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| Blogs > ladyj_1957 > Lady J's Musings |
The Topic is Double Standards or Hypocrisy
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The Topic is Double Standards or Hypocrisy I just had a private conversation with a guy about how many women want an VisionPersonals.com friend to be faithful to them, and they want the whole emotional component of a relationship. Where as, many men come here looking for ONS, FWB, limited time relationships, etc.... He was claiming these women are hypocrites. They cheat on their husband and then look for fidelity in a FWB, lover, affair person (whatever term you use). I said yes they are, but so are the men. They are out sluttishly fulfilling their sexual desires, but would be appalled, angered, and heartbroken if their wives sought the same freedom. Double standards exist, and they will continue to until we stop rearing with shame and secrecy toward their bodies, and sexual expression. So, I invite you to leave your thoughts, theories, rants, raves, personal experiences involving the subjects (Hypocrisy or Double Standard).  "Don't count the days, make the days count" |
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while i am not married, i feel like ive become one of those so called married men who have the attitude- i'm not looking to change my situation, but i'm just looking for something extra on the side... when it comes to my infidelity issues, this may sound kinda hard to believe when i say that deep down, i feel i really do care about my boyfriend. i mean, i just dont see myself breaking up with him anytime soon. honestly, i dont want to. cuz when i think about it, i feel i would end up being heartbroken over it. my b/f is the only person i know in whom i feel comfortable talking with when it comes to my feelings. he's a sensitive guy. i feel he understands me and cares about me. i like his emotional support he gives me. thats said, yes, i do see others on the side for what i do find is lacking in my relationship tho. and i wrestle with this moral issue all the time. one half of me says, its normal to want to be able to explore my sexuality/sexual freedom. its a part of life. why cant i? its my body, my desires, my choice. why must i feel chained to rely on my b/f to provide me such a thing? so what are the parimeters that define a b/f or g/f? Oh, i cant really consider him my b/f cuz i dont actually have sex with him. i mean, FUCK THat!! he's more than a regular friend to me, but i have an intimate emotional relationship with him that i dont really have with anyone else. he may not be a so called lover to me, but he's my bf in the sense i feel deeply connected to him... anyways, as a female, i feel like a typical male whose ended up signing up on this site for ONS, NSA type of hook ups. i can hardly remember the names of ppl i've been with. like my encounters with them were so far removed emotionally. and now, a part of me has grown really tired and weiry of it all. i mean, a part of me still desires it, i still do it from time to time... but theres something in the back of my mind saying that i'm lacking something from it all. my mind/interest has shifted recently. instead ONS type of ordeals, i've grown interested in making connections with other. and i like the feeling. it feels satisfying to me. or there seems more meaning, more depth to it when it comes to getting to know a person. i guess in my mind, theres a part of me that looks for something more meaningful than just ONS with someone. but becoming attached with someone even its a so called affair your having on the side can come with a whole bunch of complications- jealousy, possessiveness, so many other arising emotional issues can pop up that in the back of my mind, ONS, just seems a whole lot more easier to deal with sometimes. since theres that lack of attachement. no one gets hurt. you meet, hook up and you can go on your seperate ways and on with your life afterwards... wow, what was really my point in sharing all this? i have not answered the question of double standard and hypocrasy. i suppose its me a matter of sharing my experience. i feel like i hijacked your journal entry. so sorry. "Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set." ~Lady Gaga
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I completely concur with you.  AKA The Clit Whisperer. 
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Thank you ktown for hyjacking my blog, it is here for the purpose of sharing. I truly enjoyed your insights. Although my stories are different in their details, I empathize with the emotions you convey. I had a short lived emotional affair almost ten years ago. We were so intimate, although never more physical than a kiss or hug, that he once introduced me to people as his wife. I think that kind of emotional intimacy is common when people are going through very personal and stressful situations together and outsiders can't be included in "the know." I get what your saying about ONS, NSA, FWB, etc... being simpler. BUT, who needs simple, when a little work renders so much more benefit. I am curious as a cat, why do you and your boyfriend not have sex? "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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Thank you ktown for hyjacking my blog, it is here for the purpose of sharing. I truly enjoyed your insights. Although my stories are different in their details, I empathize with the emotions you convey. I had a short lived emotional affair almost ten years ago. We were so intimate, although never more physical than a kiss or hug, that he once introduced me to people as his wife. I think that kind of emotional intimacy is common when people are going through very personal and stressful situations together and outsiders can't be included in "the know." I get what your saying about ONS, NSA, FWB, etc... being simpler. BUT, who needs simple, when a little work renders so much more benefit. I am curious as a cat, why do you and your boyfriend not have sex? anyways, when ppl talk about sex, sometimes i'm not too sure what they mean by that? you mean actual fucking/intercouse type of sex? because i admit at the age of 38, i have never experienced that. i wouldnt necessarily refer myself a virgin tho. but more vaginally inexperienced. we use to be intimate when we first started going out. but he knows a lot about my past when it comes to sleeping around... and he wanted to slow things down. he wanted to get to know me better or something... and well, time ended up passing and well, it just never started up again... its a weird thing. i mean, we HAVE talked about it. he's brought up the issue like... he's never really thought of himself as being in this type of platonic relationship. and