2nd post for tonight (grab a drink, as it is a rambling sort of post)
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Posted:Apr 22, 2014 11:06 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 12:42 pm
18156 Views
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Got to thinking.
Got to looking.
Seen I have been seen, but so few folks take the time to actually say anything.
I have ups and downs, just like everyone else.
Some days are better, some are worse, but I am after all human.
In that I hope some one out there will take the time to stop look and see.
This blog is part of me. it is what I share with this particular spectrum of the world. it is what this site allows to be seen. without more than the entry fee of info which they can use. Anything else costs cash or a submission which again will be used. I know and understand it. as I agreed to the terms of service, it means I accepted it.
Now on to the challenge.
If you have read this far, get lonely, and occasionally read blogs, or perhaps even nightly find yourself cruising sights looking for a brief piece of the world you can understand embrace, or even accept, consider letting an author know.
I will be as generous here as I can. don't acknowledge me, just the ones who make a difference in your life. Of those who have taken the time to look at my blog, I have had three who have taken the time to say anything. I have to admit, that is more than I probably deserve, but still, take the time to let them know they have made a difference. if they inspire you, it is worth it to help them along in life, even if only with words of thanks.
As this is a sex site though, I have to admit of much higher hopes. They are hopes, but still, we all want more, otherwise we would not be here, right?
Second, even if you don't think some one is worthy, don't neglect them. Trust me on this. I sit on that end of the spectrum. I have been and am down in the dumps of society. I am smart, I have wisdom, I have other traits that help me along in life, but I still have the loneliness that comes from the lack of intimacy that draws others here, seemingly by the thousands. Yet still with what I have going for me, I find a way to be what I am, which is lonely. It is not always company I am lonely for, but intimacy. Even if only in words, I crave it. Like so many others, I crave the desire to be held. To be wanted, and sought after.
When you consider how many people there are here, guys VS gals, I know the chances of some one taking an interest are about 25% It is sad. I know it is, but still it is hope. it is what I cling to to make sure I can get up and function each day. I wish I could say I were a better man, but I know in my heart I am not. I feel it. it peels at me a little every day and dries me like so much vegetation in the raw burning desert sun. Or so it feels. Alas, do not lose hope.
Take a breath, and give it back. When you have breathed, count what you have, and what might be there, all the hopes dreams and wildest wishes. they are what will hold you over till some one else passes you another breath, and reminds you the world can be worth living for. What I tell you is be that breath. inspire others. give a little back when you feel you have scraped the bottom of the barrel. After all, nothing grows without something to feed on. and the human spirit is the most prolific of things. it can inspire others, give birth to thought, create, destroy, humble, humiliate, and lift up a spirit as well as teach another how to be a better person. in that, perhaps we all have something to give.
Only if.
That if. it is a big word for so few letters, isn't it?
The world is in an if. if she or he will or won't. If I can or cannot. If there will or won't.
Looking at it though, it is only a tool. and like any tool, how it is used is what it becomes. Instrument of destruction, or creation. if I use it in the positive, others will flourish, they will grow, they will become!
In the negative, things wither and eventually die, as everything is sucked from them through alack of support, lack of food, lack of sustenance.
If.
If I am good, and I support others, eventually it will come round to help me as well. I see it, know it and support it. Sadly, I have duality to deal with. I cannot be who I am here and in my daily life. I do the same things, I am the same person, use the same words, and do what I do day to day, but see the returns in both worlds are not what I seek. Or is it need?
Need. again, another word of definition. I feel I need some things, but even with that need lacking fulfillment I do not die (yes, I know, much the pity). there is another word more fitting here I am sure. Still, the feeling of the word is right, even if the meaning is not. Thus many others understand it, even if they never read this far.
Now alas, with too much to drink, my train of though has been derailed by the intent and purpose for being here. Sex.
It is not forthcoming. I ask your forgiveness in my shortcomings, and hope for understanding. Hope your night was better than mine.
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Drinkin' and thinkin'
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Posted:Apr 22, 2014 10:29 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 12:42 pm
17379 Views
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I have been holding off on drinking a lot in recent months, and decided tonight, I would indulge.
First time in over 12 months.
To say I feel better at the moment is true. not to say it has cured all ills, but I do feel a little less inclined toward the dark side of life right now.
I know I should be off doing other things at the moment, but right now, I am being selfish. Shellfish if you will. that is to say I am in my own personal bubble and comfortable with telling the rest of the world I will be back when I sober up  Stronger words could be used, but why? =-)
I am indeed happy at the moment to have a twinkle in my eye, and not be thinking about things that trouble me daily.
For those out there suffering the same sort of daily grinding drag you down and drown you in the muck sort of day I have been going through and want to know what got me turned around, the answer is for the moment, cider.
I have been keeping myself to less than one per day (this means one every other day, if I am lucky) when I do drink, and usually it is not cider (which I adore!), if I tip a bottle.
