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Blogs > matt-battler > Captain Caveman finally speaks

Benchmarks - what are your lines in the sand?  

matt-battler 50M
278 posts
11/9/2015 10:19 am
Benchmarks - what are your lines in the sand?
As I've mentioned before, there are parts of my profile that touch a raw nerve with a few, in particular the bits that mention body size preference and dogs (for those who haven't read it yet these are two separate statements). Talking to people about their age, appearance, size, weight is usually a sensitive & touchy subject so I understand why people react strongly, no matter how diplomatic you are.

At the risk of digging a much bigger hole for myself, I'd like to explain why I felt compelled to mention body size. I went on a meet splurge in 2012 when I took a chance on a number of women from here who weren't that open/honest with their visual information. A few times I was disappointed instantly with what I saw in front of me and would never have agreed to meet if I'd seen a full length pic of them standing up in normal clothes (no funny angles, no lying on the bed to minimise flab or corset pics).

Often my dismay would go far beyond pure body shape - I hate to say this but some I've met have let themselves go visually in every respect: hair straggly with no style - check - no make up - check - frumpy/dowdy clothes - check. Being in terrible shape seems to be allied to not following fashion and not making basic grooming efforts too. The most extreme example was a Swedish/American girl I met in London. We arranged a meet and she really pushed me to see her immediately after she finished work in London at 5.30pm - I wasn't too keen on such an early time but I went along with it as she was adamant. We met at Piccadilly - she was an absolute state - hair a mess, no make up, wearing office clothes that consisted of a plain shirt and cargo pants. She then told me she was staying with a rich banker who had a loft apartment off Leicester Sq, a few mins walk away. Would've been the easiest thing in the world for her to spend 15 mins smartening up and change clothes but she decided it was a great idea not to bother.



Jayne Mansfield - difficult to be a glamourpuss like this all the time, but I know some really love the process of dressing up for a date

By acting in this way she failed one of my key benchmarks, which is based on my late nan. I used to go and stay with my nan a lot during half terms in my tween years. Often we'd go on a day trip to the local towns to do some shopping. My nan would also do her hair fastidiously and put on lipstick before leaving the house. This was despite the fact it was just a shopping trip and she was pushing 70. I guess this was an ingrained habit, having grown up in the 30s/40s when there was an expectation of everyday neatness/smartness that only fell away with the advent of 60s hippy culture. So, when I meet, I'm not expecting my date to look like she's come from a Hollywood glamour photoshoot, like Liz Taylor or Jayne Mansfield, but I am hoping/expecting some kind of effort. Also in the back of my mind I'm benchmarking my date against my nan going shopping - and I don't think I've set the bar too high there.

Sorry if this sounds like I'm on a high , but if we meet I'll probably get my hair cut, buy some new clothes and shower/shave just before leaving the house so I'll look as good as I can be - I've attached importance to our date so I'm a bit disappointed if others don't do the same. I wonder what other bench marks or minimum standards others employ when meeting people from A F F or other sites?



Russ Meyer's dolls - staying very glam, even on a roadrip

matt-battler 50M
199 posts
11/20/2015 3:06 am

 Hi there Curious - sorry about the delay in replying - just got back from a 10-day holiday.

OMG I hope they weren't hunting dogs - you know I'm terrified of aggressive dogs

I'm all for activity dates by the way - crazy golf, lazer quest, unisex rugby . . .

I guess my point is a first date is some kind of statement - for better or worse first impressions do count and just how well people present themselves leads you to judge 1) Exactly how attractive they are and 2) How much importance they've attached to the date, and by extension, how important they think you are.

I don't like to do things half-arsed so I always put an effort in, even if the girl isn't attracted to me because of looks - I don't want to be kept awake at night thinking that I squandered an opportunity because there were some obvious things I failed to do. That might sound too serious to some I suppose but it's comforting to me to know I did everything I could.


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