Being positive
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Posted:Jul 25, 2014 11:26 pm
Last Updated:Jul 30, 2014 8:54 pm
31480 Views
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It can be hard to do some days.
When you wake up and pray to your favorite deity telling them you have not yet committed murder. have not slandered anyone who ticked you off to the point of seeing red. have not cursed anyone in your family for being who you are. have not considered how sexy a neighbor is, and had to refrain from telling them. have not taken said deities name in vain. have not stolen more than a breath. have not done anything yet to offend another person.
Then when you think your day is going well you get out of bed and know it is all going to hell in a hand basket as something tells you it is not going to end well.
It is days like those I think about it, and consider my options.
I can go grab a bottle of booze and start drinking right away first thing. Or, I can roll over and go back to sleep. Or last, I can get up, and hit the floor with both feet running, and make the world fight to keep up with me.
Usually it is number three, but some days the world trips me before I get to my second step 
Hope everyone out there has a good day, and manages not to get tripped on the way out the bedroom door. . .
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I have that old familiar feeling again
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Posted:Jul 24, 2014 10:34 pm
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2014 10:14 pm
31216 Views
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That is to say I am thinking of the past wondering how people I used to know are fairing.
One in particular came to mind tonight, and as she is decades ago and relationships away, it is likely I won't find out.
Still, I wonder.
I guess tonight is one of those times I am feeling the compulsion, the need, the desire to know.. I know out there in the world there must be a word for it, but my vocabulary runs a bit short, and lacks the proper one to describe it.
This isn't the first nor will it be the last time I wonder after some one long gone. Thought it comes in fits and bursts like a firework, illuminating my mind with a brief glimpse of the past only to fade and be gone again shortly thereafter.
Worse are the ones I cannot place a name to, only a time and place. They will haunt me and elude me until I die or so it feels.
So what brought me here where I am wondering about past relations and how their life has progressed? Seeing a movie and realizing how much my life will not entail because of where I live and what I do. In short I realize I am stifled, yet again by circumstance, and in so doing resolve to make more of my time and do more with my life. This though is nothing new. only reaffirmation of what I have already decided.
Do you find yourself here, and wondering about others, or simply shrugging your shoulders saying what the heck, no sweat off my brow?
Inquisitive mind wants to know. . .. Err, actually that is my secret monster. it is always curious and has an appetite
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Sexy, thoughtful, and caring
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Posted:Jul 19, 2014 11:49 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 10:38 pm
30907 Views
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I find myself thinking about these things a lot.
One of the blogs I follow here raised this issue in my head with a couple of different posts.
Considering I like to keep something of a low profile here, posting blogs excluded, I find many things either fascinating or sexy. there are a few more that are appealing, but not always in the same package if you will.
Sexy. Most women to me are sexy in one way or another. This can mean physically, mentally or even in a spiritual manner. Yes, I have experienced that last one, and from more than one source. Thankfully not all at once, or I might have died of a heart attack then and there
I understand some men fit the bill this way as well. there are those who just exude sexiness in a pure raw physical sense. others have the ability to seduce with words, and then there are some who just have to hope for the best. Of course like all other generalizations, this one is too defined to fit everyone. but I hope as the reader you get the gist. As for me, I hope I have at least a bit of all of them. but that is likely as not wishful thinking. I am probably in one or two, but not all categories. Tis my curse, and I accept it. Later perhaps I will exploit it, but that too is another story
Thoughtful. I see this in guys posts a lot. This is a surprise for me on one level and then at another, there is a complete lack of surprise. Guys here are by far in my observations the majority. therefore the best of the blogs I have read from other men have had surprisingly good insight. That is to say, they have thought through what they say ask or otherwise observe. I tend to think this goes hand in hand with a lack of sex, and in turn it becomes overthinking things, but this is another story by itself. The lack of understanding here, or as it were, the surprise? guys are not generally geared toward empathy. physical action yes, but empathy, few I have actually met really think it through and understand the place others get their view from so to speak.
What about the ladies? yep, I see it in them too. There are many ladies here who have been burned for being too compassionate, caring or sexy, and got exploited by some lout of a guy, or some one not yet understanding of the gem they had in their grasp. I know this is part of life, and still it is a slap to the mental face. Or if you will, it is the other side of the masculine coin already outlined above. Either way, both are a place of reflection. You have to have been there to know understand and be able to give voice to what has transpired.
