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FWB  

LTRLover24 29F
0 posts
11/24/2018 1:54 pm
FWB


I would like a female opinion on this because I feel that this situation is very easy for men. I keep thinking about trying the whole FWB thing but cant figure out how to separate emotions from sex. For me there is no such thing as just sex. Even though I was advise to not get pregnant I still would like to try. The thing is I need the person to stuck around. I am not trying to be a single if I don't have to. So my question to the ladies is how in the world do you separate emotions from sex.

VelkutuVoom 55M
135 posts
11/24/2018 4:02 pm

You say you are not trying to be a single mother if you don't have to. In that case, be patient. Men are still very immature at 24 and their brains become fully developed later than women's. Be patient and educate yourself. Picking the right mate is hard. I kind of like the School of Life YouTube channel for some relationship tips.


LTRLover24 replies on 11/24/2018 4:57 pm:
Thank you

redrockrascal 65M
23580 posts
11/24/2018 4:53 pm

It sounds like you need to understand what FwB is. The "F" in FwB means friend, there IS an emotional context to that types of relationship.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
11/24/2018 5:50 pm

I keep thinking about trying the whole FWB thing but cant figure out how to separate emotions from sex..... Then don't try doing the FWB thing. You will only get hurt.

When you date guys [have sex with them] do you leap to the conclusion you are in a committed relationship with them, now, because you had sex? If "Yes"... then stay away from the "Fwb" concept.

For me there is no such thing as just sex..... Then stay away from Fwb , and don't "Date". For instance, guys [unless they're gay] who invite you on a date, want to have sex, not necessarily start any kind of commitment.

Even though I was advise to not get pregnant I still would like to try. .... Try to get pregnant? Don't try to get pregnant....you still have about 8 years before your window of opportunity [to get pregnant] by a good man, starts to close shut. Take this time to discover who you can really be. Your future depends on that.

The thing is I need the person to stuck around. .... No you don't need him to stick around, not at your age. Yes, you can show him your vagina, and tell him he can have this if he sticks around, he'll say, "Okay", and inside of a year, he will have moved on to someone different or better. Women move on , too. To try other men, potentially better men. It's called "Stepping up", or "Trading up". People in their teens and twenties do this very often for a good reason. This can repeat itself year after year, and before you know it, you're 40, and men are generally not looking to marry a 40 plus year old, especially with someone else's kids.

I am not trying to be a single mother if I don't have to. .... Indeed you do not want to be a single mother. Life, for you as a single parent, would be extremely difficult.


LTRLover24 replies on 11/24/2018 6:13 pm:
I have not dated since high school and it never got sexual. When I was 20 I had a one time hookup and when he didn't want to continue a relationship I got very depressed and attempted suicide.

Yes I was told to not try to get pregnant ever. Due to medical things it would be dangerous for me but having kids and a family is something I have always wanted.

No matter my age I would need the person to stick around. My family is not going to be there for me and trying to be a single mother is too difficult nearly impossible with my condition.

Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
11/24/2018 6:49 pm

LTRLover24 replies on 11/24/2018 6:13 pm:
I have not dated since high school and it never got sexual. When I was 20 I had a one time hookup and when he didn't want to continue a relationship I got very depressed and attempted suicide.

Yes I was told to not try to get pregnant ever. Due to medical things it would be dangerous for me but having kids and a family is something I have always wanted.

No matter my age I would need the person to stick around. My family is not going to be there for me and trying to be a single mother is too difficult nearly impossible with my condition.


===============

I have not dated since high school and it never got sexual. .... Not sexual? ... Then you have not really dated, ever.

When I was 20 I had a one time hookup and when he didn't want to continue a relationship.... Of course he didn't.... way too early in life to commit to a relationship.

I got very depressed and attempted suicide. .... And now 4 years later, you want to try a fwb situation, and expect him to stick around? No... doesn't work that way...... Your fwb is a free agent to date other women.....not just be with you.

Yes I was told to not try to get pregnant ever. Due to medical things it would be dangerous for me...... Then consider that advise very closely.

but having kids and a family is something I have always wanted. .... Sure, because you don't care about the baby, you don't care about the guy... you only want this dream of yours.

No matter my age I would need the person to stick around..... Doesn't work that way. Guys are dating and moving up to better women... women are dating and moving up to better men.... Even if you do get a promise to stay with you, it's only just words. People break up all the time for just about any reason.

My family is not going to be there for me and trying to be a single mother is too difficult nearly impossible with my condition..... So forget about being a mom...... because looking for man, because your parents are not going to be there, is a ridiculous reason to have a man promise you he won't leave. Besides the promise is a very popular promise to break.


LTRLover24 replies on 11/25/2018 9:36 am:
He was 28 thats not too early to consider commitment.

Yes years later I have considered a fwb situation. I have not completed decided yet. If that's how a fwb works (not monogamous) then that's not what I want

I did consider the advise and I am getting a second opinion.

That is not true at all. I would care about the baby alot and whoever the guy ends up being.

Forgetting about being a mother is not going to happen. If I have to figure out how to do it alone then that's what I will do.

forgotforgetting 57M
8134 posts
11/27/2018 3:29 pm

Some people spend a lifetime looking for the "sticking around" person without success. I hope that's not your situation.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde


Heathen_G 65M
7974 posts
11/27/2018 6:45 pm


LTRLover24 replies on 11/25/2018 9:36 am:
He was 28 thats not too early to consider commitment.

Yes years later I have considered a fwb situation. I have not completed decided yet. If that's how a fwb works (not monogamous) then that's not what I want

I did consider the advise and I am getting a second opinion.

That is not true at all. I would care about the baby alot and whoever the guy ends up being.

Forgetting about being a mother is not going to happen. If I have to figure out how to do it alone then that's what I will do.


================

He was 28 thats not too early to consider commitment. ... For you it was way too early, and still , at 24, is too early. From your perspective as a woman [likely wanting to make a baby], 28 seems ready for a commitment, but from a males perspective, it's still early.

He was probably just getting started on finding out who he is and what he can begin to accomplish. If that was the case, he would not need to be involved in a commitment to anyone else but himself.

If that's how a fwb works (not monogamous) then that's not what I want .... Then you don't want a fwb.... a fwb is not monogamous. ... You're looking for a boyfriend. You don't seem ready for a boyfriend yet.

I did consider the advise and I am getting a second opinion. ... okay, but your doctor advises against you getting pregnant... the doctor didn't just say that to hear the words.

That is not true at all. I would care about the baby alot and whoever the guy ends up being. .... If that's true, then you care enough not to have a baby. You said yourself the doctor said "Don't". ...also , husbands do leave [wives, too] , for just about any reason. And when you're not professionally , and financially situated on your own... being left with a kid will be very hard on you , and very difficult for that little person you're entrusted to care for.

Forgetting about being a mother is not going to happen. If I have to figure out how to do it alone then that's what I will do.... That won't be fair to that new life. ..... See, you're not ready yet... maybe never..... Making a baby should not be about "Self", and you're sounding selfish. .... Maybe get a dog.


LTRLover24 replies on 12/1/2018 3:01 pm:
Its not for you or anyone else to decide if I'm ready for a boyfriend or a baby. Nothing about wanting to have a family is selfish. I respect your opinion though.

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