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Blogs > hornyguyMN > Inside my head

Something on my mind.  

hornyguyMN 43M
2355 posts
3/7/2012 9:42 pm
Something on my mind.

Ok so I have some news. News that I'm hesitant to put into writing. Don't worry it is good news, but it still has me a little scared for reasons I'll talk about later.

So does everyone remember the woman I went to the coffee shop with a couple weeks ago and was there for 6 hours with her. Well we got together again last Sunday. This time we went somewhere to walk around. And it was a lot like the last time, only this time we were moving for the better part of the 5 or 6 hours.

But there is one big difference this time. At one point we were sitting down on a bench (her choice). I eventually put my arm around her and was rubbing her neck. She kept forgetting where she was. Anyways eventually I purposefully broke her out of her "zen" (that's what I called it). So after she was out of it I asked her if I would be moving to fast or stepping out of bounds if I tried to kiss her (yes that's right I asked to kiss her).

She said I wouldn't be moving to fast or out of bounds. Soooooo .... I kissed her and we had a little make out session there on that bench in a very crowded place. Eventually we got ourselves up and moving again, this time holding hands. Then when it was time for her to leave I walked her to her car. And we had a much longer make out session (Tuesday she told me in a text message that I'm a good kisser given how little practice I get I cant tell you how much I enjoy being told that). Complete with heckling from some teenagers.

Now this is about when I'm used to seeing women vanish. But we had plans for the play party this weekend (nothing big, just me giving her a massage). But I didn't get into the party. I'm on a waiting list, but not holding my breath that I will get in.

But I got off work today and found a message that since I probably wont be at the party Saturday, that she looked up a couple things we could do Sunday. So we are going to the Zoo.

Now there is another play party the following weekend that I might go that, she will be there as well. She told me that if I come I should know that an out of state partner of hers will be there (just in case that would make me uncomfortable she wanted me to have a heads up). If I haven't mentioned it before she is poly. I know that if this keeps progressing with her I will have to confront how I feel about that sooner or later. Just not sure if now is the time.

And then she actually offered to be my "date" to a formal dance type community event. So what does all this mean? It means I want to get excited about this. But I'm afraid to. Every time I get excited the disappearing act happens. There is also her being poly and me never having identified as poly. I'm not sure how that will work.

Another thing is, that this is all coming way easier then anything else ever has. I'm more comfortable around her then most people. Most women I never would have gotten up the nerve to ask about kissing, especially that soon. Even the usually awkward silences (two shy people remember) aren't awkward.

I guess what I'm really afraid of is that I'm going to find a way to screw this up. That the part of me that is insecure about relationships will be right again when everything seems to be going great.

AudioFilly 58F  
1897 posts
3/7/2012 10:30 pm

 I think the real challenge for you is to try not to overthink it. It will go against your nature, but if you can just take it as it comes & enjoy it as it's happening, in the long run you will have a better experience no matter the eventual outcome.



hornyguyMN replies on 3/8/2012 8:48 am:
Your right about that. I've been good about not over thinking things while they are happening. But on the drive home, or in between chats. All bets are off.

rm_geysergirl 59F
10799 posts
3/11/2012 5:51 pm
    Quoting Softsheetsnme:

    Lots to say on this one, so grab a drink...I'll wait.
    .
    .
    Ok, this really is fantastic news! YAY! I know that it's scary, but truthfully Horny, it was scary for all of us when we first met someone we really liked. All the butterflies and wondering where things are going to go...the anxiety of saying the right thing or trying not to screw up and be a big bonehead (referring to myself on that one).

    My overall advice is going to be...Don't put the cart before the horse and ENJOY the moment. Enjoy all the fun feelings and good times. Sure, it's disappointing when things don't work out. It's only natural to want to keep your eyes open once you've been disappointed. It's more important to keep your heart open though. Trust me on this. I was single 8 yrs. Finding love is not easy.

    She may the right girl or the girl for right now. Only time will tell. ENJOY yourself. Enjoy getting to know her.

    Don't let the poly thing overshadow things for now. Some relationships start out as one thing and evolve into something completely different as the couple grows closer. I'm not saying ignore it because that's a huge issue, but YOU may find she's great as a part time playmate but not the right girl for you in the big picture so poly could work to your benefit. There's lots still up in the air. Just enjoy yourself. It sounds like she really went out of her way to make alternate plans so she could see you Sunday. That's a great sign that she's interested. It also sounds like she is a considerate person by giving you advance notice that her out of state partner will be there. (I'd personally skip that event. You aren't poly and seeing a girl you are interested in hanging with another partner does not sound like a fun evening to me. But that's just me.)

    As for the girl...go for it!! Have fun! I'm crossing my fingers for you babe! Good luck!

    P.S. There's nothing wrong with asking to kiss a girl for the first time. It's polite and respectful.
What softie said..

be yourself, don't overthink.. don't think it won't work.. just enjoy, go with it, and see what happens..
Captivate my mind...and who knows what will follow. Discover more of my ramblings at [blog geysergirl]


hornyguyMN replies on 3/11/2012 6:35 pm:
Well over thinking is a bit of a prerequisite with me. It's unavoidable. But good things are happening. But that is a hole new post.

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