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| Blogs > myelin36 > Dirty Little Secrets |
11th Virtual Symposium: On Burning Bridges
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11th Virtual Symposium: On Burning Bridges "Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge" ~Don Henley Burning bridges is a healthy, natural part of life and at times it’s a necessity to burn a bridge to ensure your own success and happiness. Now before you flame me, write me off, or decide I’m a crazy person who has no idea how to handle relationships – keep reading. What I have to say may actually surprise you. This topic has been on my list since I started blogging here and I’ve been mulling it over for what feels like FOREVER! Should I write a post about burning bridges, should people burn bridges, what does it really mean to burn a bridge anyway? It’s a controversial topic, one that shouldn’t be taken lightly, and I’ve been putting it off for those very reasons. We’ve all been told at some point in our lives, “Don’t Burn Your Bridges!” Who am I kidding? I’m sure you’ve heard this more than once. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, it seems that the meaning of the phrase “Don’t Burn Your Bridges,” has become a bit misconstrued. So many of us were given this advice by loving parents who wanted the best for us and so we really took the phrase to heart. The problem is that our parents didn’t realize just how “to heart” it was being taken. Today “Don’t Burn Your Bridges” appears to have morphed into a false sense of reality that implies that we should all get along with everyone we meet, that we should want everyone to like us, and that no matter what transpires during a work or personal relationship, we should strive to keep it going for fear of some sort of retaliation or major negative consequence. Well, that is just a bunch of bullshit! The reality is that we don't have to get along with everyone we meet, not everyone is going to like us, not every relationship is good for us, and while every choice has consequences (good and bad) sometimes accepting those consequences is better for us than accepting the status quo. It can be really hard to fight against this preconceived notion and to accept the idea that we don’t have to keep every relationship we’ve ever made. But, if you really start paying close attention to the people whom you consider to be very successful, you'll start to realize that they have indeed burnt bridges along the way, and are in fact none the worse for wear. I want to address another misconception that we seem to have when it comes to burning bridges; it’s part of the reason why this is such a controversial topic. When we think of the classic case of burning bridges, we automatically assume that there has been some kind of major confrontation that leads to the ending of a relationship. While this does happen and will more than likely happen at least once to each of us, I’m not condoning this method of bridge burning. Just like with anything in life, there is more than one way to burn a bridge. I believe the true meaning of the phrase “Don’t Burn Your Bridges” was meant to imply that you shouldn’t attack (professionally, mentally, physically, etc.) another person as a means to ending the relationship you have with them. It was meant to prevent you from acting like an ass, but not meant to prevent you from ending relationships. So now that we have a better definition, just when is it acceptable or even recommended to burn a bridge? There are many times when burning a bridge is the best thing you can do for yourself. Maybe someone is wasting your valuable time, maybe they bring too much drama with them, maybe they have a bad reputation that reflects poorly on you, or maybe they are just someone who discourages you instead of supporting you. You will find these people at every stage in your life – some of them will be very successful – though I still have yet to figure out how that happens. Just because they are successful, does not mean being connected to them will help you to succeed. It’s usually quite the opposite, they are often the ones who will bring you down. So give yourself permission to burn these bridges out of your life and your career – they are toxic and you don’t need them! Just remember that if you decide to burn these bridges, don’t let anyone see the smoke! That way, if things change, you may just be able to easily rebuild that bridge in the future. Do you struggle with letting go of toxic people or relationships? Have you burned bridges with people in your life that you felt good about? Regret? Curious minds want to know.  |
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As you say, some bridges are best burned!  
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Some get burned along the way. And then we discover it its a good thing. "To Be Consumed" Blog : I want to be your drug of painful withdrawals.
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I burned a few along the way, no regrets there! Thank you for participating!!!!  WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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I don't burn bridges. I just don't. You make a good argument for it though. Blog on
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8/23/2015 11:45 am |
It used to bother me, but now i don't give a fuck if I feel things are going nowhere with others I know I leave'em alone and keep it moving. Please, just call me diggy.
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I've struggled with toxic relationships, and made sure the bridge was completely destroyed... that's for sure. lol Thoughts from the Garden...
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Like this one it should be burned never to come back again.. Excellent hugsssssssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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I believe I read that the phrase "don't burn your bridges" was with regard to warriors entering a domain by a bridge and setting fire to what they were going to pillage and plunder. If they "burned their bridges too soon" they couldn't get back across to safety. We might equate that with "not burning bridges" in a relationship. You never know if that old lover might be able to help you out later on in life. Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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In France we don't burn bridges, we cut them. But the thing in common is we reefer to bridges in both case. Some people did with me, I did in less than fingers in a hand. Always sadly, strongly disappointed. I had to. Keeping the possibility of a turnover ... impossible. I'd been betrayed.
 [post 3567855] My standard members mailbox xoxox Ma messagerie pour standards
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yah if the benefit outweighs what you already have
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Some bridges weren't meant to be built. I have no regrets burning bridges that allow toxins in my life. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nice post. I agree with your opinion "I believe the true meaning of the phrase “Don’t Burn Your Bridges” was meant to imply that you shouldn’t attack (professionally, mentally, physically, etc.) another person as a means to ending the relationship you have with them. It was meant to prevent you from acting like an ass, but not meant to prevent you from ending relationships." I've tried to get my kids to understand that point of view. Hopefully it's sinking in. I've tried to get them to discern the difference between the people in their lives who have motives that are not good for them and those who mean no harm though they may need a hand now and then. I've burned a few bridges professionally and personally but very much prefer to keep the flames low and the smoke unnoticed. You might say I used smoke and mirrors to make the bridge disappear so well that the person didn't even know it was gone until they went to step on it again. Then there are the ones who had to run across the bridge with the flames singeing their asses all the way.  RUN MF RUN. I do try to be understanding (except occasionally when I'm tired I may get annoyed easily) and forgiving and don't set fire to bridges hastily. I wouldn't want to be accused of arson after all.  No regrets so far. Definitely felt good about most. Struggle? Not much struggle, just a matter of how much shit I put up with before I get to my limit and strike the match. Vive La Difference
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I've never needed to burn a bridge. But, like many others, the topic makes me think of this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45SjN6tL_Uk My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Great writing, my dear myelin36. The subject reminds me of the excellent pop song used in the film "Kelly's Heroes." My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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When it comes to distancing oneself from toxic situations, you're absolutely right: One should distance oneself from them, and fast. A lot of what peope really talk about when they discuss burning bridges behind them is technique: There is a big difference between a graceful exit followed by no contact and running screaming from a situation, scattering kerosene everywhere and waving around a box of Blue Diamond matches... Because yes, there is no need to continue relationships that are toxic. But one never knows where people on the fringes of those relationships -- co-workers, friends of friends who never thought anything negative about you -- might have a role to play in the future Great post! A favor... would you give a link to the main list of contributors? I'm sure some of your readers would enjoy the other contributors... Regardless, thank you for continuing to be part of he virtual symposium! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Hello, I wanted to leave you a link to my post where I featured your blog. If you get a chance and have the gumption, take a gander at it. Thanks, and blog on! Through The Blogging Glass The Eleventh Virtual Symposium
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