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Blogs > DaCumalotsPalace > My Blog
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The Human layers
Posted:May 16, 2010 5:00 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2013 5:21 pm
2932 Views

i stand here lookin apon a world i can not touch. i look down and it seems so far out of reach. but i can see the people and the animals as they play and eat and live together. and here i am so high up and yet not high enough. i stand on a point where i am no closer to the ground and even further to the stars in the sky. and it seems that i am stuck here on top of this mountain on top of the world. i go from edge to edge and there seems no way down and no way up. i am as i always felt as i always been alone. alone and out of place in a place in a world that i no nothin about just wat i see and some times hear. i am lost and i want to be found. can someone find me can someone rescue me from this nightmare. oh wat will happen to me. will i die alone in a world of life. i fear that it will be just that. a death of lonely and sadness as i become nothin. i look down apon the world around me and i begin to cry. please let this end please let me rest i beg u please let me be. i drop down to my knees and all i want to do is give up and i no i can not. i no i need to go on to learn and to live as i am. so i just wait and wonder when will this ever end.
i sit here and i look apon wats in my hands and i can not believe wat i am hearin. i sit here and look apon a man that breaths the air of the many and he angers me. here i hold in my hands the life of a man that is surrounded by the world which he can see and hear. while i sit here only to dream to see wat he does. to imagine the breath of fresh air in my lungs as it passes by me. but i only see him and hear him through this ball of clear that i hold in my hands. why can i not see others and their lives. why must it be his. i want to be him to breath to walk to talk to see like him. but i can not. i am stuck in this room of white walls and a white ceilin and a white floor. i hate the color white. it drives me crazy i am goin insane. i want any color any color at all will do as long as it is not white. when will this all end. when will i go free escape from this prison that i am in. please let me go please i need to breath please i beg u let me be free. i can not take it any more. do u hear me. i want out i want like he is.
i am here lookin apon you but you can not see me. i am here talkin to you and you can not hear me. i am here lovin you but you can not feel me. i dont no wat else to do. at first i tried to help you but i could not. so i did wat i had to and now i can only look apon you through this square glass that is on this heavy door. and as i look at you my eyes as well as my heart grows heavy. i begin to cry when i remember wat we were wat we meant to each other. we were lovers and we were happy. now we are nothin and you can not save us. how can me and your survive with out you. you are everythin to us and so much more. wat will i do wat will we do i ask as i hold your in my arms. i begged and i pleaded but my cries go unheard and unmet. i turn to you up there in the heavens. please let him change let this stop and return to normal please i beg you return my lover to me and let us be happy as we once were. please when will this end.
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Creatin Urself
Posted:May 16, 2010 4:58 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2013 5:20 pm
2964 Views

