Aussie Bush Etiquette
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Posted:Mar 20, 2017 3:40 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 8:25 am
3075 Views
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I know that Aussie Bush Etiquette is recognized throughout the civilized world but we all need to be reminded from time to time.
In General:
1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview...
2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your Ute and trailer to the funeral.
Eating Out:
1 When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
Entertaining at Home:
1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist..
2. Don't allow the to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
Personal Hygiene:
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN Ute keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.
Theatre/Cinema Etiquette:
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
Weddings:
1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
Driving Etiquette:
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.
2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too
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Setting it straight
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Posted:Mar 20, 2017 3:38 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 8:25 am
1588 Views
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Ok.Yes we do love a play session over a weekend with good country food and wine. But as it seems as soon as the male half realize they wont be able to fuck another woman all communication stops and honestly i don't care for your time wasting.It says it on our profile and if she was interested in men other than her hubby we would have a line down our half kilometer driveway.Says a lot for the men in a relationship with their Bi woman that as soon as they (the men) know its a no go for them its na not interested.Ok i understand, But for me its about what my missus wants for her and the participant can get out of the meeting.I really have no interest in fuking another woman but i like to watch and learn.I just think its a selfish act on the mans part to deny the girls their fun just because they cant get their end into another woman and its as simple as that as far as i am concerned.We have had a few interludes with a few couples that haven't been a problem and at the end of the weekend all have parted with smiles and wanting to meet again.We love to host out here on the farm,Its quiet and peaceful and well a nice place to get away from the hustle n bustle of town/city life.Most people dream of the wonderful place we have here, relaxing under the trees with a glass in hand,looking out into the expanse of the paddocks, and the birds going about their business.Well i say your loss for being so selfish.
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Some people ask the sillyest questions
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Posted:Mar 20, 2017 3:37 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 8:25 am
1591 Views
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Seriously?? So I'm at Coles buying a bag of food. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying food, RIGHT? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog.
"I'm starting the food diet again. I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. I lost 50 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms." I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. "All you do is load your pockets with food nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I am going to try it again." (I should add that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, this woman asked if I ended up in ICU because the food poisoned me.
I told her, "No, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt, and a car hit me.
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Be aweare you blokes
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Posted:Mar 20, 2017 3:36 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2024 8:25 am
1702 Views
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Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.
Many females use a date-drug on the market called "BEER"
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.
"BEER" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.
A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of "BEER" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "BEERS" , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking "BEER" , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "A RELATIONSHIP". In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "MARRIAGE"'.
Men are much more susceptible to this scam after "BEER" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
Please forward this warning to every male you know.
If you fall victim to this "BEER" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.
For the support group nearest you, just look up 'motorcycle shop or club house' in the phone book
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