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| Blogs > rm_longliner002 > longliner002 My Blog |
joke sex work out
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joke sex work out Sex Workout Having sex is yet another great past time for burning up those unwanted fat producing calories... REMOVING CLOTHES With partner's consent... 12 calories Without partner's consent... 187 calories UNHOOKING BRA Using two calm hands... 7 calories Using one trembling hand... 36 calories GETTING INTO BED Lifting partner... 1.5 calories Dragging partner along floor... 16 calories Using skateboard... 3 calories ACHIEVING ERECTIONS For normal healthy man... 2.5 calories Losing erection... 14 calories Searching for it... 115 calories PUTTING ON CONDOM With erection... 1.5 calories Without erection... 300 calories INSERTING DIAPHRAGM If the woman who does it is: Experienced... 6 calories Inexperienced... 73 calories If a man does it... 650 calories Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room. POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS Bouncing... 7 calories Sliding around... 9 calories Serious skidding... 12 calories Whiplash... 27 calories ORGASM Real... 27 calories Faked... 160 calories ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE Shoes flew off... 35 calories Expression didn't change... 0.5 calories Orchestra swelled... 6 calories Birds sang: Large birds... 7 calories Small birds... 3 calories Earth moved... 30 calories PULLING OUT After orgasm... 0.5 calories A few moments before orgasm... 500 calories PENIS ENVY For woman... 3 calories For men... 72 calories GUILT Banging your boss for a promotion... 30 calories Sex during a 'sickie'... 10 calories Bonking each other with parents in other room... 7 calories Putting it on your expense account... 9 calories AGGRAVATION Partner keeps showing plant... 5 calories Partner insists on cuddling during foreplay... 14 calories Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time... 10 calories Partner is taking phone calls... 7 calories Partner is making phone calls... 40 calories GETTING CAUGHT By partner's spouse... 60 calories By your spouse... 100 calories Trying to explain... 55 calories Trying to remain calm... 100 calories Leaping out of bed... 75 calories Getting dressed in one motion... 500 calories Q: What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury DoughBoy together? A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. Q: Did you hear about the new "super sensitive condoms?" A: They hang around after sex to cuddle and talk to the woman. Q: What are the last words of a redneck? A: "Hey y'all check this out!" Q: What do you call a guy from Kentucky who doesn't fuck his sister? A: An only . Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A. A cherry float. Q:How did Helen Keller loose her cherry? A:The maid left the plunger in the toilet. Q: Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 100? A: Everytime she got to 69 she got a frog in her throat Q: How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex? A: One of his fingers is clean. Q: Have you heard about Playboy's new magazine for married men? A: Same centerfold every month. Q: What does a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common? A: One way or the other someone is losing their trailer! Q: What's the definition of a complete and utter business failure? A: A pregnant . Q: What do you call a guy from Kentucky who doesn't fuck his sister? A: An only . Q: How does an hillbilly mother know her is pregnant? A: Her 's dick tastes funny. YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF. . . . . . the most common prase in your house is "someone go jiggle the handle." . . . you've ever shop lifted from a yard sale. . . . your uncle's 14 year old is out in the front lawn and sayin "Ai Pane Ai Pane." . . . you miss your 5th grade graduation becasue you are called for jury duty. . . . your sister has ever asked you to borrow the backhoe. Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you can leave early. The first friday the question was how many gallons of water is there in the whole world. No one knew so nobody got to leave early. Next Friday the question was how many grains of sand is there in the whole world. No one knew so nobody got to leave early. By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he figures it's all a con, so he paints two ping-pong balls black. The next Friday the teacher anounces it's time for the question. She turns to write it on the chalk board but before she can do so Johnny rolls the two black ping-pong balls down the isle to her feet. She turns and says, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?" Little Johnny said, "Bill Cosby. See you on Monday."  |
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8/22/2006 9:31 am |
And thanks so much for brightening the day!! (Giggles) Until later 2daycowboywanted
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thank you for the comment
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