuries? I hope that person gets what they deserve someday because I dont understand how you could do that and just keep going. Its bad enough when I see it happen to an animal but its completely unforgiveable when its another person.
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Humor of the day
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Posted:Mar 2, 2012 6:07 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2012 8:02 pm
10211 Views
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You know I am finding it a bit funny that some one messages you swears to you that they are single and 3 days later they change their profile to read that they are now an " Honest Couple". Makes you laugt that they wouldnt know honest if it came up and kicked them in the ass. Oh well the games some will play, Im just too old for that
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5 DEADLY TERMS
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Posted:Jun 12, 2011 4:39 pm
Last Updated:Mar 2, 2012 6:07 pm
10233 Views
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5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN: (1) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP. (2) NOTHING: Means SOMETHING & you need to be WORRIED. (3) GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it. (4) WHATEVER: A woman's way of saying SCREW YOU. (5) THAT'S OK: She is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.
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5
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Old Farmer's Advice
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Posted:Apr 13, 2011 4:01 pm
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2013 5:21 pm
10522 Views
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Old Farmer's Advice
Your fences need to be -high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don 't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's around.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly.
Don 't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
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3
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Obituary
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Posted:Mar 31, 2011 6:40 pm
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2011 4:48 pm
10501 Views
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Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not , are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly .
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his , Responsibility, and by his , Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
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2
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"The Cableman" Proverbs
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Posted:Feb 5, 2010 3:41 pm
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2011 2:44 pm
11507 Views
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1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
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5
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Thoughts for TODAY
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Posted:Dec 27, 2009 7:51 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2011 7:29 pm
11477 Views
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Everyone has a photographic memory.
Some, like me, just don't have any film.
Remember...
Once you get over the hill,
you'll begin to pick up speed.
An older couple is lying in bed one morning.
They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.'
'Why not?' he asked.
She answered, 'Because I'm dead.'
The husband asked...'What are you talking about?
We're both lying here in bed together
and talking to one another!'
She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead.'
He insisted, 'You are not dead.
What in the world makes you think you're dead?'
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'
I always know...
God won't give me more than I can handle
There are times I just wish
He didn't trust me quite so much.
Dogs Have Owners ~ Cats Have Staff
If the shoe fits... buy a pair in every color.
Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.
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3
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Three Nuns at a Yankee's Game
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Posted:Dec 19, 2009 5:09 pm
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2010 3:32 am
10819 Views
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THREE NUNS WERE AT A YANKEE BASEBALL GAME....
THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND
BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID,
"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH. THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA . THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE.
THE THIRD GUY SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,
"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...? THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE!"
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2
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Feliz Navidad Christmas Cookies
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Posted:Dec 19, 2009 11:00 am
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2009 4:20 pm
10903 Views
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Feliz Navidad Christmas Cookies
> 1 cup of water
> 1 tsp baking soda
> 1 cup of sugar
> 1 tsp salt
> 1 cup of brown sugar
> Lemon juice
> 2 Large eggs
> 1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
> 1 bottle Jose Cuervo 151 Tequila
>
> Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
>
> Take a large bowl, and check the Cuervo again to be sure it is of
> the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
>
> Turn on the electric mixer.
>
> Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
>
> Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to
> make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup just in case.
>
> Turn off the mixerer thingy.
>
> Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
> fruit,
>
> Pick the frigging fruit off floor.
>
> Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just,
> pry it loose with a drewscriver.
>
> Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
>
> Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.
>
> Check the Jose Cuervo again jush in case.
>
> Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
>
> Add one table.
>
> Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
>
> Greash the oven.
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> Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
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> Don't forget to beat off the turner.
>
> Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo
> and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
>
> CHERRY MISTMAS
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1
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WHY????
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Posted:Dec 14, 2009 3:55 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2016 11:24 am
11132 Views
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Why's of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know...it never happened)
( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !
One for the ladies
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt, Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma '
And they say blondes are dumb...
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5
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Morning Sex
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Posted:Dec 12, 2009 9:46 am
Last Updated:Apr 22, 2011 3:18 pm
11113 Views
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She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and
toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'
My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going
to be my lucky day!'
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still
around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken'
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