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| Blogs > izzie1 > The Truth is... |
Fricken drunk girl...
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Fricken drunk girl...  We have been flirting for months down at the tavern and last night you were there with your cousin... You were lit...and I mean fucked the fuck up. You told me to take you back to my house and fuck you...so we went... You fell down 3 times on the way...smoked 3 cigarettes on our 4 block trek...and kept asking me if I was going to fuck you.... You must have asked me 20 times how old I was...where I was from...what my parents names were...if I had sisters... We got back to my house and before we went in I was specific in telling you to be quiet because I have house mates...were you able to translate that into "shut the fuck up"? NOT SO MUCH!!!! We went to my room and you begged and I mean begged me to fuck you. It was pretty dark. But first...you had to pee...of course you did....so after finding your panties off the floor and my shirt I walked you to the bathroom and you slammed into everything along the way...you are one uncoordinated bitch...but you already knew that. You spent about 5 minutes in there...not sure what you were doing...there are no pills or cake in that medicine cabinet....dumbass S So we went back down to my room and back to what we were doing before...which was basically you talking and babbling and telling me to fuck you...to just bend you over and fuck the shit out of you. Now...I love to fuck...I am really good at it too and you are super hot...I mean really attractive....long hair...nice big real tits...a pretty decent kisser and not a hair on your entire body which is kind of a nice change for South Jersey. You kept telling me that you were fucked up...which...was an understatement. At some point you got a little bent out of shape because I hadn't fucked you yet...try explaining to a hot drunk chick that you are not interested in just sticking your cock into a hot drunk chick for 10 minutes and getting a nut in a rubber. That you want to make her cum a couple of times first and we'll get to the pounding you from behind...your response was "Why....I've never had an orgasm anyway....". Are you fucking kidding me? You can't say that to a guy that prides himself on making a woman cum on a 5:1 ratio to him. So now it was on like Donkey Kong. We are naked...I am working you with every move I have....and you...can not shut the fuck up. While you are talking out of your ass your legs start to shake....and you say "oh my gawd...I just came" No shit Sherlock...if you'll shut up and let me finish what I'm doing you'll cum another half a dozen times and then I'll get mine....NO...yakitity yak...smakkity smak...you can't stop talking for one fucking second. Something about you wanting to please me...or satisfy me...or where is my earring or can I smoke in here...oh yeah...and guess what...you have to pee...AGAIN....fucking-A...really? For real...now? Yeah..."I really have to pee". So we stop...I have great and I mean great wood...because you are pretty fucking hot...and I did just make you cum... We try to find your panties in that dark fucking room...no such luck...and every time I turn the light on you scream that it's too bright...FUCK ME....so you put my shirt back on...again...and I walk you through what must appear to be am Iraqi minefield because you are blowing shit up all along the way. How many fucking times can you walk into that wall....I think you may be brain damaged. Hot...but a few screws loose. So...this is pee #2 and there is still no fucking cake in that medicine cabinet you imbecile. Back to my room...slam into the same fucking wall...again. Back into bed...and what happens you ask....you pass out... So I am at a crossroads here. Do I say "meh....she told me to fuck her" and just stick my cock in and see what happens...maybe chalk up a symptom or two as a deviant or a '*ist. NO...not me. I only fuck the willing and conscience. So I move your drunk ass over in the bed and crawl in and lay next to you as you snore up a storm. I am just about to fall asleep and you sit up in bed and say "Are you going to fuck me"? You are a fucking lunatic. At this point I can barely stand listening to you any longer and I say..."ok...get up...it's time for you to go". After some ridiculous back and forth talk...you say "do that thing you did to me before". I ask what thing and you...unlike the 29 or 31 or 27 year old that I think you are...can not even form the words "make me cum". You can't even verbalize it. You can't say it. At this point I am done. You are ridiculous...you are like a little . A retarded little and I don't fuck retards or . It's time for you to get dressed... It's time for you to get the fuck out... Where's your car? I ask...of course...your cousin drove you to the bar....so now after my entire image of you is shot...I've given you what you claim to be your first orgasms of your entire life...and we haven't fucked...I gotta drive you home. OF COURSE I DO!!! But first....you guessed it....you have to pee. Now...post pee...in the car...where do you live? You ask me where you are. It's 4am....South Jersey is littered with cops and you have no idea where you live. We get there....somehow...I think Jesus was carrying us because I only saw one set of footprints... You talked and laughed uncontrollably almost the entire 15 minute drive... I considered just slowing down...opening the door and booting you out in your drive way....but...did I? No... So...it's 4:30am...I am in my driveway...and laughing at what the night was... Next time I see you...I'll give you back your earrings and cigarettes...and even though you are really smokin...I'm not fucking you... --Ted.... Actually....I probably will *******this actually happened a couple years ago and I didn't have a blog then...but now I do and I found it on my laptop...so I'm posting it...because I think it's funny**** Do me a favor...go look at one of my other posts and make a comment... please... |
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Hate not to be more original but this was hysterical!!! You are def a good guy after all that...but really, only 5:1????  Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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4/19/2012 4:13 pm |
LMFAO ... I think I know that chick! Guess what, lot's of chicks might know her!!
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LMFAO ... I think I know that chick! The most important thing you can wear is the expression on your face!   
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South Jersey, lol. I"m from Central Jersey and have been down there a few times and yup, it's a whole other state down that way.
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South Jersey is littered with cops and you have no idea where you live. We get there....somehow...I think Jesus was carrying us because I only saw one set of footprints... that was fucking hilarious !!! good shit ... good shit !!!
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