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Things I fear
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Things I fear After today's kinky grappling event I had to help my mom and my brother clean the gutters on my moms house. For those of you that have never lived in a northern state with snow and ice. If we don't do this every year it increases the risk of things clogging up and us getting ice dams which means water damage. Not fun. While My brother and I were doing this we had to climb on part of the roof for a bit to get the gutters over the porch. My brother volunteered to go up. Probably because I did the previous half of the house by myself. But he has issues with heights. So he was scooting around up there on his butt, doing the under his breath nervous moan thing. He wouldn't get anywhere near the edges so he had trouble cleaning the gutters. After a big I got something to help clean the drainage paths (or whatever you call the parts of the gutter that sends the water down away from the house). I carried it up there, walked it over to the drainage paths and cleaned them as best I could. My mother also has trouble with heights, but our father loved them. I'm not knocking my brother for being afraid. No one is without fear. Anyone that says they are is trying to fool themselves or is a fool. Although our porch really isn't that tall. So he will be teased for a while about it.  This whole experience made me think about what actually scares me.Anyways this is what I came up with while we were finishing the gutters. (in no particular order) 1. Snakes. I don't know what is about them, but they terrify me. Other reptiles and amphibians gross me out, but snakes scare the crap out of me. Doesn't matter how big it is or what kind of snake it is. I'm just as scared of a little guarder snake as I am a King Cobra. 2. The bottoms of swimming pools, lakes, rivers and oceans. This is solely based on the fact that I can't swim. So if I'm on the bottom, I'm probably going to die soon. 3. Like most other humans I fear death, big surprise I know. 4. This one will sound strange. But Left turns when I drive. A few years ago I was in a car accident making a left turn. My view was abstracted by a couple big trucks in the oncoming left turn lane I thought it was clear, I was wrong. They have made me jumpy ever since. 5. Needles. I hate them. I could tell you stories from when I was just a little . Needing 4-5 nurses plus my Dad to hold me down, plus one more to give me the shot. I'm better now but I can still have mini panic attacks when I see them. 6. Hurting people unintentionally. This can mean emotionally hurting them some how or injuring them physically. Despite the lifestyle I choose to be a part of and would like to become more active in. I am at heart a gentle soul. As a result I treat almost everyone with " gloves" not wanted to risk taking anything too far. 7. Being alone. I know that might sound weird from someone that admits he has been very much a loner for most of his life. But the whole alone, unloved thing bothers me. That doesn't mean I'm desperate and will shack up with anyone, just to be able to say I'm with someone. I'm still picky about who I'm with. I just know I don't want to end up alone. And the thought of doing so does scare me. 8. Losing those that I am or have been close too. This is really an extension of number 7. It doesn't much matter why someone leaves my life. Be it because of them passing away, or choosing they don't want to be around me anymore for whatever reason. I don't have many people that are legitimately close to me. Losing one is a huge blow in my world. 9. Having to watch people I care about be hurt and being able to do nothing about it. Anyone that I care for, consider a friend, love (you get the idea). I'm very protective of. The idea of not being able to help them when they really need it (and I'm talking big stuff) terrifies me. 10. Someone that am or have been close too having a false opinion of me. This one is hard to explain. I've always said I would rather be hated for who I am then loved for being someone I'm not. I want people to know who I really am and draw their opinions of me from that. Being quiet and introverted, getting to know me can be hard sometimes. I try to stay honest with people, tell them how I really feel about them or other things. Even if doing so might not be the best idea sometimes. I worry that someone I know well might take something the wrong way and develop a false opinion of me based on one low trait or a misunderstanding. I know I'm not explaining it well. It is further complicated by the point that most people's opinions of me don't matter terribly much to me. I am me, I know that I am a good person that would be worth while to get to know and have in your life. But having any of those select few's opinions turn against me, is a scary thought. I know it probably makes no sense outside of my own head. 11. The day when I lose hope that any part of my life can improve. I could do a whole other post about hope and it's roll. But basically sometimes it is the only thing that keeps us standing and moving forward. So do any of these fears strike any cords with you? What scares you? |
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Fears? Not death, too many people on the other side now to greet me. I do, however, fear a painful dying. The death itself, easy peasy. Crickets. I've got a scar on my back from jumping into the edge of a cabinet to get away from the little bitty terrifying cricket. 
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I have a fear of heights, clowns, and spiders. *shudder*
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I will catch and remove snakes for you, if you catch and remove spiders and protect me from clowns 
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