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| Blogs > __Crusoe__ > For what it's worth |
Raison d'etre
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Raison d'etre Up to now I've refrained from blogging because frankly I couldn't see the point of talking to myself  Recently, however, I've realized that this little slot can have its uses, and if it can provide prospectively interested people with a clearer idea of my aims and philosophy in being here, then so much the better. Yeah....I know.....my profile is way too long and people these days have short attention spans. But the written word is now much maligned and undervalued, which I think is a shame because it can say a lot about the writer, and I've always believed in being as open as I can about myself, as it avoids a lot of wasted time and misunderstanding.Recently I posted something on a friend's blog which I thought encapsulated pretty well the reasons I'm here and what I'm looking for, so I'm sure she won't mind if I "recycle" it here (after a little further editing for the purpose intended). Hopefully if any prospective viewer makes it as far as here (which seems doubtful....lol), then I hope it's taken as a useful corollary to what's already on my profile. I *will* be posting again now and then about issues I feel are relevant for anyone who might be thinking of getting to know me. But I've no intention of broadcasting regularly, so don't hold your breath ******************************************************************** When I first joined the site a long time ago, I had a lot to get out my my system and a lot to try. Much of that urge and curiosity has now been satisfied (or let's just say the embers are still glowing, and waiting for someone to give them a poke now and again , so these days I suppose the type of connection that best suits me is the "friend with benefits" (FW . However, I strongly believe that whether that type of connection can work for a person is strongly dependent on age and "life stage".For someone like me who has spent a long time being restrained and responsible, and raising , and who is by now perhaps a little cynical about the myth of eternal bliss with a single partner, the FWB arrangement makes it possible to enrich one's remaining sexually active life with a variety of interesting like-minded people without getting bogged down with stuff that is by now tediously all too familiar. On the other hand, for a younger person who has perhaps never had a long-term "responsible and committed" relationship (and by long term I mean at least 5-10 years), there is a lot more at stake and a lot more expectation that things might develop into something solid. Therefore there is a much higher potential for jealousy, disappointment, and dissatisfaction if your emotional investment is deep (and of course younger people tend to be more idealistic and passionate, which is a double-edged sword Of course I'm not trying to suggest a sweeping generalization here, because I know that some younger people are wise and experienced beyond their years, but on the whole it's true, and can only be expected.I recently met a woman in roughly the same age group (about 5 years younger) with whom I'd been swapping mails for about 3 months. That initial mail communication was important because it told us that we were on the same wavelength and had similar expectations. We spent a memorable weekend together walking, eating, fucking, and swapping philosophies. She was at a similar "life stage" and - like me - was a firm believer that life is too rich and varied to derive total satisfaction from a single permanent partner; rather she likened her attitude to compiling a "filing cabinet" containing men who basically were all compatible in terms of attitude and philosophy, but who each had something different to offer. I think that came pretty close to my own philosophy at this point in my life. I suppose when people are younger, the deal-breaker with any relationship is whether or not to have and make a go of it together, because having really *does* need commitment (believe me, I know!). However, if that is not a concern, I honestly believe that most people would be a lot happier if they cultivated a coterie of trusted and compatible FWBs who were otherwise free to follow their desires. The big mistake that people make when they're younger is that they think partners will always stay the same. They don't. Evolution and change is fundamental to life and the cosmos, and humans are no exception. FWBs don't last forever either, and their own circumstances change too, so you have to be prepared to respect their right to move on if they feel they must. It's so important to keep one's expectations fluid, act on change, and try to make the best of new situations. If you can achieve that, then you're on the right path for handling the fickleness of human relationships. ©Crusoe 09/2010 |
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Thanks for being my muse and kicking me out of my verbal torpor
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Firstly, I don't think your profile is too long. There are plenty of people out there - myself included - who would much prefer a long, interesting profile over a set of pretty pictures. (Of course, a long interesting profile AND a set of pretty pictures will always be best, LOL. ) I find your views on FWBs interesting. While I can't entirely empathise - possibly because I'm still young chronologically, and younger yet emotionally, and still have hopes of finding and keeping "The One" - I think that you make a lot of good points, particularly the bit about how people change as they grow. I've always found change difficult, and since I incurred a head injury and had it thrust upon me, I find it even less tolerable. But I know that I need to learn to accept it, and go with the flow, and your post has given me a lot to think about. So thanks. Do not seek an external refuge, but be a light unto yourself. "Be the change you want to see." HalfNekkid Wednesday Peekaboo
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Firstly, I don't think your profile is too long. There are plenty of people out there - myself included - who would much prefer a long, interesting profile over a set of pretty pictures. (Of course, a long interesting profile AND a set of pretty pictures will always be best, LOL. ) I find your views on FWBs interesting. While I can't entirely empathise - possibly because I'm still young chronologically, and younger yet emotionally, and still have hopes of finding and keeping "The One" - I think that you make a lot of good points, particularly the bit about how people change as they grow. I've always found change difficult, and since I incurred a head injury and had it thrust upon me, I find it even less tolerable. But I know that I need to learn to accept it, and go with the flow, and your post has given me a lot to think about. So thanks. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. ....as the poem goes. It's no good assigning responsibility for your happiness to one person, or worse still, to "god"
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Great to hear from you again. Is it *really* already almost 2 years since Flash Harry at the Docks and things that go bump in the night ?? You are (of course) absolutely right about women (usually) having different sets of expectations from men. It's hard-wired, and that's what makes the world go round - that eternal yin and yang of the sexes. But I'm still holding out for my "life stage" hypothesis If a woman is of a "certain age and status", then I think she has everything to gain (dare I say "nothing to lose" ??) from enjoying some selective dating with at least several men whom she considers "friends" in the real sense. In many ways, "FWB" is a term that does not really do justice to a form of relationship that is achievable, works, and by no means cheapens either party. It's true what you say about the "friends" part being as equally important as the "benefits", and the "benefits" don't have to be exclusively equated with sex: For example, knowing that someone will always respond to your e-mail, will always treat you as a human being - and with affection - when you meet, and with whom you know you can always discuss anything without either party making emotional demands. Sadly, though, these qualities are acquired skills, and not everyone can handle them. Maturity alone is not always enough........
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