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| Blogs > itzchic824 > The Voices Inside |
Beginning to wonder if I should bother with sex at all
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Beginning to wonder if I should bother with sex at all I've been wondering lately if I should give up having sex again. For me it's not worth it unless I know the guy and have a connection and since that rarely happens, it leaves me celibate for long periods of time. I had sex at 19 and for a couple years I pretty much did strangers and it was always empty. I finally realized that it was cause I needed more than one night stands, I needed a connection. So I met my ex when I was 22 and we were together 6.5 months. It was nice to have steady sex with someone who I knew and regularly, which since he lived 45 minutes away was about every other week. After him I made the mistake of trying to meet with someone else before my heart was ready. The guy was nice and we actually still talk, but he lives kind of far away for us to have been able to get together. I feel bad for how it turned out when he was here cause it could've been great but I wasn't ready and I thought by finding someone else I'd get over the ex quicker...wrong. After him I went 5 years pretty much without. Except for that guy I mentioned that he was horrible and I really didn't get much out of it anyway. I found the guy who went back to his ex last July and we only got together twice. Sex was ok, better first time. Then found my last guy that I've written about. Amazing, thought I'd finally found something lasting where I could stop my search for a fwb. We got together a few times and once again I am left without. It seems I just can't find and/or keep a good fwb. Which makes me wonder if maybe I'm meant to be celibate? It also makes me wonder if these small bouts of sex are even worth it? It's me who has to build a comfort level and I always seem to be the one putting the effort and then the guy just decides he doesn't want me anymore. I don't think I'm horrible at sex. Obviously I have hangups, but I don't lay there like a dead fish. I am responsive - sometimes very, depending on the guy - and also give pretty good head or so I've been told. But for some reason it seems I'm not meant to find a guy for a fwb, and for a relationship? Ha, I've had even less luck with that, which is just ridiculous. My sex drive has also decreased. For awhile there I was pretty horny, but I also had someone I knew I'd be able to scratch that itch with every now and then. I guess my body has finally realized there is none in the immediate future so it might as well stop craving it. Which is probably best cause who knows how long this time will be. It could be another 5 years. At least if I'm not craving it I won't go insane. Still makes me want to cry though cause when I get it I feel better. I am in a happy mood and just feel good about myself. Without it, well the future looks bleak indeed. I do love it with a good guy but those are in scarce supply. I sent an Angel to watch over you last night, it returned in a hurry. I asked why, it said "Angels can't watch porn." Thanks for fucking traumatizing my fucking Angel! Don't bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It's pointless! |
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Oh don't give up!! Even if I am in a rut..I still keep searching and I aslo masturbate!!
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You are MUCH too young to give up. I just started enjoying sex when I was 28 and my 30's were pretty fantastic. And if I can find compatible men, so can you! Just take your time, and enjoy other aspects of your life. 2022... it HAS be better, right?!
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I share your frustration... I too have found myself unable to really enjoy sex with strangers. I DONT do one night stands, hookers or random casual hookups. I don't even kiss on a first date, much less fuck. That being said, I still don't want the heavy commitment aspect of a marriage in waiting either. So, what's a lonely person to do? I go years without the intimacy that I still crave. I may be 55, but I'm not dead yet. There is one lady that wants me, but she is in Tokyo, Japan... half a world away. Talk about your long distance relationship... I had one FWB for a few years... it was the perfect relationship from about 2007 to 2012. At first, we both lived in the same town and it was the perfect friends first, fuck buddies second relationship. But in 2009, my career force me to move to another city and over the next 3 years, we saw each other intimately less and less. We are still friends, but she officially ended the 'with benefits' portion of our relationship last summer. You're not alone in your frustration in finding the right balance between friend and lover in today's modern world, but don't give up. He might be right around the corner.
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I think the sex with total disconnection is a lot like masturbation with a live person, not satisfying. I can't do the complete random anymore, there has to be SOME emotional or mental connection.
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