i lay here. i wonder. how long has it been? where am i? who am i? i lay here and i wonder. i cant see anything. i look around side to side up and down and i cant see anything but darkness. what is this? its pitch black and its all around me like a blanket. covering me. protecting me?
i feel something. its cold and sad. im alone with nothing and no one. i am here in the dark alone and i am scared. i begin to cry but i dont no the reason. what is going on. what am i to do. i close my eyes and try to think try to escape and it doesn't matter. the darkness is still there.
i begin to breath. i begin to relax. i begin to take control. now i am calm as calm can be. i begin. i begin to look around to explore with my eyes at first. i see nothing. i begin to move my hands then my legs and then my body. i explore the darkness i understand it i embrace it. it doesn't hurt me. doesn't sadden me.
there suddenly i can see. its right there. but what is it? its white. its a small dot. it seems to be far far away from me. i need to no. i need to no what it is. i must no. i must get near it. i must move. so i get up and i move. slow at first but with every step with every thought i get faster and closer. i am so close. i cant help it. its pulling me closer and closer. i can feel it.
i am so close but yet im still far. i am slow now. im slowing down. i am tired. i stop. breathing hard. i need to catch my breath. i remember to breath to relax. i am calm now. i look at the small white dot. i feel something. i feel connected. the white dot is like me. it is me. but its not. it is apart of me. we are both surrounded by the darkness.
i feel something. i can hear it too. a rhythm. a beat. its inside me. its my heart. i can feel it beating. i can hear it beating. there the white dot. it moved. it got bigger. there again it got even bigger. its growing. and its growing bigger every time my heart beats. what is this? what is it doing? it keeps on growing bigger and bigger.
the darkness. the darkness is leaven. it is running from the growing white dot. no wait. its not a dot its light. its a beautiful white light. it is growing. the darkness is disappearing. its becoming smaller and smaller. the white light is getting bigger and bigger. the light is now all around me. it is beautiful. it is me. i created it. i wanted it. its mine.
now i can see. i can see around me. i can see me. i now know me. i am happy. i am excited. i am free. i walk and run and dance and explore my new place. i stop to rest and then i start again. it is wonderful. it is beautiful. its is warm and also comforts. it also protects. but it is different. its not darkness. it is light. a beautiful white light.
i stop to rest. i look around. i see everything around me. i see nothing. there is nothing there. i feel cold and sad again. i am alone. i am lonely again. i am bored and scared. i can feel and hear my heart beating faster. i am worried. what should i do? what shall happen next? i need to breath. i need to rest. i need to relax. i am calm now. i am clear and thinking.
i am thinking. what shall i do? i will create. create like i created the white light. i put my hands together to make a ball. i close my eyes and i think real hard. as i open my hands i open my eyes and i see a ball. its round and sort of see through. its kinda funny. it makes me happy. i am excited. i like it.
it is round and it is yellow. and i am happy. i think and i no i need more. so i put my hands together again and again i create. i create another ball and then another and then another and then another. i stop when i feel i need no more. i am more. i am more happy more excited. and i begin to think to create.
i think and think hard. i wish. i wish to change each ball. i give each ball a different color. one red one blue one green one gray one brown. i need more. much more. i begin to mix the colors. i give each ball two colors or three or four or more. much more. i make each ball of color a different size and different feel to it. i need more. i want more. there is so much more.
the first ball starts to glow. i am excited. i can feel something. it is warm. i can also feel it pulling me. it pulls me to it. it shines bright and now the others start to move. they move around the warm yellow glowing ball. each ball moving in its own speed in its own way. this is beautiful. this is great. i am happy.
i decide to create more of this. i will surround myself with this beauty. i create more of these yellow glowing balls. these stars. and these other colored balls. these planets. i will create more and more until i can not create anymore. and so i did. i created hundreds to thousands to millions to billions of these. and with each it is different from the other. and in each a star glows and her planets circle her.
the light that the stars give is different. they seem warmer and brighter. too warm and too bright. hurting my skin and my eyes. i need to do something. what can i do? i think. i need to create. i do. i think and wish and create. i bring back darkness. and darkness covers my stars and all of my planets with night. i am excited and i am happy and can not believe what i did. what i created.
i go back to my first star and my first planet. i begin to think. there is something missing. what can it be? what more can i create? wait i no. not what but who. i can create who. lots of whos. different whos. i can create life. life like me. and i close my eyes and i think hard and i wish and as i open my eyes there in a blue greenish planet i did it. i created life. i created whos. whos that are like me.
i feel something. i no what this is. i feel alone. no not i. i feel loneliness for my life i created. my people. my . they need something. so i think. and i create. more of my . not here. not on this planet. on other planets with other stars. but still there is something wrong. they need more. so i gave them food and i gave them pets and workers and friends. no that is not it. there is more. i must think. i must wish. i must create.
i gave them everything they need to live to be alive. i need to give them something more. yes that is it. i no what i must give them. i must give them the means to think. i must give them the means to feel. i must give them the means to hate. i must give them the means to hurt and to be happy. i must give them the means to create. i must give them the means to grow. i must give them true life and to create true life. and i do. i give them all that. they have everything. i have everything.
i am truly happy? i am truly excited? i can truly see? and look? look at what i created. look at what i gave myself. look what i gave u. look at my beauty. look at my wonder. look at my life. look at what i created. it is beautiful. it is true beauty and happiness. or is it? is it really? is it truly? what else can i do? what else can i think of? what else can i create? what else can i give? the only thing left is me. i need to give me. and i do.
i go to my first star. and i go to my first planet. and i go to my first people. and i give them me. and i live with them and they live with me and we live together. we are different but we live as one. and im not scared or cold or sad or lonely and im not alone. and together. as one. we create one more. we create love. love for one and other. love for each other. true love. and then i lay back down and i close my eyes and i dream. with love... i am URA.
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Dear Kitty
Posted:May 16, 2010 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2019 12:55 pm
2958 Views

i see her standin ova there
a look apon her face that i can not bare
i can not watch her for it hurts me
i no she hurts but i cant let it be
and wat can i do to stop this
it seems that somethin is a miss
i can almost see through her as i stand here
and yet i see no heart but instead there is nothin there
my eyes start to ache as a tear rolls down my face
for the pain she feels i can only have alittle taste
my own pain i feel as i remember
the time that my heart broke in a few numbers
now wat can i do to stop her pain
i can not replace wat she lost that would be insane
i do care for her in a strange way
but i no that us being together wouldnt be ok
the only thing that i can do
is be a friend and tell her i understand you
im sorry that you hurt so much
but maybe a kiss and a hug will be the touch
i hope because of this u will feel much better
for this i write to you this poem this letter
i can not do anythin about ur lil spat
but i can be there for u my lil kitty kat
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