Last is caring. Caring is something I have observer in others of both sexes. There are some who are self centered, and some who are learning others exist in the world, and then those who care for others. there is further distinction in this last, but it should be saved as some would consider it splitting hairs. Caring comes, if I do not misunderstand what I have seen, from having been there, and realizing you are not the first, nor will you be the last to have been there. Some will die of old age before they visit that realm, while others it seems are born with that ability to empathize, and help others along in this life. When you can do it with no expectation of a return for your efforts, you are selfless, but even selfish people can be caring. it is a balancing act I understand, but a tricky one. the selfless though have an easier go of it. they give, but don't always count the cost. And then there are those who care, but cannot give. sometimes it is not possible, but in most cases, it is reality of having given too much before. Either way, it seems there is a tight rope act in the works, and some one is gonna fall at some point or another if they don't watch their step.
For the guys it means a long life of getting your feelings hurt when you are too soft of heart and are a nice guy, gals it means you will get burned by calloused individuals out for nothing more than a cheap thrill, or worse.
This last is the one I see exploited the most. it hurts those who have it, and is exploited for what it is. I could say more here, but I feel it would be beating something already dead.
So looking at this, consider if you fit any of these, and how it affects your life. and if it hurts you, change it. for the better.
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Confidence
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Posted:Jul 17, 2014 1:21 am
Last Updated:Jul 19, 2014 9:52 pm
30825 Views
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I don't have much of it in myself, but it seems I do inspire a bit of it in others.
I just finished a long chat with a friend tonight in regards to his relationship.
Before you laugh asking what in this world I could possibly know, this is not my first time having been in that particular chair.
For whatever reason it might be, I find I have gathered enough wisdom and have enough of a brain in my head I can muddle through problems and actually help them to see things in a better light.
Barring that, I am a good proverbial shoulder to cry on for some.
I have heard a lot of stories, and don't repeat them. Might be why some folks keep coming back to me.
While I know there is a moral boosting point in here somewhere, I find myself at a personal loss when I am finished with pouring out advice as if from a pitcher into a waiting cup.
Inevitably, I feel something has drained me a bit, and I am mentally tired, physically I feel a bit beat up, and I want to sleep for a day or two.
Then I take a breath, and I find I cannot sleep.
Figures.
It is in those glowing after moments where I find myself thinking the worst things and seeing how such a moment could have been exploited, or knowing what I do could be turned and used to my advantage, and then feel all the worse for the realization. Step back to feeling wiped out.
I feel I should be rubbing the sides of my head asking why do I keep doing this.
Then I answer it was because at some point at some time before now, some one did it for me.
So why you might ask am I sharing this here? what possible interest might anyone have in this?
It is simple, as the matters had to do with sex, and a relationship. Considering who I am, and the things I share here, I find it ironic, and perhaps tomorrow when I have slept will see humor in this. for the moment though, I am suffering the proverbial mental hangover I get from this sort of social interaction, and with that am going to wander away.
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Here I am again
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Posted:Jul 11, 2014 11:22 pm
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2014 1:07 am
30171 Views
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After 12, looking at blogs, wishing I had stayed gone.
Stayed gone? yeah I was out and away from the place today.
I met people, did things, and even got some folks to smile and laugh. So I have to ask, why the heck do I feel down in the dumps?
Was it coming home finding the doors locked? was it no one waiting up for me? was it simply that I could have gotten into trouble had I been less on good behavior?
I know I should probably not be posting tonight, but other venues are blocked to me for the moment, in a moment of weak willed frustration. . . I post here.
Perhaps I am reading too much into this. perhaps there is a reason for things being the way they are, and as I have often times reminded others, it is not something wrong, it is something in my head and I need to get over it. At least I hope that is the case.
On a lighter note, every other line I type in, I am fighting the urge to use sarcasm in response to my own posts. I think perhaps it is because I do not type fast enough
With all that and a bag of chips, I think it might just be time for a beer. my work day is about over, and I am close to ready to try to sleep. the Key word here being try.
Wish me luck.
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What you see
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Posted:Jul 6, 2014 12:22 am
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2014 9:56 pm
30585 Views
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Or what you don't.
