Southern but Modern
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Posted:Mar 8, 2017 11:36 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2019 12:29 pm
3074 Views
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I am southern through and true. Behind my accent is charm and behind my eyes is my heritage. I still believe in everything I was taught growing up (with a twist). I still say a silent prayer before every meal. I still call my parents Mama and Daddy. I love to cook and be in the kitchen (as said in my profile), I believe that men and women are different. I believe in God and grew up in church. I got my first kiss on the playground at Sunday school. I am a good girl, but sometimes naughty. How is it possible to believe in all these southern ways but have different ideas? Sometimes I feel as if I am doing my heritage wrong….but I want to explore the world and feel good. Be prepared that many of my next words will sound like I am in the 1950’s or worse maybe the 1800’s….
As all other GRITS know….
While growing up I was taught:
( and if you still ask Mama and Daddy)
The man must….
Come to the door to pick a lady up earlier than the time given and for sure not late(for sure not sit in the driveway and honk, text you that he is there, or worse make you drive to meet him unless it is a group outing)
Not wear a hat inside and especially not at the dinner table.
Shake the fathers hand or whoever is greeting them at the door, introduce himself with his name (first and last) and look the person in the eyes. He knows not to sit unless invited to do so while he waits ever so patiently for the lady to appear after carefully putting her face on and her hair is all done up.
This gentleman I was taught about knows how to dress accordingly, at least with a collared shirt and dress pants and shoes.
He knows not to be too loud or too boisterous or too forward or too vulgar or too….too!!!
When a lady enters the room he will stand up and greet the lady and nod his head at the least
He must have a good job or go to school.
Open the door for a lady or anyone elder than him.
Help her to get her coat off and pulls out her chair. He orders for her after asking her what she wants.
Say yes ma’am and no sir
He will always treat the lady as respectful as possible (even if she does not use her manners)
He must have a good relationship with his Mama and understand that a southern ladies best friend is her mama. If Mama don’t approve, don’t even bother perusing (unless she is naughty like me).
While walking anywhere, he must walk on the side that is nearest to the street.
Must know how to listen and to compliment.
A lady should not
Eat too much. Order something light and not to messy.
Have only 1 or 2 cocktails.
Waits for him to open her car door and all other doors.
Swear
Act like a
Flirt too much
Show too much public affection, especially on a first date
Always look him in the eye when speaking
Not gossip
Not show too much skin
Use her manners
NO BUBBLEGUM (ladies do not ever chew bubblegum. No one wants to look like a smacking its gums like its chewing on a piece of hay)
A lady always is composed and does not gossip or fix her hair(and by no means her face) in front of others
I know these sound like 1950’s rules but they are still taught to many southern girls. I am 31 and I still here it from my Mama. “What, he can’t pick you up at the door?” “Well, goodness gracious, he just took you to an Applebee’s and then you walked on the beach?” Things are different now days. What can I say Mama? Sure, I would love for it to be that way (in a way) but it is too hard and too much pressure on both parties(or multiple parties considering a person’s view of a date) when the rest of the world is not like that. I still want to be treated with respect and I still act respectful. I will never chew bubble gum in public and even in private I just put it my mouth and suck on it (I already hear the puns in my head). I dress like a lady and do not show too much skin. I try to look in someone’s eyes at all times. I say yes ma’am and no sir. I order light and not too messy. But what happens after the date is over and you want to do what you want to do? A southern lady is taught to let him walk you to the door(for your safety of course) and then wait for him to call as late as three days later. But what if I want him to come inside and slide into my bed after a nightcap, of course? I get so conflicted at times I was raised one way but have many different thoughts. Like I said before treat me like a lady but….understand it is not 1950. It is 2017; it is hard for a southern lady (well at least this one) to go against her upbringing; but it is also hard to fit in with new times. Due to social media, people tend to think they know you a lot better than they actually do. Therefore, on your first date they feel like they already know you because of a couple (well multiple) memes, your timeline, photos, status updates, and a synopsis of your feelings at an exact moment. I cannot stand a man talking disrespectfully(love it in bed) and I really hate dick pics, especially, a dick pic with no face pic on your portfolio and a great line like, “Wanna hook up?” At this point in life, actually any time after loss of virginity men (and women) should know women mostly get turned on from connection, the feeling of being cared for, being listened to, feeling safe, a man that is just the right amount of masculine….Not a picture of a random dick. Besides, it is hard to play match the head to the head. I guess that is what I miss about old fashioned dating…the anticipation, the patience, the dedication, the wonder, just the realness. If you liked someone before it took a little effort to get in touch with them. Now it is only a couple clicks…
If you want to treat me like a lady and talk dirty to me in bed (or the kitchen, the neighbors porch, the alley way, the parking lot of Wal-mart) then I am all for it. If you do treat me like a lady; behind closed doors, I can be whatever you want…..
So I am a good southern lady but naughty Grits....
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