590 posts 9/4/2017 4:12 pm
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Beginnings
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When I'm with you
It doesn't matter where we are
Or what we're doing
I'm with you, that's all that matters
Time passes much too quickly
When we're together laughing
I wish I could sing it to you, whoa oh
I wish I could sing it to you
Oh oh oh oh oh oh woah oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh woah oh oh oh
Mostly I'm silent, hmm
Silent
Okay, well, the princess and I are done, finally! She called me up one more time and I told her not to call me anymore and that we were done. I used those exact words! I haven't heard from her since. That doesn't mean she won't try to contact me or bring me back into the fold at some point in the future. But, I'm certain were finished after I finally had a moment of clarity! Anyone reading this, and anyone who's aware of the situation in my real life, could see it for what it was. She was just using me, and had no interest in me beyond what I could do for her at the moment. Yeah, I know, and I always knew that too of course. But, what kept me hanging around her was the fact that she was so attractive and had an interesting personality, or she wasn't boring. She was very smart in some ways, but also very stupid in others. I always thought that was so adorable when she would say dumb things, with such sincerity. And I tried like hell to stifle a laugh!  But why I stayed with her so long mainly, was, I naively believed there was some sort of hope. That she might change, see the light, mature, or recognize me as someone she can't replace in her life. It was all for naught. Here is something I will admit to. Despite her being all over the map with things. She did stay consistent with her ideas and feelings about me. She never wavered!  It was actually me, who was being dumb and naïve about her and the situation. Believing there could be something more to it. When we were in the park that day, all she was doing was reiterating her position, or the one she held all along. It was me, who finally recognized what she was saying and what she meant. I thought I could change her mind by dazzling her with all the cool stuff I can do for her. And yeah, she was impressed, but it still didn't change her mind about anything. So, later that same day, when we were on our way to somewhere else, I started thinking about what she said, and I put it together with everything else she had been telling me, all along, and I finally had an epiphany! She thought I understood the situation, and was all right with it. I didn't and wasn't cool with it by any means. When I finally realized it, I realized it was over. There is no point putting my time and energy into something that is never going to evolve into what I wanted. So, I looked over at her, and said, " Hey, can I take you home now "? She agreed. When I dropped her off, she tried to invite me in, and hug me, I refused both invitations. She was successful in getting me to do her one more favor, but I've refused to associate with her after that. Oh, don't worry, she's not going to let me get away that easy. I'm sure her scheming little blonde mind has a few more tricks up her sleeve? But, she has another problem to contend with presently, that has nothing to do with her or I. That will give me some breathing space, and also, she will realize I'm serious about separating myself from her. Hopefully, she'll move on and find some other fool to accommodate her and her asshole and she'll forget about me. But, for now, when ever she tries to get close to me I just rebuff her. And all I have to do, to strengthen my resolve is remember what she said and how she had been treating me this whole time. The situation wasn't completely her fault, I knew better but still played along on the false hope that things would change. After a year of this bullshit, not only didn't things improve they've gotten worse, and that's with all the massive assistance I've given her. I can only imagine what it would have been like had I not been there. 
Okay, I've been on a nostalgia kick lately. I've been watching episodes of the original TV show Kung Fu. I loved that show! It was one of the few great shows on television. It's so good I can't believe they actually got it on the air. The premise is interesting and it's been repeated a million times since. But it was very ingenious originally. Take an element with wisdom and strength far beyond the surroundings it inhabited and let it walk through a world of ignorance and violence and teach them all a lesson. They do the same thing in other forms with plots using an alien or someone from the future in dumb movies today. But, it was almost like that because the training of the shaolin monks were taught universal truths. Things that are as relevant today as they were then and will always be. But most people still don't know them or care to learn. Also, there was another band I loved during that era Chicago! During that same period! I never mentioned or even thought about them but I've realized they were probably more influential to me for wanting to become a musician than any other band. I just read their biography and it just confirmed what I already knew. I watched some of their videos on you tube and then even more memories came streaming back. When I say Chicago, what I'm really saying is the most significant and prominent member to their success Terry Kath. He was the lead guitarist and one of the singers and the band would have been nothing without him. I'll try to tell you my experience with the band. I never really knew anything about them, up until recently. I just looked up the videos and read their biography, like yesterday. Before that, I probably knew what everyone else generally knew about them. But, I did love the songs. And when I say the songs, I mean the ones that were written during the Terry era of the band. The same ones that you and everyone else thinks about when ever you think about them. Here is my assessment of the band. It was actually three bands cobbled together into one. There was the blues rock band which was driven by Terry, the jazz swing band headed by Robert Lamm and the commercial pop band led by Peter Cetera. But it was Terry and his influence that made them great and successful. In all the great bands from that era, the late sixties to the seventies. There was always one member that was the heart and soul of the band and the creative spark, that would make them go from just good to great and spectacular! In that band it was Terry. I loved his guitar work on all of those songs. I used to focus on that more then anything else when I used to listen to them back then. I didn't know, how great a player Terry was, or that Hendrix acknowledged that he was even better then him. I just found that out a day ago!  When he died, like Jim Morrison of the Doors, and Keith Moon of the Who, the band died with him. Of course the surviving members soldiered on, trying to keep it together. But, they all were just living on past glory. When the key member like that goes, with the fire and energy responsible for their success, he takes that element with him, unfortunately.
