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Alone...  

luoxana 51F  
330 posts
5/5/2011 9:06 pm
Alone...


Well, he changed his mind. It is his right to do so. I failed at this relationship, and I failed him. Funny, literally 2 days after I changed my status to "attached" now I am changing it back to "single."

So many ways this could have been avoided, and I can look in a mirror for the majority of it. Like I said a few weeks ago, I can be my own worst enemy. I told him yesterday that I guess somewhere deep down, I don't think I deserve happiness, and subconsciously I do things to sabotage the good things that occur in my life.

So, I will be taking a bit of a reprieve from the scene, go visit some family and friends this weekend, maybe even find the courage to go place flowers on my parents' respective graves. I was telling him yesterday that they are not even buried next to each other (they divorced when I was in elementary school), but at least they are in the same cemetary.

Anyway, I am rambling, sleepy, still crying, but alive and well. I want to leave you with my favorite poem from Dr Maya Angelou:

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise

truestroke 50M

5/7/2011 9:02 pm

As time passes it will get better. If u ever need a shoulder let me know


Addickted2Anal 64M
20 posts
5/8/2011 7:29 am

so many cliches come to mind to fill in the gaps lol not even going to go there, just know, I like what I see, your not far, and I can be the cream filling if you like?


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