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| Blogs > demonicsexkitten > Life, or something like it |
self-conscious
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self-conscious Do you find yourself self-conscious a lot? Or does everything just roll off you, no matter? Or just not pay any attention or... whatever it is non-self-conscious people do? My entire life has been lived around a heavy habit of self-conscious behavior. I've always worried what others thought of me, how they viewed me. Not enough to follow the crowd... but enough that I stress and worry. Examples: My two-year old temper tantrums were embarrassed out of me by my mom throwing herself on the floor beside me and throwing an even bigger tantrum - all the while pointing and laughing at me for doing such a poor job of it. I believe that started the trend... I no longer throw tantrums (externally. Inside I sometimes do... because it amuses me to imagine myself doing it) In middle school (7th or 8th grade) I was walking with friends and they were singing... I was actually comfortable enough to sing along. And one called out "OMG! Listen to DSK!!! SHHH!! Everybody stop singing" So everyone stopped - even me. She commented how great my voice was, and made me sing solo in front of them. I freaked... panicked. Tried too hard, strained my voice... they laughed at me. I've never willingly sang around an adult since. : yes (I was once a sought after lullaby singer by and parents alike. Serious - neighbor once had to come get me because her flat refused to settle down until I sang them to sleep). A few friends have tried talking me into karaoke and I tell them no way in hell. Even my mom has done karaoke... but I just can't. I'm too self-conscious and it stresses me too much. Now... I've discovered I'm self-conscious about being an introvert. I've been an introvert my entire life. Think "needs lots of alone time to recharge" and "often quiet and not interested in speaking" and "deals best with 1 or two people, not large groups" as compared to "Shy". They aren't necessarily the same thing. But ever since CallMex1000 told me I am the least introverted introvert he's ever met, and he really doesn't think I am... now I'm all self-conscious about THAT. Today an elderly lady read my T-Shirt "Quilter" so stopped to talk to me and had a conversation about quilting and if I'm entering the fair this year and if she is too (she lacks the patience but lots of family are into it)... when I walked away.... BOOM... it hit me. There I go again, not fitting the "Box" I've thought I fit nicely into my entire life. Ambivert. Neither Introvert nor Extrovert. I need to embrace the new term. Or not. Or... just burn the boxes! We don't need no boxes here. |
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I'm an extrovert living the life of an introvert  .......that's no fun! WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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I can identify. In high school I considered myself the most popular nobody at school, I ate lunch with the class president, I was in the band , lettered with the bowling team, got high with the stoners...I had friends in most of the school cliques but was never a member of any of them. I love being recognized but hate being the center of attention. Though I still have a hard time starting a conversation with a pretty girl, I'm getting a little better at it.
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Burn the boxes! ha. The thing about boxes is that they can never tell the whole story. My friends laugh and laugh when I say I'm an introvert. Until I explain it this way: If you recharge by being alone, you are an introvert. That makes me an introvert - regardless of how social I can be. As for the rest, I totally identify. I call it something a little different...I identify my similar feelings as shame. All centered around not being enough... It's been a huge focus of my inner work and, as I do, I needed a reminder to let that shit go. So a few years ago, I had No Shame tattooed on my lower back. It gets a laugh because of the surface meaning (think my ass in the air with the No Shame right above it) but it's got many layers to it. xoxo Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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demonicsexkitten replies on 8/16/2015 10:41 pm: Aww That sucks. Forced to keep to yourself? No one is forcing me to do anything...I won't allow. Not knowing anybody here where I live, it keeps me from being the extrovert person that I am WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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Boxes are for squares  introverts rule  in small doses and indoors like we are meant to lol
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8/30/2015 8:22 pm |
No, we don't need any boxes or labels here. Instead of considering yourself an introvert, or an extrovert, or an ambivert, why not just consider yourself to be YOU. To answer your other question. As much as I would love to be able to say that I am one of those people who can let everything just roll off their back (which I happen to think is bullshit), I will admit that I do care what others think about me, but I have very little control of how they view me, so I try not to worry too much about it. Besides, I would rather be me (a natural introvert who forces himself to be an extrovert at times, if you really must use labels) that try to be what anyone else wants me to be. It's just not worth it. Dennis (Idahonuke) To read about myongoing adventures and journey into the lifestyle: [blog Idahonuke]
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