Now, unbelievably, these two things from my childhood are still relevant to me to this very day. I was upset about this situation with the princess, naturally and I've been fuming about it a lot, of course. Then while I was watching an episode of Kung Fu, one of Caines master tells him, "you should relieve yourself of things that no longer serve you, but instead, force you to serve them ". If that doesn't describe my situation with that green eyed little witch, nothing does!  And I was watching the Chicago videos with Terry and they did a TV show once, and Terry was actually the MC. It was a new years eve special with the Doobie Brothers and Beach Boys and Olivia Newton John. You know how you see things at one point in your life and then you see them later and they look totally different because you've grown and attained greater insight? Well that was the case with this show. Oh, Olivia was such a fucking slut and !  Terry even made a joke about it, taunting her with what " an eligible bachelor he was "!  See that's what I mean by being ultra cool. He recognized the situation at the time, and it would take the rest of the world years to catch up to him later. We're still trying to catch up to those dudes. As a guitarist, Terry was incredible. He was the Eddie Van Halen of his day, and Eddie was just learning to play at that time so he was probably influenced by Terry whether he ever acknowledged it or not. Terry was a speed demon but he was good too. He could have played at half the speed and still been incredible! The solo from 25 or 6 to 4 is still a bench mark all players must pass if you want to consider yourself good. Also, with these two things, the show Kung Fu and Chicago with Terry Kath, I realized something that's unique to only me. I'm both of them. I'm the character David Carradine played and the musician that Terry Kath was. I recognized it while watching them. In the show, when he's doing the martial arts stuff, I recognize the moves and know exactly what he's doing, because I used to do the same things. Most people, who've never had training just look at it, and think, " oh, that's cool ". But I could actually teach you that stuff!  Same thing when I was watching Terry fronting the band Chicago. While I was watching him I thought, " oh, that's me, I used to do that too ". And again, I can actually teach you that stuff!  And that's just two things I'm good at. I have a whole list of other things I can do, or have done that alone, people would envy me for being cool as shit with. And that's not even including the music or the martial arts. So, when I look at things in that perspective, it makes me realize things about myself. Also, at the time, I loved those things, but never dreamed I would ever be able to do the those things myself. Like fight like David Carradine or play the guitar like Terry Kath................but now I can! Just shows you, doesn't it?
Addendum
Yeah, the princess managed to snag me back for a moment. I figured she would use a ploy like the one she did. Which was, ask me to help her with something she knows I'll agree to, and then do her bait and switch back to the same ole, same ole!
