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| Blogs > matt-battler > Captain Caveman finally speaks |
The lords of Dosstown
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The lords of Dosstown When I got into the Sixth Form at school there was a new intake of boys who'd got really good GCSEs at other schools who came to join us. One of them was a lack-the-lad type character called Martin Austin, we gave him the nickname Mostin, this really irritated him as there was a character also named Mostyn played by Hugh Laurie in an Alliance & Leicester advert running on TV at the time. Mostyn was a typical bumbling posh fop, it was a ridiculous and unflattering comparison, so it stuck. One day the real Mostin blew his top at me: Martin Austin: I'm really fucking sick of you calling me Mostin, call me that again and I'll kick your head in! Me: Okay whatever you say Mostin. Cue several knowing looks from others in the sixth form common room - I knew I could say whatever I wanted because Mostin was really unpopular - he was a late arrival into the fold and he came from Swanley, a genuine shithole, as opposed to Dartford which was merely mediocre. This was a really typical exchange between teenage boys at a Grammar School - either things are temperamental and overblown, or they're simply a massive piss take. You're pushed so hard to learn things that make your brain hurt you have to let go of the pressure valve during your downtime. I got an unwanted reputation for carrying out dares - I got asked to buy a penny chew with a £10 from the local store - I did it bold as brass - the cashier didn't have enough change so she had to go to the sub-post office at the back of the store to sort me out - my friends saw this as nothing less than a triumph. All this adds up to an underlying lack of respect for what's going on in the world - hardly surprising as Dartford historically has been known as the cradle of civil unrest - the Peasants' Revolt began there in 1381. Some might say it's been full of revolting peasants ever since  That lack of respect has intersected with the world of illicit casual sex. Dartford Heath, where I used to do my cross-country runs at school, has now become a major dogging spot. This hasn't escaped the notice of non-doggers. Most would leave it alone, but not Dartfordians. A few years ago a bunch of my friends rocked up to the Heath car park in their old banger with a rudimentary knowledge of dogging etiquette. Apparently you flash your lights at another car to show your interest. They flashed someone for a laugh . . . they got flashed back . . . not knowing how to respond to this they drove off. The person in the other car, taking the situation really seriously, blew his top and proceeded to chase them round the Dartford one-way system for around 30 mins. My friends reached the conclusion that this couldn't really have been a dogger and they were actually interfering with a drug dealer (law of averages says this is likely in Dartford).  Keith Richards - one of Dartford's favourite sons - it's not a serious place It made me think because sites such as A F F have a very libertarian 'whatever floats your boat' attitude - if you're not into the extreme stuff you're supposed to accept it, and certainly not ridicule it. The dogging disrupter incident brought it home to me that people who aren't part of this sexual libertine/swinging community don't really see it that way, and if people in Dartford think something is silly they will be very vocal about it. By the way Dosstown, in the title of this blog is what many locals call Dartford due to the high incidence of tramps - a subject I will touch on another time . . . |
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"The person in the other car, taking the situation really seriously, blew his top and proceeded to chase them round the Dartford one-way system for around 30 mins." Hahaha That is too freaking funny. I really did "laugh out loud"  The whole dogging scene is just so seedy to me. There's a reason they meet up in the dark. They're not allowed out during daylight hours  [image] "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
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Hey there Holly, There are a few things I'm REALLY REALLY not into - dogging, gloryhole and darkroom sex being among them. It's kinda nice to have a conversation and actually know the name of people you sleep with Call me a bluff old traditionalist but the really impersonal and anonymous stuff is not for me - I won't fuck any old rubbish.Wow, I didn't know there was a special road sign for such outdoor activities. I guess there was an unusually large number of fat and ugly people turning up at that dogging spot. I've never seen that sign in Dartford, but then it probably wouldn't last long. Anyways I hope you're enjoying your summer, you just wait for my tramps blog, it will be the best tramps blog you've ever seen I tells ya . . .
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