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| Blogs > khuXBFXM8u > The Down and Dirty |
Chivalry dead? Only if you let it
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Chivalry dead? Only if you let it Sorry this is a long post.  About a week ago, I read a post about how chivalry was dying a slow painful death. It’s not the first post I have come across in the blogs, discussing the romantic notion of chivalry… yes you heard me correctly, our notion of chivalry is a somewhat romanticized version of what it really was. You hear the word chivalry, and you are probably thinking of opening doors, pushing/pulling chairs in/out, men standing when a lady enters or leaves a room or a table, men standing to allow a lady to sit, men walking nearest the street when walking with a lady, or maybe you are thinking of Sir Walter Raleigh mythically laying his coat down before Queen Elizabeth I. These are all acts of chivalry, but chivalry is not a series of acts, but a concept that gave rise to these types of actions. Before I get into how we have romanticized chivalry, let’s discuss the original concept and its evolution. The term chivalry has its origins in the French military, derived from chevalier (“horseman, knights”), soldier who served in Charlemagne’s heavy cavalry. It was conceived as an aristocratic warrior code, which involved gallantry, individual training, and above all, service to others. The original Knights Code of Chivalry was a moral and honorable system whereby knights were to protect the defenseless, such as widows, and the elderly. Knights were required to tell the truth, respect the honor of women and guard the honor of fellow knights. They were also to obey those in authority and to never refuse a challenge from an equal. As things evolved, chivalry became democratized and move beyond a code for knights as portions of the code became romanticized particularly in literature. Chivalry became associated with valor, honor, courtesy, courtly love and generosity, giving rise to a new genre called the “courtesy book”, which became a guide to the behavior of “gentlemen”. The post-medieval gentlemanly code of respect for women (ladies) was very much tied to the status of the woman. Ladies were revered, placed on a pedestal, holier than holy, like the Virgin Mary, were as by contrast ordinary women were looked down upon, and at time viewed as a source of evil (the virgin / slut dichotomy). The complete romanticization of the continually evolving codes of conduct has seen only the idea of gentleness and graciousness to women become the only surviving element, and this element is completely tied to traditionally defined male / female roles. Long gone is the concept of service and protection to all. As traditional male female roles have evolved and the division between them have blurred, it has become more difficult for individuals who wish to be chivalrous to know what actions to take. Part of the problem is, over time actions have been taught and revered, and not the underlying principle of service and protection to all. Knighthood after all was a position of servitude. Knights were made, not born… originally you didn’t automatically achieve knighthood, because your father was one. There was no divine right of succession, like other positions of nobility. We are firmly entrenched in the "ME" generation, it permeates every aspect of society. Everyone wants to be treated like our current concept of a monarch, were everyone is beneath them, and should bow down in servitude to them; kind of a "don't you know who I am" attitude. While all are in tune with the concept of a monarchy, that subjects are in servitude to the monarch, most (including past and current monarchs) forgot the flipside of that symbiotic relationship. The flip side being that the monarchs are the ultimate servants… they are in servitude to all the subjects. Ultimately, that's why the monarchy system failed; the rulers focus on servicing themselves instead of serving who they were supposed to be serving. Over time everyone followed their example, and chivalry, the idea of service and protection to all has been replace by “me first”. If all positions of leadership were truly earned, instead of conferred on individuals as a birthright, the world would be a very different place. But I digress. The idea of chivalry dies only if you let it. So I’m calling you all out, gentlemen and especially you ladies, because it’s time you stepped up, and truly demonstrated your equality. If the genders are to be truly equal, acts of chivalry are not just something that men should do for women, but women should do for other women, men for other men, and yes women for men. It's the basics folks; the please and thank you, and the granddaddy of them all, "do onto others as you would have them do onto you".  Here is a social experiment for you. For the next week, month, however long you want to go, be courteous and of service to others… hold doors open for everyone you meet and graciously thank anyone who holds a door open for you; give up your seat; when you are in traffic let that car cut in front of you, be sure to give a courtesy wave to anyone who lets you cut in front of them, even if they did so grudgingly. Do anything along those lines, and let me know how you make out… I think you will be surprised. Find pleasure in giving pleasure |
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Khu, I almost feel like we should have a bloggers week where we all encourage acts of service/kindness. Another blogger that I can't remember at the moment is encouraging that every one do that this month. Wouldn't that make our sex site/hook-up site nicer? Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Your history is chivalry is very interesting.  Your two photos showing chivalry can be reinterpreted, if seen from a different light, of a man stealing a woman's umbrella and a woman's shoes. Great post. 