But, fortunately, as I mentioned previously, she has a whole other situation to contend with and that has given me some breathing room, for a while anyway. Well anyway, I wanted to elaborate more on the subject matter of this post, the show Kung Fu, and Terry Kath of Chicago. First of all, you may be shocked to learn, I haven't actually seen every episode of the show!  Why? You might ask, even after all this time, and it being you're number one favorite show of all time, how could this even be possible?  I'll tell you how, because of my fucking asshole father. The biggest dick (literally) in the whole fucking world, next to chump of course. I know, I know, what you're thinking." Hey, everybody had to deal with fucked up shit while growing up (except chump of course) quit blaming your own failures on your parents and grow the fuck up already "! Yeah, I'm aware of that argument and point of view, and my position is still because of my fucking asshole of a father! While that show was on, my cheap ass mother fucker of a Dad, kept playing games with us because my Mother did one of the best things in her life and divorced that piece of shit. Of course he wouldn't accept it, and tried to make our lives as miserable as possible. Not that they were all that great to begin with mainly because of him. At the time, as I mentioned in a previous post, T.V's were still a very expensive and coveted commodity! Today, no one can even imagine one without color or a remote control. In those days, if you had a TV with either of those features, Whooweee! Your shit definitely did not stink, because you also had a servant spraying it with air freshener as it was leaving your asshole! And my father being the cheapest man in the world, I can probably verify that, but that's for another long ass post. Only owned one portable black and white, with no color and you had to physically stand up, walk across the room to change the channel of which you only had about seven to choose from, four on the top channels and three on bottom the uhf channels. If you don't understand what I'm referring to by top and bottom channels, consider yourself very lucky, indeed. So, sometimes when he visited us, if he was in a good mood, he's bring the TV with him and let us watch it. When he was acting like a prick, which was pretty much all of the time, he'd take it home with him and we had nothing to watch. And I don't mean I had to watch shit on our phones instead! That concept wasn't even conceived of in those days. Phones were for talking to someone, nothing else, no pictures, no videos, no face book, no you tube, no games, nothing!  And there was no where to go to find a TV to watch except for the places you can probably guess at. At a friends house, standing in front of a store window that sells TV's. But I actually did find a place with a color TV to watch no less. My Mother was in college, while divorcing the asshole. So they had recreation rooms in the basements with TV's in them for the students. I found one and tried to sit in there to watch some TV once. No, the students didn't use them, they were in their dorms doing drugs and having gay sex, when they weren't protesting something. Pretty much what they do now, eh?! So, I was in there for a few days until some old Nazi maintence fuck decided to chase me out. I got my Mother to study in there so I could watch TV. The old fuck didn't like it, but there was nothing his old fuck Nazi ass could do about it. I did have a few small victories in those days. Anyway, so I could only watch a few episodes sporadically for the entire run of the series. And it was my favorite show at the time. Years later, when it was in reruns, I saw a lot of the episodes I missed, but they didn't show all of them for some reason. So now I'm catching up. Oh, in case you're wondering why we didn't just buy another TV for ourselves? With what? We had no money, and what little we ever did have went to rent and food, mostly rent, I don't remember a lot of food during that period either. So that wasn't happening, also televisions were still extremely expensive comparatively. But, a few years later, while I was still a , I got a job and was able to finally purchase my very own color TV, and no it didn't have a remote, I still had to change the channels manually. Hey, I was grateful for that, if I would have owned one with a remote too, I think I would have felt too spoiled, like I didn't deserve to have that kind of luxury or something. With my own color TV in my own room, I felt as happy as a pig in shit! Word! Then I bought all the other shit I wanted like a stereo, records, clothes, cars, electric guitar!  
Which brings me to my other topic, Terry Kath the guitarist in Chicago! I used to always love it when a Chicago song came on the radio. I didn't know why at the time but now I realize it was mainly because of him. He was a Viking, but with the same ability of Mozart! And like a Viking, he died of a weapon, at the hands of a Viking, himself! As for his playing, here is my professional assessment. He didn't just play the guitar parts for those songs. He used the guitar like a tool, to effect emotions in the music. The examples are all over the place. If you listen to the songs, all of a sudden there will be a sound, coming out of no where that will jolt you into a specific state of mind by creating a mood with his playing. He had that ability. Most musicians would love to have that talent, but only a few do. So, I'm working on the song 25 or 6 to 4. And I've gained even more insight about his playing. There's good news and bad news here. The good news is, he used a very basic pentatonic scale for that solo. None of that ionian, or mixolydian, or whatthefuckian fancy scale shit! Just the straight shit. The bad news, is, even with that, you probably still can't play it, because of his attack or style of playing he used. He was running up and down the fret board at lightening speed. It doesn't sound right unless you can play it at that velocity! And most players can't, so that's why you don't hear a lot of bands covering that song. But I'm working on it anyway, I'm no slouch and at the very least it's a fantastic exercise both mentally and physically. And when I finally present it in a video, all you mofo's will go, "Holy shit, you're good "!!! See, I do and do for you , and this is the thanks I get!
