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| Blogs > matt-battler > Captain Caveman finally speaks |
My Olympic heroes
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My Olympic heroes I know I'm a bit late with this, but it's the Summer and I've been outdoors adding to my freckles, rather than staying cooped up indoors. As regular readers will know I'm sports mad so something like the Olympics is tailor-made for me. Perhaps I spent 20, possibly even 22 hours a day following it. I wish I could've cloned myself so I could watch and do other things at the same time. Team GB did pretty well - most nations tank in the medals table after hosting but we didn't - a lesson in what can happen if you invest properly in people over a long period of time. I'm old enough to remember when we were rubbish at the Olympics, finishing behind France, Italy, Germany, even Korea so it never gets old to see it confirmed officially that Britain is better than France (in a sporting sense)  Who were my sporting heroes of Rio 2016? I'm not a massive boxing fan, but amateur boxing has a healthier culture surrounding it than the pro game so I get drawn in when they're representing a country, not just themselves. The story of GB heavyweight Joe Joyce is pretty extraordinary. Despite having hands the size of a bunch of bananas Joyce has a degree in Fine Art from Middlesex Uni. Before really applying himself to getting on the GB squad (which is very full on), he was a pro cheerleader in Sacramento. He's also somehow found the time to become a qualified diving instructor. After leaving his Uzbekistan opponent half-dead Joyce wowed the Brazilian crowd with some cartwheels and spinning kicks, capoeira style.Have you ever looked at someone and thought 'shit, what have I been doing with my life?' - Joyce is that kind of guy. I hope he goes on to get a decent payday in the pro ranks - if not I'm sure whatever he does with his life will be interesting.  Joe Joyce - renaissance man - brush in hand when the gloves are off Best team? I see the team sports as a bit of a sideshow to athletics, swimming and cycling but I was impressed by our hockey girls - I've been following hockey since the '84 Olympics and this was comfortably the best side. I used to play a bit but my experience was nothing like the sport is now, my hockey days were on a clumpy boggy grass pitch with the ball going around like a koala in a coma. Now they ping it about at the speed of light and wear more bruises than a Bruce Lee opponent. I am fiercely patriotic but I must admit my loyalty was compromised in the final as the Dutch team were fit as fuck. Takes a lot to get me interested when someone is wearing a gumshield and scowling most of the time but somehow they did it - maybe they unlocked a fetish I never knew I had? Anyway, hats off to both teams and I raise my glass to the GB hockey girls who battled their way to victory against more skillful opponents   Naomi Van As - tested my loyalty |
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Ha, that's too funny. I managed to avoid all of The Olympics, but happened to see some of the hockey match between GB and The Netherlands. I even saw Naomi sporting her gum shield. Although, I have to be honest, it didn't do anything for me  She's a good looking girl, though. Maybe you should pay a visit to the land of the wooden shoes and introduce yourself  "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
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That's quite a feat to miss it, considering it was on 26 hours a day! Furthermore it seemed to involve a Scottish broadcasting takeover - wall to wall Hazel Irvine, Jill Douglas, Shirley Robertson, Neil Adams and Sir Chris Hoy (not that I'm complaining) I know you'd really hate it if I made a crude and childish comment about you loving the cock so much that even a pretty girl like Naomi wouldn't register with you, so I won't!  TBH the hockey was so tense and the Netherlands are usually so bulletproof that I could barely bring myself to watch it. The fact that GB won such a crunch penalty shoot out - maybe a lesson for our footballers on how to grow a spine? Not sure if Naomi would be particularly impressed by my rusty stickwork, but I guess I'd have a better chance than with our own lezbefriends Kate & Helen Richardson-Walsh 
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I know! I should get a gold medal for that alone  The Scots are taking over, slowly but surely Hahaha, I wouldn't expect you to be crude, Matt. I'd have to punch you in the nuts if you were Footballers are too busy spending all their money to worry about silly things like growing a spine. Well, you could fly over, show her your stick, and then blog about how you got on  "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
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If only all I had to do was show off my stick . . . That's exactly the sort of thing that Captain Caveman would do, I'm not sure it's legal now we have civilizashun It certainly is an attractive prospect though - those hockey players have got a very strong grip and they are very very passionate, though for my fantasy to be complete the gumshield would have to fall to the floor at some point . . .
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