I often times wonder if we couldn't see how much different we would be as people.
By our standards we are set to follow after certain things. For guys we tend to follow looks of a certain sort. the eyes cast just so, the sway of hips as a lady walks by, the smile or the alluring sidelong glance. they tend to draw us like a moth to a flame.
Many ladies I have asked find some things about men alluring. broad shoulders, a cuddly build like a teddy bear, a twinkle in the eye, all tend to be physical and sight related things.
So considering this, thinking about it, I wonder how many of us given a blind test would fail to find what we consider to be attractive in a minds eye vs the real world we see. I know I am one who has failed it many a time. the beauty inside all of us is different. Some of us have more or less life, and it shows in what we do. others have love of life, but lack the expression, through action. more still love ideas more than reality.
Consider it the next time you meet some one. if you could not see them, what about them would be attractive. is it that voice you hear caressing your ear? could it be the time spent with some one makes you feel better, lifts your heart and makes it sing, or is it something as simple as shared interests?
This question and debate is not new, simply rehashed to enlighten some who have not yet seen this path, or even considered it yet.
Even with this to start them, how many will still return to what is familiar and a comfort, rather than gather from it what can be seen and understood; and perhaps, with a dash of hopefulness in there help them find something longer lasting than a temporary infatuation.
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Just didn't feel like getting beat up tonight
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Posted:Jul 1, 2014 11:52 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2014 11:16 pm
30259 Views
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I guess I am getting older.
I watch blogs here. I read and on occasion respond.
Anyone who has looked at my profile knows I am married.
Anyone who has read my blog knows I have not stepped out, and indeed have been faithful.
Yet on occasion, I do draw a bit of ire from single ladies, and married ones here for being here, and not single.
This being said, I feel there are two sides to every story.
Sometimes there are more, but that is usually if there is a bystander watching as things transpire.
In that thought, I see a number of guys here looking for sex.
Ok, it is a sex site. so they are looking in one possible place.
Second, I see them getting shot down like so many bombers over flack guns. Even the single guys who happened on this site not having a clue as to how to behave here. to be honest the ads that lead you here can be somewhat misleading. Ok, a lot misleading
Am I going to condemn it? I suppose I do. For the simple fact of the matter I sit on the wrong side of a proverbial fence. Otherwise, I try to have a live and let live attitude about things.
Seeing that some folks do come here not to cheat, but to chat, and others to read and hopefully learn a bit, perhaps it might be wise to at least find out why some one is here before stomping on them. And yes, I realize my terms of action are probably strong when what is perceived by one is a simple slap to remind one of manners, or social morals. still, I did say there ar at least two sides to each story. so in that line of thought, consider finding out the other side of the story from where you sit. put yourself in their place, and then think before you respond. I hope that is not to much to throw out there, and realize there is a likelihood of getting a verbal (Ok, literary, but still you get the point =-)) harangue for this.
Also as a note, I am not sticking up for anyone acting like a crack head, or worse. I am one who does not appreciate them anymore or less than the next person.
Just figure out if they are before you unload on them, to figure out if in fact they are deserving. Then by all means, if they deserve it do so. Heck, send me a link to the show.
Now, rant over. you may go back to doing what you were doing before I interrupted you
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have you figured out the IM chat yet?
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Posted:Jun 26, 2014 11:36 pm
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2014 10:34 pm
28009 Views
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I have stopped in and tried it a few times.
I am starting to wonder if going to flash chat is a better idea.
Mind you I still blog. I mean it is after all my personal online diary I share some of my dark thoughts in, and others can look at, but even so, there is an allure to having a real live individual on the other end of the line to chat with.
Have you had any luck with trying it, or is it one of those things that still has quirks beyond measure that is best left alone until it has been fixed?
Sometimes you know, it is not just the company I crave when I come here, but every now and again, I do miss intimate conversation.
I guess that it is. you may now call me odd, or whatever strikes your fancy in that regard.
So now until the next entry, have a good night. Wait a sec, make that morning.
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number 25
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Posted:Jun 24, 2014 12:00 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 10:38 pm
27593 Views
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I find myself pausing for just a moment sometimes when I come here to write.
Sometimes it is to reflect on the day, or others to decide what I can should or should not tell.
Today is not really any different for me.
