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| Blogs > matt-battler > Captain Caveman finally speaks |
It's a Wonderful Life
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It's a Wonderful Life Back in the summer I brought you the gory details of my worst date ever with an unhinged languages teacher. I mentioned at the time that this was during a phase when educationalists and the needy were tapping into my intelligent or kindly nature. I always said I'd tell you about the needy ones, well here goes . . . In recent weeks I've not been online much thanks to a stalker who thought it was fine to call/text me at all hours of the day and night wanting help and advice about problems she'd brought upon herself. I walked away from here because funnily enough I didn't sign up to be a 24-hour charity help line. Sometimes it feels that internet dating has opened up a new chapter in the war between the sexes, the opposing sides are positioned thus: Men: Want sex while putting in the minimum amount of time and effort to get it, avoid emotional intimacy like the plague, do not want to play a general or meaningful role in your life just the specific one that is spelt out on the front page of the website. Think it's fine to be pretty crude and rude about their wants too . . . Women: Pretend to want to have sex but actually aren't interested in that at all, despite having pics of them sucking someone else's cock from six different angles on their profile. Are really interested in telling you their life story and about all the worst things that have happened to them in particular - their health problems, their relationship problems, their career disappointments, and all their current/future fears . . . I must stress I know these are both caricatures, most people aren't as bad as the above but law of averages states if you're sociable and mingle a lot you'll come across the worst from time to time. Internet dating is not dogging, we don't turn up at a quiet car park and put tool A into slot B while barely knowing each other's name and part when the act is over, never to see each other again. It's fine to make friends and get to know each other well, man is a social animal. My regular experiences helping the needy (for what happened recently has happened to me several times before) make me draw up a new typology - the takers and the givers. I've said before sometimes when you're lined up as a 'friend' it's the worst thing that can happen to you on here - it's an opportunity for someone to dump all their problems on you, but reject you physically because you're just a 'friend' after all. Have a think about your friendships on here - are you really contributing - do you really think you make people feel better? Are you making a positive contribution to peoples' lives? Are you making people laugh, making them happy? Your real life problems - do you keep them offline because you talk them through with real friends and family? Hopefully after thinking long and hard about this you'll come to the same conclusion as George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life who gets to reflect that is home town is all the poorer if he'd never been born.  Merry Christmas you good people 
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I've never watched "It's A Wonderful Life". There are men and women who are just whiny, and won't think twice about complaining to strangers - as well as online friends/acquaintances. As my adorable four year old nephew replies with a sweet little smile on his face when asked to tidy up his toys, "No, thank you!". I'm not here to listen to anyone's problems, and I don't care to discuss any I might have with anyone online, either. That's what family and friends are for  Plus, as can sometimes happen online, people turn and use what you've told them against you. I'm usually quite good at spotting the "Woe is me" types. And the ones who want to be your friend as a cover to allow them to bore the backside off you about what's going on in their life. Boring! And potentially setting yourself up for what you've described. Endless calls and texts. Again, no, thank you! This site is just a bit of fun for me, I come here to be mildly entertained. Don't bore me with your crap, I'm simply not interested. If you knew what my job was it might explain why I have no desire to hear your problems. I'm not heartless, haha, just not interested. It's just not the place, as far as I'm concerned, to be spilling your guts and bothering people with your problems. With the exception of one person who I've known for over ten years, I don't consider anyone I haven't met offline to be a friend in the true sense of the word. I just don't have the time to commit myself to what it entails. To be brutally honest I don't have the inclination, either. I get that some people are lonely, but I'm not, and I'm not going to put myself in the position of having to be there for people I'm never going to meet. We didn't come here to be anyone's agony aunt or uncle, so I can only suggest you be very firm with the female who is bothering you enough that it kept you from the site. That is not acceptable. You need to nip that in the bud if you haven't done so already, Matt. "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
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You've soooo got to see It's a Wonderful Life - it's one of the best films ever! It probably won't surprise you to learn that my stalker was the same person I mentioned in the 'Private Investigations' blog, she was someone who embarked on an unusual and unappealing behavioural pattern of snooping and surveillance and it just got worse. People calling/texting me and interrupting my sleep is a raw nerve for me and that's when I snapped. Thankfully she's left the online arena so now more hassle for me. People looking in from the outside, or with hindsight will of course say I should've told her to get lost earlier but if you're detached from a situation it's easy to judge. Many relationships - online or in real life - have 'mission creep' and you end up miles away from what you originally signed up for. As you say this site and others like it is supposed to be about fun, sometimes sex fun . . . and it's never been about getting free therapy or moaning about a chronic health condition you have. You're right, you're not heartless to avoid people talk about their problems - there are more appropriate forums for that - I guess we all look out for different things and I'm not so good at nipping it in the bud when it comes to the 'poor me' merchants.
