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Blogs > hornyguyMN > Inside my head

700 - FWB reflections and poly ramblings  

hornyguyMN 43M
2355 posts
10/24/2013 8:21 pm
700 - FWB reflections and poly ramblings

When I started blogging here I never thought I would ever reach 700 posts. But here I am. Yeah I know I say that every time I hit one of these big even numbers, but it's true.

I tried to come up with something extra special, but it all felt a little lack luster. But I was thinking over the last couple days (I know surprising isn't it, and no I didn't hurt myself ) and something that kept popping into my head for some reason was my attempt at a fwb thing about 3 years ago.

Those of you that were following my blog at the time might remember this. For those who have forgotten or are new to my blog I'll give a quick recap. I got home from the Vegas blogger bash and basically decided I was done with my unintentional celibacy. I had gone better then 7 years without any type of sex at this point (masturbation doesn't count). There was no romantic attraction there for me. I made that clear from the get go and we set specific boundaries for what we were walking into. It didn't last long, while the sex wasn't all that great I wasn't going to complain after all I was having sex. No what ended it was that she kept over stepping those boundaries that we set. I talked to her about it honestly more then once. When habits didn't change I ended it. This was my one and only attempt at having a fwb. The whole situation turned me off of the idea.

So why am I thinking about was all in all not a fun experience for me? To be honest I'm not sure, but my best guess is because my sex drive has been in overdrive recently. Well I've been thinking about how it has affected my approach to relationships and lovers today.

1. Probably the most significant change is my coming up with a one month rule. Basically I will not sleep with someone until we have spent at least a month getting to know each other and developing chemistry. I want to make sure I'm thinking with the wrong head going into it, I figure forcing myself to wait a little bit will help with that. Besides it can build some extra anticipation which can lead to some explosive results.

2. I'm not sure it has made me do anything different when it comes to not crossing boundaries. But if it is possible I might be a little more careful to make sure I don't cross any boundaries that a person has put in place as it relates to them. For example: If you are someone I flirt with, since I don't always pick up on flirty things either way, I will flirt (even if it is just friendly flirting with no relationship motives behind it) until you tell me you would like me to stop. If a third party tells me they don't think I should flirt with you, I'll take it under advisement but being that as far as I know they aren't speaking for you I will think about what they say and decide if I should continue or not. However if you tell me to stop, I will do so without hesitation.

3. It has possibly made me more aware of what I want in a lover. Considering the sex wasn't that great for various reasons it has given me an idea of what to look for.

5. It reinforced that when I get that "Ewww ... I shouldn't be doing this" feeling. That I shouldn't be doing it and not to go any further, to hell with that meaning I'm not getting laid. (this is an extension to number 1).

At the time when I was going through this it turned me off to the idea. But that was before I found the local kink community/groups and met so many awesome people through that. Before I got myself into a pair of poly relationships (all be it poly relationships all at different times, none have over lapped).

Maybe that is another thing that has me thinking about this and trying it again. The fact that I have been in two poly relationships (or dated poly women if they don't count as relationships for some reason) the last couple years. Yet I have always been the one in the relationship without more partners/lovers/whatever label you want to add here. Perhaps I'm nearing the point of being willing to add something else into my fold and my subconscious figures the easiest way to ease into that is to start with something less formal then a second full blown relationship with dates. But a less formal fwb situation instead. Or maybe I'm over thinking things and I've just been a super horny SOB lately. Who knows.

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