to him.. despite what it lacks he says, he feels right being with me. since he feels right about it, than i end up accepting what it is... and a part of me REALLy appreciates him for liking me besides whats between my legs... we still sleep in the same bed. we still cuddle, we still hold hands when we take a walk. i give him a kiss when i have to go to work. so in somse sense we are still physical with each other. just not in the most sexual way. which is what i tend to seek out in others... and i wouldnt want to tell him such things. i mean, when it comes to my personal relationship with him, things are pretty calm and stable. bringing up such an issue would bring about unnecessary drama that i'm not prepared to handle. is it a deceitful thing i'm doing? does it make me a horrible person? in the eyes of others, yes. but i pay no mind to those type of ppl who think they live a life of perfection. cuz in my mind what i seek is normal. while ppl see it as a moral issue, its not as if i'm necessarily committing an unlawful crime. not that i'm trying to rationalize or making an excuse of making my behavior as being acceptable. but i'm just saying, while honesty is a noble thing. sometimes honesty can hurt others which i'm not prepared to doing. "Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set." ~Lady Gaga
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I'm a big proponent of the "whatever works for you" philosophy in life. So, if a relationship without sex works for both you and him, then you're better off than the zillions of unsatisfied people out there. VisionPersonals.com is filled with many people that are in sexless relationships and here to find the sex on the side. Some seek ONS and some FWB. So, although your circumstances are a bit different on the surface, the underlying dynamics is similar. Personally, I wouldn't function for long in that kind of platonic relationship. Whereas many people need trust before physical intimacy, I derive trust as I become physically intimate with a man. I guess I have no trouble giving my body, but giving my heart and soul is more difficult for me. However, I don't think that was the case before I lost what I call my marital virginity [My way of saying, before I cheated on my husband.] Like many women, I was raised to believe giving up your virginity was the supreme gift. At 22 I gave it to my husband and for 25 years he was the only one that experienced my gift. And then I cheated, and built a new intimacy and trust relationship. Having sex is the easy part, the emotional relationship is the what took time to built and needed nurturing. I don't know, perhaps I'm rambling and making no sense at all. But, there is a man that I want to share every essence of my heart and soul, and with whom the physical link of sex feels like it never has before. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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PS I do understand what you mean about what is sex. The act of intercourse is only one aspect. I lost my virginity at 22, but for years before that I was deriving pleasure from and giving pleasure to my boyfriends. At the Catholic college I was at, this was common behavior. As a member of VisionPersonals.com, some of my dates have been on this level. It may seem juvenile, but it can be exciting and it allows a release of sexual frustration without the risks and without emotional intimacy. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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8/16/2010 2:50 pm |
Double Standard? Of course. Hypocrisy? Maybe! Yet, each case is different, even though on the "screen's" surface, it may all come across the same. Do we really know what a person wants? Needs? Is REALLY looking for, when it is being done online? Although technology is nice (goes back to another of your musings), it still cannot replace the personal, intimate contact of looking into their eyes while listening to their words but also, watching actions. Although the intimacy (has nothing to do with purely sex)can be intoxicating, it is the action of the other person when communicating that is the real eye opener of double standard and hypocrisy.
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Double Standard? Of course. Hypocrisy? Maybe! Yet, each case is different, even though on the "screen's" surface, it may all come across the same. Do we really know what a person wants? Needs? Is REALLY looking for, when it is being done online? Although technology is nice (goes back to another of your musings), it still cannot replace the personal, intimate contact of looking into their eyes while listening to their words but also, watching actions. Although the intimacy (has nothing to do with purely sex)can be intoxicating, it is the action of the other person when communicating that is the real eye opener of double standard and hypocrisy. Communication is so much more than the words spoken. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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PS I do understand what you mean about what is sex. The act of intercourse is only one aspect. I lost my virginity at 22, but for years before that I was deriving pleasure from and giving pleasure to my boyfriends. At the Catholic college I was at, this was common behavior. As a member of VisionPersonals.com, some of my dates have been on this level. It may seem juvenile, but it can be exciting and it allows a release of sexual frustration without the risks and without emotional intimacy. i'm sorry. but from the start of me being sexually active, i have always derived pleasure from RECEIVING. receiving oral sex that is- which is where i've always gained the most pleasure from. its not because of religious reasons why i choose not to have intercourse. but its more like... i lack the desire to want to and the thoughts of pregnancy scares me. WOW, this discussion is like totally going off topic, but yeah... "Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set." ~Lady Gaga
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HAHAHAHAHA... i'm sorry. but from the start of me being sexually active, i have always derived pleasure from RECEIVING. receiving oral sex that is- which is where i've always gained the most pleasure from. its not because of religious reasons why i choose not to have intercourse. but its more like... i lack the desire to want to and the thoughts of pregnancy scares me. WOW, this discussion is like totally going off topic, but yeah... Hey, if you're getting great oral, then more power to you. I haven't found guys that truly love giving oral. So, I guess I've become reliant on intercourse. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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