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Blogs > demonicsexkitten > Life, or something like it

When friends change.  

demonicsexkitten 48F
5182 posts
9/15/2015 9:01 pm

Last Read:
8/15/2016 6:52 pm
When friends change.

One of my long-time VisionPersonals.com friends (he's not been on the site in nearly 2 years) has suddenly and significantly changed. We used to chat daily or email... of course he is in another country so it's not as if we'd met in person. He seemed very intelligent, funny, loving, caring kind of guy.

Then suddenly, 3 or 4 months ago, he started wanting to discuss religion.

Not of the "Hey, let's have an open, respectful, logical discussion about religion" variety but of the "This is why Islam is wrong, and I can prove it because this interpretation of the bible says ...."

His Muslim sister apparently is refusing to talk to him now. And I've kinda followed suit. Not intentionally but when everything he sends feels like an attack it's hard to have a dialog. Especially when he enters into it with the "I'm right, everyone who disagrees is going to hell" mentality.

How does a person just SWITCH like that? Really I guess I should ask him what happened to turn him that way. Or maybe he was like that all along - though surely it would have manifested much earlier in our acquaintanceship.

Would you fight to stay friends or just slip away?

I'm rather laid back... I accept that others have different views. And I believe, ultimately, there is only one "Truth". The differences are all cosmetic.

Who cares if you call the creator God, or Allah, or Krishna, or if you're Buddhist and don't believe in God at all.

So far as I can tell the basics are the same (with a few exceptions). Do good. Honor family and traveler. Help those you can help. If you can't help: then at least do no harm. Care for the Earth. Be honest. Feed those who are hungry. Don't kill people. Don't steal. Do good.

I know: There's so much more than that. But inviting antagonism, fighting, distrust by browbeating another with your beliefs, and thus attacking others for their beliefs, is not the way to win them over as friends or believers.

From the Kasidah of Haji Abdu el Yezdi (aka Richard Francis Burton):

All Faith is false, all Faith is true:
Truth is the shattered mirror strown
In myriad bits; while each believes
his little bit the whole to own.

Or one of my favorites (which I read after coming to my own ideas on the topic):

There is only one religion,
though there are a hundred versions of it
-George Bernard Shaw

OK... sorry. I guess enough about religion It just really bothers me.

Myself: I'm anti "self righteous" and anti "hate". I don't care what religion you follow, even if we walk the same path and our beliefs are the same: If you are trying to force it down another persons throat I'm going to have issues with you.

And yes: I have had rousing verbal battles with people believing (mostly) exactly the same as I do. No matter how much logic and how much relevant proof I hit them with: it makes no difference. Closed minds are going to stay that way unless something inside them breaks open.

easy_going2014 57M
Ask me for a photo
14366 posts
9/15/2015 9:16 pm

 Hi dsk...

thanks for the post...

I'm of the opinion, that everyone is entitled to believe what they want, just don't force it on me...

and, that's all I've got to say about that!!!

thanks again!
To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog:

Good luck!!!


demonicsexkitten replies on 9/16/2015 6:22 am:
That's pretty much my view too. Hence I've friends of a godly number of religious affiliations or non affiliations.

s2ndegree 65M
9800 posts
9/15/2015 10:11 pm

 A lot of religion is tied into 12 step programs.A lot of times people talk a lot
about it to keep their minds off of the the thought of getting off.They also do it to make themselves start to believe it themselves.
I have a younger brother who as a freshman in college he got into devils advocate group.It was a conceived again christian outfit. He and my dad would get into those "let me draw you a map to hell"arguments.My dad was a devote catholic.This before we knew they were altaring boys mind you.
He was just gung ho and he now is a minister and he and the with are flown all over the place to speak at all sorts of seminars.
I used to tell him to let people find their own religion and not sell it like it was insurance.Know whenever he's here or in Portland I always kid him about the dinosaurs and where exactly were they included in the 7 days of creation.He is one of the funniest guys I know.I love him!
Using more than all the road!


demonicsexkitten replies on 9/16/2015 6:08 am:
Great you can have fun and joke like that

littlejohnson616 64M
433 posts
9/16/2015 2:27 am

 It's been said that a fanatic is someone who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

I would work at staying friends. I'm okay with listening to the opinions of others, even when they aren't interested in my opinions. Tiring of a particular subject, I would say "You're entitled to your opinion", and suggest changing the subject.

If he persistently ignores tactful efforts to change the subject, I would point out that such behavior is rude and boring. If my honesty offends, perhaps it would be his choice to end the friendship.

You've changed from Christian to Muslim. He has changed from being a Christian who didn't talk about it much, to being a Christian who talks about it more. Is one change greater than the other? Maybe that's a question of perspective, without an objective answer.

I'm thinking this may be a facet of your friend's personality that he once felt he needed to hide, and felt bad about hiding. He may now be overreacting, swinging the pendulum too far in the other direction. In time he may find a better balance.


demonicsexkitten replies on 9/16/2015 6:04 am:
Ahh! Thank you so much for that perspective. It does help. All i could see was this person i cared for suddenly turning into the type of person i avoid. It saddened and confused me.

VerandahPoly 80M  
526 posts
9/30/2015 10:22 pm
    Quoting  :
I believe that may be an error in translation, and the commandment is really "Thou Shalt not Murder". but I could be wrong.


VerandahPoly 80M  
526 posts
1/6/2016 5:40 am

 How on earth can you even consider converting a Moslem by quoting the Bible to her? You'd have the exact same chance converting her to Hinduism by quoting the Majabharata at her.


Han54boat 71M
11637 posts
6/28/2016 12:23 pm

 Over time, friends have changes. The hard one is becoming religious and being extreme about it. All friends need to respect the boundaries. If not, it turns into drama and time to move on from the drama.

Cum to my blog and respond. Have a great kissing fun time.


VerandahPoly 80M  
526 posts
7/14/2016 11:19 am

 If your God is all-powerful, it is by His will that I hold my beliefs. That's a good way to leave it.

My love and I have been watching The Grantchester Mysteries, set in the 1950's. The Detective is a Canon with a a living in a village near Cambridge who has a few problems with his faith from time to time. Taken from a series written by the son of the Archbishop of Canterbury. Reading the books now.


demonicsexkitten replies on 7/16/2016 7:06 am:
Haha! I can't believe i didn't think of that response. A man once told me i was too stubborn. I told him to take the issue up with God because He made me lol.

I'll check out those books - sounds interesting.

Funny thing - said friend messaged me again about how much he missed ME and how have i been and all that... then the next day was right back into the religion argument. i don't even know what to call it. I once meet a world religions instructor from a Christian university. He felt he was all open minded because he taught and even wrote a book on world religions. But turns out it was from the perspective of "these are the reasons all the other religions are only cults and wrong and Christianity is right". Way too kill education and broader thinking before you begin.

My friend is attacking religion and i want to hit him back with history and anthropology. but really i just don't want to fight.

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