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| Blogs > demonicsexkitten > Life, or something like it |
Ramblings. And a few quotes.
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Ramblings. And a few quotes. Another blogger posted fairly recently how frustrated she gets when men demand she have an orgasm. "Cum for me"... some women have difficulties letting go, and all that expectation, all that pressure, just makes it all the worse. Then you're THINKING of it, stressing about it. "What is wrong with me?" starts creeping in. "I'm a horrible lover" or worry that if you don't cum the man might think he's the terrible lover. It gets overwhelming. You start trying to MAKE it happen, which only makes it more elusive. And if you tell a new lover "I never cum with partners" they just make the comment "Well, they were bad lovers, and didn't know what they were doing! I will make sure you cum". No. They were ALL wonderful. Conscientious. Giving. Long-Lasting. It was always wonderful. Just never "jump off the edge of the cliff" wonderful. Of course: maybe that's part of my problem. I'm afraid of heights and jumping off cliffs just isn't my idea of fun haha. Though if I know, if I trust, that the other is there to catch me when I fall? In the deepest of my being... I truly hope and believe that is the catch for me. Especially if he can convince me "It's okay. This is as it should be" That, and convince me to let go, stop trying, stop needing to be in control of Self. I know, I need to convince *myself* of all that, but all the same, knowing somebody is there to catch me... to help find the pieces, to help put me back together if I'm totally lost in the letting go. Damn. I don't like my rambling. They all sound like excuses. To justify my fear. My holding back. I know I cannot sink to the depths of the ocean I wish to go while still holding onto the side of the boat. I like these quotes: “Realize orgasm is not an all or nothing thing.. You can have mini ones. You can take baby steps… a small wave… or a ripple of energy…. these are bridge builders…” ~Ben Tarlow I started looking up quotes, I forget what for, and just kept following random paths. I've read more since these two (and prior) and now my heart is burning. Hope everybody is having a wonderful Monday. I could have worked 2 hours overtime but decided nah... I'm good (so I worked 45 minutes extra instead). |
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Following a random path is not a bad plan if you ask me. You never know where you'll end up but it's nearly always interesting. Sex shouldn't be a competition and you aren't the playing field. I know what I'd tell a lover who was constantly pressuring me- good-bye. I don't necessarily spend a lot of effort thinking about pleasuring a woman, I just do what I enjoy. If i discover she likes something, I'll try to keep doing it. I'm open to her suggestions. Our sexual play doesn't have to end in orgasm. It begins and ends as sexual play with or without one for either of us. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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demonicsexkitten replies on 7/28/2014 10:55 pm: Well, the "cum for me" during sex thing... I think the idea is hearing it whispered in a husky voice at the right time adds pleasure and helps. Or something. In a way it does... and I'm sure if I were able to with a partner it'd be great. But it just intimidates me. I'm sure you're right, but I don't talk at all during sex. Odd, I talk too much at all other times. All that talk, that's supposed to be encouragement (harder, oh yeah baby, harder) just makes it seem like I'm fucking a football coach. And degrading chatter (how do ya like that, bitch) is just, well, degrading. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Female orgasm is another of those sexual tightropes. (Gosh, how many are there?) Too much concern, she feels pressured. Not enough, she feels her partner doesn't care about pleasing her. "I'll be the one" bragging is ill-informed and immature. I'm not surprised that it's common, but I would be surprised if you got that response every time, or nearly so.
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It's great when you look for something on the Internet and you end up finding something totally different! 
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Great post, DSK! I think either the woman's or the man's orgasm, if made a mandatory goal in sex, becomes an opportunity for failure, self-judgment and suffering. OTOH, if first we set the erotic scene and intention, then instead of "performing," we just allow the moments to happen, what results is a very different lightness of experience. No one will feel judged. I don't care at all about the money shot - that seems like childish showing off to me - but I do care about feeling in union with my partner and surrendering to what our bodies will do best, which is give pleasure. If we don't, then I'm happy to laugh. If I get too tired to lick and finger you, I laugh at myself. If I cum prematurely, I laugh at myself. Sex should be anything but serious. This is from my VisionPersonals.com Profile: "With the right connection, and a lover who is willing to go slowly, treating every inch of your body as the erogenous zone it is - especially your heart - you can flow into ecstasy for hours. The big paradox is that the more you try for a great orgasm, the harder it is to get one. Let's find out where the slow approach takes us." That's what I experience and it works well for me. And I have heard from my lovers that it works well for them too.
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DSK, When I first got together with my ex, (my kids' father) I had on Average 3 orgasms a sex session and we had sex twice a day. Then he started pressuring me to have sex more often. Even after Having kids, he would want it more often than what we had. Eventually at 42-43 I just stopped orgasming during sex. We still Had sex once a day, sometimes twice a day all through my 40's Because I liked the intimacy and just figured this was a symptom Of menopause. I mostly stopped masturbating, too. Then he had an affair, we broke up and I was set free to do what I like as I dated. That poor first man (sarcasm) that had to deal with me during my first sex sessions after my marriage can be congratulated On his stamina, because holy shit, I probably came 20 times a session When I first started havin sex again. I tell this, not to brag, but to say that our biggest sex organ really Is our brains. If we cannot let go enough for an orgasm, that doesn't mean we are not experiencing pleasure. Sometimes, It matters not how skilled our lovers are, we may orgasm simply Because we are ready to, or we may not ever because we are Not ready to. It's the journey, not the destination, that I find the most pleasure In. Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Happy Monday to you! Not rambling at all.. very good quotes.. hugssssssssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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Statistically, around 10% of women aren't capable of having an orgasm at all, despite going to doctors and all sorts of education/experimentation to help them. Be glad you aren't one of those. Mine is just really hit or miss. Sometimes it takes a lot, sometimes it takes nothing. Hormones, time of month, mood that day, alcohol, medication, whatever. But there is NO way that I could just come on demand.
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This post is the one I was referring to, Kitty.
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