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Outstanding post. No it is not dead, I do these everyday and every chance I get. I held the door for two ladies yesterday and you should have seen the smiles on their faces.But again, I think that at our age, we grew up during a time that is started slowly dying. It all comes from how we grow up and who is around us that lead us by example or makes us do these and uses it as a teaching moment. Newest Poem: What Lies Beneath Newest HNW Post: Latest Story: Sleep Fuck is cumming... Virtual Symposium XXXVIII Think Spring by SC Twisted
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Khu, old habits die hard. Those who have it ingrained as part of our culture never wane. We do now bruise a few fingers of the ladies who insist on reaching for the door handle tho.  It is in most part, the Canadian way, eh? btw It is also important to know what side of the horse to get on and what side to get off.  Come visit openagenda: provocative thought, adult discussions, sexy pics & giggles. Is This How Friday The GET IT ON Solution MASSAGE exploring partners SEDUCTION Love What is it Relationship Rules Trust and other Issues Essence Be In Tune Does Size Matter The Facts Hand in Hand
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1 post 5/14/2014 1:01 pm |
This is polite behavior and it is taught in school, not as chivalry, but simply as being nice. It is not a course or a subject, but simply brought up every time the opportunity presents itself...as least in the elementary level. Unfortunately, not everyone remembers to conduct himself or herself in such a polite or respectful manner. As teachers, when we (I am speaking on behalf of all of us!) see it, we verbally recognize (when the situation is appropriate) when one student does something chivalrous aka polite for another, hoping to influence those who need influencing. Drawing attention to a child who does something polite, even if done just for the recognition or because someone is watching, is a good thing. That child is still doing something nice. And maybe he or she will later do so when there is no audience but that one person being helped. Don't we all do this with our own children? Unfortunately, the evidences suggests we are not. We should be setting the example, though.
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It won't be hard for me to do....I already hold doors open for people, let them out in front of me when i'm driving....and always say please and thank you....it's the way my parents taught me to be...to behave with good manners to everyone.  ~~Anais Nin~~
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Khu a very lovely post. I don't think chivalry is dead at all. I see it each and everyday I am out in the real world. Either it be someone helping someone or just holding open a door for someone it is still there. Well being said for my generation. Now that other younger one I am not really sure it even exist. It is all about them " me generation". Too bad some of the youngers ones don't read your post as I think it is well worth reading. hugs V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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I always hold doors, but sometimes I do it the lazy way where I go through first and let go as soon as the other person steps through or grabs the door. The correct way is where I hold the door open from the outside, and allow another person to go first. Boner, you being a northern will encounter the same double door setup that I do all the time. When I hold the first door open correctly, more often that not if it's a man, he will get the next one. If I make a big deal out of it and say "after you sir", pretty close to 100% of the time, if it's a man, he will get the next one with a smile and laughter, almost like it a running gag. It's like we have to shame each other into being of service to one another. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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That beautiful Missy... I get great joy out of mouthing hi to stranger who makes eye contact with me as we pass. I love that look on their face as they try and figure out if the know me or not. But on being a role model, I have tried to instill that behavior in my boys, who have an on going game of who can get in the house first, and slam the door in the other siblings face. However, when they are out in public, the race is to get to the door first, and hold it open for their siblings and other people. I first noticed it as we arrived at Karate when my oldest was about 8... there was a minor altercation at the door of the dojo. This behavior has been further instilled in them, by a credo the have to recited at Karate, which includes courtesy, respect discipline and honor. Just goes to show that good habits are as contagious as bad ones. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Khu, I almost feel like we should have a bloggers week where we all encourage acts of service/kindness. Another blogger that I can't remember at the moment is encouraging that every one do that this month. Wouldn't that make our sex site/hook-up site nicer? Kitkat Sex positive Sundays? Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Your history is chivalry is very interesting. Your two photos showing chivalry can be reinterpreted, if seen from a different light, of a man stealing a woman's umbrella and a woman's shoes. Great post.  TC I'm holding my sides right now, you hurt me.Thank you my friend. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Outstanding post. No it is not dead, I do these everyday and every chance I get. I held the door for two ladies yesterday and you should have seen the smiles on their faces.But again, I think that at our age, we grew up during a time that is started slowly dying. It all comes from how we grow up and who is around us that lead us by example or makes us do these and uses it as a teaching moment. It certainly comes down to how we grow up and who is around us. I don't know if it is the influence of TV or exactly what it is, but a lot of these simple social graces are just slipping away while everyone is wait for a televised Rosa Parks moment to magically change it all for the better. It's a good new bad news kind of thing, ever moment, every action is a teaching moment. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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God love em. There is no doubt a segment of the population (men and women) who see chivalry, kindness, service to other as weak. That attitude brings out the prickly side of my personality, where I just want to "kill them with kindness", because I know it get under their skin. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Khu, old habits die hard. Those who have it ingrained as part of our culture never wane. We do now bruise a few fingers of the ladies who insist on reaching for the door handle tho. It is in most part, the Canadian way, eh? btw It is also important to know what side of the horse to get on and what side to get off. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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The foundation of this type of behavior is typically instilled in us very early. It's most unfortunate, that to some people courteous behavior is alien to them. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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This is polite behavior and it is taught in school, not as chivalry, but simply as being nice. It is not a course or a subject, but simply brought up every time the opportunity presents itself...as least in the elementary level. Unfortunately, not everyone remembers to conduct himself or herself in such a polite or respectful manner. As teachers, when we (I am speaking on behalf of all of us!) see it, we verbally recognize (when the situation is appropriate) when one student does something chivalrous aka polite for another, hoping to influence those who need influencing. Drawing attention to a child who does something polite, even if done just for the recognition or because someone is watching, is a good thing. That child is still doing something nice. And maybe he or she will later do so when there is no audience but that one person being helped. Don't we all do this with our own children? Unfortunately, the evidences suggests we are not. We should be setting the example, though.  It's funny that you should mention that, because my children's school gives out what they call "Citizenship awards" monthly to the children in each class who exemplify this kind of behavior. My youngest who is a feisty little kindergartener, actually get quite upset if he fell someone wasn't being courteous, and will let you know it if you were the offender.Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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It won't be hard for me to do....I already hold doors open for people, let them out in front of me when i'm driving....and always say please and thank you....it's the way my parents taught me to be...to behave with good manners to everyone. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Debbi, it's funny that we have a term "random acts of kindness" for what used to be more common place. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Khu a very lovely post. I don't think chivalry is dead at all. I see it each and everyday I am out in the real world. Either it be someone helping someone or just holding open a door for someone it is still there. Well being said for my generation. Now that other younger one I am not really sure it even exist. It is all about them " me generation". Too bad some of the youngers ones don't read your post as I think it is well worth reading. hugs V Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Dear Khu, for a very large part, they are the rules I live by but it wasn't always that way. I had no parenting, even from relatives or neighbours. I grew up feral. It was only during my 20s that I witnessed and experienced any behaviours that could be called chivalry. The more I did, the more I integrated them into my own code of behaviour. I don't mind giving my seat up to a man on a bus or holding a door open for anyone of either sex. I always strive to be unfailingly polite and respectful but this sometimes gets me treated as servile and gutless. I do continue to have issues with authority, especially when it's a horse's arse like the current Australian government. I have always been treated shabbily by people in positions of power or authority. Apparently, not all people are equal. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Debbi, I had the same thought about the movie "Pay it Forward" when I read your first comment. We think the same on a lot of things. Keep going with the non-smoking, one day at a time. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Addz, that's great... we all need to set a good example so we can positively influence the youth. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Hi Wildfire, than you for visiting my blog... always good to interact with a blogger from my neck of the woods. Hopefully we (and the baby boomers older than were are) were all raised with manner and taught to help and do things for others. Somehow we have collectively failed to pass this on to our offspring. Many of us are parents, and our children will follow the example we set. If we step our individual games up, I believe we can have an impact. As Mel (AmeliaCox) has commented, she didn't experience chivalrous behavior until she was in her 20's, and it still had an influence on her behavior. So it's never too late to set a good example. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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