I find myself pausing and thinking about friends I have not seen in many years. Some I know I won't see again. Yet others I have seen recently and wish to have been able to do a lot more when I saw them last.
Such it seems is life.
This last weekend was the summer solstice.
For the first time in many years I celebrated it in a way I enjoyed rather than keeping my head low and being mindful of everything and one around me. Even stayed up late and saw the stars peek out. it was the first time in a while I have done that with company.
I came here to this site tonight with intent to chat, but as the room I have been enjoying most recently is not occupied, I decided a blog entry might fill the bill. Ok, call BS on that. I just wanted to get some things out of my head, but am not sure they are ready to come out into the silvery light of the monitor just yet.
I guess I had a serious temptation this weekend and it is weighing on my head a bit. My heart worries a bit too, but that is coming less and less. There is reason for that too, but it is for another time and another post.
My temptation? I suspect if I were less honest, I could have stepped out this last weekend. There was company who I suspect if I were a bit more of a lesh would have had fun playing. Thankfully manners were minded despite alcohol being involved. Then again, it has been a few years, so I am also wishing I had played. after all, you never know how long it is going to be until the next chance.
That being told I am still not sure if I am ready to step out, if the opportunity presents itself. I have been given the ration before about fidelity, and know full well once you do take that step things are never the same again.
I guess what I am getting to, is there is a date in mind for if and when this will eventually happen. That and a few other things which have been happening that I do not control. Being as good as I can, some of those are almost knee jerk reaction things that I am addressing, but still, things I have made clear are bad and need to change or I will change along with them.
Conditional problems, and vaguely hinting at it's best here folks, read it and wonder, or better still, use your imagination. either way, it hopefully will provide something to mull over until the next blog post.
The number 25? that is the number of this post in this blog.
Hope it was worth the read, and hope you had a good day. if not, there is always tomorrow.
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Good end to the night
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Posted:Jun 18, 2014 1:11 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2014 11:41 pm
27534 Views
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While it is storming outside again, I find I am in high spirits.
Every now and again you come across a gem of a person who touches a bit inside you and makes you feel alive, even if just for a moment.
See I was debating sleep, then I thought perhaps I should check my email. gotta read email or it tends to pile up.
As I am not in contact with many people from day to day, it is my main form of social interaction. Sounds sad, but it is my life right now. So I logged in and found a reply to a blog post I had made, and returned the visit to her blog.
I found pretty pictures, and entertaining blog entries. For some odd reason it lifted my spirits and gave me a muse for a moment to come here and to tell, always visit those who take the time to read your blog. it is worth it.
Even if you never meet in real life, it is worth it.
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I just love junk mail
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Posted:Jun 16, 2014 10:35 pm
Last Updated:Jul 4, 2014 11:35 pm
27541 Views
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Whenever I log in to my account, It seems I have junk mail.
Being naturally curious, I tend to look at them from time to time.
This is not to say I open and reply, but I do read the attached catch lines.
A couple of interesting ones tonight were:
If you don't keep your curtains closed, this video will go up on the internet.
You were right I lost the bet, her age was 24-26 here is the photo as promised.
"insert email name" you have blank matches on blank site. blank being a fill in the name and number
Hi, I miss you would you call me?
I must have grabbed your phone by mistake, are these new selfies on it?
There were a few more, but those stood out in my mind. made me chuckle. If I had a few less IQ points I might have gone to look at the info on the link. Thankfully I know better.
Have you had any good ones that made you laugh, or made you shake your head, other than the typical bad grammar?
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Feeling that itch again
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Posted:Jun 15, 2014 10:20 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 10:38 pm
27101 Views
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Yep, my pencil finger is twitching again, and there is a need to drain some of the excess cranial fluid outa my head so I can think clear.
At least that is how it feels today.
It was a weekend I do not care to repeat again, but thankfully Saturday night I had some good company on the flash chat here. helped cheer me up a bit as I was not exactly feeling full of sunshine and rainbows if you catch my drift.
That being told I got away from work today.
I went off for a drive and saw some one I care for and spent time away from here. Needless to say, it was a better day.
I even met a nice lady along the way who was eye catching, and had a nice soft voice to go with her good looks.
First impressions being what they are, I liked her. time will tell if the show was real, or only just that, a show.
Now the other part of that equation is, if she found me attractive or not as well. Again, time will tell.
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