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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
That's how you know
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That's how you know I think Enchanted is a fantastic movie and I don't care who knows it . Does that make me less of a man ? Absolutely , but I never said I wanted to be a man . Speaking of Jack White (that was an Air Near My Fingers lyric people , keep up) while I love that dude's music (like all of it) the more I read about him and see him in interviews the less I think "he's probably an okay guy" and more the I think "this guy is kind of one of those pretentious artist asshole types" . Also he looks like Grima Wormtongue .  That song actually has nothing to do with today's topic but it keeps running through my head and its sort of in that vein . Last night I was at a friend's house for a barbecue type scenario . I usually don't go to these things because even those these people are my friends I usually do not have a good time and end up feeling depressed and wormtonguey because outside of a gaming situation I really don't fit in well even with people who really like me (or profess to) . But this time I was really enjoying myself . In the midst of my enjoyment I found myself in the kitchen with a lady - I'm sure you all see where this is going . Background - This lady is the wife of a dude who's like a "casual friend" or something like that . We used to game together a lot back in the day but we never hung out right ? Like if I was getting a game together I'd call him up but I've never just be sitting around bored and think "I should see what that dude is up to" right ? He's like a circumstantial friend . Point is I haven't really seen him much in years . This lady on the other hand works at the same place I do (although not in the same department , although she used to - I got her the job and then she moved on to bigger and better things) we chat at work from time to time and over the years she went from "this dude's wife" to 4th circle friendship . Truth be told I like her better then I ever could like him - common interests and whatnot (besides gaming) . So we were in the kitchen chatting (alone) and I thought to myself "Man her face is getting really close to my face , I wonder what that's about" . That's when she kissed me of course . Its kind of a cop-out to say "she kissed me" because its not like I stood there motionless like a mannequin (that's a hard word to spell) while she pressed her lips into my face . Well actually at first I did exactly that , but once the shock wore off I 100% kissed her back . So its probably more accurate to say "we kissed" rather than saying "she kissed me" and trying to deflect responsibility . Why did I kiss her back ? Because it was the greatest kiss ever , hands down . See I've kissed women people , its cool , but the media has tried to make me believed there's kissing and then there's kissing where like you have to stop after a little while or you're go insane . And I was always like "pssh , fuck you media , you don't know" but that's what it was like . It was like a warm feeling throughout my entire body - like eating a whole apple pie and then shooting morphine into my veins (I imagine) . It seems cliché to say it was electric but that's honestly the most apt description . It was like I was vibrating at the same frequency of the universe while all the angels in heaven grooved on it . It wasn't a kiss , it was A Kiss . "You shouldn't do that you're married" I murmured (see more deflection ! ) and then we kissed like 3 or 4 more times and then ran hysterically in opposite directions . I got the hell out of there toot sweet . Well , actually , I went into the other room and played two more games of Magic and then I got out of there toot sweet . The point is it was totally unexpected and totally awesome and totally insane in the membrane . As I was driving home and the shock wore off one thought dominated my mind , and that thought was "This is bullshit , I am ugly , I shouldn't have to deal with this kind of thing !" I couldn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about that feeling . I imagine that's somewhat what it feels like to be a drug addict trying to kick - your brain isn't strong enough to not think about it (apologies to any recovering drug addicts reading this) . My question is not should I tell dude about it (no) , my question is not what should I do about it (pretend it never happened and avoid them both for the rest of my life) my question is not am I in love with this broad (again no) my question is , is that feeling I felt what it feels like to kiss someone you have a real honest and true connection of some kind with or is it just the rush someone like me (a sheltered prude) gets from doing something "bad" ? I was thinking about my first kiss and honestly I don't really remember it because it also happens to be the first time I had the sex - and I was kind of focused on that . Yes , add that to the list of freaky things about me ; I didn't lose "it" until I was in my mid twenties , I had sex before I ever masturbated , and my first kiss was also my first "time" . I'm a weirdo , I get it . So maybe that's part of it , maybe that's what most people's first kiss is like and this is like this because it was really the only kiss I've had that was out of the blue . Also on the subject of kissing the media (again ! ) keeps trying to tell me that women like kissing more than sex , but whenever I start a-kissin' on a lady pretty quickly she's as such "Enough already , get your dick out , get it hard and put it in me , NOW" . Maybe I'm just not a good kisser though and that's what that's about . How do you know if you're a good kisser ? I assume everyone thinks they are just like everyone thinks they're a good driver . Let me know what you think . Also listen to "Another First Kiss" by They Might Be Giants , the Mink Car version not the Severe Tire Damage version , because its a great song .  