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| Blogs > matt-battler > Captain Caveman finally speaks |
Polishing your halo - dealing with the righteous
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Polishing your halo - dealing with the righteous A few weeks ago I gave you an insight into the realities of trying to get a date as a single man on here, albeit in a roundabout and dismissive way in my Nerd blog. While in my own head I am NOTHING like the nerd I slated I can sympathise with the heroic effort he put in and generally poor return for his efforts. I imagine it's pretty unusual to send out 1,200 emails looking for a date but it won't be particularly unusual for that to lead to only a handful of face-to-face encounters. Which brings me to this week's subject - the righteous. If you get to know me well enough you'll be aware that I have a few friends on here and as a single guy I'm not living a life where I channel all my energies towards one special woman. If the right woman comes along I will happily ride off into the sunset and not look back, but while I'm single I'll keep my options open - it's allowed! Some of my friends have teased me about this and made me out to be a player, in a tongue-in-cheek way. If you meet me in person you'd know this was a ridiculous perception. Imagine if Russell Crowe or Ross Kemp weren't available for a TV programme about gangs or war so they roped in Graham Norton instead - that's how ridiculous it is. I'm not here to tomcat around - I actually don't want to meet a lot of different women and sleep around - genuine no strings/no drama women are so rare if I really did put it about the hassle wouldn't be worth it. Yes I talk to a lot, but that's because the conversion rate is so poor you can never pin your hopes on one person until you've met them several times and you know you've got a good thing going. One conversation about this really opened my eyes recently. I know a couple in South London who are in an open relationship, I've spoken to both of them, they're socially adept and intelligent people and the female half is wildly popular - her hotter pics are 'liked' 3 - 4,000 times. She told me in detail about all the creative excuses she'd heard and how many times she'd been let down by guys who seemed so keen as to be a 'sure thing', these excuses ranged from contracting rare diseases to suddenly enlisting in the Army. Everyone gets let down and messed around, even the beautiful ones. When you're dealing with such an unreliable community you have to engage with a lot more people than you want to, just to get an occasional sex/dating life. So who are the righteous ones who've prompted me to touch on this? I guess in society there will always be people who are quick to judge, despite not knowing the full picture. Online I often find the most judgmental are the absolute worst when it comes to their own behaviour - they have a superficial knowledge of your interactions and assume you're behaving just as they would - i.e. fucking nearly everyone you get a meet with. A few years ago I went on a date with someone from my hometown, a buxom blonde called April. She was a touchy soul and would storm off in a huff when we talked online if I didn't respond immediately because she was angry about me talking to others. On our date she revealed that she'd met up with four different guys in the previous month and slept with all of them. By contrast my previous handful of dates had just been a coffee or a few drinks and yielded nothing more than a peck on the cheek. If women want to sleep with loads of different guys then that's fine by me - knock yourself out, as long as you don't catch anything and no one gets hurt why would I care? When April told me about her bedhopping I took it calmly but internally my jaw was dropping - why tell me this and think it's okay when you give me a hard time just for talking to someone I'm never going to meet? Ever since then if women have given me a hard time about my (limited) activities I've just let it wash over my back, you've never met me, you're not embedded in my life, we're not dating, I'm not cheating on you! The judgmental and the righteous are often just playing power games with you and won't shrink from lying spectacularly about their own sexual history - so nip it in the bud. I got sick of answering the question, 'So how many women have you slept with recently Matt?' because there is never a right answer so I just say 'I've slept with a medium amount' - this is diplomatic code for 'fuck off, notice I didn't ask you the same question, and let's move on shall we?'  Graham Norton - picture him doing a 'Fighting Round the World' documentary? Neither can I  Earth to the righteous - You're on a casual dating website, get over yourself, let people be sexual and don't wear a burqua all summer |
