Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Hookup, Find Sex or Meet Someone Hot Now
| Blogs > matt-battler > Captain Caveman finally speaks |
My cyberwife Kate
|
My cyberwife Kate I was shopping in my local mall once, buying some smalls at John Lewis. I went up to the payment counter and typically I had earplugs in, listening to music (I did take them off when being served, I'm not that rude). The guy at the counter says to me, 'What are you listening to?' 'Ride', I reply. There's a totally blank look on his face, so I explain, 'They're an old indie band'. 'Ohhhh errrm, I listen to the old indie bands too, sir', he says with the least convincing piece of 'me-tooism' I've ever encountered. There's more chance of Stephen Hawking winning year's Tour de France than this guy will have ever listened to a Ride song.  If you're a real Ride fan you'll get a sexual favour from me for free* If you've read my previous blogs you know I love hopeless liars so this episode put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. I know people sell to people and it's a well-worn tactic for salesmen to feign empathy or develop some bogus connection with a customer to flog something. The issue here was he wasn't very good at it, and it was unnecessary as I'd already chosen my items and was actually willing to pay for them - no quibbling! The sales patter was so hardwired into his brain he couldn't switch it off, and to be fair having a short exchange with a customer makes your day marginally less boring as you scan one barcode after another. Which brings me to the subject of my cyberwife. She is called Kate, she's a nurse in Nottingham, and she's one of the very few people online who I would describe as a genuinely thoughtful and caring person. You won't find her here, she left the online dating game some time ago but has kept in touch. How did she become my virtual spouse you might wonder. Her original screenname was Eviee1, as time passed a steady stream of people mistakenly made the assumption she was French, this started to annoy her, she even updated her profile to state that she wasn't. Tiring of this confusion she told me she was toying with a name change, I said jokingly 'oh you should change it to mattsfuturewife'. She found this hilarious, and took up the pretend mantle with great enthusiasm - so much so that all other women in chatrooms used to back right off when we started our bogus married couple conversation. One day she stopped me in my tracks. We were having a private 1 on 1 conversation, I made a typically childish and smutty remark, 'Matt you don't have to try, you know', she replied. It wasn't a criticism, what she meant was she accepted me 100% and I didn't have to keep on trying to pull her, just talk like a normal adult and relaaaaaxxxx . . . I had to be told to relax because like the salesman a state of mind had been hardwired into my brain - try to be as interesting, witty, entertaining and as sexual as you possibly can - if you don't try you'll finish last in the stampede. It's a blessed relief when you gain the total acceptance of someone you think is very important. It doesn't happen very often here because it requires a high level of trust and respect, something that's in short supply when you've been burnt by a few players already. To some Kate might seem to have led a charmed life, she'd never been stood up or cancelled on, all her dates had treated her well too. But then Kate has never been interested in my cock size, my wallet size, whether I'm tall or have a six pack, or indeed interested in whether I was capable of being a 'bad boy' or not. Perfect wife material then (though I'm yet to find out if she's allergic to flowers and precious metals, that would be the clincher)  *subject to mutual attraction, refer to profile |
|||
|
Forced conversations with salesmen/women are why I do most of my shopping online  It's also why, when I'm doing my food shopping in-store, even if I've got a trolley filled to the brim, I'll always opt for the self-service checkout. If there's a chatty Cathy or Colin to be found manning the checkout? Be sure he or she is going to be manning the checkout I picked! Ugh. Honestly, I'm satisfied with a smile, a simple greeting, a please and thank you, and an adieu. That's it. I don't have any desire to discuss my day with them, nor am I interested in theirs, as they are, after all, strangers. I get that isn't the point of your blog, btw, but I just had to get that off my chest So are you saying you've met up with the lovely Kate  or have yet to do so? Enquiring minds want to know  Do you think it's a lack of self-confidence on your part that you were still trying to impress Kate? Not that you should stop being witty and entertaining, either, irrespective of the fact that she's accepted you for who you are. "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
| ||
|
Holly I love the way you hate people so much  I know exactly what you mean - there are some pretty rubbish check-out operatives in my local supermarket who gab away to customers, ignoring the lengthening queue forming behind them, then asking me if I want anything else (I never do) or if I have a membership card (I don't - and you should know, you've asked me 500 times in the last two years). To be fair to the salesguy there was no queue behind me and I wasn't in a hurry so it was a painless interaction. The reason why I find it hard to switch off is that as a single guy online I'm very conscious of the fact that it's a super-competitive environment, there are so many men chasing so few single, dateable and active women. I calculate the ratio as 20 guys to every woman who actually wants to meet a single guy in person. Guys are confronted by this pretty regularly as a lot of women will really trumpet the fact that they're no longer available to meet as it's going well with another dude who got in there first - they'll sometimes weave this into the conversation blatantly, even if you're not asking them for a date or not interested in what they're doing at the weekend. Last year I got cancelled on six times by women from the online world who said they were going on a date with someone else instead. This does indeed chip away at your self-esteem and create a big sense of urgency. Sometimes I've found if I do relax and drop the intensity in my approach then women take that as a sign of waning interest and they start to lose focus and interest in me - and this is in the context of a few dozen other guys absolutely busting a gut to get with them. It's usually not a winning strategy I'm afraid. At the top of my profile it says I'm laid back - this is true, the real offline Matt is easy going, but laid back guys seem to finish last in the online dating game so the relaxed demeanour has to wait until later. The lovely Kate is now engaged to someone else so I won't be seeing her any time soon - she's a good friend but nothing more - sorry I know you'd started to look at hats already
|
Become a member to create a blog
