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What Would I change?
What Would I change? I was watching a Christmas movie - I love them, you know the soppy ones with long lost lovers saving a small town business, a snowball fight in a Christmas tree lot or a seemingly mis-matched couple falling in love when they get cut off by snow at an old inn up in the mountains. This one was about a woman who got the chance to go back in time and change something which went wrong at Christmas years ago. I was fighting back the tears from the start, because as you know I have this strange emotional response to second chances. Not for the first time it set me wondering where this comes from. Deep down inside I have this gnawing feeling that somewhere way back "I took a wrong turn and I just kept going." (Lyrics from Bruce Springsteen's Hungry Heart in case you're wondering.) This feeling is so strong sometimes that it literally can wring a flood of tears out of my heart instantly from just seeing some fictional character do the whole It's a Wonderful Life thing. Ten seconds later I am wiping my eyes and laughing at myself, wondering what it is I am crying for. Candidates for the big turning point are many. The<b> death </font></b>of my father when I was a . Overcoming bad guys at one time or another. Going into a profession I have never really warmed to. Hurting someone I loved. Failing to take the huge leap I needed to do to hold on to my love affair with the Lioness. Hooking up with her in the first place, lol. I know I will probably never have a flash of insight and think Aha! that's why I feel this way. Probably it is just a facet of who I am. I remember feeling nostalgic listening to Gladys Knight when I was eleven! And actually I can't think of many things I would do fundamentally differently even if it was possible to have the chance. Anything I changed might result in me not getting to where I am now. I am broadly content with my life. I am happy most days. I have lots to look forward to, people who love me, and I fill most of my days with things I love to do. I just have to live with the feeling, it's always there in the background. And I can't explain why, but this is one of the reasons I keep blogging here. Nobody has to read my posts. Rose, Zandi, Violette, The Girl Who Read Everything, many others to a lesser or greater extent just somehow just seem to see through my thoughts and understand this part of me in a way I rarely experience in the real world. I don't know much about beta sites or whether the blogs ain't what they used to be, but being able to read your posts in this place and have you here reading mine is one thing I don't want to change. |
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In case of glitches: I was watching a Christmas movie - I love them, you know the soppy ones with long lost lovers saving a small town business, a snowball fight in a Christmas tree lot or a seemingly mis-matched couple falling in love when they get cut off by snow at an old inn up in the mountains. This one was about a woman who got the chance to go back in time and change something which went wrong at Christmas years ago. I was fighting back the tears from the start, because as you know I have this strange emotional response to second chances. Not for the first time it set me wondering where this comes from. Deep down inside I have this gnawing feeling that somewhere way back "I took a wrong turn and I just kept going." (Lyrics from Bruce Springsteen's Hungry Heart in case you're wondering.) This feeling is so strong sometimes that it literally can wring a flood of tears out of my heart instantly from just seeing some fictional character do the whole It's a Wonderful Life thing. Ten seconds later I am wiping my eyes and laughing at myself, wondering what it is I am crying for. Candidates for the big turning point are many. The death of my father when I was a teenager. Overcoming bad guys at one time or another. Going into a profession I have never really warmed to. Hurting someone I loved. Failing to take the huge leap I needed to do to hold on to my love affair with the Lioness. Hooking up with her in the first place, lol. I know I will probably never have a flash of insight and think Aha! that's why I feel this way. Probably it is just a facet of who I am. I remember feeling nostalgic listening to Gladys Knight when I was eleven! And actually I can't think of many things I would do fundamentally differently even if it was possible to have the chance. Anything I changed might result in me not getting to where I am now. I am broadly content with my life. I am happy most days. I have lots to look forward to, people who love me, and I fill most of my days with things I love to do. I just have to live with the feeling, it's always there in the background. And I can't explain why, but this is one of the reasons I keep blogging here. Nobody has to read my posts. Rose, Zandi, Violette, The Girl Who Read Everything, many others to a lesser or greater extent just somehow just seem to see through my thoughts and understand this part of me in a way I rarely experience in the real world. I don't know much about beta sites or whether the blogs ain't what they used to be, but being able to read your posts in this place and have you here reading mine is one thing I don't want to change.
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I thought it was well written. I've often wondered if women know that we men have emotions too. Even though we keep them mostly to ourselves. Thanks for sharing.
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I'm sure there were some steps along the way that resulted in me being partnerless at age 64. Most of the time I'm reconciled to it. It has been more difficult during covid and I've been a little jealous of friends who at least had a husband or boyfriend to interact with.