Addendum
Okay just a quick stopping in to say a few words. I know somebody is reading this shit! I could hazard a guess, like either Jay or Erica? Erica because she's always secretly had a crush on me.  Or Jay because he's gay! Anyhoo, I have a conundrum I've been trying to over come. It's the Chicago song 25 or 6 to 4. That song is a motherfucker, as you might be aware if you've ever even attempted to play it. I remembered something from my beginning days with the guitar, when I still just had that piece of shit Tesco Del Ray. I actually did figure out the opening riff for the song back then. It's not hard, you just had to go AAAA, GGGG, F#F#F#F#, FF,EE on the top string or low E if you want to get technical about it. So now, that I'm this big accomplished musician, I should at least be able to play the rest of the bitch! But, like I said it's hard. So, I had to figure out a few things, like how to actually pull this off! And, as usual, I came up with something! I always do. That's why I said, I liken playing music to performing a magic trick! Yes, this will be a trick, and I will pull it off. No, I'm not going to put the record on and pretend to play along with it! I might perform it with no backing track at all, just to show you. Or more likely, the song on in the back ground very low so I know where I am in the song. Either way you'll know it's me playing every note. I will still play it, but I will be doing something unusual to pull it off. I can't say what it is, because then I'm giving up all my professional secrets. But, it should work! See, I do and do for you , and this is the thanks I get!
Addendum
Well here's the latest in case anyone is following this soap opera! Things have been happening so fast and changing in ways I never would have expected! First of all the princess. She is a heroin addict and had no hope of quitting through conventional means. She finally chose to take the suboxone shot to cure her of the cravings. So far it seems to have worked. I went to visit her yesterday and she's looking and acting better then have ever seen her before. But then then she really shocked me with what she said. I asked her " if she wanted coffee or cigarettes "? She replied " No "! She said she's too amped up and has plenty of ciggs left over. Which for me was a total shock! I have never known her to turn down those two items before. Then she said her boyfriend, the spic drug dealer loser, is going to jail tomorrow! I asked her for how long? She said she didn't know. Then she told me how he tried to get her hooked again by offering her some shit. She said if she took anything now, since she's had the shot she would OD! So she can't take anything even if she wanted to. But the fact that piece of shit knew that and still tried to tempt her, just proves what I've been saying all along. And yeah the fact that he beat her up and she said she broke up with him. Then she showed me a pair of earrings he gave her. He also gave her money for cigarettes to, that's why she didn't need anything from me. So, I'm standing there bewildered!  On the one hand she's straightened herself out and seems to be realizing the reality of her situation. On the other hand, this piece of shit realizes if that happens he'll lose his grip and he's trying desperately to hold on to her, even if tempting her with drugs would kill her. But just so you know, I don't think he means to harm her, it's just that he's so stupid and pathetic, he only knows of one way to keep a hold of her, and that's why he's trying to use that tactic. I know it sounds insane. But I've been around these kinds of stupid assholes my whole life, and that's how they think. Unfortunately.
Well, as if that weren't enough. Another woman has appeared on the scene. She's exactly like the princess, but without the drug problem thank God. She's even around the same age. The big difference is, she's everything the princess was not. She actually is interested in me for a relationship and who knows what else. I originally thought that was the case with the princess, but I didn't know she had this flaw in her personality that draws to these drug dealing scum bag spics. Hey everybody's different. The princess actually told me I should go find another woman and encouraged me several times. She doesn't realize that now I actually found one, and she won't be able to monopolize my time like she has in the past. I thought she would have realized that basic fact but for some reason she doesn't. Her thinking is, and I know because I questioned her on it, is that I should go get involved with someone else for a relationship, and then just hang with her as friends. Which sounds reasonable and I might even be open to that. But, this new girl, who's just like her in every respect isn't going to allow that. Nor would any other woman on the planet! What am I going to say to her. " Honey, I'm going to hang out with my hot blonde friend now, but don't worry, we won't be having sex because she just wants to be friends ". And that is actually true, but I still don't think this other girl is going to go for it. And I have my project I'm working on, and that's taking up more time.