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I learned a long, long time ago how possessive and stalker-ish people you've only "met" online can be  It's not pretty, it's not attractive, and it becomes boring very quickly.I've experienced that whole April situation. "You didn't answer my IM in 0.0000006 seconds, what were you doing? Were you chatting to someone else? Where have you been? Who have you been with? What did you talk about?"  O M G shut the....well, you get where I'm going with this  People can get very emotionally attached very quickly online. I don't know if it's just their personality, or because they're lonely, or if they'd behave this way outside in the real world. Some are less obvious, reeling you in before showing you their true self. Of course, the same can be said of people offline, so that's just who they are. Sneaky bastards I never answer the "How many guys have you had sex with?" question. It's no one else's business, and if they don't like that reply that's just too bad. I have never asked a guy how many women he's been with, although some are keen to share. I don't want to know. I really have no desire to know. It's not my business, and, in my opinion, serves no purpose. It doesn't actually mean anything, at least not to me. Older guys will say "With age comes experience." Nope. With age comes getting older! Just because you're 30 years older than me doesn't necessarily equate to you having had more or less sex than me, nor does it mean you had more or less different sexual experiences than me. And it certainly doesn't mean you're going to satisfy me more than a guy my own age. It's such a dumb thing to say. Anyway... I laughed at your Graham Norton comment  Enjoy the rest of the week, Matt PS: I've just been attacked by midges while typing this in the garden  so I'm off to get a shower then cover myself with antiseptic cream. Sexy, huh  "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
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Believe it or not I thought long and hard before writing this particular blog (yes, some thought goes into my blogs  ) because I know it's a bit of a moan against the petty and small minded and I want to dwell on the positive.I just thought I'd put it out there because it does seem to be a recurring theme that women speculate a lot about what I'm up to and generally assume I'm more successful than I am. This is despite the fact that I don't go claiming and I never hype up my activities to be more or better than what they are - if they get that good I'll probably turn my profile off or leave the site altogether. I won't stick around if I don't need to be here. If I get it in the neck when there is precious little evidence to suggest I'm tomcatting around I wonder what women think of guys who have a much bigger friends network and more testimonials? As for knowing about how many partners or how much sex you've had in your life - I don't think that's a particularly good indicator of whether you are 'good' or you'll be sexually compatible with someone - sometimes you click and sometimes you don't when you're doing the same things as before and putting the same effort level in. I'm sorry to hear about being bitten to buggery by the mozzies, if it's any consolation I've been caught in the rain twice cycling to and from work today - I thought being outdoors in July was supposed to be fun??
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We're all entitled to a bit of a moan against the petty and small minded, we're only human after all, even you, Matt I think some people - men and women - just aren't used to people being honest with them. So, when you tell them you're not fucking every woman you talk to and/or meet, they assume you're lying. Exactly, it's all about chemistry. I had a friend who couldn't wait to have sex with a guy some of her friends had raved about in bed. He was a big letdown Her friends couldn't understand it. I just laughed and shook my head. These are educated women...so, yeah, really?  I know a lot of thought goes into your blogs, btw, and I'm actually really surprised you don't get more comments and views. Okay, okay, you win, wet cycling is much worse Yeah, I know, tell me about it. It's freaking freezing outside up here just now  Summer my ass!Have a wonderful Friday "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
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I can't really influence what other guys say and I know I'm going out on a limb when someone says to me, 'So Matt, what's new with you - any meets lately?' and my response is, "Nope - really quiet time on that front'. I have no reservations in saying that because I REALLY don't see why I should make myself out to be better/busier/more successful than what I am and as far as I'm concerned my activity level is out of my hands - it's not my fault if other people are dishonest/unreliable and say, 'Yes I'll meet you' but send you round in circles for weeks/months, or that meets don't happen because I'm dealing with people who apparently have no free time, or are new to the whole online dating game and lose their nerve. I'd like to see how certain women would get on if the gender ratio was flipped the other way and the small group of guys on here included a lot of chat only merchants and bi/gay guys only looking for other men! I guess I would get a lot more views if I posted pics that were 'action shots' and used a load of hashtags. Contrary to rumour, documentary evidence of me having sex does exist and it's not in the form of stone tablets in the British Museum . However I never started this blog to gloat and send out a message along the lines of 'hey everybody I'm having great sex and you're not'.I'm having a great day - it's been lovely here today, I hope it's warmed up a bit at your end - if not I guess I'll have to pay you a visit and warm you up with my permanent winter coat
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