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| Blogs > ladyj_1957 > Lady J's Musings |
Do you have concerns about having a discreet relationship? What if...?
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Do you have concerns about having a discreet relationship? What if...? My lover and I were talking this morning about "what ifs". It came up that due to our discreet relationship, a time might arrive when one or the other of us might disappear on the other without warning. How does one deal at that point. Apparently, this was one of the first times in our relationship that he's given it serious thought. I on the other hand, must have a morbid streak and worry about these types of issues routinely. What I didn't tell him is that I already check the obit section of the local paper on a daily basis. It's a family habit I inherited from my grandfathers and dad. Obviously, it's a sex-linked recessive trait that is only now showing in a female. LOL I've given it much thought. At first, I knew I would not be able to go to a hospital to see him if he was ill, nor to a wake or funneral if he had passed on. I wondered how I would deal with my own grief. Who would I turn to for comfort? I've played in my mind with the possibility of attending services as a discreet visitor in the background. But that would be a betrayal of all that we have been to each other. So, I know that when the end comes, we'll be alone in our grief and with our memories. It's sad to think about, perhaps you even think it morbid of me. But I'm not depressed by it, for I know my life has been so much enriched by having him in it. Years of escaping together, commiserating, and supporting each other have been worth that which is inevitable in the end. What are your thoughts and/or concerns? What if...? "Don't count the days, make the days count" |
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Great question - when I meet someone, of course I'm looking for some mutual adult pleasure, but also I hope I can make a new friend. I think the key word here is friend. Since I'm not looking for a LTR, I try to keep it simple. I have had a couple of discreet relationships that lasted for at least a year each, but knew my partner was looking for something more serious that I couldn't give. So until they found someone, I was there for them, and they for me. But with time, they each found someone and so I moved on to respect their privacy. However, since we were good friends, we stayed in touch. As it turned out, both of their new found love turned sour - both were cheated on so now they are available again - available to me and others. So Lady J, I too am not said when I "lose" someone - I know I have made a good friend and I'll most likely find someone else and make another new friend to share initmate times and laughter together. Gordon
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As I thought more after posting, I thought of how our special relationship transpires. Most of it, is here through email on the internet. Like most in discreet relationships, we use "secret" accounts. I can imagine that I would continue to write him notes, and such for a while afterwards. However, the idea of visiting a favorite common place is a great idea. Now, I just need to work on establishing a memoriable place. Room 326? LOL "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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Great question - when I meet someone, of course I'm looking for some mutual adult pleasure, but also I hope I can make a new friend. I think the key word here is friend. Since I'm not looking for a LTR, I try to keep it simple. I have had a couple of discreet relationships that lasted for at least a year each, but knew my partner was looking for something more serious that I couldn't give. So until they found someone, I was there for them, and they for me. But with time, they each found someone and so I moved on to respect their privacy. However, since we were good friends, we stayed in touch. As it turned out, both of their new found love turned sour - both were cheated on so now they are available again - available to me and others. So Lady J, I too am not said when I "lose" someone - I know I have made a good friend and I'll most likely find someone else and make another new friend to share initmate times and laughter together. Gordon "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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Hmmm, no I don't think they have to be exclusive of one another ... you can have a LTF (friendship) - I think when seeing someone discretely, both partners need to be careful how far it goes and try not to get too attached. I always want to be someone that another person can confine in, laugh with, be a good listener, etc.. 879
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I believe it's possible to be as close as two people can be in life and keep your relationship discreet because you are legally bound to others, or have your own reasons for doing so. Crazy? Maybe, but I think it's possible. I think it's been done. Not common, but possible. Not desirable probably, but possible. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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Absolutely agree (put it all together)
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if you want to contact me, put my first 2 comments signoffs together, and perhaps we can party ... yahoo!!!!
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"I believe it's possible to be as close as two people can be in life and keep your relationship discreet because you are legally bound to others, or have your own reasons for doing so. Crazy? Maybe, but I think it's possible. I think it's been done. Not common, but possible. Not desirable probably, but possible." If craziness were illegal there would be very few legal couples to start with, don't you think? Fact is that having a connection outside the legally set boundaries is more common than most people (dare to) admit. Mind you, "it" doesn't in- nor exclude the physical connection at forehand, yet "it" sure is something people are on the look out for even if they are completely unaware of their deepest desires. For some sharing minds can be outmost intriguing while others are tempted by the mere possibility of finding themselves entangled in a "forbidden" physical dance where the minds take a back seat as the ultimate audience. And then of course there's the few who can only be intrigued when both mind and body are involved in what is deemed to be not done. Among those I find myself at ease, after all what's done or not isn't up to others to start with and to know one is to be one in more than one way. I guess it's why there's an awful lot of folks already alarmed by a friendly hello from a stranger. So hello there ladyj!
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I reread this tonight. Almost two years after I wrote this, the relationship I was talking about ended because his wife learned about it through his carelessness with email/computers. Betrayal one of our discretion code. A year after the relationship ended I sent a hello text on Easter Sunday. It was nothing mushy or even personal, just hi and hope all is well. A week or so later, I was served with a letter from his lawyer threatening that they would persue legal action if I ever contacted him again. Betrayal two, he gave another human being my name. Funny, I have honored our code to this day. I speak here of him, but have never used even his first name, initials, or screen name. I never will. Too answer the question; I handled the loss with tremendous pain and sadness. It hurts whenever I think of him, which until recently was almost daily. As far as moving on; I have found it difficult to do so. I am trying right now to cultivate a new friend. So far, so good. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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