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Blogs > frog_princess > Thoughts on tomorrow

most thought worthy  

frog_princess 64F
1064 posts
10/1/2016 9:08 am
most thought worthy
Sometimes a note or letter comes my way and really deserves an answer...an honest one. I am over tired today, and I fear I ramble. You don't have to respond if your going to be negative...I am not feeling so strong today. I am feeling a little to human and perhaps a bit raw in spirit. Too much of anything tends to strip you of all social defenses.

I received a pleasant note from a nice man and it caught me off guard in that I felt the need to purge with the truth...perhaps, it's kind of like verbal diarrhea . That is what blogs are, a personal place to express thought. I know I am a bit crazy. To me, my blog is a place to share...not always interact, but maybe just to jingle thoughts till they can make some sense.

I am chatty today...perhaps I need to write a book. Wait , wait this looks like a book but it's not.

I was going to post the part of his letter that made me think. The names were changed to protect the innocent.

" Looking for some who is honest, compassionate, funny, trustworthy, spontaneous, enjoys kissing, cuddling, sex and spending quality time together do things we both enjoy."

Hello, Just busy as usual...seems I'm lucky when I have time to focus on returning mail...i say I'm going to do it later, but then get caught up. I really wanted to reply properly to your note, for the most part I feel you are deserving of clarity and truth. I am not sure how to start conversation...I am compassionate, funny spontaneous...enjoy kissing, cuddling, sex and spending quality time...I can't honestly say I am honest or trustworthy anymore...I have been through too much in my life and have seen that for the most part honesty is often a tool of others to extract truths in which can be used against one...I know it seems jaded, but that is my experience. If you left money about , I would never take it...if it didn't belong to me. I don't steal. I am not what i would call trust worthy...if I ever felt solace in my life situation perhaps I could be...but, at this time I feel a desire to keep searching for happiness...perhaps that is honest...i don't know. Could you trust me not to take the last cookie...maybe , I just don't know.

I tend to believe that all relationships start the same...an assumption of trust, but I think once your burned enough you never trust again. It's kind of like being a kicked dog...they don't forget and tend to always be a bit shy. So that's my take on honesty.

I am in a married situation...I will probably stay that way until I find courage to do something about it. Part of the reason I stay is because it is easy...I just love my grand babies and they are my life. I also stay because I need health care...about 8 years ago I had breast cancer...so I need to be real careful when it comes to my health. Being hand and hand with our own mortality changes the way we feel about living...it changes what matters. We have not had relations in more than 14 or so years. We don't argue and seeming we get along well enough, just kind of being polite and staying out of each others way. In that time I have had bf and have dated. I am always dating...I hate being alone, but have yet to find a perfect match. I would say the perfect match does exist. Sadly some of the most wonderful men failed to see me as their match. Funny how that works,

I have rarely encountered a man who did not see a shinny penny and think he was most deserving of a full pocket of change. My take on that is ...if its pretty to look at, that's great but they are still only pennies...nothing of substance. Every thing of true value is priceless, and there as those who covet what you have, so it becomes work to make sure you keep it....and not easily dropped in a pocket.

Sometimes I wish I would just stay home, I am actually a home body, but you would never know it. I think often if I just stayed at home this house would swallow me alive...as it has done in the past. This house is filled with so many memories. I often fight in my mind to remember the good ones.
This house is the house I grew up in...it is filled with my beginning and I fear the end. If I ever do leave I will leave it behind...just cut clear of the past. So I stay almost entombed as if it were my crypt for all eternity.

I am most optimistic today and am happy to be alive...I will venture out to do "girly" things today. Perhaps a fall fest...craft show, who knows. I hope every one who reads this will feel some gratitude for the love that they have, not to squander it...think carefully before they burn bridges and be kind to all those they might encounter. What a goal...Be nice to the nice and nice to the not so nice.

If I ever got a tattoo that is what I dream of getting...maybe just rose thorns up the wings...I would also like perfect nipples. I am flawed on the outside...but, my inside human is beautiful...not perfect.

Affectionately yours, fp

Oh well, it's been a long day and this is my take on honesty. I have been up with Savannah since 2 am and then I headed home at 9:30 am. I do love the babies.

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