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You've soooo got to see It's a Wonderful Life - it's one of the best films ever! It probably won't surprise you to learn that my stalker was the same person I mentioned in the 'Private Investigations' blog, she was someone who embarked on an unusual and unappealing behavioural pattern of snooping and surveillance and it just got worse. People calling/texting me and interrupting my sleep is a raw nerve for me and that's when I snapped. Thankfully she's left the online arena so now more hassle for me. People looking in from the outside, or with hindsight will of course say I should've told her to get lost earlier but if you're detached from a situation it's easy to judge. Many relationships - online or in real life - have 'mission creep' and you end up miles away from what you originally signed up for. As you say this site and others like it is supposed to be about fun, sometimes sex fun . . . and it's never been about getting free therapy or moaning about a chronic health condition you have. You're right, you're not heartless to avoid people talk about their problems - there are more appropriate forums for that - I guess we all look out for different things and I'm not so good at nipping it in the bud when it comes to the 'poor me' merchants. Ah, yes, the nutty PI chic I get that people don't start off that way, that's how I learned years ago to stay away - for the most part - from getting personal with people online. For so many people, the line "I'd like to get to know you.." really means "I can't wait to tell you all my problems..". I remember one female telling me how her grandfather molested her. This was someone I knew from chat, added her to my IM after a long time, friendly chit chat - mostly about her and her lack of a man in her life - then out of the blue came that little gem! I stopped her in her tracks and told her I didn't want to continue the discussion. It wasn't my business. And the kicker? She was a volunteer counsellor! I advised her to seek the appropriate help. I just find those kind of stories online reek of attention seeking. The chronic health sufferers can be/usually are the worst  Again, it didn't take long to work out they only ask how you are so you return the favour, and then you have to listen to the same story daily. Learn the old nip in the bud routine, Matt, or you'll be getting a lot more of those calls and texts "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
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Grrr don't get me started on the chronically ill! My mum is a complete hypochondriac, forever going on about her ailments and all of her friend's problems. Her dad lived until he was 99 and her grandmother until she was 102 - how long do people have to live in your family before you stop worrying about your health? Why do people get suckered in to helping the needy . . . there's a scene in a Marx Brothers film where Groucho and Chico are negotiating a contract, both of them read it, say that they don't like certain clauses and tear them off the page, until there's a very narrow strip of paper left representing what they agree on. I could be a lot more particular about the people I interact with - finding fault with profile texts or judging people more quickly in chat when they start to become a pain. The problem there is it would leave me with a very small pool of elite superwomen left that I find agreeable . . . maybe this is your thinly veiled hidden agenda Holly - you want me all to yourself 
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Grrr don't get me started on the chronically ill! My mum is a complete hypochondriac, forever going on about her ailments and all of her friend's problems. Her dad lived until he was 99 and her grandmother until she was 102 - how long do people have to live in your family before you stop worrying about your health? Why do people get suckered in to helping the needy . . . there's a scene in a Marx Brothers film where Groucho and Chico are negotiating a contract, both of them read it, say that they don't like certain clauses and tear them off the page, until there's a very narrow strip of paper left representing what they agree on. I could be a lot more particular about the people I interact with - finding fault with profile texts or judging people more quickly in chat when they start to become a pain. The problem there is it would leave me with a very small pool of elite superwomen left that I find agreeable . . . maybe this is your thinly veiled hidden agenda Holly - you want me all to yourself "Why do people get suckered in to helping the needy..." Okay, that makes you look really bad  And worse, me That does make us look like a pair of heartless bastards, hahaha. Whiners, not genuine, needy people. Genuine people don't usually whine in my experience.OMG, you saw through my plan of Matt domination  I didn't think you were smart enough to work it out Hey, I might become one of those needy people whining about their medical problems after my visit to the doc today! It was actually kind of funny...I may blog about it, I may not...I haven't decided yet. That Karma sure is a biatch... "I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire..."
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Yes my post and replies probably do make me look like a really heartless bastard, especially in the context of the season of goodwill - but the needy have taken up a lot of my time and energy, stopped me from getting laid and given nothing back so if it makes me less popular in certain circles I'll live with that As you know I don't live in 'da hood', I live in what Ali G would call 'the endz' out here in the Kent countryside. It's still close enough to civilisation to pick up a radio signal and means I'm aware of rapper Jay Z and his ditty '99 Problems' - you'll recall the lovely line 'I got 99 problems but my bitch ain't one' that's pretty much what I'm aiming for in 2015 (along with the bling and illlict handguns of course).
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