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| Blogs > demonicsexkitten > Life, or something like it |
The First, the Last, the In-Between
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The First, the Last, the In-Between I wish there was somebody that just loves hearing my voice first thing in the morning, and last thing at night, and wants to hear my thoughts and opinions on various topics and can't wait to ask me. I had (and technically still have) a guy like that once... but I ignore him now. It used to be a mutual thing but "Love" as in male/female relationship failed and I've had no idea how to handle it since. I don't want to encourage his romantic hopes or seem to lead him on, so I limit his exposure. He would have married me and stayed forever (supposedly) but he was also domineering and pushy. One of the things I miss about him: he knew me so well he knew just which buttons to push to make me fly off the wall. Of course his button pushing is what made all my friends hate him. Me flying off the wall made him laugh though... we'd have vigorous debates. Sometimes I'd be furious with him, then sheepish when I realized he pushed on purpose just to see me riled up. Sometimes the mental stimulation was intoxicating though... feeling passionate about my side, whether it's my own opinion or me playing devils advocate, and digging through books and the internet hunting for valid supporting materials. One of my local friends that died a few years ago was a bit like that too. No romantic feelings on my side (he apparently struggled off and on for years with deeper feelings but could handle them. His quote: "If you're in love with somebody who isn't in love with you: you have two choices. Handle it or walk away. When I can no longer handle it: I will walk away. Until then I'm fine"). We could talk for hours... various subjects. I'd throw a passing idea at him and we'd bounce it back and forth. We never really debated or argued things, just a sharing and growing of knowledge. Thanks to him... if I ever make it back to University and get my Masters and PhD in either Accounting or Anthropology or Archaeology.. or any combination thereof... I have a basic idea for my thesis. Or at least a major research project. If not: then an idea for a novel (actually I already began work on that, but my writing skills aren't quite what they need to be). And/or an EPIC Vacation. How does a person FIND friends like that? I only find them by accident. The "Click". I have friends that inspire me artistically, and creatively (different angles of the same theme), and a couple that inspire in general. But I miss that mental connection. So far as I know the inspiration has always been mutual. At least in regards to creative and artistic friends. My Egyptian button-pushing friend: he had the mentality of "you're a woman. What could you ever teach me?" which was one reason I thought I'd kill him if ever we actually did marry. The other friend... I think it was more just fun on his side, I was the one growing ideas. I guess my Title doesn't really match my Post. "The first, the last, the in-between" is more about that special person that you just crave hearing from. Words of any sort. Even, now and then, shared silence. Just feeling that person THERE for you. WITH you. I got side tracked because the first such person I felt that and recognized it so strongly with also pushed me mentally. OK... back to my weekend. Picking medicinal flowers from a friends garden, then the bookstore to hopefully catch up with an artist friend, then meet up with another friend for a casino run. I have an odd urge for noise and lights and people. |
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Virtually all of my friends who used to be like that got married and had kids.. So of course that means that now they are pretty well dead. For all practical purposes that is.  One of them is now surprising me with doing things with me a few times a year though. So full blown adulthood is now not proving to be a complete and utter disappointment.  insert exploding bomb image here
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Someone you can share silence with. That's a wonderful way to say it. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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When I was young, arguing ideas was almost all the conversation I wanted to have with people. I had to grow out of that to be a better rounded conversationalist. DSK, do you go to casinos to play, or just for the ambiance? I once got a book on how to win at blackjack, but it seemed like so much effort to learn I thought I might as well work for the money. Maybe you and I would be a good casino date. I could drink (and not gamble) while you gamble (and don't drink).
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I don't have any good long time friends  Just the wife  after two decades together we can read each other's minds, arguments are few and we still enjoy each other's company. We take care of each other and try not to push each other's buttons. Its just she is seldom in the mood anymore 
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can be very nice to have those who will listen or we listen to at night or in the morning ... but in my part of it also says "better alone than in bad company"
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"We could talk for hours... various subjects. I'd throw a passing idea at him and we'd bounce it back and forth. We never really debated or argued things, just a sharing and growing of knowledge." This is the mark of a rare and wonderful friend... especially if those topics ranged toward the "difficult" side of the spectrum. You were incredibly lucky to have had someone like that... and now that you know such friendships are possible, you can be on the lookout for them again! As for finding them by accident... perhaps. But while accidents -- even happy accidents -- do happen, we also tend to make our luck. Keep your nets open! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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