As I decided to cut loose, it is the third tonight, and I know I am not legal to drive. Let it be said I feel no particular pain right now, but when I wake up, I am pretty sure I will be paying for it.
Such is the price for all things it seems. but for the moment, I am happy with it.
With that, I wish some of my happiness on all of you out there, drink or sober, happy or not, that at least for a moment, we all agree.
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Not again
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Posted:Apr 16, 2014 9:53 pm
Last Updated:May 21, 2014 9:56 pm
17041 Views
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I let out a sigh before breathing another breath.
I gather up my hope from the ground at my feet and consider what to do next.
My hope is in hand again.
I am thinking I should be more careful who I show such things to, lest they get dashed again.
Gonna take a walk soon, and make things better.
Gonna feel the sun shine again, and not feel guilt for being happy about it.
Things are gonna change,
I am gonna make it happen.
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What to say?
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Posted:Feb 8, 2014 1:18 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 12:42 pm
16463 Views
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I am still looking for answers to questions asked.
Still finding silence is the tongue I keep hearing the answer in.
I have not stopped or given up.
I have been spurned for my efforts, and felt the hurt as it cut deep.
It doesn't do any good to cry. Sometimes you lose heart when things go this way. sometimes you just don't want to try.
Things are changing though.
The weather is taking another turn.
The skies are dark again, and soon, like every other day the sun is going to come back.
You can feel the change happen. some days more intensely than others.
Some days I wish it were others who felt it, but alas, it is my turn.
I am here, and I am me. there is nothing else it seems I can be.
Won't some one come and take this away from me?
Alas, the gibberish of sleeplessness has overtaken me again, and I should try to sleep.
Sleep, yeah, that sounds good.
Hope you all find what you need in your dreams when you sleep.
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some days are better than others
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Posted:Dec 22, 2013 11:57 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 12:42 pm
16091 Views
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Today was thankfully a better day.
Yesterday was pretty rotten though. Seems like every other day will throw me for a loop, with just enough time to get back on my feet in recent years.
Not sure if that means I am adapting, or simply getting used to it though.
Either way, change is happening.
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I had a good chuckle
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Posted:Dec 9, 2013 10:33 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 12:42 pm
15769 Views
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Saw some random looking blog posts here on this site, and got a smile or two from them. Seems it was not long ago I started down that road, and it helped mark the journey from there to here for a while. After a while it tends to lose it's appeal, but like I said, it did leave a few sign posts along the way.
Now looking at the history on this site for my blog posting, I am going to get a bit of the Fuzzy eye, I am sure, as it looks as though I have been here and lurking, but not doing much of anything else. In one sense this is true, in another it is off the mark. I have been blogging, but it was not on this site. Lets just say my other account got lit up like a Christmas tree when a hacker caught wind of me. Haven't been able to access it for almost 6 months now. I am still waiting to see if there will be photos posted of me about the internet at this point. I keep a low profile here, but as this is one more place to blog, I figure what the heck. Seems like a fun idea, but having walked this path, know it won't do much more than generate a few sparks of interest here and there. in the proper light, that too can make me smile, but not for the obvious reasons.
Now as I have scratched my blogging itch for the day, I am off and wandering. hope everyone out there in blog land has a good time, and doens'nt have to laugh too much at me
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Got bots?
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Posted:May 26, 2012 10:13 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 12:42 pm
14269 Views
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I have been at this posting blogs for a while. Close to a couple of year, or more.
In the time I have been at it, I have been here looking for what is not the same in my life as was when I got married. That being a lack of sex.
I have been up and down on the level of frustration, and have come to the reality that no matter what I try, there won't be sex again. At least not between her and I.
I try to be a reasonable sort, and have sat down looking at and finding as well as fixing problems in my life, and am nearly at wits end, or so it feels.
With that realization(and it was years in the making) I am probably going to step out.
Simply put the lack of sex is driving me crazy.
Put another way, being a adult and having a sexual drive higher than that of an aphid, I have the desire.
The fact that advances have been systematically shot down, beaten, stomped, and then ground into the dirt before they are burned tells me there is no interest.
This leads me to believe I should seek the attentions I am in desire of elsewhere.
There is more to this thought, but I find myself losing track of the direction it is going. Therefore it will stop here.
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New to this site
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Posted:Aug 11, 2011 9:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2014 10:43 pm
13718 Views
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But not new to the scen, so, if you are reading this and recognise me from elsewhere, please take it easy on me. It has been a long haul. I am up late again and planning to go off to play elsewhere when I get done here, but you know for the moment I am still surfing and figuring out the new (to me) site. Hopefully the ladies I see that have started accounts locally are not bots, or otherwise no fun. Reall folks I can deal with, but the fakes? not well, if at all. Anyway, hope things are going well, and in another 20 hours or so I hope to be out watching for metereors falling from the sky. if my luck holds it will be with a couple of pretty ladies. if not, then I guess I will be still in the same boat I am now.
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