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I'm sure there were some steps along the way that resulted in me being partnerless at age 64. Most of the time I'm reconciled to it. It has been more difficult during covid and I've been a little jealous of friends who at least had a husband or boyfriend to interact with. Someone famous (and I can't be bothered to look up who, lol, ) said "it is never too late to be the person you always wanted to be." And I think when you are that, partners somehow find you.
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I thought it was well written. I've often wondered if women know that we men have emotions too. Even though we keep them mostly to ourselves. Thanks for sharing. There are women who know.........
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I love that you love those movies. Just this year i have been drawn to them. For those 2 hours i am taken away to wherever they are in heart n soul. For those 2 hours my own alone ness seems less so. There is always a fork in the road, i ve always just kinda went with the flow, as i enjoy the journey and stopping to smell the roses along the way. Ive not much thought of the what ifs of my life as i know the what ifs are not my present reality. I plug along...a breath at a time and those moments add up... .....and add up quicker and quicker as i age ~
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Did you take the wrong turn or did you not go far enough yet? I keep going, even if one one boyfriend gets lost, I have others, I can survive with one less At Xmas I just always have some fear that all my boyfriends are at home with their parents and I am alone So far it hasn't happened, hope it will not happen this year either Don't go in circles, don't revisit the past, get yourself a girlfriend or two in walk into the future Wish you would invite me for Xmas Making Babiesand Girl/Girl is all I desire no need for any other gifts beside ...\8 I love pussies and adore nice dicks
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I have never understood why most men feel they have to hold their feelings in. Yes, COVID has put a huge stop to meeting anyone, and I found it very hard not being able to see my son, and being so isolated. Maybe I should watch some Christmas films this year.
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I love that you love those movies. Just this year i have been drawn to them. For those 2 hours i am taken away to wherever they are in heart n soul. For those 2 hours my own alone ness seems less so. There is always a fork in the road, i ve always just kinda went with the flow, as i enjoy the journey and stopping to smell the roses along the way. Ive not much thought of the what ifs of my life as i know the what ifs are not my present reality. I plug along...a breath at a time and those moments add up... .....and add up quicker and quicker as i age ~ And more seriously, it's true, the divergent moments do add up the longer you stick at life. I have never really looked at it like that Jajo, so thanks for that interesting and perhaps comforting thought.
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Did you take the wrong turn or did you not go far enough yet? I keep going, even if one one boyfriend gets lost, I have others, I can survive with one less At Xmas I just always have some fear that all my boyfriends are at home with their parents and I am alone So far it hasn't happened, hope it will not happen this year either Don't go in circles, don't revisit the past, get yourself a girlfriend or two in walk into the future Wish you would invite me for Xmas Making Babiesand Girl/Girl is all I desire no need for any other gifts beside ...\8 It is definitely good advice not to dwell in the past, and in fact I don't really do that - but I do find it hard not to wonder what other kinds of life I could have had. At what point did I suggest that I don't already have "a girlfriend or two" ??? Lol, I think you imagined that part.
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I have never understood why most men feel they have to hold their feelings in. Yes, COVID has put a huge stop to meeting anyone, and I found it very hard not being able to see my son, and being so isolated. Maybe I should watch some Christmas films this year. You should know me well enough by now to know that I personally do not suffer from thinking I have to hold my feelings in! But in all seriousness, there clearly are various pressures on men with regard to their feelings, and many men do either think they ought not to show them, don't like to show them, or find it difficult to express them. The reasons are many and varied I think. Perhaps I will do a blog about it.
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I See it, feel it, and live it. That's why we have been whatever it is that we are. I like to call it friends. Even though we have to pick it up from a distance of time, we are as someone once called it, together apart. I get you, Dreamy. And every word of the post, is pure love. The only thing I wish I could do is, Undo any hurt I caused. I think of you often, sending you a Christmas Kiss and a Hug, sweetie.
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I See it, feel it, and live it. That's why we have been whatever it is that we are. I like to call it friends. Even though we have to pick it up from a distance of time, we are as someone once called it, together apart. I get you, Dreamy. And every word of the post, is pure love. The only thing I wish I could do is, Undo any hurt I caused. I think of you often, sending you a Christmas Kiss and a Hug, sweetie. And ????? What hurt did you ever cause me? I think I must have missed something lol. Or are you saying that the times you hurt other people are the only real regrets you have in life generally? In which case, yes, I understand....me too.
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