Now to get metaphysical for a moment. I'm seeing something happening here. In my everyday life. I'm working on this project and it will probably bring me great benefits. I haven't enacted it yet. But, I've noticed women are starting to make overtures toward me for sex or relationship or something of that nature. You might wonder, " doesn't that happen all the time regardless "? No, not really. I do know this, women have a sort of radar, and can pick up on things about men. I don't know what it is, or what it's called I just know it exists. I think it goes back to the cave man days and women had to develop it for survival. I'm sure there were a lot of women even back then, that wanted to date a spic piece of shit like the princess boyfriend. But survival dictated that they find someone more reliable, so they attached themselves to a guy that could provide for them. In the princesses case, she is dating that scumbag, but she also keeps me in the picture. So, she's managed to have it both ways for a while. But, unfortunately, things are changing and evolving, so that won't be the case any longer. I will be as interested as anyone else to see what happens next. I have a general idea, but I've been totally surprised by recent events so anything is possible at this point. We'll see I guess?
Addendum
Well here is the latest in the saga of the princess and the pea! First of all, she's doing fantastic with her recovery and is still clean or drug free as of this writing. She goes to meetings several times a week or day and so far it appears they have been working. As for her spic drug dealer piece of shit boyfriend. Last I mentioned him, he was wanted by the authorities. Well, he was on the run and made it as far as Virginia. He was on his way to Florida, hurricanes be damned, to go stay with his father I understand. His Pop told him to turn around and go back and face the music. So, as far as I know, he's lurking around town, probably staying with friends trying to avoid capture. The princess says she's seen him a few times, something to do with getting her phone activated. She said he's still using and was trying to get her hooked again. Oh, before I forget, he's been throwing all kinds of money and stories of even greater gifts at her lately. He said he would buy her a car now. Where is he getting all this money from? Dealing drugs, duh! You have to ask! Anyway, she was over here at my crib today! That phone of hers is and IPhone 7. It has the Siri assistant bitch on it. All she has to do is give her commands and she does all the work for her. For the princess it's actually a perfect fit. A spoiled princess that has a slave following her commands. Speaking of which. We spent a very nice afternoon together riding bicycles. I've been wanting to do this since we met. But we couldn't because she was always so fucked up with shit. And I learned a few things about her personality, now that she's behaving normally. She's not just hanging around me to make me feel good or be my " friend "! She's very business savvy and knows exactly what she's doing, in regards to me and my ambitions. This project I'm working on, she wants a piece of it. It's almost like I'm dating Erica with how drilled down she is about the business aspect of it. I'm more laze fair or casual about things, she's as focused as the Terminator on a mission! LOL! Her Mom does some sort of legal work, so I'm sure that's partly where is comes from. Although you probably wouldn't guess it by how stupid and silly she acts about most other things. Another thing, I keep trying to forget this aspect of her personality, but she's still a Leo. We were standing outside of a grocery store and a woman walked by with two lovely little girls. She told her she had lovely , and then as soon as she was out of ear range she said something very mean and ugly! I'm not going to repeat it, because it's in my mind now for all time. I'm not going to share it and let her evil words proliferate through out the rest of the world! That asshole friend I once knew, was a Leo too, and he used to say and do the exact same shit, but with him it was more frequent and much worse. When I finally broke away from that scourge to humanity, I realized how bad it really was. I had forgotten most of it, but today, when she made that comment, it brought back all those negative memories again. It must be something to do with the Leo aspect of their personalities that make them behave that way. Well, just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water, I realized they're still sharks swimming around in there. So, even though we're friends, I'm still wary of her. And no, I don't think I'll ever get involved with her romantically. It really wouldn't work. We fight a lot now. It would only be worse and we're really not compatible as a couple. We can barely stay as friends. I'm only still associating with her because she got off the drugs. If she hadn't done that I wouldn't be speaking to her now. And I'm sure she realizes that as well. Like I said, she's savvy. She's supposed to be helping me with this project but so far she's only been angling to get her name on the corner stone block of the foundation. LOL! After all, why do all that work, when you can let someone else build it for you, and then after it's finished, just come in and claim it, or your share or it anyway. LOL! See what I have to contend with here?
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