Is that Amy Adams or Isla Fisher ? I can never tell . Whichever one of them it is can they actually sing ? I find that very attractive in a lady . Anyway , enough about that . When I was driving home today I saw a teenage type person power walking about 8 feet in front of her aggrieved looking mother (I assume) there appeared to have all the earmarks of being engaged in a typical mother-teenage power struggle . As I came towards them the mother remarked "don't step out in front of that car " (IE me) and the chick looked at me/my car , I saw her see me/my car , and then she stepped out directly in front of me . Thankfully I saw this coming 7 miles away and have superior hand eye coordination so I did not run her down (also I was going 4 mph) but I did almost flip my lid pretty hard . What the fuck lady , I know that being retarded is what being young is about and trying to destroy yourself is a great way to annoy your mom , but don't do that idiot . I should have run her dumb ass over anyway . Stupid vehicular manslaughter laws . I saw a thing today on the internet that read as follows "The best way to get a man to leave you alone is to tell him you have a boyfriend , because he respect the idea of another man more than he respects you ." That is seriously cynical but there's probably some (or a lot) of truth to it . Barf . Also I hate when people say "I'm not racist but most stereotypes have a lot of truth to them" because no . In other news at work a lady was talking to another lady about how her is going to be starting her own business and made this comment "I told her the hardest part is going to be getting business cards made , they don't give those to just anyone" . This enraged me on two levels . The first is that getting business cards made is quite easy and actually they DO give them out to anyone . And also that's not an important part of owning your own business (usually) . The second level is that as a former business owner there are MILLIONS of things that are super hard about owning your own business . Its one of the hardest things you can do (like my dick) . And finally , I was thinking about the old Monty Python sketch (I guess they're all old) where the insurance agents tells the dude "I'm sorry you have a no claims policy , which is great as long as you don't need to file a claim" and I got to thinking , Monty Python definitely seems like timeless humor but do today even know about it ? Probably not . That makes me kind of sad . Maybe Spam-a-Lot brought in a new generation . Once upon a time someone quoting Monty Python was like a secret code , it told you "yeah , this person is like me" it was shorthand of a sort . Alas .  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I'm going give you a few dollars, instead of a penny's worth... The media, may have it right about the kissing. If it is movies and tv... well, it has to be inspired from somewhere, right? I have had kisses, that made time stand still... where I barely felt the ground beneath my feet, and because of all that, believed more in the connection that I should have. And yes, most of the time I push away from a kiss is because the guy doesn't know what he's doing. Period. I have an ex "goldie cock" fantastic at sex, HORRIBLE kisser and oral. Another ex, I taught him how to kiss... I think that kissing is a lost art, more so in the time and trials of "lets fuck" and hooking up. There have been many forgotten kisses (and yes, my first was when I was like 10... lol... I knew I liked boys from the get go! no "ewwww boys" stage for me!) but I have many deeply embedded memories of the earth shaking, fireworks going off, please can I have another kisses. And yes, all of those men broke my heart and or my dreams. So, yeah. Kisses are sometimes better than sex. But then again, great kisses can lead to sex. (And two of the best kissers the sex WAS HORRIBLE! and two horrible kissers was some of the best sex of my life.) The equation is never easy. And by the way, the Gspot isn't a myth... goldie cock, part of the name is because with him, I finally found mine. It is just a matter of the right cock/finger/toy on the right spot in the right position, and "BANG" there is the gspot. {=} An empty half of the bed is waiting...{=}
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Regarding your kissing question, perhaps the Magic 8 Ball can be of assistance. ● Reply hazy try again ● Ask again later ● Better not tell you now ● Cannot predict now ● Concentrate and ask again Or maybe not. Point being, really you're about as well off asking a magic 8 ball what that kiss meant, as asking any of us who weren't there...   
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There's is only one thing I can say to all this --- Bring me a shrubbery! Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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