Lawn Mowers Suck
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Posted:Mar 29, 2015 10:59 am
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2016 7:01 pm
3835 Views
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Yep...so I got a used lawn mower last summer and it worked great. I happily tooled around my yard cutting the grass...even that fancy diagonal pattern lol. Or at least I thought it looked like that lol
This year I started the engine a few weeks ago and cut grass, towed a bunch of tree limbs that had come down out of the way and all was good.
Today...not so much fun. Battery acted dead so I went and got another one. Still have to take the old one back for disposal. Course I cant get the old one out as the left side is corroded. So I clean it, and attempt to get the connector off. Nope....got a few sparks though. So I tried to turn over again....the mower made a few attempts...gave a major clicking noise....then sounded like a down elephant or something similar. And now it wont turn over, won't click or make any noise. It just sits there silently mocking me. So I try to start the push mower. I can't get that thing started either.
Fuckin mowers.
Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!
Not mowing the yard today ShyAnd
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Little Johnny...
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Posted:Apr 13, 2013 2:36 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2015 10:59 am
4961 Views
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The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "But what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
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Sex Pills Anyone....?
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Posted:Apr 13, 2013 2:34 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2013 6:17 pm
5002 Views
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A lady goes to the doctor's office and tells the doctor that she can't get her husband to have sex with her anymore. So, the doctor gives her some pills and says to give her husband one each night in his dinner whenever she wants to have sex. That night she gave him one and they had a decent night of sex. The next night she decided to try 4 pills and she had even better sex. Well the next night she tried 8 pills and the sex was wonderful. So the next night she decided to dump the whole bottle in his dinner. The next day her showed up at the doctor's office and and said, "Doctor, Doctor, what did you do to my Daddy? My mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my butt hurts, and my dad's going around saying here kitty, kitty, kitty!"
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Dinner at the local restaurant
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Posted:Jul 20, 2012 8:40 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2013 6:17 pm
5426 Views
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So went to dinner and ordered basic items...Imma no salt, no pepper, room temp water kinda gal. Just give me some talapia, mashed taters and some buttered corn. Simple right> Hmmm...I wish. Everything arrived with pepper on it already...and the waitress couldnt figure out how to get the ice cubes out of the water. Needless to say, dinner wasnt the best I have had.
I guess I could take my own water bottle and just ask for salad huh? 
Hugs
Shy
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My Missus
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Posted:Apr 23, 2011 9:46 pm
Last Updated:May 2, 2013 6:17 pm
6644 Views
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4/12 Poem of the day.....
My Missus
I never believed what people said
That me missus liked other blokes in her bed
So I'll tell you my story,
Each word it is true
Just in case it should happen to you
Came home from work
Early one night
Walked into my house
And had quite a fright
My missus was chained
From her toes to her head!
She saw me and fainted -
When recovered she said......
"Oh Harry, you gave me a terrible shock -
I was trying my lovely new chain-mail frock!!"
I chose to believe when I looked in her eyes
Just couldn't conceive that she'd ever tell lies
Then later that week
On returning from darts
I noticed my wife had the terrible farts
I asked her "Pour quoi?"
She replied as such -
"The eggs, they were off
And I ate far too much!!"
I thought nothing of it,
Settled down for a nap,
But was aroused from my slumber
By our squeaky cat-flap
I thought this quite odd
As our cat was long dead
Then through sleepy-hazed eyes
I could see this blokes head!
I jumped from my chair
And I pointed with blame
"This man is your lover,
Now tell me his name!"
She tried to stay calm
But her voiced dripped with fear
And she feebly offered.......
"It's the milkman my dear!"
I should have paid heed
To the words people said
Indeed it did seem
That she liked 'giving head'!
I confronted her thus,
In response she did say,
"But to you I can't do it -
I think that you're gay!"
I took a deep breath
Told her "Don't hit the roof,
But it seems now's the time
For the sharing of truth.........
Don't take it too hard,
But the truth of all this
Is the 'Mr' you married
Was at one time a 'Miss'!!"
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Poem of the day.....
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Posted:Apr 12, 2011 6:47 pm
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2013 2:28 pm
7080 Views
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Roses are red nuts are brown
Skirts go up pants go down
Body to body; Skin to skin
When its stiff stick it in
It goes in dry and comes out wet
The longer its in, the stronger it gets
It comes out dripping and starts to sag
But its not what you think its a used tetleys tea bag....
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One of my FB friends is soooooo wise.....!!!
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Posted:Dec 12, 2010 9:54 am
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2011 9:47 pm
7833 Views
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Gotta love the poor guy..... 
How come womens bitch buttons are so easy to find ,,,, and their easy buttons are always such a bitch to find?
Shy
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A Study......
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Posted:Oct 10, 2010 9:10 pm
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2011 8:39 pm
7649 Views
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A study revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his ass while he is on fire.
Gotta love good humor!
Shy
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To link to this blog (ShyAndBallzie) use [blog ShyAndBallzie] in your messages.
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