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| Blogs > gottaring > Out of the Mouth of a Babe... |
Deep Thoughts on the Pennsylvania Turnpike
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Deep Thoughts on the Pennsylvania Turnpike Betcha thought I disappeared again, huh? Spring Break beckoned and we packed up the car and headed to our nation's Capitol for a good old-fashioned family road trip! Needless to say, private time was slim to none, and we all know that opening this particular site can be a hit-or-miss proposition when the kiddos are in the vicinity. Better to err on the side of discretion, I always say  .But now I'm back home where I belong- a bit tired and mentally drained, but safe and sound. I had a lot of time on the road to think (never a good thing). I gave myself permission to really THINK about what it is I want, why I'm sad and angry, what needs to change and how to go about changing it. Deep thoughts, indeed. I won't go into all of it, but I had an epiphany of sorts somewhere around Pittsburgh... What I realized is that deep inside, I am NOT a happy person. I used to be, at one point. But for the last two years, I have been angry, resentful and bitter and it's affecting my family. I know Hubby looks at me and wants to know why, but he won't ask. He already knows why, deep down in his heart. He knows it's his fault. Imagine a flower...Put it in a beautiful, expensive pot and place it in a sunny spot. Decorate the pot with diamonds and surround it with other equally lavish pots with plants in them. But don't feed it. Don't water it. What'll happen to it? It will eventually shrivel up and die. And that's what's happening to me. All the praise and compliments in the world don't mean anything when they aren't coming from the person you value the most. And when you humiliate yourself and ASK that person for what you want and they don't give it to you? It's fucking DEVASTATING. So what now? Well, I need to channel this frustration and anger into something POSITIVE. Prior to leaving for DC, I made a decision to make some MAJOR changes in my eating and exercise habits. Part of my decision was based on some pretty crappy bloodwork that came back from the doctor- my cholesterol is of the charts. So I'm increasing my workouts with my trainer to five days a week and starting the BodyBeast workout/eating plan. I quit smoking in December and i haven't looked back. I think if I focus my energy on feeling better physically, it'll help my mental state as well. I can't make major life choices when I feel like shit, ya know? So that's where I'm at. Not sexy or glamorous or exciting, but it's my reality for the next few months. I told Hubby what to expect and he claims to be on board. Whether he is or not, it's not my problem anymore. I need to make changes for MYSELF now. Not much more to add right now...I'll bring y'all up to speed on my search for a new fella when I have more time. Right now I need to catch up on my sleep, lol. Xoxo When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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Glad you had some fun with the fam in my town. Please come again. Tons to do in DC! Kudos for quitting smoking as well! I'm coming up on eight years in June. It's awesome. Props for your new journey towards health and fitness. It's tough but I'm sure you'll tackle it and come out on top like a BOSS!  "For a woman there is nothing more erotic than being understood." ~ Molly Haskell Read about Me Being Naughty o-o
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.....with nothing but tough decisions ahead...in the future, for the future... My advice to you: DON'T EVER second guess yourself! You'll know the first answer is usually the right one. No matter what angle you look at it from. Cheers to a healthier you!
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Although I don't have the issues with a significant other to deal with anymore (the problematic one I left after he refused to try to fix things with me, I know the devastation of that after begging for it) I am in a place once more that I feel I need to work on me more again. I did it back then and it helped a lot. I am hoping that returning to working on making me the best me I can be will put me in a better place all around. I am never making perfect, but better is good. I am the only Me you get.
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becoming a vegan worked great for me..
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Good job of quitting smoking and sticking to it!  I recently signed up for circuit training classes. Here's to getting healthier 
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Strong is the new skinny! Don't ever say that working out isn't sexy. Getting yourself healthy will absolutely help you feel better about yourself. It's done wonders for me this past year. I care less about what I look like but love feeling strong and healthy, and I'm very proud of how hard I've worked. I'll never look back... I'm sorry for the rest of it, but you are doing the right thing...taking care of yourself. Being around for your kids is a good thing.
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I wonder how many people have actually had life-changing epiphanies near Pittsburgh... You know where to find me, G. Hugs...
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Believe me, I can totally understand, and agree - I'm happy to hear you're working on your health. I've lost five pounds since the beginning of the year, and I'm working on more. Keep us up-to-date with your work, ok?
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Are we gonna see progress pics? Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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Hugs for ya sexy, and yeah it takes a lot to admit that we are in a crap spot health wise that's why after the last bloggers bash I decided to focus in on mine and it's take a while, lots of blood test a week in the hospital and I am finally getting better. Don't compromise yourself! You are all you've got!
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